Today was a rough day....

[MelanieC]

Today was a very rough day. I have been crying all day, my whole body hurts from the stress. I haven't been hungry for days. I wake up in the middle of the night many times panicked. I feel like I have to watch TV to make sure he is ok (I know that as long as there are no reports about his area he is ok). In order to be able to fall back asleep after waking up with my panick attacks that I have to turn on the tv just to make sure all is ok. Many times I wake up around 5am feeling like this and there are air raids going off in Kuwait. I get panick attacks in the middle of the day while doing mundane things like walking down a hall.

I think all of this has taken it's toll. I really felt it today. The kids are reacting to the stress by arguing over everything. This morning they were fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I lost it, I just couldn't cope with hearing them and I yelled at them. I felt so bad, and I did try to explain that they should be more god like during this awful time. I told them that they should be thankful that they live in in America and are free, that there are children who live in houses that are near the bombing in Iraq. I told them that there are children who's dads are never coming home, and that they should be thankful and pray every day since there dad is in a safe place with bunkers. ( I have never given the children any reason to feel that their dad is in any kind of harms way, which I think is why my daughter acts like nothing is happening).

Then I felt guilty all day for yelling at them, and saying all those things. It was just hard to see them fighting and arguing over a trivial toy when all of this stuff is going on in the world.

I took them to dinner tonight to get away from this all. There was no way I could cook after such an emotional day. There were about 8 Tv's near the bar area (Applebees) with CNN on. That put me on edge, because I was forced to think about it again. Then the people at the table across from me were talking about it. I could hear the words Baghdad etc.

I come home and people are calling me and I have to talk about it, and cry all over again. I can't seem to think about it or talk about it without crying.

I am just glad it is the end of the day. Tomorrow has to be better.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I just feel so alone and today feels like my melting point.

One good piece of news is that I got a really nice e-mail from him today that really told alot about what they are doing and going through over there. I will post that in another post.

Melanie

 

[Luv2Roam]

We have big, broad shoulders! Cry, vent, rage or pound on the keyboard as much as you need to!
Take the kids out for a meal tomorrow, get away from the TV and try to forget. (Easier said than done, I know.) He wouldn't want you and the kids to get so worked up.
Go to a zoo or movie this weekend. Stroll a mall.
Take care of yourself!
{{{ }}}

 

[dandave]

Melanie, I hope you will forgive yourself for yelling at your kids. We all lose it sometimes, and you are under a lot of stress. I hope you can get a good night's sleep, and that tomorrow will be better for you. I'll be thinking about you and hoping that things get better. You are not alone.

 

[I <3 Eeyore]

Melanie, it's ok to be human. These are trying times - some days will be better and some worse than others. Please try not to be so hard on yourself, it sounds like you're doing an amazing job in your husband's absence. When you're having one of those meltdown moments, come on in here and let it out cuz we'll be here for you, ok? {{{hugs}}}

 

[Buckalew]

{{{hugs}}} Melanie. I am so sorry and so thankful to your DH for what he is doing for us. You are doing great as a mom. Don't let that worry you! We are here for you. I have panic attacks so I know that it is bad. Please take care of yourself. Your DH needs you to be strong and so do your kids. I will pray for you and that God will give you strength that you need to get through this awful time. God bless you all.
Brenda

 

[Dan Murphy]

Tough times for sure, Melanie. We all lose it now and then, for much less. Your pressure is immense. Continued best wishes coming your way and to all the families so directly affected by the war.

 

[Mishetta]

I'm so very sorry for what you are going through right now. I know I'd be crazy with worry if it were my husband there. You have been so brave in past posts, but we all feel defeated sometimes. Just try to stay positive & pray. That's all we can do right now anyway is pray for the safe return of all our service people.

Maybe you can get in touch with other Military families...they may have a local support group which would probably be a blessing for you right now. I don't know how you'd do that but could you contact your DH's local base?

I wish you the best!

{{{{Hugs}}}} Mishetta

 

[bsnyder]

Big hugs to you, Melanie! Your post has me crying right now, as once again I'm imagining what you and other family members of our troops are going through right now.

You and your family continue to be in my prayers!

 

[DNBois]

Melanie,

I know I don't know you but you need to know that everyone who reads these posts are praying, not only for our troops, but for their families. The sacrifices that these soldiers and their families have made and are currently making in honor of peace, freedom and democracy will never be forgotten. I wish that you could find comfort in the fact that we are eternally grateful for what you and your husband have given this country - a renewed sense of independence and quiet humility. It is these soldiers of our generation that will bring back to light all the importance that soldiers before them brought to our country and they will be praised as heroes for fighting the most valuable war of our time. I do not personally know anyone who is abroad, although I have friends who do and I can tell you that you and your husband, as part of this entire entity of heroes, will be prayed for. Please accept my heartfelt thanks and tell your husband that we are appreciative, beyond words and reason, of his presence in the Middle East. God Bless!

 

[nativetxn]

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie. That's what we are here for. You come and vent to us anytime you need to, we'll always be here for you.

 

[Wishydoo]

I'm really sorry for all the stress you are enduring Melanie.
And I'm sorry I don't know what else to say except...try to take comfort in the fact that your kids are able to "just be kids".
((((hugs))))

 

[J&D]

Melanie- I will continue to pray for you and all members of the military and their families!

 

[jamsmom]

I am so sorry you have had such a rough day. {{{HUGS}}} We all talk about how much e appreicate the men and women over seas, but we appreciate the families, too!!

Melanie, we are all human and have all yelled at our kids. (and out significant others aren't overseas). Hug them tightly and all will be okay.

Remember that we all are here to "listen" and we will always keep you and the others on our prayers.

 

[Pooh93]

Many {{HUGS}}. Know that we are praying for all the soldiers as well as their families. May tomorrow be a better day.

 

[cinlee3]

{{{{HUGS}}}} Melanie. I can't even begin to know what you and the other spouses and parents are going through each day. It is understandable that you are on edge. Maybe you could get a friend to take the kids and you get someone to come and sit with you or something.

My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[WDWLVR]

{{{{HUGS}}}} Melanie,

I can't imagine what you are going through. I see the news and everything that is going on and I get upset, worried and tearful and the only people I know over there are the ones I've heard about here like your DH and Bobby and Titus. I can only think how I would feel if it were my DH and that thought scares me.

Come vent as often as you need/want. That's what is so wonderful about a community like this.

Know that you and your DH are in our prayers and I hope he is back home with you soon. Until then I hope you get to hear from him very soon as well.

Take care and know that we are thinking about you.

 

[poohandwendy]

Melanie,

You, your brave DH and your family are in my prayers. I just want to add that if this continues for an extended time period(which is possible), it may be a good idea to talk to your physician. They can prescribe anti-anxiety medication (only when needed) to help you relax more and get much needed sleep. Please do not get me wrong, I am not suggesting you need it or that you "medicate" your troubles away. Not at all.

I just remember when my father suddenly passed away, my mother had similar problems with sleep and panic/anxiety. Finally, she sought advice from her family doctor and he gave her something to help when she needed it. She only needed it for a short period of time and not every day. It really did give her the strength to get through some of the really bad days, that is why I am mentioning it. I can only imagine the stress you are going through right now. I have no idea if this is something that could help you, and I hope you aren't offended by me mentioning it, but sometimes we have situations that are overwhelming. Just a few thoughts, again, you are in my prayers

take care,
wendy

 

[tiggerlover]

Melanie, these are tough, tough times and it is natural to be going through what you are going through. I remember feeling the same way at one time or another when DH was deployed. All I can say is you have to take it day by day and you need to take control, it is okay to turn off that TV, it is actually better that you do, too much TV puts our brains on overdrive. Tell friends and family that you will let them know if you need something, be it a shoulder or whatever and that for your sanity you would appreciate they stop calling to talk about the war because it is upsetting, tell them if they want to call and talk about other things that would be better. Make an effort to get out and go places without TV's, get together with other wives who are in your situation. I know the need to know is important, but for your overwhelming well-being you have to take that control or you will lose it. Deployments are always hard, and this deployment will probably be the hardest you have ever or will ever have and you need to stay focused for you, your DH and for the sake of your children. {{{{BIG HUGS}}}}

 

[Trish Bessette]

Melanie, you are in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, fears and dreams with us. You are reassuring all of us on how much we have to be greatful for.

Take some time out for you. Go have lunch with a girl friend, go get a manicure, better yet get a massage. You deserve it.

Don't worry yourself further about your explosion with your kids. My two girls have fought over the toy in the cereal box as well. They are kids. Be thankful that is all they have to get upset about.

Just as tuned in we are to watching TV, I feel that way about reading your next post from your husband. Please give him my best and thank him for me.

If you need anything, please don't be afraid to ask. God Bless you and your family.

 

[minniecarousel]

Oh, Melanie - I don't know what to say - except "hang in there". We're here for you.