This is the last year

[MHopkins2]

What makes me scratch my head is how people can talk about using bleach on their counters and antiseptic gel cleaner on shopping cart handles, yet think it's neighborly, chrismassy and feel people are ingrates if they don't welcome and eat food made in kitchens where they have no idea of what cleaning standard is used. (if any)

Well hey, at least I'm consistent! I totally avoid the bleach and antibacterial routine, and will gladly scarf down any goodies anyone I know is kind enough to give me. And BTW, I let my cat walk on my kitchen countertops.

 

[Hagred]

Originally posted by MHopkins2
Well hey, at least I'm consistent! I totally avoid the bleach and antibacterial routine, and will gladly scarf down any goodies anyone I know is kind enough to give me. And BTW, I let my cat walk on my kitchen countertops.

HAAAAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!!! Thank you for the visual, MHopkins2!

Fluffy uses litter then walks all over rug that people have trampled in dirt mud and whatall. fluffy jumps up on counter. woman shoos fluffy off of counter and then starts rolling out her christmas sugar cookies to take to neighbors.

I know I'm supposed to be a stupid male that would take whatever cookies any stranger wants to give me and I should be grateful for the time and money they put into making these things. but its visuals like that that keep me from putting these things in my mouth. But I liked the visual! Made me laugh!

 

[MHopkins2]

And the worst part is... I DID make rolled sugar cookies this year! I banished the cat to his room (don't ask - he owns the house) and SCRUBBED the counter first though.

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Originally posted by jipsy
Because it's Christmas and it's a time of giving, regardless of how well you know someone. She does it because it makes her feel good.

I'm sure she would be mortified to find out that you are accepting her cookies and tossing them because you have allergies; she probably would much prefer to give you something you can eat or would use. You should tell her the truth: I really appreciate the cookies and I know you go through alot of trouble to do it every year, so I need to let you know that we have never been able to eat them due to nut allergies. Maybe next year we can exchange cards instead.

And leave it at that.

Wow. She does it to make WHO feel good? She bakes cookies and EXPECTS something in return? What ever happened to cheerful giving?
I NEVER expect anything when I give and I'm "mortified" that someone would give me something I didn't ask for and then criticize me for not responding the way they wanted me to.

Giving should be from the heart, not a guilt filled experience for all parties involved.

I agree that in the future MM should do something for herself. When she does for others and expects to get something in return, she's just setting herself up for disappointment.
It's time, money and emotions better spent on doing something that WILL bring you joy.
Obviously, selfless giving is not what you are after. You seem to want more than your recipients are able or willing to give.

 

[marlasmom]

Well Patty as you have so astutely devined, I truly expected people to grovel at my feet and then shower me with rose petals. I expected a simple thanks - but that's my upbringing and demeanor and frankly I am surprised you do not understand that.

 

[MHopkins2]

Originally posted by marlasmom
Well Patty as you have so astutely devined, I truly expected people to grovel at my feet and then shower me with rose petals. I expected a simple thanks - but that's my upbringing and demeanor and frankly I am surprised you do not understand that.

I don't blame you at all - I feel pretty much the same way. I was a little weirded out that one of my neighbors who got a batch didn't come up to say thanks (I left them by her door because they weren't home when I "delivered" and I didn't want to make a big production of it). Anyway, a couple days later, her husband brought up a big container of fresh pasta she'd made for me, and said she'd worked on it ALL DAY. Of course, then I felt like a butthead, but hey, what's new? LOL!

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Do you give money to the poor through your church? Do you give an occasional handout to someone? Do they all say thankyou to you? Do you expect it? If so, then why do you continue to give?

A thankyou is a really nice thing to get but why focus on that as the reason to give or not to give anymore?

 

[GAIL HAYDEN]

Originally posted by HauntedMansionGeek
Wow. She does it to make WHO feel good? She bakes cookies and EXPECTS something in return? What ever happened to cheerful giving?
I NEVER expect anything when I give and I'm "mortified" that someone would give me something I didn't ask for and then criticize me for not responding the way they wanted me to.

Giving should be from the heart, not a guilt filled experience for all parties involved.

I agree that in the future MM should do something for herself. When she does for others and expects to get something in return, she's just setting herself up for disappointment.
It's time, money and emotions better spent on doing something that WILL bring you joy.
Obviously, selfless giving is not what you are after. You seem to want more than your recipients are able or willing to give.

I believe she was only looking for a "thank you". That is not a lot to ask, for heaven's sake it is common courtesy.

 

[GAIL HAYDEN]

Originally posted by HauntedMansionGeek
Do you give money to the poor through your church? Do you give an occasional handout to someone? Do they all say thankyou to you? Do you expect it? If so, then why do you continue to give?

A thankyou is a really nice thing to get but why focus on that as the reason to give or not to give anymore?

I always behave in a very polite way, I hold doors for people, give to the church and NEVER give a handout to someone. If someone, for whom I have held a door, does not say thank you, I always say "you are welcome". Ok, I am a polite wise ****.
BUT, regardless of the fact that there are borish buffoons out there, I continue to hold doors, most say thank you. It is the polite thing to do. I am always thanked for my donations to the church, I would not stop if the thanks stopped because I enjoy giving, but, I would be surprised by the lack of manners.

 

[GAIL HAYDEN]

Originally posted by marlasmom
Well Patty as you have so astutely devined, I truly expected people to grovel at my feet and then shower me with rose petals. I expected a simple thanks - but that's my upbringing and demeanor and frankly I am surprised you do not understand that.

I am very surprised also.

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Originally posted by marlasmom
Well Patty as you have so astutely devined, I truly expected people to grovel at my feet and then shower me with rose petals. I expected a simple thanks - but that's my upbringing and demeanor and frankly I am surprised you do not understand that.

And that's what I've been saying. You gave a gift EXPECTING something in return.

I usually recieve a thankyou as well, but I don't get bent out of shape when I DON'T get one.....and SOMETIMES you recieve a thankyou unexpectedly at a later date.

It's so nice to "talk" to you again MM. Gee, how long has it been since we last visited via PM? 6 - 8 months or more?

 

[marlasmom]

Gail - as alway you say just what I want to say, but you say it so much BETTER. Patty, I don't understand. If people say thank you we shouldn't give any more. What are you trying to say.

And yes, we do contribute to charity - with money and deeds - and MOST people say thanks. My children have automatically said thank you from the time they were able to talk. I did it because I was stressed and because I like to - and they have always been appreciated to the point where people would call and ask when they were coming. btw all of the recipients have been in my house and know it is clean.

Patty I really don't get your point except that maybe you are trying to get under my skin. If that is the case please don't. I can't take it right now and I don't really want to say something I might regret.

BTW Gail I have also said you're welcome - always very sweetly - to someone who doesn't thank me for holding a door or picking up a dropped package. GMTA

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

At the risk of being your target again, I just want to say that I was raised with manners and politeness too.

But I was also raised with the idea these beliefs about generosity:

Give someone a gift, just because.

Don't brag about what you give.

And most important, never expect anything in return for your generosity.



I don't believe that EXPECTING a thankyou or anything else is in the spirit of generous giving. Those that don't give thanks are clods but that's not YOUR problem, it's theirs.

Of course, as usual, this is all just my crazy opinion. Sadly, it looks like I'm in the minority too but I'm used to it LOL!!

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

This thread is making me crave homemade goodies. I may just go to the kitchen and get something good to eat!

My mother always gives away cookie trays to neighbors and shut ins. It makes her feel good inside to do for others.

Lori

 

[marlasmom]

Patty - You are MY target - I don't think so. Describing me as an ungenerous braggart would seem to put the shoe on the other foot - or to be more specific - the garbage in YOUR keyboard.

I think I have ALWAYS been kind and supportive of you and I am truly perplexed as to what has brought this on.

In any event, don't choke on your halo.

 

[Hagred]

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

MM, I'm so sorry you're going through this with your neighbors. I remember, quite a while back, when you posted on the DIS about all the terrible problems you were having with your neighbors in New Hampshire and how it even played out on that town's discussion board! I'm sure it was very upsetting, and that you looked forward to a new beginning in Florida, and perhaps that isn't working out the way you had hoped.

I started reading this thread before Christmas, and got caught up in 3 days of constant (exhausting!) celebrations with our families. But the one thought that kept coming to my mind was...what in the world DID these neighbors say when you brought them the cookies? Did they close their doors in your face?? Did they say ANYTHING? LIke, perhaps "how beautiful! What a lot of work you put into them" but inadvertently omit the actual "thank you"? Did you just drop them off on their doorstop, in which case maybe they've been so caught up with holiday celebrations and just haven't had a chance to thank you? Did your grandson bring the cookies to the neighbors, and perhaps you just didn't get the story from him quite right? I hope you'll enlighten those of us who have taken an interest in this problem.

I ran into DS's art teacher the afternoon of the last day of school...DS had brought in a homemade brownie mix in a jar and a homemade Christmas card. She said she told DS to tell me how much she loves my homemade card, and has kept all of them for the last 11 years, since oldest DD began as a student there. Afterwards, I asked DS if everyone liked their gifts...he said "uh huh" as he downed snacks, parked in front of the TV, celebrating the last day of school. I asked what Mrs. C said...he said "she liked it". I asked if she told him to tell me she has saved all our cards over the years...he said "oh yeah." Are all 10 year old boys space shots?

Do you have an otherwise good relationship with these neighbors? Have you socialized with them at your house or theirs? (I know you're a master at barbecuing!) Did they enjoy themselves? Have they ever indicated that perhaps they'd just like a more casual relationship, and would prefer to keep to themselves? Sometimes, the nicest people just like their privacy and feel uncomfortable if they feel that a relationship is being forced on them. Of course, none of that excuses the lack of a thank you...altho, like I said, I can't imagine what DID transpire...but perhaps they're just backing off a bit. And again, it may just be a matter of not having had the time yet...

As for your DD not wanting to take the cookies to work...I can't imagine. My wonderful mom has rescued me on more than one occasion with cookies to bring to a party (I apparently was born without her cooking/baking gene ), altho, sadly, she's not up to baking anymore.

And your grandson...how old is he now? Maybe he's not interested in going to a theme park with Grandma. I wonder how long my kids will want to come with us on our vacations; DD keeps talking about those graduation parties they have there, as if they're going to be more fun than going with us!

But you're right...if you don't get the reaction that's important to you from people, maybe it's time to move on. We began going to WDW for Thanksgiving instead of staying home because my sister insisted that her kids just COULDN'T get up early to catch a bus from NYC to arrive in RI by 1:00...they wouldn't arrive until 4 PM, and honestly, I'm not having my family sitting around all day waiting for them, because they can't make the effort.

 

[marlasmom]

Mare - you do keep good records but let me clarify by saying yes we had a problem with ONE NEIGHBOR - where the wife- the author of the message board vitriol - ended up in a live-in mental health facility. The others were and are good friends and in fact the three families that surrounded us are coming down to stay with us - so either they just want a free lodging in Florida or they like us.

All the people I sent cookies to have eaten at my house and come to swim occasionally and I babysit for one of them occasionally. You may be right in that Matt didn't carry their messages accurately. Who knows.

It is good of you to render your opinion.

 

[C.Ann]

I need some diversion from my own situation tonight so I'm jumping back into this thread because I can't believe what it has deteriorated into!

I don't think marlasmom was "expecting" anything.. I think what happened was that she was surprised that no one said "thank you" for the cookies..

"Expecting" and being "surprised" are two entirely different things..

When you are raised to have good manners, saying "thank you"
rolls off your tongue as easily as breathing.. If you think about it, you probably hear "thank you" a hundred times a day and half the time the people saying it aren't even aware that they have said it..

We begin teaching our children to say "thank you" as soon as they're able to formulate words and we place no "conditions" on which circumstances warrant those manners.. Regardless of the effort - or lack of - when someone gives them something we expect them to say "thank you".. If they don't, we're "surprised" -and more often than not, disappointed as well.. Why should it be any different with adults?

marlasmom baked all of those cookies for a number of reasons - she enjoys doing it; she needed to keep busy during a difficult time in her life; she wanted to make a friendly gesture to her new neighbors; - but she did not do it with any grand "expectations.."

She assumed that these adults had been raised with good manners - and was surprised to learn that they hadn't been...

For this she's being fried????

 

[Blondie]

Well, FWIW, you know what I think?

I just think people don't care anymore. They don't care that you went to the trouble and they don't care that you dropped off home baked goods. It's as simple as that.

People today are so caught up in their own lives and that of their children's that there's no time for little chit-chat anymore. Is it rude? I think so, but I don't think that the rest of the population feels the same. This is the way it is in many places today. I've noticed a decline in good neighborly relationships over the last 15 or 20 years in several location changes that DH and I have made. I also think that in some areas people are more friendly than in others.

Go out of your way to do something nice for your neighbor, but don't expect to get a thank you. It's just not that common anymore. What I consider good manners and what John Q. Public down the block thinks are good manners could be two different concepts.

Every now and then we'll meet someone who has manners, will go the extra mile, will stop and ask you how you are and means it, etc.

But anymore, I think they are the exception. And that's sad.