Totally OT help for my son...

[TnTWalter]

I'm embarrassed to ask this but I'm looking for guidance.

My 8 year old son has trouble with change in routines. For example, he loves karate. But when he moved up from white to gold he suddenly hated it. Once he goes, he says he loves it but getting him there is a struggle to say the least. After school today he asked what we were doing tonight and I said you have karate. I don't want to go to karate....I hate karate....we had already been through this and I thought he had decided he liked karate [because that's what he said last week] and I said he had to finish the month out and then he can be done...he then proceeds to get a tummy ache and when that doesn't work, he hides.And then yells. He went to karate but complained the way there [we all ignored him] and then afterwards said 'I changed my mind. I like it' and acted like there was no big deal before hand.

that's just one example. It's like that with a lot of things. If he's content with what he's currently doing or he wants something else to occur than what is planned, he gets upset.hitting submit before I chicken out because I need help.
Trish

 

[NortheastDisneyMom]

My son is the same way and he will be 12. He was diagnosed with PDD. It's a struggle to break away from what he is doing to move onto something else. Aside from the transitioning issue, how is he socially with other children? A developmental ped. is who diagnosed my son. Maybe start there? Many of them don't take insurance, and ours was actually quite awful to work with to be honest so I would def. ask around for local referrals.

Also, there is a disabilities forum on here that might be helpful as well

 

[southern_redhead]

No criticism here. My oldest (11) is especially this way but, to some extent, all 3 of my kids fit this description. I figure they get it from me. I need a routine to function and I do NOT like trying new things. I may like them after I've tried them but I have what could be described as a panic attack beforehand. I doubt you are far off the mark on a form of highly functioning autism. I can look at an Asperger's check list and go "yes, yes, yes" but I don't think my kids (or I) would actually get that diagnosis from a doctor. I've kind of decided we are "borderline".

It is very frustrating when dealing with your kids. Trust me, though, that he is as frustrated with this as you are. But in the moment it may feel like he will be sick, die, whatever if he has to go through with whatever it is. Big to you and your son. FWIW, I doubt it will matter if you "coddle" him or not. It is what it is, mine is slightly better on anxiety meds but not "cured".

 

[mrsklamc]

Could be lots of things...I'll take a shot in the dark though; does this sound like him?

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

 

[LuLuO]

My daughter is 3 and you described her to a 'T'. So, we are just beginning to navigate these waters. DD is very smart and often runs circles around me. She remembers everything in quite a lot of detail, which is wonderful and also challenging. She is very intense and passionate which is either wonderful or dreadful. She can be very obsessive about things, which is common for toddlers but I sometimes feel it is beyond the scope of typical with her. It is hard to describe DD, especially in a forum such as this because a lot of things are subtle and alone don't seem like a big deal, but together are worrisome to me.

I have read Raising Your Spirited Child and it has helped somewhat. It might be worth picking up a copy at the library or from amazon.

DD doesn't handle change well either. A lot of kids don't so that doesn't always mean there is a problem. DD is one of those kids that has to know what is going to happen when and how and why. Changes in routine throw her off in a big way. In the morning I have to give her a rundown of the day ahead. That helps a lot. She does well with warnings too, like we have 5 more minutes to do X before we have to put our shoes and coats on to get in the car. We use timers a lot for ending baths, ending play time, etc.

The way your son acts about Karate is the way my DD acts about ice skating. Every Saturday she says the doesn't want to go. I say fine we won't go and then she cries because she wants to go. We get there and she stalls. I get her out on the ice she cries to come off but does stay there and halfway participates. When class is over she says the doesn't want to do it any more but as we get closer to Saturday she asks when she can go again. It drives me nuts.

Bottom line is if you feel there is a problem then it is woth getting checked out. I go back and forth all of the time. I finally e-mailed her teacher because she is the one who has the most contact with her outside of the family and I believe she can offer an unbiased opinion. It is winter break now so I am waiting for communication back from her. It may be worth talking with your pediatrician. Based on what her teacher says, that may be my next stop.

There are some times that I feel DD is quite a typical 3 year old and I wonder what I was worried about. Then there are a lot of times that I fell something isn't right. It's not that I want there to be something "wrong" (for lack of a better word) but if she needs something more than what we are doing, I want to giver it to her.

 

[TnTWalter]

thank you all so much for the insight. I really appreciate it. I'm going to research the information you've given.

My neighbor across the street has aspergers and I don't think it's quite like that but probably similar.

Teachers never see it so it makes it harder. He's a great student, gets along well with others [in class], etc.

It's very odd to me. He had a friend over the other night and they couldn't agree on anything to do and so my son started saying mean things like 'we're not really friends, etc.' He later told the friend he feels bad and he was sorry but damage is done. It just hurts to see him struggle.

He is introverted to some extent but has gotten much better. His kindergarten teacher's goal was to get him to talk to her by the end of the year. He did.

Thank you.

 

[mrsklamc]

I have read Raising Your Spirited Child and it has helped somewhat. It might be worth picking up a copy at the library or from amazon.

Yes! I was trying to recall that book and couldn't come up with the title.

 

[QVCshopper]

I have read Raising Your Spirited Child and it has helped somewhat. It might be worth picking up a copy at the library or from amazon.

I was also going to suggest this book. It has helped me some with my DD who was delayed from 3-5 and is now coming out of it (social/emotional, speech, and OT issues, as well as some sensory). I would suggest talking to your school's psychologist; maybe they can help point you in the right direction. How does he do in school? Not sure if he needs an IEP or has any learning disabilities, but I've been down that road as well.

Good luck! Your ped might be able to help with who to go to as well, but I wouldn't try diagnosing anything right now w/out getting help from the right people. The anger thing seems to be the worst to me; that must be really hard.

 

[TnTWalter]

I have the Strong Willed Child but don't remember much of it.

I also just got 'Wild things' that someone recommended in general to moms with boys.

I'll look into the Spirited Child too.

Thanks.

 

[kehlyrsmom]

I am a parent of two children on the Autism spectrum and reading your post my first thought was that he might be on the spectrum. My daughter age 10 has been diagnosed with Aspbergers and ADHD and my son age 9 has been diagnosed with moderate austism/apraxia of speach.

I would suggest talking to your pedetrician about your concerns and possbily have him tested or you may even talk to his school and ask about having them do some testing as well.

 

[mrsklamc]

I have the Strong Willed Child but don't remember much of it.

I also just got 'Wild things' that someone recommended in general to moms with boys.

I'll look into the Spirited Child too.

Thanks.

I'm in Noblesville and I have a copy in my desk at work (I think.) If it's there you are welcome to it. It's the holidays, after all.

 

[TnTWalter]

I'm in Noblesville and I have a copy in my desk at work (I think.) If it's there you are welcome to it. It's the holidays, after all.

SMALL world eh? I live in Noblesville. LOL.

 

[TnTWalter]

I feel like he's borderline but not quite on some of the issues listed.

He sees a regular pediatrician, teachers LOVE him, he has lots of friends, plays sports, etc. so for the most part, not obvious to others...he hides it well?

I think I'll call the pediatrician tomorrow and see what he recommends. I'm guessing he would need to see a specialist?

I'm also wondering about therapy to learn to control himself and deal with change in routine, etc.?? I don't know.

I really appreciate all the help. It's nice to not feel alone.

 

[My3kiddos]

My son is the same way and he was diagnosed with sensory processing disorders and anxiety. We use pictures for every day activities. I can tell him what we are doing and he freaks out, he has to have advance notice through pictures to mentally prepare himself for the next activity. Our pictures are laminated with velcro on the back and stuck to a piece of paper in the order they will happen. Just recently his bus changed (just the number not the driver or helper) and he had a total meltdown and did not want to go to school. If I were you I would talk to a psychologist and possibly get him into OT. Does he rub things to calm himself? My son was first diagnosed at 2 because he started pulling his hair out and banging his head when he was upset. I was told he did this because he needed the extra sensation to calm himself. He is a sensory seeker most of the time. He also lashes out and hits when he is upset. He very rarely cries, but when he does all the built up frustration just releases and he can cry for hours.

Sorry I wrote a book, but I know exactly where you are coming from. It is very frustrating, but once you know he can't always help it it is heartbreaking. There are techniques to help him and an OT can tell you which ones will be right for your son. My son uses brushing, weighted ball, heavy blankets, a harness, bear hugs, and I've been looking for a weighted vest and blanket to purchase.

 

[aprilfoolwed]

I have a 7-year-old son who sounds a lot like this. We struggled for years (really, we knew he was VERY different from his sister the day we brought him home from the hospital). his preschool teachers saw it, but then the kindergarten teacher didn't. When the 1st grade teacher talked to me about some issues, I knew it was time to look into getting him some help.

We talked with our pediatrician, and she suggested going right to a psychiatrist. This was difficult to do - we were put on MANY waiting lists, but eventually saw 2 different doctors.

Both diagnosed him with sever social anxiety. One suggested therapy, and the other suggested medication. We have not done either at this point. Just getting a pseudo-diagnosis was a help for us. We are able to help him through his "fits" better now. We know that the other options are out there too.

I would suggest getting on a waiting list to see a good child psychiatrist. That will open the door for discussion.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about my experience more. It can be so frustrating!

 

[quentina]

I'm embarrassed to ask this but I'm looking for guidance.

My 8 year old son has trouble with change in routines. For example, he loves karate. But when he moved up from white to gold he suddenly hated it. Once he goes, he says he loves it but getting him there is a struggle to say the least. After school today he asked what we were doing tonight and I said you have karate. I don't want to go to karate....I hate karate....we had already been through this and I thought he had decided he liked karate [because that's what he said last week] and I said he had to finish the month out and then he can be done...he then proceeds to get a tummy ache and when that doesn't work, he hides.And then yells. He went to karate but complained the way there [we all ignored him] and then afterwards said 'I changed my mind. I like it' and acted like there was no big deal before hand.

that's just one example. It's like that with a lot of things. If he's content with what he's currently doing or he wants something else to occur than what is planned, he gets upset.

He also can't control his anger well. He says verbally mean things to 'lash out' at me, his sisters and even friends on occasion. He sometimes tries to hit or kick sisters and or me but mostly verbally mean.

I didn't have these issues with the girls and it's really putting a strain on the family.

Anyone have similar issues? Do I call a therapist or psychologist or pediatrician?

I almost feel like its a high functioning autism or something.

He's a great sweet smart kid 80% of the time but when he's bad, it's BAD.

Thanks for any guidance.

I know I'm partly to blame because I've been hoping he'd 'grow out of it' for a couple years now and it's obviously gotten worse instead of better. And my husband gets really frustrated with him and me [he says I coddle him too much].

I appreciate encouragement and probably won't take criticism too well as I'm about to burst into tears writing it down.

hitting submit before I chicken out because I need help.
Trish

Yes, many times. ADHD and sensory issues. Meds are helping. It is only hbalf as bad now, LOL. We went to all the doctors you listed, be a strong advocate for him. It was/is not an easy process.

Keep your chin up, it will get better.

 

[lonegirl]

He sees a regular pediatrician, teachers LOVE him, he has lots of friends, plays sports, etc. so for the most part, not obvious to others...he hides it well?

As a former teacher (now SAHM) that worked with many kids on spectrum, this stood out to me as a red flag that perhaps he is NOT on spectrum. Sounds more like a self-control issue, as he does not "hide" it, but controls it. Then you and your family bear the brunt of his meanness or anxiety. This is not a negative thing, as the fact that he can control it in front of others means he has the capacity to get there with your family as well. I am not a discipline expert, but perhaps tighter boundaries and consequences would be worth a try before heading into the "diagnosing" field. (you have to remember, some of these specialists are quick to diagnose things that will keep you coming back for more of their services and thus, making a buck) New Kid by Friday is a great resource for natural consequences while taking the emotion out of discipline.
As far as his response to routine, that is a common trait of all children (and some adults) and not a strong indicator of any disorder. I think with my children that is simply laziness sometimes and not having the desire to work a little harder, challenge themselves more, etc.
Good luck to you. I know it is a scary prospect, but consider changing some things at home before venturing out into the diagnosing world. We moms work so hard and give our everything and feel so guilty and responsible when something is not right. Hugs!

 

[hffmnheidi]

Routine is especially important to children. Get those pictures up of what's to come on Sunday and go over the routine of each day before Monday and every night before bed and each morning. If he knows what's coming, he might be better ready for each event.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I feel like he's borderline but not quite on some of the issues listed.

He sees a regular pediatrician, teachers LOVE him, he has lots of friends, plays sports, etc. so for the most part, not obvious to others...he hides it well?

I think I'll call the pediatrician tomorrow and see what he recommends. I'm guessing he would need to see a specialist?

I'm also wondering about therapy to learn to control himself and deal with change in routine, etc.?? I don't know.

I really appreciate all the help. It's nice to not feel alone.

That remind me so much of my 5yo son. This kid in an angel in school No issues at all in pre-school or k. The moment I pick this boy up from school his does the complete opposite. He gets very angry and will start telling me off for hours. Something will happen and he wont let it go for hours.

He wakes up in the morning in this same nasty mood and goes to school and is perfect

I was just talking to dh today about calling his dr.

 

[rainy~daze]

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