Their charity, for a wedding gift?

[Beth76]

Etiquette dictates you never include "suggestions" with your Bridal invitation.
To do so is to make known that you expect gifts. Tacky.

I'm aware what etiquette dictates. I even indicated so in my post. I still maintain that the bride and groom are trying to do a good thing, but just didn't handle it very well. We're talking about charitable donations here people. It's not like the bride and groom said "cash only please".

 

[N.Bailey]

Wow, this was a very rude comment. This is exactly the wedding I want and Its Disney for Goodness sake! I've dreamt of this since I was a little girl. I'm out of this thread.

I just wanted to go on the record publicly that I send Sajetto a PM apologizing for my earlier post. My post wasn't intended to offend her. She'd just made a comment that she decided not to have a big wedding because she didn't want her wedding picked apart. I got a little sad for her because it sounded to me like she might not be having the wedding that she's always wanted due to what others might think.

I meant nothing more and again, I am very sorry that my post offended you, Sajetto.

 

[sajetto]

I meant nothing more and again, I am very sorry that my post offended you, Sajetto.

It's all good.

This thread needs to die anyway because not many are really answering the OP's post anymore . The whole thing is way OT.

 

[DMRick]

I still maintain that the bride and groom are trying to do a good thing, but just didn't handle it very well.

Of course not knowing what the charity is, I can understand you thinking that. In most instances it would be. In this one, IMO, it's not a good thing at all. I personally can't imagine what they were thinking (and they had to know that some would be very hurt by their choice), and I also think they just weeded out their wedding acceptance list.
You'll just have to trust me, that even among the most liberal, they would have a problem getting many to understand why they picked the charity they did. They would have been much better off, just not mentioning gifts, and once any gift cash is collected, do what they wanted with it.
We'll stick to the Home Depot certificate someone else mentioned.

 

[MickeyMouseGal]

That almost sounds more like an activist group rather than a charity. Asking people to donate to an activist group is totally unacceptable in this situation, IMO.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

You'll just have to trust me, that even among the most liberal, they would have a problem getting many to understand why they picked the charity they did. They would have been much better off, just not mentioning gifts, and once any gift cash is collected, do what they wanted with it.
We'll stick to the Home Depot certificate someone else mentioned.

Another clue


But now even the curiousity is growing of what would upset even the most liberal of guests.

That's a shame--b/c weddings are to celebrate a new beginning and a new life together (or continuing a new life with a piece of paper) and not to state a platform and fulfill an agenda via your gift suggestions to guests.

 

[Pam]

Well from Ms. Emily Post http://www.emilypost.com/etiquette/wedding/wedding_gifts.htm

Do I have to choose a gift from a registry?
No. A registry is for your convenience and you are not limited to what is on the list.


SOOOO if you don't have to stay with a registry gift, why should you have tp stay with a donation gift request?? I say do what ever you want and forgetaboutit!!

I like miss missy's advice.

 

[disney4us2002]

well, good gracious. I don't have an answer or even care, lol, now I just wanna know what the charity is........ How about PM's, will you tell us in PM's??

 

[disykat]

Although I agree I wouldn't give to a charity I didn't agree with, I don't have an issue with the request. Just because they suggest a charity doesn't mean you have to give there or give a gift at all.

I have been to one wedding where the bride and groom made this request. It was in an inclosure in the invitation and I think it was VERY appropriate. They requested no gifts or a donation in leiu of a gift - but it was worded much better. The groom was independantly wealthy. He worked and lived like a normal guy, but most people knew he was LOADED with family money. They were a wonderful couple and knew that none of their friends or her family would be giving them MONEY! However, it's hard to think of giving them nothing. I was glad the bride and groom helped me with this dilema - I'm sure they were aware many of their guests would be wondering what to do.

I was thrilled when I saw a suggestion of giving to one of their favorite charities in leiu of a gift. I had already been struggling with the problem of how to give a gift to someone who has means beyond what I could even imagine. I'm sure most others had been struggling with that as well. Her family and their friends were all modestly middle class. I didn't know them well enough to know their "pet" charities and wouldn't have thought to do it anyway - this was about 17 years ago and I really hadn't heard of anyone doing that. I was able to give a modest amount without them knowing what I spent, yet still honor them.

You know what? After 17 years I still give annually to the charity I gave to in their honor.

In my situation, the couple helped their guests feel more comfortable by giving them this option. It sounds like in the OP's case, the couple put guests in a difficult position. Big difference.

 

[powellrj]

Is the wedding being held in a church? If so, maybe you could make a donation to a fund that the church has like a building fund or a mission fund.

 

[kayeandjim00]

I see nothing wrong with the fact that they requested you give to a charity they support. It's really no different then you giving cash and they decide to give the money to that charity. It's a "gift" and it should be about the wishes of the couple. They are trying to be thoughtful I think. If you have that big of an issue and I can't think of many charities I'd have such an issue with I couldn't give a small gift - then give them something else. Problem solved.

 

[Laura]

We'll stick to the Home Depot certificate someone else mentioned.

I think that's a good solution, too. I love Home Depot!

 

[lisajl]

This is like funerals too, sometimes the family says not to send flowers but to donate to the firends of hayfever society or whatever.

So do you send to the charity or do nothing?

Actually, my aunt just passed away and her funeral is Tues. My cousins have asked for no flowers but if you insist on sending something make a donation to the church. ( My aunt was 91)
Now, while I don't know all the beliefs of this church that my whole family, except us, has been a part of, I still respect their wishes.
I will give to the church that has helped my extended family through good and bad times.
Lisa

 

[DMRick]

Now, while I don't know all the beliefs of this church that my whole family, except us, has been a part of, I still respect their wishes.
I will give to the church that has helped my extended family through good and bad times.
Lisa

And that's fine..but if you did know the beliefs and were totally against what they stood for (say they wanted everyone to move to another county and drink poisoned koolaid, including the children (for those of you too young to remember this..look up Jim Jones, People's Temple, 1978)..would you still feel comfortable giving to their choice, like lots of people did to Jim Jones? OK..so it's a gross exageration..death is not involved, but it's still not good...I'm sure you would have a limit as to how far you would "respect" their wishes. The more I think about this, and chat with other's invited..I'm reconsidering attending and there may be no gift at all.

I'm sorry about your aunt . I'm sure there is no comparison.

 

[jipsy]

Rick I haven't read the rest of the responses, only your first post, but you stated that the invitation reads "if you feel you want to give a gift". There is an IF in the beginning of that statement. In other words, they are not expecting a gift because they both are coming from places in life where they feel they don't need anything. Therefore, I would show up with a very nice congratulations card and wish them well. I don't think a gift is necessary if you don't agree with the charity.