To any DVC widows or widowers...

[mvc1997]

Grammy, my heart goes out to you. I cannot say that I can even imagine how hard this must be for you. I can only offer you my empathy.

I would not recommend you go alone. I think you are right, that you need to go with the goal of celebrating your husband and all the memories you two have made there. Do you have a really good friend, that knew your husband, that might be willing to go with you the first time back without him? Someone who can help you walk down memory lane for part of it...and to help you begin your own new memories to layer on top?

Forgive me if this is a naive suggestion. I just wish you the best, and will keep you in my thoughts.

Diane

We are so sorry for your loss!
I think Diane gave some excellent advice.
We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
God Bless!

 

[5forDiz]

Grammy we are so sorry for your loss and send our prayers &
to you and your family.

Give yourself some more time before deciding what to do on your dvc & future visiting at WDW. I know there are a lot of memories & emotions attached to times spent there with your DH and although it will be difficult I think you and your family may find it to be an important part of his legacy so to speak - a place to reflect on those memories while creating new ones.

Perhaps in addition to travelling with your own family maybe also take along family or friends who are newbies or have never been to WDW & that will help you feel some of that joy & love that you both experienced there as you bring it into the lives of others.

God Bless & Peace to you & yours
( and to others here who've lost
dear loved ones as well)

~ Laura, Joe & family

 

[janni518]

Really nothing to add other than my deepest condolences and a huge .


Do you have any idea what your dh would have wanted? That may be a place to start.

 

[lck33]

Grammy,

I don't have anything to add, all the advice you have been given is great. Give yourself some time. I just really want to let you know that my thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours. A BIG to you. And know that we are all here for you.

LC

 

[DisDaydreamer]

I lost my husband unexpectantly last December at the age of 44 (I was 34, DS was 2.5 and DD 2 months). We were waiting for DS to get old enough to enjoy Disney before spending the money for the trip. After he passed, I took the kids along with my SIL & FIL just to get away and have fun. And now I am the owner of 180pts @ SSR & 160pts @ AKV. I will be doing yearly trips from now on. Do not give up what you love because you are afraid it will make you sad. Instead, go and remember all the fun times the 2 of you had. If I were you, I would hold off on selling and just see how you feel. Some of the best advice I got was to wait atleast a year before making any major decision about getting rid of material things, that way you are not in the fog (at least not as deep) and can think clearer to whether you want it or not.

{{{HUGS}}}

Welcome to the DISboards. I want to offer my thoughts for you too. Hope you are ok. You are much too young to have this happen.

 

[nunzia]

Nothing to add, just sending you a hug

 

[jimmytammy]

I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray that God grant you peace and comfort in the coming days.

As many others have said here, I would hang on to those points, for now. Give yourself time and space to adjust to all aspects of your life.

Your memories will always be there. And in time, the hurt you have dealt with will be replaced with those wonderful memories.

 

[MiaSRN62]

Grammy and TiffBiff...
My deepest condelences.
I can't say I've ever experienced losing a spouse, but one can't help but think about what would happen from time to time. We are both in our mid 40's, but anything can happen and it does scare and sadden me to think about how either of us would feel about going to our "laughing" place should we lose one or the other. We did lose my dh's mother in 2004 who was a huge disney fan and our trips to WDW to bring back memories of the fun times the kids and us had with her there.

I can't say I know what you're going through emotionally right now. I can't say I know what I'd do in the same situation. It's got to be very difficult.
So I say, wait a little while longer Grammy. Until you feel more ready. Here's hoping that, in time, you will be able to go back to WDW and recall all those fond and cherished memories you shared with your dh. Big hugs to you

 

[Cee]

God bless you. In time, my hope is that you may once again relate Disney with
wonderful memories of your DH and going again will give you peace and happiness and maintain your connection with him. I am so very sorry for your
pain. The heart is the only machine that can break and still "work". This is all
a part of making you the woman you are meant to be. All the best to you and
your family.

 

[twinklebug]

Hi Grammy,

My uncle just lost my aunt to thyroid cancer (well, it's been almost a year, but it still feels as though I should be able to get online and IM her) It hit fast & hard and when she researched her options she decided her best one was to let it run it's course.

Anyway ...

Many years back, my Aunt and uncle had moved to the orlando area, just outside of Disney because they love it so much - there was no family there and their grown boys had gone off to different states, so why not indulge in what they loved?

When my Aunt passed my uncle went over to Disney to ask about a partial refund on her AP - it was among the hardest things he ever had to do as he felt her death also meant the end of the chapter on Disney. Disney could not refund the AP, but offered him a free renewal on his.... with time he slowly realized then that he might still be able to enjoy what they had loved together, but to show his kids and grand kids what she and he had loved together about the world (EPCOT was her favorite)

Right now we're making plans to be with my parents in the area over the holidays and I really hope to go with my uncle over to EPCOT and learn more about what he loves / what my aunt loved (parrots in Morocco?) and they enjoyed together & to make new memories my kids can enjoy for years to come involving my parents and Uncle.

I don't know if this helped with your decision, I'm not telling you what to do, just asking you give it time.

 

[carolinadj]

Grammy, I agree with the suggestions of the others who have posted in this thread as well. In time, when you visit WDW, your husband's spirit will be felt at certain moments while you're there and you will smile at the memories that come to mind. So maybe it won't be your "laughing place" in the same way it was before, but it can indeed be your "smiling place" after you've had time to heal. You will eventually get to a place where you can create new memories with other loved ones while still cherishing the ones you had with your DH.

If later you find that going doesn't bring you the joy you want it to, you can always sell at that time. If you make the decision to sell too soon, while you're hurting, you may come to regret the choice you made.

You will know the right thing to do when you need to know it. In the meantime, come to this board for support. Everyone here understands.

 

[TenThousandVolts]

no advice, just hugs and well wishes.
I am so sorry for your loss

 

[DVC Grammy]

To all of you who have expressed your sympathy and given me encouragement, both on the Disboard and in pms, thank you.
I have tentatively decided to honor my DH's wishes that I still go on our reserved January trip. Two of my "heart" friends would join me, separately for each week, and I'm hoping it will be a healing time. When, and if, I get through that, I'll be able to bring our grown children and their families, and help them heal, too.

 

[PamOKW]

My sincerest sympathy to you. I think you've been given good advice. Don't do anything yet.

Your husband wants you to be happy. If you find that trips to Disney still bring a smile to your face that will be a way to honor him and the life you had together.

While not as deep as a spouse, I enjoyed my Disney vacations with my parents -- especially my father who loved those trips. I wasn't sure if I would be able to go back without them....but eventually I did. You might want to try new things....stay new places, change up the plans -- maybe go to the spa etc. Create a new way of enjoying Disney that doesn't remind you of who isn't there with you. You can't recreate what "was" but you can have new memories with new people.

 

[TammyAlphabet]

I recently lost my DH to brain cancer and I'm not sure if I can go to WDW without him. We used to go 3-4 times a year, usually just the two of us. WE were the kids, not our grown children.

If any of you DVCers have gone through this, please tell me how. Part of me wants to sell so that WDW remains my "laughing place", not become my crying place, where everything there reminds me of him.

Thank you for any helpful advice you can give me.

Please accept my condolences on your loss. I unfortunately do understand how you feel. Your partner in life has been ripped out of your life. Nothing feels the same anymore. I think you should do whatever feels right. You will be reminded of him alot but you would be thinking of him alot even if you didn't go. Plus, it will offer some distraction from the heavy grief. I went on the WB Repo a few months after my DH died and it was a very welcome respite from the daily routine. More than previous vacations. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[DeeCee735]

My sincerest condolences to you and your family on your loss.
I can't even begin to offer advice on this, I think you need to give yourself a whole lot of time before making a final decision on DVC.

Again, my condolences....

 

[eva]

You have been given some good advice so far. I can't imagine what you must be going through. Just the thought of losing my DH has me crying right now. It would be very bitter sweet to visit WDW without him. I have no idea how I could ever do it. But as many have mentioned, time does tend to change things. So I would wait to make a final decision on your points.

This post reminds me of the first trip to WDW that my DMIL took with us after my DFIL passed. Everything seemed just fine. We were even able to finally goad her into riding Thunder Mountain. But the minute that she got off of TM she started to cry. We were so afraid that it had frightened her. But when DH asked her what was wrong, she said, "I can't believe I would never ride that with your Father when he was alive. He tried and tried to get me on that roller coaster. And now that he is gone I finally got up the nerve to do it and realized it wasn't scary at all." DH told her that the only reason she could ride it now was because DFIL was there to take away the fear. Not sure that helped. But the rest of the trip was wonderful. And we all talked about the rides, restaurants, etc. that he liked. It was a wonderful memorial type of trip.

My prayers are with you. And also the hope that you are able to have great memories of your DH on your upcoming trip in January.

 

[kikiq]

Sending you lots of hugs.

My mom and dad took us to DLR growing up and when I got married, I took them to WDW. In 1999, my mom had a WDW/DCL family vacation planned for December. She passed away suddenly in July. We were all stunned and my dad decided that mom would want us to go. While there we bought two bricks, one for our families and one in her memory. Was it hard? Yes, but my dad walked around the Poly showing my DDs all the places he and mom walked and her favorite WDW places (one was the old Disney villas, walking around the lake. Which is why SSR is so special for us).

This past summer we went again with my brother's family and Dad. It was so cute to hear him tell his youngest DGD about mom and WDW. You do have wonderful memories and please remember someday you will be able to share those memories with your DGC.

 

[dizney4us]

My heart goes out to you Grammy
I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[cindymouse6]

Grammy, I have a very similar situation.... my husband died while I was at WDW for the Oct.1, 1996 25th anniversary... he wasn't feeling well and begged another family member to go with me.... my stepmother's first cousin's wife who was on maternity leave. Widow at 32...

Honestly, I was at OKW and will never stay in that building again.... everytime I pass the building (have stayed at OKW many times since), I get a chill. That will never go away. I have sinced remarried and had kids and moved on.... with fabulous memories.

I first came back 3 months later with my mother and brother and 4yo niece.... seeing Disney thru a first timers eyes, especially a child, was great therapy.... remembering why Walt created this place to begin with helped me heal and find laughter again... I'd cry, laugh, cry, smile for the pix, cry, laugh, etc. Eventually the crying gets less and the laughter becomes more frequent until you become at ease with the pain.

You must replace the pain with new memories... celebrating your favorite places, your rituals... those things don't have to die... they are a part of you that goes on and should. He would want you to remember, laugh, celebrate your past while creating new and lasting memories.

I don't know your personal situation, but I agree with the others... don't sell unless you financially need to. If you love vacationing at Disney, then you should continue the traditions with someone new.... be it family, friend, etc. Be generous and give points to someone who can't afford to go and give them a gift... I did that as well... to a single mom... at the time free admission was part of the membership (prior to 2000) and it gave me such a warm feeling to know I was able to give that same experience we had shared with someone else who wouldn't have been otherwise able.... that was therapeutic.

I have since remarried, had kids and bought additional contracts 2 going on 3 times now. I'll always remember our memories, and every year it is easier... been 12 years now... and I can even laugh at what he would have found funny or would have loved to do... but now I share that with someone new and spread the magic in a different way.

Good luck and my prayers are with you.