Tiggerlovinggrandma
Mouseketeer
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2008
- Messages
- 427
My DH and I have carefully planned what we think will be a wonderful trip to WDW Jan 4-11 organized specifically for our DGS to visit Disney World for the 1st time. It was to be a family trip with us along with his mommy and daddy. Well after a year of planning with everything set and paid for, DSIL informs my DD last night that he won't be going with us. We just ask him again on Thanksgiving if all was A-okay for the trip and he said yes. Now he says he can't afford to take the time off. One week? A note here: we are paying for the entire trip incl hotel, park tickets, Seaworld tickets and meals there plus Cirque de Soliel tickets and deluxe dining plan. The only thing DD and DSIL have to bring is spending money. Now given the way things are right now in the US we might believe him if it wasn't for other factors.
He can afford a brand new (very large) flat screen TV, blue ray system and video game system- all purchased by him in the last four months.
He can afford to go out to eat dinner 4-5 times each week.
He can afford to eat lunch out daily.
He can afford to shop every week at Loews and Home Depot for home repair supplies for projects he never finishes (for ex: he has yet to install the sink base in the bathroom he redid last April so there is no sink to use in their house except the kitchen one).
Add to this the relationship itself has not been very good between DD and him for awhile now. Note: DD is 22 and DSIL is 27. They were married 2years ago in October. Our beautiful DGS was born five months later. They said they were deeply in love and wanted to do the right thing for the baby. We applauded their courage and commitment but had reservations as did his parents however both sides have been extremely supportive. We all have went above and beyond for the two of them. In total they have been together 3 years as of Jan 1st. After DD was married she found out he had 3 fiances before her and had a large amount of debt that he owed on.
Even though at first he supported our daughter in finishing her education he now tells her she needs to quit college and stay at home full time or go to work to help him pay off the large debt he has incurred (most of which was before they married). Some $40,000!!! Note: he spends money excessively; he does not pay for her college, we do and DH and I do the majority of the babysitting with his parents watching DGS once a week so they have no childcare costs.
He enjoys using the D word everytime they disagree or argue incl on Thanksgiving Day where upon he told her to leave the house without their son, that she had no rights what so ever because he works and pays for everything. He told her if they do divorce he knows exactly how to work it in his favor because his brother went through one
He tells her she cleans too much and there is nothing wrong with letting the dishes sit for a few days, not making the bed, etc.
He tells her she is too active and should sit at hiome and watch TV or play video games instead. Note: DD goes to school full time, cleans the house, takes care of son, runs errands, gorcery shops, goes to the library, takes DS to park, playground, on outings, studies and runs for exercise. She reserves the weekends for date night with her husband and to see her friends. Pretty typical we think. She has always been an active person, never one to just lay around.
When she made the Dean's list this semester his response was, I could have done that. Note: He dropped out in the 9th grade, got his GED at 18, attended 2 colleges and did not finish either. None of the courses he says are transferable. He has recently joined the National Guard and leaves in July for for months. His second enlistment, he quit the first.
He has become very secretive and will not let her use his cell phone or computer now. She has her own laptop and cell but he never use to mind letting her use his until recently
He yells at her all the time including in front of DS.
When she ask him to pick up something of his like his socks, etc, he will respond with, yes dear, anything for you, its all about you.
DD is struggling at this point to hold things together though she is getting tired of how he is treating her and living under the constant threat of divorce. He doesn't seem to care about his son either spending very little time with him. Obviously he doesn't even want to expierence Disney with his son for the first time. This has hurt DD a lot. As she sees it, they could have had a wondergful family time together, perhaps relaxed a bit together and enjoy DS 1st time seeing Mickey but he chooses not too.She doesn't know what to think or do at this point. she just ses her marriage falling apart.
All in all what we have heard and witnessed (this is just a small fraction) has us very concerned. However all we can do is be supportive and pray things will work out how they should. DH and I hate the idea of DGS going thur a divorce as much as we'd hate him being in a home that is not happy and healthy. It's a double edge sword.
I'm sorry this is so long. I just had to vent. Have you ever wanted to just scream. Scream, cry, whatever. Well I do. It's hard seeing your child's heart breaking and to also know how hard this will be for your grandchild. DH and I so wanted things to work out for them and maybe they still will. But it does not look very good right now.
For the moment we told DD to invite her best friend along for the trip and we will go as planned. Who knows however what we will be retuning home too???
He can afford a brand new (very large) flat screen TV, blue ray system and video game system- all purchased by him in the last four months.
He can afford to go out to eat dinner 4-5 times each week.
He can afford to eat lunch out daily.
He can afford to shop every week at Loews and Home Depot for home repair supplies for projects he never finishes (for ex: he has yet to install the sink base in the bathroom he redid last April so there is no sink to use in their house except the kitchen one).
Add to this the relationship itself has not been very good between DD and him for awhile now. Note: DD is 22 and DSIL is 27. They were married 2years ago in October. Our beautiful DGS was born five months later. They said they were deeply in love and wanted to do the right thing for the baby. We applauded their courage and commitment but had reservations as did his parents however both sides have been extremely supportive. We all have went above and beyond for the two of them. In total they have been together 3 years as of Jan 1st. After DD was married she found out he had 3 fiances before her and had a large amount of debt that he owed on.
Even though at first he supported our daughter in finishing her education he now tells her she needs to quit college and stay at home full time or go to work to help him pay off the large debt he has incurred (most of which was before they married). Some $40,000!!! Note: he spends money excessively; he does not pay for her college, we do and DH and I do the majority of the babysitting with his parents watching DGS once a week so they have no childcare costs.
He enjoys using the D word everytime they disagree or argue incl on Thanksgiving Day where upon he told her to leave the house without their son, that she had no rights what so ever because he works and pays for everything. He told her if they do divorce he knows exactly how to work it in his favor because his brother went through one
He tells her she cleans too much and there is nothing wrong with letting the dishes sit for a few days, not making the bed, etc.
He tells her she is too active and should sit at hiome and watch TV or play video games instead. Note: DD goes to school full time, cleans the house, takes care of son, runs errands, gorcery shops, goes to the library, takes DS to park, playground, on outings, studies and runs for exercise. She reserves the weekends for date night with her husband and to see her friends. Pretty typical we think. She has always been an active person, never one to just lay around.
When she made the Dean's list this semester his response was, I could have done that. Note: He dropped out in the 9th grade, got his GED at 18, attended 2 colleges and did not finish either. None of the courses he says are transferable. He has recently joined the National Guard and leaves in July for for months. His second enlistment, he quit the first.
He has become very secretive and will not let her use his cell phone or computer now. She has her own laptop and cell but he never use to mind letting her use his until recently
He yells at her all the time including in front of DS.
When she ask him to pick up something of his like his socks, etc, he will respond with, yes dear, anything for you, its all about you.
DD is struggling at this point to hold things together though she is getting tired of how he is treating her and living under the constant threat of divorce. He doesn't seem to care about his son either spending very little time with him. Obviously he doesn't even want to expierence Disney with his son for the first time. This has hurt DD a lot. As she sees it, they could have had a wondergful family time together, perhaps relaxed a bit together and enjoy DS 1st time seeing Mickey but he chooses not too.She doesn't know what to think or do at this point. she just ses her marriage falling apart.
All in all what we have heard and witnessed (this is just a small fraction) has us very concerned. However all we can do is be supportive and pray things will work out how they should. DH and I hate the idea of DGS going thur a divorce as much as we'd hate him being in a home that is not happy and healthy. It's a double edge sword.
I'm sorry this is so long. I just had to vent. Have you ever wanted to just scream. Scream, cry, whatever. Well I do. It's hard seeing your child's heart breaking and to also know how hard this will be for your grandchild. DH and I so wanted things to work out for them and maybe they still will. But it does not look very good right now.
For the moment we told DD to invite her best friend along for the trip and we will go as planned. Who knows however what we will be retuning home too???
My first thought was for you to go as planned without the DSIL (and without your DD's best friend). Some family time and some separation from the stress might be good for everyone.
