This is my ranting place

[itsdisneytime]

I hate living with someone bi polar. That is all

 

[luvmarypoppins]

so sorry you are dealing with this.

 

[Coonhound]

Who is the person- your spouse, child, parent? etc That makes a big difference.
If you cannot be the support they need, it is probably best to cut ties. For your sanity and for their best interest too.

 

[PizzieDuster]

Sorry. I admire you though. You do and yet you get to come here and vent.

 

[mommasita]

to you.. Vent anytime

 

[Zim]

Bipolar is a tough one.... especially if the person can't accept something is innately wrong with their biological makeup and refuse to take medications. Or worse - choose to self medicate with alcohol or drugs.

I have an aunt with a 20-something year old son who begs constantly to come live with her. Unfortunately he has spent the past 10 years self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. He'll be fine one minute and pile driving the car window the next. It's like dealing with someone at a cognitive level of a 7 year old, with 3 year old tantrums and the strength of a full grown man. The tragedy is that while she bails him out when she can, eventually she won't be around - he will become part of the "homeless with mental disorders".

If this is a possible path for the loved one living under your roof, get help now! Disorders like these often get worse with time, they rarely improve left alone. If they are beyond help, at some point for self-preservation you may have some tough choices to make. Sending hugs, I've watched my aunt go through this, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

[Auntie L.]

I hate living with someone bi polar. That is all

I LOVE that you just let it out like that. Because it is awful sometimes and you just have to vent. Sometimes I just scream - into a pillow usually - when I can't deal with my family issues. Take care & good for you. ((hugs))

 

[itsdisneytime]

Thanks all.

I am going on 39 married to husband bipolar 41 we have daughter 11.

At the risk of feeling embarrassed to say all that I have endured ... I will say, I feel very cut off from the world. Appearances kept me from telling anyone how my life really was ... until now 15 years into a relationship 10 of which have been marriage years ... I just tell myself that I have a 6 year "plan" to fix myself once our daughter is off to college. Doesn't this sound like some lifetime movie? I wish I could say it were just another bad B rated movie. The truth is, I am sad for the person sitting here typing this. I am sad that she didn't have the support to not be afraid to be a single mother. I am sad that she let appearances and opinions ruin 1/2 of her life. I am sad that right now she doesn't even know what (her) favorite color is.

I am the mother of a competitive dancer. My life is one of a dance mom. I co exist and get glimpses of "happiness" sitting in a dance studio amongst other dance moms and get bits and pieces of the drama and girl time without letting them "in". I do not socialize because I am afraid to bring folks here and deal with him and his episodes which aren't often but once I saw that he would act any way in front of anyone when he was manic .. i knew I didnt want the dance moms here since my daughter was such a big part of the studio. I didnt want them knowing my life wasnt as good as it appeared. I have told them that my husband and I arent connected emotionally right now and things are strange at home but not that he cusses me and throws clean laundry on the floor if its folded but not put right away (things like this) and much worse.

You know, my daughter and I travel to Disney once a year without him (God forbid he ruin our trip) ... he tried to come once and he was so horrible. I wont get into but let me tell you ... thank GOODNESS my best friend and her daughter were there to keep my daughter occupied. I had to take my husband out of the magic kingdom after 6 hours cause his zippidy doo dah was all zapped out. He flew in for a whole 3 days of our 10 day trip and after 6 hours at 1 park I ended up deciding to do resort days the other full day he would be with us rather than go to AK because I knew he would be mean about the people, the waits, the "loud crying whining children" you name it I would hear about it and I would be miserable.

You know, as I sat there waiting for the ferry to take us back to the trams I was trying so hard not to cry as wishes started. I was thinking ... out of ALL THESE PEOPLE in Magic Kingdom today. . ... I FOR SURE am the only one with a broken heart right now ... not because I am sad for wishes to be on .. not because I am sad a trip is over or started or whatever.. but sad because my husband just couldnt be nice to me and do something he knew his daughter and i LOVED without ridiculing me to the point where he had to go because all I was doing was crying and worrying about what smart comment he was making and to whom or about whom.

Trust me. I will probably bring things up to speed here as I basically am using this as my personal diary that no one will find and put to bad use here in my real personal life.

All I can say is .. how I relate Disney to my life and my woes is this ... I sit and look at all the happy families and I wonder why that cant be me. No one on here ever really talks about their horror stories .. and yes, Im sure they have some and like me dont disclose because folks cant know everything wasnt "perfect" on their trip reports .. and for the most part .. I really hope everyone going to Disney DOES have magical experiences ... but, a part of me is jealous and wishes I had that experience. The experience of kissing someone on Main Street or making plans with someone ... I am totally grateful for my daughter which is the only good thing to come of my marriage ... and the only thread that holds my marriage together.

She (my daughter) however, is still too young to realize Im lonely and miserable. She thinks her father is hard working so she can dance and take trips. She has no idea I keep her so busy with dance because I am at home getting emotionally abused and I dont want her a part of it. I just wish there was a permanent off button for this negativity. I wish that he would get better and stay better. I am afraid that he doesnt "want" to be better. He just doesnt try to be a part of this family besides contributing with insane financial worth so he purchases temporary happiness and deflects his non accountability issues.

 

[mommasita]

Oh Shannon

I am sad for you as well. I think your plan sounds very logic. You want to make sure your daughter has everything she needs, and then take care of yourself.. Only a Mother with a heart full of love can do this.. It doesn't so crazy to me, not in the least. It sounds like you already are a single mother, at least to me, perhaps because although I am married, I always says this, because to me I am.. Just going out on my own, I KNOW I couldn't do it financially..

I take it he won't get any help? Can you try and see someone , just to have someone to talk to? I never judged anyone for doing so, I just thought that "I" could never do. Fast forward to some horrible family moments, and seeing a Dr once a week, is keeping me sane, and able to raise my children.. I am not sure how you personally feel about that, but for me it has changed my whole perspective on life.. I enjoy going, and getting things off my chest that I can't anywhere else, and have nobody to judge me, just someone to help me.

This is a VERY caring board, and seeing the support you and everyone has, please never hesitate (unless you do for other reasons) to vent or just talk here.. It is a healing place..

I wish I could hug you You are never alone, even if we are all miles away, we do care.>XO

 

[Zim]

You may be surprised how much your daughter really absorbs and keeps to herself especially as she gets older. Kids see a lot more than their parents realize. My college roommate was pretty nonchalant about her parents’ situation. Her dad was a philandering, emotionally abusive alcoholic – not to her or her sister, but to their mom. Her mom is the sweetest woman I ever met and is very quiet and mild mannered. He kept her ‘in her place’ by berating her when no one else was present. She waited until her daughters were on their own before she left him. By then his functional capacity had been seriously diminished by the alcohol use. He lasted a month without her - they found him in the front yard with a gun he used to shoot himself in the head.

So when you’re looking on at the other park goers, don’t be surprised to know more of them are wearing masks than you realize.

I won’t spend any time encouraging you to leave him. It’s a wretched situation to feel trapped for financial reasons. The fact that you mention you cry and wish things were better tells me you aren’t really emotionally separated from him yet either… when that happens you might be surprised how fast the financial side falls into place. I divorced a year after my DD was born, and have spent the 15 years since single with barebones support from her dad and never regretted it.

I will strongly urge you not to view yourself as a victim. Doing so plays into his hand – even in a manic state this type of behavior is used to keep others in line, insecure and feeling worthless. It might help to envision him as a 5 year old when he throws the folded clothes across the room. Bide your time, protect your daughter, vent here when you need to, enjoy your annual Disney respite from him, seek professional help if you can and don’t ever be ashamed of your situation. What you see as sad and pathetic is a form of strength in a situation a lot of people couldn’t even imagine – wear it like a badge of honor.

I hope even some of this was encouraging, I hesitate to throw out my two cents, especially in potentially volatile situations. If you have any kind of familial support system, get them involved when you’re ready, and I hope they will be there for you and your daughter.

 

[itsdisneytime]

QUOTE=Zim;49230685]You may be surprised how much your daughter really absorbs and keeps to herself especially as she gets older. Kids see a lot more than their parents realize. My college roommate was pretty nonchalant about her parents’ situation. Her dad was a philandering, emotionally abusive alcoholic – not to her or her sister, but to their mom. Her mom is the sweetest woman I ever met and is very quiet and mild mannered. He kept her ‘in her place’ by berating her when no one else was present. She waited until her daughters were on their own before she left him. By then his functional capacity had been seriously diminished by the alcohol use. He lasted a month without her - they found him in the front yard with a gun he used to shoot himself in the head.

So when you’re looking on at the other park goers, don’t be surprised to know more of them are wearing masks than you realize.

I won’t spend any time encouraging you to leave him. It’s a wretched situation to feel trapped for financial reasons. The fact that you mention you cry and wish things were better tells me you aren’t really emotionally separated from him yet either… when that happens you might be surprised how fast the financial side falls into place. I divorced a year after my DD was born, and have spent the 15 years since single with barebones support from her dad and never regretted it.

I will strongly urge you not to view yourself as a victim. Doing so plays into his hand – even in a manic state this type of behavior is used to keep others in line, insecure and feeling worthless. It might help to envision him as a 5 year old when he throws the folded clothes across the room. Bide your time, protect your daughter, vent here when you need to, enjoy your annual Disney respite from him, seek professional help if you can and don’t ever be ashamed of your situation. What you see as sad and pathetic is a form of strength in a situation a lot of people couldn’t even imagine – wear it like a badge of honor.

I hope even some of this was encouraging, I hesitate to throw out my two cents, especially in potentially volatile situations. If you have any kind of familial support system, get them involved when you’re ready, and I hope they will be there for you and your daughter.[/QUOTE]

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

ZIM:
Its amazing how much insight you have ZEN ... I thank everyone for their kind words and encouragement to rant here when I feel the need to. I am hopeful that one day I will look back and get angry with myself for taking "so long" to take the leap of faith that is needed to leave this sort of lifestyle.

It was like you turned a light on for me when you re affirmed for me that in most cases when I feel he attacks or berates me the most is just when I start to do something for myself like go to dinner with another dance mom or, like this past weekend when I decided to at gratis coordinate a wedding (that is what I did in my life before I met this *******) ..... I had so much fun, and it was sooo good to be around a positive entity ... I actually burried my phone in my purse so I wouldnt worry about if he was calling me or having some issue to yell at me about. I had such a good time, it felt so good to be of service to folks who were grateful for my help and thanking me tremendously for being there to help their wedding day be a success. That real good feel good moment lasted about 3 hours and then I left there and called to check on my daughter who was at home with him and he answered the phone pissed off because he had to buy Mcdonalds for her and her friend to eat because there was not enough lunch meat .. and why cant I keep stocked up on **** .. and he thought I was coming straight home after I lined up the wedding party ... blah blah blah ...

I immediately felt sad. My heart sunk as I drove home and well ... I came back here and picked up where I left off. We have been sort of like passing ships since then .... Im sure there will be a moment of clarity only to be clouded up again by some antics of his. Its sad to think that I need to be some little programmed robot in order to have peace and harmony around here. Its like, Ive got to monitor EVERYTHING .. and think of what will make him mad... who knew? who knew that not having lunch meat that I dont even eat would be such an issue! I mean, I look at it differently ..I feel like he should have made grilled cheese or pbj if there wasnt enough lunch meat for 2 .. but that would entail him having to be a real dad and be involved .... he instead lets my daughter and her friend (both 11) drive a golf cart to mcdonalds to get food and yell at me about it later. Great parenting eh?


I am appreciative to anyone who wants to comment here. I know that it is hard for some of you who do not walk in these shoes to understand how someone seemingly intelligent would or could be saying this about my life and not figuring out how to un do it. All I can say is I hope like Zens friend .. I will have a positive spin on this story in 6 years when my child is off to college ... and I pray that I can protect her well enough to know that I tried my best to give her a normal life even though mine was hell.

 

[sandynd]

Shannon. I am so sorry he brought you down again. I am in something of a similar situation, but with a definite medical component to it, so I cannot bring myself to leave. It recently has begun to worry me that this is what my daughter will think is normal between husbands and wives. I don't know how to make sure she gets all the love and life she deserves without showing her how to grab it with both hands. I'll have to hope that she rebels against her hopeless parents and has a great life in revenge!

 

[itsdisneytime]

Sandynd - I think that a lot more people than we realize live a life like this. I am not sure how the story ends. I do know that children learn what they live and for this I too am afraid. I may not have disclosed, I do not re read what I write .. moreso, I use this as a journal (i talk in my head and type) .. but, I have been fighting cancer - thyroid cancer albeit but still scary nonetheless. I had my thyroid removed and went through rounds of radiation. They thought recently it was back in my lymphnodes but thank God it wasnt ... Do you know, I went to ALLLLL of my appointments alone -even my biopsy when they thought cancer had returned. I was in hospital for 11 days due to issues with cancer and he came 3 times and stayed about 30 min each time claiming he hates hospitals and that his dad died in one. Um, yah. ok

I do not want my daughter to ever end up with a man who berates her whether it be in public or private. I tell myself that should she EVER EVER EVER end up with someone who was anything but loving and doting (sp?) that her situation would be different than mine, because my door would ALWAYS be open to her and anything she had to bring home with her .. whether it be a child, a pet ... whatever, as long as its not a deadbeat boyfriend/husband (lol). I feel that if I had been offered a place to stay for 2 months with my daughter and then 1 dog and 1 cat, that I would have been in a different place today ( i knew when I was 5 months pregnant that I was stuck and in for a life of hell ). I was naive enough to think that I could make him change. To a slight degree I did .. I have helped him to realize that he needed medication, I have helped him to apply etiquette and understanding and communication with his business as a business owner. I just know that he is used to having his melt downs and treating me like crap because he knows I am the weakest link.

Its crazy because I would like to think that I am a successful, intelligent, well poised proper southerner who is giving and caring and helpful to all my friends and neighbors. I wonder what they would think of me if they knew that just this very morning when I tried to express to my husband that he "hurt my feelings" and xyz.. is why - that they type of answers I get are "whats your ****ing point?" ... as he stares at the t.v and chooses not to look over and try to hear what Ive got to say. I wonder what they would think of me then when they see how I tuck my tail and walk away and go cry somewhere.

I sit here and remember all the clever things my grandmother used to say i.e. ===you train people how to treat you ... don't ever let a man see you cry etc etc etc ... and I wonder, "what the heck is wrong with me?" I used to feel self assured, pretty, able to seize the world. As I look at me now I look tired, stressed, hopeless, and ugly with greying hair.

I think if folks I deal with on a daily basis really knew how I feel inside ... they would be amazed because I come off as miss jolly roger, happy to help everyone, always there with a kind word of endearment or a thoughtful surprise ... I think I am misses positive to the extreme when i am out in the real world, and mostly because I deal with such strife and negativity here.

Thinking Happy Disney Thoughts as I head on to get my daughter from a sleep over.

 

[blfbrat]

I feel your pain, I have lived with this for 25 years. Now he is in a wheel chair and still has all the issues.

 

[itsdisneytime]

blfbrat - how do you bring yourself to be able to be compassionate and helpful ... I am afraid that after 25 years of hurt, I would be less likely to want to help him especially in a wheel chair. I am sending you a big hug! You make sure to take care of you also so the stress doesnt end you up in a wheel chair or with a stroke! I am planning on figuring out what my favorite color is, what my hobbies are, what makes me happy and at least coming up with something to do that wont allow me to realize that the only time I have attention from him anymore, its negative empty attention.