Toystoryduo’s Journal: Baby Steps are the Key... Celebrate Each Victory!

[hockeygirl]

Hey Tracy--I hope you had an awesome time at the waterpark!! We have one fairly close to us, it is in the Poconos, in PA....I have been saying that I want to go there, just gotta find the time!!

How did your Mom do at the dentist? I can't even imagine having that many teeth pulled with only novacaine...OUCH!!

How is your DH's friend "J" doing? I hope he has gotten home safely to his family!

Have an awesome weekend!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Hi Tracy, hope the waterpark was fun and that your mom's teeth came out without any trouble. Thats a lot of teeth to lose at once! I hope you are feeling better and that this weekend is a great one for you. Keep hanging in there WISH sis, it will all happen for you!

 

[toystoryduo]

Thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate your support!

I do have to say that putting on a bathing suit on Thursday did nothing for my self -esteem. The waterpark we went to would not allow t-shirts over bathing suits. So, I had to suck it up (the best I could ) and allow other people to see me in my bathing suit. Not a fun experience.

I've done a lot of thinking..... (uh oh! ) I am really having a hard time accepting me for who I am right now. Through a conversation that I had with my DH this week, I realized that I am very often way too hard on myself. For example, I forgot to mail something in last week. I went in to a totally panic, freaked out, and felt horrible. Enter calm, relaxed, laidback DH... "Tracy, relax. We'll call on Tuesday, explain what happened, and just go with the flow. You are getting entirely too upset about this. It's not a big deal." He's right... It wasn't that big of a deal, but I certainly made a mountain out of a molehill. I do that a lot.

I thought about what would life be like if I was at the weight I wanted to be... Would I like myself anymore than I do now? Would it be some sort of magical pill that would make everything else better? The rational side of me says no. The emotional side of me says yes. Why? Because then maybe I could stop comparing myself to all the skinny women out there I know. Maybe I could enjoy my first few days at Disney instead of comparing myself to all of the skinny, perfectly groomed, well put together moms who have obedient, happy children in tow.... Maybe my expectations of everything in life are way too high. Maybe I set the bar way too high for myself... I mean the fear of failure is real for me. So, if I set a goal of a 5 pound loss for this month and don't attain it, do I end up bingeing on comfort food to take away the pain of failure? I mean, yesterday I ate half a bag of Doritos and half a canister of dip after my meltdown. Did it make me feel better? No, I felt worse... a hundred times worse, but I did cover my failure with food... I took the focus off of me and put in on that bag of Doritos. I am not perfect, have never been perfect, and never will be perfect... So why do I strive for perfection?

I have a lot of thinking and praying to do over the next few days/ weeks.....

Today's Plan:

* haircut

* Finish portfolio

* Help girls with valentines (homeschool group has party next week)

* Clean the house

* eBay

* Take DH's uncle out for dinner

Thank you for listening to my random thoughts today.... I will try and get to journals tomorrow evening.

P.S. We had a great time at Kalahari! The hotel room was huge and the waterpark was a lot of fun! You can't beat all of that for only $88/night!

P.S.S. Mom is doing well... She has some pain, but is really doing well. Thanks for your prayers!

 

[kmp1191]

Because then maybe I could stop comparing myself to all the skinny women out there I know. Maybe I could enjoy my first few days at Disney instead of comparing myself to all of the skinny, perfectly groomed, well put together moms who have obedient, happy children in tow.... Maybe my expectations of everything in life are way too high.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop comparing yourself to them. First of all, you are not them. You are you....and you are a wonderful person!! Stop being so hard on yourself! It's not worth it! It increases your stress level and you don't need that either! Who the hell wants the perfectly groomed, well put together family??? I'll take my smart-alec, back-talking, well loved, dysfunctional group anytime!!
Tracy, I agree w/ your DH....take it easy....don't be so hard on yourself. Learn to say...oops, and oh well. Those are my stress free words. Don't take life so hard....it's only here for a short time...enjoy it.

Ok...Dr. Phil has left the building. Have a great weekend. You deserve it!!

Oh, and as far as the stress eating goes...grab an apple, banana, SF jello....or (something I've always wanted, but never bought) get a punching bag...you know...the kind the boxers use....I think that would be soooo cool after a bad day....just go relieve your stress on that for a while!

marie

 

[bekkiz]

I think you've hit the nail on the head why so many of us struggle with our weight. It is a silent emotional battle with ourselves. We secretly believe that we will never be happy, and then we sabatoge ourselves with food--almost as proof that we can't succeed at our goals.

I wish I knew the answer. I could prattle on about finding something meaningful for you to be successful at--outside of your body. Maybe it's reading a book a week. Maybe it's allowing yourself small indugences like getting your nails done. Maybe it's learning to cross stich or paint a wall in your house. I don't know. But I do think it is an important step to seperate your self-worth from your weight. Like that's an easy thing to do!

We're here for you to talk through everything. I hope your weekend ends well and you're energized for the coming week!

 

[lovinaz]

You know, I used to compare myself to skinnier people everytime I went to the beach, water park, etc. It's just not worth it! There is always going to be someone skinnier/bigger/prettier/uglier than you. And I can almost guarantee that no one is paying any attention to what anyone else looks like, they are enjoying their fun day. And you have no idea what life has thrown to the "perfect people", just because they look good on the outside doesn't mean they have it all together on the inside.

Have you ever considered seeing a counselor? It might help you sort through some of the feelings you are having. Hang in there!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Tracy
Cant really say any more than what your other wish buddies have said.
Just remember your not alone with these feelings but one of many, many more of us, & we are all here for each other, sometimes i just wish i could reach through this computer & give you a hug
I know its so much easier said than done but please try to focus on the positives in your life, family, friends, health etc. Whenever i get so low i think to myself 'if i died tomorrow what would i regret?' & then try to do those things & forget about the stuff that isnt as important as i thought!

Oh & - only half a tub of dip!!!
Well done for resisting the other half
Wish i could say the same for myself

Hope i've made you feel a bit better

 

[toystoryduo]

Thanks WISH buddies. I appreciate each and every one of you!

This weekend has been a good one. My DH and I talked about how I feel and we had a great coversation about it. Then at church today, our pastor talked about how important it is to feed our inner person with prayer, Bible study, e.t.c. It was a very timely message for me because it was a wonderful reminder that the Lord does not look at the outward appearance, rather He looks at what is inside. Not only that, but He loves me as I am. Something I am working on. It think it's called being a work in progress.

We did manage to get a lot accomplished this weekend. The van is clean, my DH's work stuff is organized, my DD's portfolio is done, the girls are done with their valentines, I eBayed, and worked on my rewards programs. Tomorrow will be:

* Homeschool

* Clean the bathroom

* Sort a pile of papers

* Workout

* Laundry

That's it! Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement!

 

[goldcupmom]

Hang in there, Tracy! I totally agree with what everyone else has said. I think we've all "been there, done that". I OFTEN do the same thing - goof up and blow it WAY out of proportion! After my dad's funeral in 1995 when my mom asked me to get out of the family picture as I would ruin it because I was so fat, I ate everything in sight. Life goes on. And I'm learning it's too short to stress over small things - easy to say, hard to do! My new philosophy is if it won't change things 10 to 100 years from now, if it isn't going to cause someone I know/love bodily harm, if it's not illegal, if it's not immoral, it's not important. That plus remembering the old "God doesn't make Junk" helps! He knows who you are, where you are, what you are, how you are and why you do the things you do, and He loves you anyway! THAT is what really matters!

Swimsuit story that will make you laugh - I was 14+ when I finally saved up enough to buy my first bikini. Finally I got up the nerve to wear it (and it wasn't that I was thin) to the indoor pool inside my HS. On the way to catch the city bus to get home - wearing just sandals, swimsuit, towel - I tripped UP the curb and really messed up my ankle(the one that is now rebuilt). They wouldn't let me on the bus injured so I had to call my mom who insisted on taking me to ER dressed as I was. After sitting over an HOUR in a waiting room full of people, they took me back to a room with a young MALE nurse(NOT common in 1974) and a 'fresh out of school' male doc. Talk about embarassed!! I wished I would have just died!!

Anyway, you're you, your family and all your WISH friends LOVE you, and most importantly GOD loves you! Change what you can if you want to and then look at the positives. You are so much more than just the reflection in the mirror!

Hope you have a good Monday & a GREAT week!! Not sure how much I'll be on before FL, but I"ll check in when I can!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Tracy, first of all a BIG hug out to you . I think all of us here on the WISH board have had those moments where we felt like an ugly duckling in a group of swans. The funny thing is that those "swans" are probably doing the same thing we are, comparing themselves to others and feeling that they are not as good, skinny, pretty, whatever. Women love to do this to themselves and we are good at it! Please take care of yourself and be as kind to you as you are to everyone else. Because you are such a kind and loving person, I know you can be that same person to yourself! We are all works in progress and we are all doing this together. This is going to be a great week for you and me! Thanks for all your support on my journal. And God does love us as we are, He made us so to say we are not worthy is a slap in his face. My grandmother told me that a long time ago and she was right! Of course I didn't listen to her but I am trying to now!

 

[toystoryduo]

Thanks Julie and Amy!

Well, today looks to be like a run of the mill Monday... Laundry, homeschool, workout, clean bathroom, sort pile of papers.... Nothing overly exciting today. We may go with my DH on a job, but that's about it.

I'm still working on finishing Disney War. It's a long book, but a good read. Think: E! True Hollywood Story Disneystyle.

The weather is supposed to get really bad here over the next 24 hours. When will winter end? (That groundhog better be right! )

Well, I am off to get my workout in. I'll try and stop by throughout the day and get to journals.

Have a marvelous Monday!

 

[hockeygirl]

Tracy--sorry i haven't checked in in a few days. I just wanted to say I am thinking of you! I agree with what all of your other WISH friends have said, so I won't repeat them, but please know that we are all here for you and anytime you need to "vent" this is the place to come.

You said in one of your posts that we are kind of like "works in progress". You couldn't be more right. All of us have room for improvement, nobody is perfect, nor will we ever be. Everybody is special in their own way, and please know that you are an awesome person!

I used to get very upset when things didn't go perfectly, and somebody gave me a book called "Don't Sweat the small stuff....and it's all small stuff" It is a book with simple ways to keep the little things from taking over your life. It was probably the best book I ever read, because it taught me to relax about things and not get so worried about little things!

Hang in there!!

 

[toystoryduo]

Thanks Laurie!

Today looks to be a busy day....

* Homeschool (x3)

* laundry

* Reward Programs

* Work for DH

* Ebay

Yesterday was not a good day foodwise, but I am over it and ready for today. I did the FIRM Lower Body Sculpt 2 this morning and I am already sore!

It looks like we are going to get hammered with snow.... The Valentine's Day party may be cancelled tomorrow. We'll just have to wait and see.

I will try and stop in later! Lots to do......

 

[lovinaz]

Wow, that must be a heavy duty workout if you are sore already! Usually it doesn't hit me until the next day.

Great job putting the less-than-stellar food day behind you!

I hope you still get to have your Valentines party, what a bummer if it got cancelled!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Tracy
Hope that snow stays away!!
Glad your feeling better too
I love E! entertainment channel! Maybe i would love the Disney War book too

 

[Amy&Dan]

Good job putting Monday behind you. Thats the way to be successful, by moving on and making today count! And I agree, if that groundhog isn't right on the money, I will be finding him one way or the other! We are having yucky weather too, only a high of about 20 today and snowing lightly. Gotta miss that Florida weather! Good job doing the workout, I used to have the Firm but just couldn't do it, maybe I need to find it and give it another try. Thats a tough workout, good for you!

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Tracy
Im hoping that you are having a GREAT Tuesday night. were gettingsome snow too--is it summer yet?!
You are doing a fantastic job tracy-just stick with it!!! hang in there, i know you can do it!!

 

[hockeygirl]

Hey Tracy-I hope you had an awesome day today. WTG for putting yesterday behind you, that is a great step.

Hang in there with this awful weather! It started snowing here a couple of hours ago, I am really hoping we don't get too much, although it is coming down pretty hard right now. Oh well, maybe I will get a snowday out of it!!!

I hope you have an awesome day tomorrow!

 

[toystoryduo]

Good morning WISH friends,

What a 24 hours we have had here in balmy NE Ohio! How about 14-20 inches of snow, blowing snow, 4-5 foot snow drifts, windchills below zero, 775+ schools/school districts closed, many governement offices closed, and many businesses closed. Oh, and did I mention the fact that we can't go anywhere because our streets haven't been plowed since 6:00 p.m. yesterday?!?!?

My DH tried to go to work last night and got stuck 3 times.... He came back home and called off work. We only have 1 vehicle, this is the vehicle he uses to get to work day and night, and it wouldn't have helped to have him in a ditch or in a car accident... Just wasn't worth it.

The girls Valentine's party was postponed. They were disappointed, but we did a Valentine's Day scavenger hunt this morning and they are fine now.

Today's Plan:

* Put laundry away (Yes, this was a 3 day process. )

* No homeschool!

* Rewards Programs (I can't wait to tell you my totals at the end of the month! )

* Shoveling...

That's about all for today. Just a quiet, relaxing snow day. Hope everyone stays warm, safe, and has a Happy Valentine's Day!

 

[eeyore25]

Hi Tracy,

Thanks so much for your continued suppport in my journal even when I was missing. It means a lot.

Sorry to hear of all the snow that you got...I am with you on winter ending!!! It's cold here today with some snow, nothing compared to what you got though. Just stay inside and warm.

I am reading that same book, Disney War. Pretty good book I think. I am about half way through it. I try to read it a little each night, but DH has the furbabies trained, the minute I pick up the book, they are all over me. They want something. Not sure why DH did that but he did!

Don't give up, whatever you do. I agree with what every other Diser said, just focus on you and no one else.

Keep up the good work, Stay warm and safe