This is the last year

[marlasmom]

I'm going to do this. Not knowing anyone in Florida and being very anxious waiting for medical results - mine are fine - but dh's are not - I baked cookies for a solid week.

16 different kinds including the tedious fried rosettes and intricate rolled cookies - little houses with individual candies for the roof and a door and windows with curtains and tree, snowmen, stars, bells, rocking horse and Christmas stockings - put them on very nice platters and sent them to the neighbors. Except for the very nice older couple who just moved in next door - NOONE said thank you.

I used to send them to all the teachers and always got lot of seemingly very sincere thanks.

dd is a nurse and didn't get home yesterdy until 8;00 and is working today from 1 to 7 so she'll get a warmed up dinner. She didn't want to take cookies to the hospital.

dgs has already put all his kits together and doesn't seem to want to try out his new annual Universal pass tomorrow.

Next year a cruise or Hawaii and NO MORE COOKIE TRAYS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY.

 

[GailT]

You can send some of the cookies for me. I know what you mean, Start thinking of yourself, I did somewhat this yr. my brother was not invited over for dinner, I cook and cook to have people over I care for so it is me, my son and my father, all 3 of us. I wished I went to Disney like I had planned but I know in my heart this is the right thing to do. MERRY CHRISTMAS all

 

[C.Ann]

It's sad when people don't have the common decency to even say "thank you" - isn't it?

Next time you feel like baking, take them to a nursing home, domestic violence shelter, homeless shelter, or group home for children.. You can be SURE those people will appreciate them!!

 

[JESW]

I'm sorry that you got such a poor response form all your hard work! I know that if you gave ME some homemade cookies I'd be thanking you all over the place - I've been craving cookies for the last couple of days and we were all too sick to make them!

Take care...

Jill

 

[marlasmom]

C. Ann - what a terrific idea. Would they take them without worrying about sanitation.

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by marlasmom
C. Ann - what a terrific idea. Would they take them without worrying about sanitation.

--------------------------------
I'm pretty sure they would accept them with open arms..

A number of years ago, I was in a quandry about what to do with all of the food that was leftover from my DD's bridal shower.. I mean there was tons of food - plus wedding chocolates, fruit, beverages - you name it..

Then suddenly it dawned on me.. There was a group home for mentally challenged adults next-door to my Mom's townhouse so I trucked it all over there..

You haven't experienced grateful until you have done something like that for folks who feel they're shunned by the rest of the world..

I hate to see anything go unappreciated - or to waste - when there are truly needy people out there who cold benefit from it..

 

[DocRafiki]

I just don't understand the need to overbake at Christmas. I don't think there are many people with a cookie deficit this time of year. Most of the ones at work will go in the trash; there's just no way we can eat them all. Can you imagine those teachers probably go home with hundreds of cookies? Still, it's only polite to say thanks.

 

[DocRafiki]

That was a really great idea, C.Ann.

 

[disykat]

First of all, I have to say that people should always say thank you for gifts. The rest of this is going to sound negative though, so please take it in stride. I'm really not trying to be mean. I'm guessing these neighbors are not interested in receiving the trays.

I also have a negative take on the cookie trays. I just got a beautiful tray from a neighbor who lives about 5 houses down. I don't get it. She prefers not to talk when we meet on the street -we are not even close enough to take each other's trash to the curb etc. Yet every year I get the beautiful cookie tray. She obviously goes to tons of effort. I say thank you, but do nothing in return and end up feeling like an ungrateful lout. It is uncomfortable recieving gifts from people you don't plan on giving to. I've always just assumed that it is her tradition to bake and she needs somewhere to distribute her goods.

Think I'm rude if you want, but I don't want her cookies! We are a nut free household and her cookies are full of nuts. Every year they end up getting tossed out since they usually come on Christmas Eve and dh can't take them to work. It is such a huge waste. These things are basically poisonous to us, but she doesn't know that.

My advice is unless you know people well enough to know about allergies, medical conditions, possible dieting, and even preferences, I'd skip the cookie trays.

 

[marlasmom]

ok Doc no cookies for you. As I thought I explained, I was doing it partly to divert myself while awaiting calls from various doctors and partly because I have done it for years and always with what I thought was sincere appreciation - except for the year I made a variety of hot appetizers to be frozen and reheated and that seemed to be a big hit. But you can still take care of my dog.

Disneykat I do appreciate what you are saying but for the life of me I don't understand why you don't simply tell your neighbor that you have allergies - rather than letting her time and money go to waste.

C. ANN I alway send books - lots and lots of books to the hospital but you have wonderful ideas.

 

[disykat]

Do you really think it's okay for me to tell her "Thanks for the cookies but please don't bring any more, we don't eat them?" She is barely an aquaintance I can't even imagine saying that to her.

 

[marlasmom]

Disneykat - I understand your reluctance to hurt someone's feelings and I respect you for that, but I do think you could tactfully tell her NEXT YEAR that you have recently discovered allergies and wanted to forewarn her. I am sure she would understand.

 

[Kallison]

Originally posted by marlasmom
Disneykat - I understand your reluctance to hurt someone's feelings and I respect you for that, but I do think you could tactfully tell her NEXT YEAR that you have recently discovered allergies and wanted to forewarn her. I am sure she would understand.

I agree with Marlas Mom, why don't you drop a thank you note in her mailbox around November, say something like loved the cookies in the past, recently discovered I am deathly allergic to nuts, cannot even have them in the house for others. Thanks for the thought in past years, didn't want them to go to waste this year.

 

[TennVolTony]

Very nice Marlasmom......You can always bring me cookies.

overbake?

 

[disykat]

I don't get it. I'm not going to lie and pretend allergies are recent to our house. I distinctly remember discussing my son's allergies with her once before, but wouldn't expect her to remember since as I've said - we are barely aquaintances. However if I mention it, I assume she would remember at that point. I really think in situations where you don't know someone well it's better to just say thank you rather than to point out that their gift was inappropriate.

It is not my fault that she bakes - I'm not requiring her to "waste her time and money". I assume that, like Marlasmom, she bakes for her own reasons. I assume she bakes because it makes her feel good to do it, not because she expects people to be grateful.

Marlasmom was bothered that people didn't seem to be appreciative of her cookies. While I agreed that it was rude of them not to say thank you, (I can't even really fathom that!) I was simply trying to point out a possible reason from the point of view of someone who doesn't enjoy receiving cookies.

 

[skiwee1]

Originally posted by disykat
I don't get it. I'm not going to lie and pretend allergies are recent to our house. I distinctly remember discussing my son's allergies with her once before, but wouldn't expect her to remember since as I've said - we are barely aquaintances. However if I mention it, I assume she would remember at that point. I really think in situations where you don't know someone well it's better to just say thank you rather than to point out that their gift was inappropriate.

It is not my fault that she bakes - I'm not requiring her to "waste her time and money". I assume that, like Marlasmom, she bakes for her own reasons. I assume she bakes because it makes her feel good to do it, not because she expects people to be grateful.

Marlasmom was bothered that people didn't seem to be appreciative of her cookies. While I agreed that it was rude of them not to say thank you, (I can't even really fathom that!) I was simply trying to point out a possible reason from the point of view of someone who doesn't enjoy receiving cookies.

If you can't tell a little white lie to her about just getting a nut alllergy then there is alway the truth. Tell her you have always been allergic to nuts and you toss her cookies in the trash as soon as she leaves. Sounds kind of nasty but you don't want to do it a nice way. This way she won't go through the nice thought of sending a neighbor a tray of cookies that she thinks might enjoy them. You sound pretty ungrateful even with a thank you. I know I'd much rather know the truth if someone was tossing away my gift. I'd just give them to someone that liked and appreciated it them next year.

 

[disykat]

It's so fun getting flamed. As I said before I was simply trying to point out to Marlasmom why people might not particularly appreciate her gifts. Yes, I am ungrateful - I've never made any bones about that. I don't understand why this neighbor gives me a gift when we aren't even friends. As I pointed out, she knows we have nut allergies, but doesn't know us well enough or care about us enough to remember the information - nor would I expect her to.

I smile politely, say thank you, and leave it at that. I don't know her well enough to do differently. I would prefer not to recieve from her, but since she obviously enjoys baking and giving away the cookies I'm not going to rain on her parade. I don't see any need to turn it into an ordeal. This is a neighbor that lives 5 houses down and I have no relationship with.

In this kind of forum I think it is okay to give honest opinions that I would not ever give voice to in real life.

 

[jipsy]

I don't understand why this neighbor gives me a gift when we aren't even friends.

Because it's Christmas and it's a time of giving, regardless of how well you know someone. She does it because it makes her feel good.

I'm sure she would be mortified to find out that you are accepting her cookies and tossing them because you have allergies; she probably would much prefer to give you something you can eat or would use. You should tell her the truth: I really appreciate the cookies and I know you go through alot of trouble to do it every year, so I need to let you know that we have never been able to eat them due to nut allergies. Maybe next year we can exchange cards instead.

And leave it at that.

 

[disykat]

Originally posted by jipsy
Because it's Christmas and it's a time of giving, regardless of how well you know someone. She does it because it makes her feel good.

I'm sure she would be mortified to find out that you are accepting her cookies and tossing them because you have allergies..."

Which is exactly why I accept them with a thank you and leave it at that. I am not going to make waves with someone I hardly know. I see no reason to upset her.

I find it hard to believe that out of all the many threads on here of people complaining about the gifts they receive, the fact that I offered my honest opinion about why some people prefer not to receive gifts of food from their neighbors receives such attention. Maybe now is not a good time to admit that I once accepted a gift of food from a neighbor who is a disgusting slob and threw it out without being "honest" with her and telling her that for hygiene reasons I won't eat anything from her kitchen. I guess I'm just not sensitive enough to the feelings of others.

 

[Hagred]

Originally posted by disykat
Maybe now is not a good time to admit that I once accepted a gift of food from a neighbor who is a disgusting slob and threw it out without being "honest" with her and telling her that for hygiene reasons I won't eat anything from her kitchen. I guess I'm just not sensitive enough to the feelings of others.

disykat...please don't feel alone. I'm sure there are others out there like us that don't feel comfortable accepting food from strangers. Even neighbors.

If I had a neighbor who I only saw mowing the lawn, or saying 'hi' when we got our mail deliver cookies, I'd throw out that particular batch as well. Even AFTER saying 'thanks' when they intruded onto my property to give me something I neither asked for nor desired.

What makes me scratch my head is how people can talk about using bleach on their counters and antiseptic gel cleaner on shopping cart handles, yet think it's neighborly, chrismassy and feel people are ingrates if they don't welcome and eat food made in kitchens where they have no idea of what cleaning standard is used. (if any)