Tinkerbell of winter's WISH Journal

[tinkerbell of winter]

Today has been a down day emotionally, stinking PMS! I didn't exercise at all and my diet has been in shambles, I hate being bummed out. At least "The Biggest Loser" is on and maybe that will motivate me. I can do the exercise portion no problem, but I need to commit myself to some sort of diet, something other than the "grab and go" plan that I am on now. I should do atkins again, I have pretty good luck with that, or the modified atkins plan I was on before. I need to start out tomorrow working on the diet. Here's hoping I am successful.

 

[tinkerbell of winter]

Ok, tomorrow is October 1st, the first day of the month and on a monday as well, so no better time to start a diet! I need to cut down the carb intake and increase my exercise. Luckily my Garmin should arrive in the mail tomorrow so that will give me some motivation to get out and play with my new "toy" by taking it for runs. I really need to decide what kind of diet I am going for though, last time I did a pseudo atkins diet, really just by cutting out the sugar and processed flour. It's getting to zero hour though, ski season is just around the corner and I need to start getting in shape for that. Right now i'm at 214 lbs, and I would like to be back down to 190 before WDW in January. That is three months, I can do it if I apply myself. this yoyo dieting is for the birds, I did great this spring, got all the way down to 190 from 226, and now I am back up to 214. At least every time I lose 36 pounds when i do the regain, I end up ten less each time, maybe this time the old regain won't be any higher than 206. (I need to NOT HAVE a reagain) It is such a vicious cycle, I lose the weight, I feel great, and then I get depressed and gain weight like crazy because at that point I don't care about myself and what I look like. It's like I try to lose weight to accomplish something (attract guys, maybe even think it could be possible to date, and then when I try I get screwed over and get depressed, leading to a weight regain) and then I take two steps back after I take one step forward. This spring I lost 26 lbs in two months when we were having a biggest loser competition at work. I won, but here I am little ms. porky again. Yeah I can run, slowly, but I can run a long way. I am getting up early tomorrow morning and going for a run before I get ready for work. And if I don't manage to get up for that i'm going to run after work then, either way I will be going at least 3 miles one way or another! Comments are always welcome, I need to hear that i'm not alone in this boat!!!

 

[postesf]

Hey there!!! Just checking in to say HI!!! Today is a new month and I totally agree! A great time to start a diet and really focus! Good luck w/ that!!!

Stacie

 

[tinkerbell of winter]

Well i'm slowly getting back on track here, other than this weekend on the night shift i've been eating right, it is so much easier when your schedule is right with the rest of the world. Not working nights has made a difference in my eating habits, now I just need to work on the exercise component. Last week I was sick again, so that put the brakes on taking my new garmin for a run as well as other exercise, but this week I will start anew with a few trips to the Y to lift weights and some running/cardio. I haven't lost any weight but i've been remaining relatively steady, once I start exercising again I should be able to start dropping the pounds. I need to sign up for another local race so that I have something to keep me motivated for. Hope everyone is doing well!

 

[tinkerbell of winter]

Wow less than three months until vacation, awesome! Just had to share that

 

[Caitsmama]

Hi there! Thanks for taking the time to stop by my journal! I just finished reading yours,and you have already had some great accomplishments! You should be very proud.. keep up the good work!

 

[larry's girl]

Hi, Christine. Congratulations on the weight loss you have had to date and your successful exercise routine. Being able to run marathons is nothing to sneeze at! It doesn't matter what your times are, you should feel great about running and finishing them. That is a super accomplishment!

As far as yo-yo dieting, I feel you on that one. Just remember that we can take our past experiences and make them work for us - if no other way, by knowing what NOT to do and striving for successful, permanent lifestyle change that makes us healthier! Also, please remember that the changes you are making are for YOU - not anybody else. I know that's easier said than done, but you are getting healthier for you - not to attract a guy or please anyone else - just for you. Once YOU feel happy with yourself (and that doesn't have to wait until you are at your goal weight - your accomplishments are impressive and you should focus on that), relationships with other people, while still very important, will not be how you measure success.

I worked nights until this past spring, so I can also relate to how easy it is to eat more than you should on that shift. Since I have gone to a day shift, I get more rest, more regular exercise (or at least I did until this back injury interrupted that) and have more regular eating patterns. Hopefully that will be your experience, too.

Keep up the good work - you're doing great!

Susan

 

[tinkerbell of winter]

Well the past couple of weeks have been really busy, but I have gone for three mile runs the past two nights so I feel like I am starting to get back on track. My pace really sucks now 13:52/mile, but at least I am out there getting back to running. I really need to start getting in shape for ski season, if I can run at least three to four days a week it will get me where I need to be.

 

[larry's girl]

Hi, Christine! How are you doing? Just popping in to say I hope things are going well for you and you are still able to find the time to get in the exercise that you want to do.

Hope you have a good one!

Susan

 

[tinkerbell of winter]

I'm not doing too well with anything right now and really frustrated with myself. Since I started my new job in September I have not been very motivated and have been eating horribly, fast food many nights on the way home, not to mention it is too dark and cold now when I get home to go for a run. To make a long story short, in April of this year I weighed 190, today I way 237. It's very discouraging to go from feeling like i'm getting somewhere with my weight loss to gaining 47 lbs in seven months. Now I have to start all over AGAIN. I wish I had self control and the ability to not overeat but food is all I have in my life that makes me happy. I know that sounds crazy but that is the heart of the problem. It's the only thing that makes me feel satisfied. I don't know what to do to change that. Sometimes I come home and just eat non-stop until I go to bed. I don't know why I do it, but I just do. I just wish I had some motivation, some incentive to care about myself and what I do repeatedly to my body but that is what people like me do. I now understand how someone can weigh 400 lbs. They are someone like me, someone without any love or joy in their life, someone without any hope of love or joy in their life, and someone who knows they will never experience that. How do you overcome this? I have accepted the fact that I will be alone the rest of my days, but why can't I overcome this overeating as a compensation mechanism???

 

[tinkerbell of winter]

Ok, tomorrow is a new day! I am going to start again on the "diet and exercise" track. The semester is almost over, only four more days of work left on campus until January 16th so now is as good a time as any to get started on some life changing exercise. I also have to get started back running (so the disney 5K won't be the first time i've run in months). Wish me luck! Any comments and encouragement are more than welcome!!

 

[tinkerbell of winter]

17 days until vacation, wow it's coming up fast. I have made NO priority seating reservations for any meals and my park planning is nonexistent. We have nine days there, I am sure we will fit everything in one way or another. Unfortunately BEFORE vacation I need to pack up and sort out my entire house as we will hopefully be moving the weekend after we get back. And I cannot start my new years diet until after we return from Disney because I know for a fact no diet will even remotely work when started at Disney, at least not for me

 

[tubachick]

good luck on the run!!

Hope all the packing got done.

 

[tinkerbell of winter]

Ok all, since this is the WISH board and i'm among friends i've decided to show you the most horrible picture ever taken of me. (well actually the 2nd most horrible, the first most horrible picture I had an awful facial expression that I just couldn't make public) This is the bottom of the barrel, the worst I have ever looked. I HAVE to get back on track! Next week I am going to tough it out and start working out again, bad knee or not, but I have to work it into my schedule somehow. And I have to stop eating fast food!!! I think I will register for the full marathon next week, then I have money committed and I will have to work out and get into shape then! It's so frustrating to go from 190 lbs and looking the best I have in a while to weighing 242 lbs again and looking like a pig! So here it is.....242

This is what I looked like in May........at 190 lbs

This is really really sad.........I HAVE TO GET BACK IN SHAPE! This teaching job has done nothing but pork me out!!!!!!!!!!

 

[tinkerbell of winter]

Wow this thread is full of broken promises to myself! The weight gain thread ends today, and the weight loss thread begins tomorrow. Day one of the thread I weighed 209, i'd love to be there right now!! Now I way 242....so it is time to go again The food is bought, the gym bag is packed, tomorrow is planned and I am going to work out from 4-5PM each night, I am making myself go into work early, and leave work early. I need to make time for myself and my health So here is the breakdown, a little motivation to make me feel better. My goal weight is 150 lbs so I have 92 lbs to lose. I am not going to look at that number though, I am going to take small steps. My goal is 3 lbs per week. If I stick to that i'll be down to 188 by May 27th. By the time I run the Boilermaker in May i'll be down to 170. I know I can lose 3 lbs per week, I just have to stay the course and remain consistent with my exercise. I'm excited to get started again, I am making time for exercise in my life, that gym membership ought to be used, after all i'm paying for it! If I stay on track, I should be at my goal weight for the Rock and Roll marathon in Virginia Beach this Labor Day! How awesome will that be??? And then once I really start training heavily for WDW I should lose a little more weight, but if I can just maintain i'll be stoked! I have to think of all the awesome things I can do at my goal weight. I'll finally go scuba diving, it will be easier to do the things I want to do, hiking, whitewater rafting, maybe even take whitewater kayaking lessons! I can't wait I am so going to do this, but big time this time. This is the year I achieve my goal!!!!

 

[postesf]

Keep pushing! You can do it!!!

 

[larry's girl]

Hi, Christine. I think we put too much emphasis on the number on the scale and not enough emphasis on other positive things that come from making healthy lifestyle changes. If you think about how much better you feel when you are exercising and eating right, that helps to stay the course when the scale doesn't cooperate. For me, what I eat makes a huge difference in how I feel. Now that my back is better and I am able to exercise, I find that exercise makes me feel better, too. So the right fuel and the right activity really do make a huge difference in my quality of life. And that is more important to me than the number on the scale. Granted, I want to lose weight just like you do. I hope I lose a lot as I go down this journey. But ultimately I want to feel better and be able to live my life without pain and exhaustion being constant companions. So focus on the positive effects of your weight loss journey and the weight loss will follow!

I am training for my first 5K at Disney in May - I hope I am able to complete it! It is exciting to read about others' experiences doing this events. I would love to hear all about each event you do, how you prepared for it and what the experience was like. It will be very motivating for me, so thanks for taking the time to post about it in your journal!

Hope you have a good weekend!

Susan