totally at a loss

[sarahandgreg]

Hi guys,
Am turning to this board because honestly I need to talk to someone not connected to me. My mother in law has terminal cancer - she was doing great but all of a sudden she has plummeted downhill - my own mother is also sick and she looks like she is at deaths door. I am so scared right now i want to vomit - the panic racing through me is unreal. My husband has flown back to the UK to see his mum and I am going back to see mine at thanksgiving. Its so hard being 4000 miles away. we have our own business so I can't just leave for extended periods. I just feel so totally out of control of the situation. The thing is I know whats coming but I just cannot deal with the fact they won't be around. I am so scared about the actual death, the funeral, the whole lot that I am worried that I will have a breakdown. I am sorry to babble on but I just cannot think straight trying to go over every eventuality in my head - I mean how do you get over your mother passing away, and then your mother in law ?the feeling is overwhelming me.

 

[piccolopat]

I am so sorry to hear this. You don't really get over something like this but you learn to cope. My MIL passed five years ago and lived with us all of our married life so we are reminded of losing her everyday. One thing that helped was preplanning the funeral (her idea) and to know where all of her important financial stuff was. Of course the pain was still there but we didn't have to make those decisions in the middle of our grief. She even had a garment bag in her closet marked for her funeral, down to her slip and shoes. Will keep you in our prayers.

 

[MEK]

I am very sorry to hear about your mother and MIL. I can only imagine how much stress you must be under right now.

Do you have a primary care provider that you can speak with and perhaps they can prescribe something for anxiety for you? It sounds like you might benefit from something short term during this period of extreme stress.

Fortunately Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Hopefully you will be able to spend some quality time with your mother. Try to stay strong until then and remember that everything you are feeling now is normal.

Hugs!

 

[Bamagirl43]

So sorry to hear this. Please take care of yourself and take things one day at a time. You and DH will have to rely on each other for strength and support. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

 

[mommasita]

Lots of love and hugs to you...

It isn't easy that is for sure, and as a poster said you never really get over it, you do learn to live with it though, one day at a time... Being so far away certainly complicates things. Is there anyone that can step in and run it for a few weeks, perhaps giving you both some much needed time with your Mother's? together/ apart, whatever you both choose.. Maybe at Thanksgiving someone could work for a while after? I know it isn't easy.. We ran one for 10 years, and boy it ran us..

I remember when we were dealing with my MIL's terminal cancer, and I did need some ativan, so that also is a good suggestion.

Please. PLEASE don't apologize, this isn't a babble.. THis is the coping and compassion forum, and we are all here to listen, lend a shoulder, offer any advice.. words of wisdom if we can... Never feel your are babbling here.

Is your Mother or MIL up with technology, or is there anyone with them. >Perhaps while you and your husband are not there physically, you could skype or something like that?

Sending out lots of love and good thoughts..

Please check back when you can.