Thinking the worst of people

[kwelch10377]

There have been several threads lately that have had me thinking about this.

Do you tend to think the worst in people? Meaning that their true intentions are always knowingly selfish and there is an ulterior motive in what they do.

I try not too. I tend to be a pretty good judge or character and can pick up on people's personality traits easily and usually can tell whether someone's actions are not coming across how they intend or if they are purely selfish in what they are doing. There have been many cases of people that I have worked with that everyone loved and couldn't understand why I didn't like them and these people usually ended up getting fired for stealing.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I hear you, don't be hard on yourself. Some people just look closer than others.

I don't usually think the worst of people going into meeting them. But, my antennae are always up for any hint of pressuring others and when I detect that trait all I seem to do is examine them because there is always a motive behind the behavior. Sometimes people do it for mindless kicks, sometimes people do it just to see if they can effect someone else, sometimes people do it to make others feel bad and still other's do it to feel superior, but the worst are the ones who do it to impose their will. It's one thing to offer a different point of view, it's quite another to demand it be adopted by all who are exposed.

Anyway, I just tend to examine the people around me probably more then others because I know how the family I grew up in LOOKED to the outside world when in fact, on the inside the household was a completely different animal entirely. No-one sees what the insiders don't want them to see, unless you look REALLY closely to see the cracks. If something is broken there are always cracks and they tend to show themselves in the children and the little things like how the family behaves as a unit.

I believe there are lots of good people in this world. But, pretending there aren't the other sort is just inviting trouble IMO. There is one thing I can count on in this life and that is the depth of people, both the depths of compassion they can reach and the depths of cruelty they can reach, neither should be underestimated.

 

[Acklander]

I don't think the worst of people, but then again, I don't think the best of people either. Instead I try real hard to accept people for who they are - the good AND the bad.
That's all anyone really wants, to be accepted for who they are.

 

[kwelch10377]

I think that one of the most difficult things about a message board is that you can only base your opinion on what the OP is saying. You never really know the other person(s) involved and every detail of the situation. It just seems like more people than not jump of the side of the person is up to no good, instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt.

One example I was thinking of was the poster whose friend's husband bought a house without the friend knowing. There were several posts where people were basically saying I guess he is having an affair or there is some conspiracy with his parents since they knew. Then there was me that figured he may have been an idiot in what he didn't, but truly didn't think there was a problem with it and thought he was doing something good.

 

[MoniqueU]

just thinking on the recent parenting threads on if you would let your kids go off with other families and I said yes and more easily then other people would. I tend to think the very best of everyone until proven wrong. my best friend calls me naive but if I wasn't able to let go just a bit on any one thing my kids would never get to do a darn thing as I don't drive and my DH works most nights and weekends.

trusing people to be my friend and not want something in return is alot harder for me. I don't think the worst of people but I am more guarded there.

 

[minkydog]

I generally think positively of people. I just assume that they're educated and stable as I am. Of course, I get disappointed from time to time when someone who I thought was a "good guy" turns out to have poor character. Oh, well. I dont' let that experience color my judgement of the next person I meet.

I had a friend in college who was just the opposite. She truly believed that everyone was out to make her life difficult. Her motto was "Do unto them first!" Her whole life was about getting her due and keeping anyone else from getting theirs. D could be the funniest thing in the world, but her bad attitude made me just move on. THere is only so much negativity one can stand.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

My first reaction is to expect the worst in people. Mainly from life experience as, 10-12 years ago, I thought most people would think of others, be considerate, and have good moral character. I really have to force myself to not always jump to the conclusion that people are shady and selfish.

 

[Luvchefmic]

I tend to see the BEST in people and try not to "read between the lines" on message boards. Its hard not too when I let my emotions get the better of me sometimes...like everyone else certain subject matters will bring out our most passionate sides. Some may interpret a fight when in my eyes its a debate. I try ..oh goodness I try... to walk away and go someplace else when its just tooo much and I feel like doing this

out of sheer frustrations. Then I go over to my favorite threads, usually a few games or about our pets BUT I have to say I took a chance and so did a few others I have met on the Dis over the years and we pursued the friendship away from the boards and have met in real life. I am very blessed that we like each other and knew we would. You can never have too many friends. Sometimes people may not like what I say but I will always speak the truth as I see it and it will be from my heart. Can I aso add that I KNOW I can be sarcastic at times and maybe my sense of humor can be off the wall at times but hey this is who I am ..........

Ruthie

 

[Rora]

My mother and father ALWAYS think the worst of people. They always think someone is out to get them, cheating them, etc. It drives me up. the. wall. and beacause of this, I think I try my hardest to see the good in people and trust them until they give me reason not to.

 

[sunlver]

This is a good question. I guess for me it depends. I tend to think the worse of people I dont know. For example, my husband is a part time mechanic, He does a lot of work from home. 99.9% of the time he gets paid. Every once in awhile somebody will say, I dont have money now I will be back in a few days.. I always say "They wont come back"..One lady just did it last week. She said she would be back in a couple of days to give my husband $40 and she never did. Now the 40 wont break us, but its just the general sense of the situation.
If I know the person well, or for a long time, I think postively of them. If its somebody new, or parents of my childrens friends, then I am very reserved on what I think of them. Though Im generally a negative person, until they prove me wrong

 

[tasha99]

I tend to be an optimist and see the best in people. I know it's just as far from reality as seeing the worst, but it makes me a happier person, I think.

 

[kellyg403]

I am a reality based person by nature. I don't have the tendency to like or dislike a person upon contact, normally I am hesitant to make a final decision. Sure, there are people that I have met that I liked immediately and some that raised my hinky meter and took awhile for me to actually find a redeeming quality.

For the most part, I take the good with the bad and accept the realities of a person without thinking the worst or best immediately.

Kelly

 

[Carly_Roach]

I expect the best in people until they give me a reason not to. Same thing with trust: I will trust a person until they show me a reason not to trust them.

Isn't this a line from the Pollyanna movie? Something Abe Lincoln said that was engraved on a medallion she kept around her neck along the lines of, "If you expect the worst in people, surely you will find it"?

I'm also a student of the Law of Attraction. If I continually treat people like they're out to get me, sooner or later they'll be out to get me. I see this all the time with employers who treat their staff uniformly as though they're lazy, shiftless and steal time. Eventually, even the best employees who started out performing at the top of their game stop working so hard and spend more time on the internet.

It's all in the expectation. If you expect great experiences, that's what you'll get 99% of the time. If you expect bad experiences, that's what you'll get 99% of the time.

 

[klacey1]

My mother and father ALWAYS think the worst of people. They always think someone is out to get them, cheating them, etc. It drives me up. the. wall. and beacause of this, I think I try my hardest to see the good in people and trust them until they give me reason not to.

That's the same way my father is. "Everyone" is out to screw you-- laptop companies, the post office, your next door neighbor. I try not to think this way-- I can often be TOO trusting of companies + people, but once someone does something that truly annoys me, it's hard for me to like/trust them again.

 

[scrapbookworm]

I think it depends upon our life experiences.

I tend not to believe people will do what they say until I see it for myself. Especially when it comes to parents making promises. I've been burned so many times by flaky people that it is unreal. I have finally found a friend (my fellow GS troop leader) who 99.9% of the time does what she says.

I also tend to believe if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is. My mom, on the other hand, seemingly believes every advertisement on TV. She orders lots of stuff, and many times orders a second one for me. She recently bought a 'button-sewer' type thing on Ebay, saying that I could sew on my DD's badges. It's more like a store tag machine with little clear plastic things. Like what attached a price tag to a shirt. Definitely not suitable for putting on buttons, fixing hems, etc like as advertised. She also almost fell for a mail scam- she got a very legitimate looking, yet fake lottery check in the mail. She even tried to call the phone # in Canada before telling me about it.

 

[Liberty Belle]

My mother-in-law is like that. She automatically thinks the worst about everyone. My husband is somewhat that way, too. It's very annoying.

Me, I usually think all people are good, unless proven otherwise. I'm sure I annoy my husband with it as much as he annoys me.

What I can't stand is when people, especially teachers and others who work with children, automatically assume all children are sneaky and bad. I've worked with kids for over 10 years (including in classrooms for kids with behavior problems) and I've yet to meet a "bad" kid.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I tend to be an optimist and see the best in people. I know it's just as far from reality as seeing the worst, but it makes me a happier person, I think.

me too!

...Isn't this a line from the Pollyanna movie? Something Abe Lincoln said that was engraved on a medallion she kept around her neck along the lines of, "If you expect the worst in people, surely you will find it"?...

Yes - "If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will." - Abraham Lincoln