Those interested in an update on the Teacher Saga...

[Poohgirl]

Your daughter has problems with anxiety/change/sensory issues and relies on a very structured atmosphere to make it through the day but you're working on helping her adjust to these issues. Well ya know what, that's exactly what being in this chaotic kindergarten class will help her with. It's teaching her to deal with change, lack of order/structure, and adapt to different teaching styles (but more importantly than just teaching styles, different people's styles/personalities in general which is a ver essential skill). Personally I think this is a great thing for your daughter and even though it's rough on her now, I'm sure as the year goes on she'll have less severe and less frequent meltdowns because she'll learn to adapt to being in the class. Long term I think this will help your daughter in life way more than any academics would since she's a smart child and should thrive with your supplementation and the stuff she will learn in school (and yes, she will learn some new things there).

I'm sorry but I have to disagree. Not all children with anxiety/change/sensory issues CAN handle just being thrown into the environment and learn to deal with it. It can actually make things much worse then a slower integration to what is eventuallly going to be expected of them structurally and socially. The school SHOULD make the best attempt to accomodate the student. Depending on the severity of the student they offer IEP's and 504 plans that could cover those areas. I have one of these extremely bright children that has sensory/social issues, he learned how to deal with these issues through routineand structure. He is fully integrated now in 2nd grade, and does fine but there was NO WAY he could have gotten to this point just being thrown into chaos and left to adapt.

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

As I see it OP, you have only a few choices here. You can keep your DD in a classroom that you feel does not meet her needs academically but suits her social needs. Or, you can move her to a classroom with the structure that she needs but may cause her to backslide in her social progress.

In the long run, it's going to be about which area of your DD's development is most important to you at this point in her life. There is no handbook that you can read for raising kids. And all the experience in the world is not going to keep you from second-guessing every decision that you make.

With two children past the grade-school level in public school, I can tell you that it will be important to pick your battles. Not everything in every classroom is going to be exactly the way you would prefer that it would be. The teachers have to teach to all the students in their classroom. And teaching styles will vary from teacher to teacher. If you find that you cannot accept this, you may need to seek out a private school or begin homeschooling your DD.

BTW, I don't feel that you're a "bad mother" for wanting to ensure that your DD's educational experience is a positive one. But I do feel that you need to examine your expectations and determine if a public school education is going to meet them. You're at the beginning of a long road and you're going to be traveling without a map. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I'm sorry but I have to disagree. Not all children with anxiety/change/sensory issues CAN handle just being thrown into the environment and learn to deal with it. It can actually make things much worse then a slower integration to what is eventuallly going to be expected of them structurally and socially. The school SHOULD make the best attempt to accomodate the student. Depending on the severity of the student they offer IEP's and 504 plans that could cover those areas. I have one of these extremely bright children that has sensory/social issues, he learned how to deal with these issues through routineand structure. He is fully integrated now in 2nd grade, and does fine but there was NO WAY he could have gotten to this point just being thrown into chaos and left to adapt.

EXCELLENT post!!!

ITA!!!

Only those of us who have been-there may be able to relate to this.

There is MUCH detriment to throwing this child into a situation that they simply CAN not handle. They are often labeled as 'immature' 'crybaby' even 'stupid' if their grades suffer, and worse. The parents who see the necessity of accomodation are then labeled as 'hovering' 'those moms' and are blamed for having CREATED a 'needy child'.

NONE of this is true!!!

My child was easlily overwhelmed, sensory integration issues, anxiety, etc...

ALL of these issues are DIRECT manifestations of a bona-fide neurological learning disability!!!!

All of the common misconceptions and stereotypes and 'labels' were VERY detrimental, and did nothing but make life a living he!! for my DS and for me.

Having my son in a classroom with a structured and even-keeled teacher who actually acknowledges his needs has made ALL the difference!!!! Night and Day!!!!

OP: you can pm me if you are interested in more info.

 

[justhat]

My post was stated as the mom of a very anxious toddler. Yes, granted she's only 19 months, but she started preschool a month ago and had a very rough start. Was she thrilled about it at first? No, but now after almost 7 weeks she walked in today by herself, leaving me at the gate to the playground. This change just happened overnight for her. Monday she was still crying at dropoff but Tuesday she took the asst. teacher's hand and didn't look back. Believe me, I had my doubts about it, as she'd be so anxious about school that she would stop talking as soon as we got in the car, chew on her hand till it was covered in bitemarks all the way from the car to the school, and start crying as soon as we turned the corner walking to the school. I felt "ya know what, she's 1.5yo, she doesn't need to be in preschool yet, let me just take her out till the next semester when she'll be just about 2 and more ready for this." But then something else kept telling me to just stick it out, probably the child psychology grad student in me. And I'm glad I did because now she realizes that she's okay without mommy, her teacher's way of doing things is not so bad, and she's developed many new social skills. And though her teacher is all about routine and consistency, it's a Montessori school, which by nature is 'unstructured' in the sense that it is basically 'free play' all day, no structured group activities.

I'm not saying a class with structure would be bad for the OP's kid, or any other kid with anxiety/sensory/social issues, not at all. I think that yes, it would be better. But I don't think changing from the 'disorderly' class just because it's not ideal is the best solution. In my child psych training I worked with a few kids who had issues similar to the OP's child, but they were older, between 8 and 10. Unlike her daughter, however, they had great classes with tons of structure and routine, pretty much what you'd expect in a school nothing out of the ordinary. But then suddenly in 3rd, 4th, or 5th grade they encountered a, well, less structured teacher and suddenly their grades declined, they were having outbursts in class and at home, constantly seemed agitated, etc. I worked with them to give them the coping skills necessary to deal with their situation that year and they all ended up okay. Was it a challenge for both me and them? Of course. But I think if they had the opportunity to learn to adapt to change and differing styles at a younger age it wouldn't have wreaked the havoc that it did later on in their lives.

 

[indigoxtreme]

Yes you really need to give it all a chance. When I was young we moved several times and yes it was difficult and I always had a hard time as I always seemed to be ahead of where my new class was. Especially the 4th grade I went to 3 schools that year.

Give the teacher a chance. We are sort of going through this type of things with Pre Kindergarten right now with my grand daughter. After the first 3 weeks I and my DD felt she was not getting much out of the experience. Simply went to the teacher and asked to see the goal chart provided by the State to see what my DGD should be learning etc. She is on schedule with this program and is actually ahead as we have taught her from a very young age. She give it some time your dd's friends right now are very important. If she is ahead of the game more power to her. She will be fine in 1st grade and not have it so difficult. Maybe you should volunteer your time and quit worrying so much , it will make a nut case of you and your children as they will pick up on your worries.

 

[ElizaB39]

to OP. That's all.