UKDEB
Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2000
- Messages
- 11,840
Just clearing out my e-mails and came across this:
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' and as hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house. The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Wine Scooter!
The Wine Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these magical device. The Wine Scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the 'slurring gland' begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Wine Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passengers in-pocket cash is taken as payment. Which answers your second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?' Unfortunately, Wine Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI [Unidentified Drinking Injuries}.
An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. Which answers your third question after a night out 'What the hell happened? With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT [Removal of Embarrassing Moments in Time] add on, that automatically removes in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately, one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained in discussions with other users over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Wine Goggles often cause the
scooter's navigation system to malfunction, thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences. With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain specialising in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts. Another question answered??
For the family man, Wine Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's gardens and Thump-A-Lot boots [patent pending]. These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS [Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System] explains the bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the TAS [Tobacco Absorption System]. This explains how one person can apparently
get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
ps. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt!
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' and as hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house. The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Wine Scooter!
The Wine Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these magical device. The Wine Scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the 'slurring gland' begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Wine Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passengers in-pocket cash is taken as payment. Which answers your second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?' Unfortunately, Wine Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI [Unidentified Drinking Injuries}.
An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. Which answers your third question after a night out 'What the hell happened? With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT [Removal of Embarrassing Moments in Time] add on, that automatically removes in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately, one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained in discussions with other users over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Wine Goggles often cause the
scooter's navigation system to malfunction, thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences. With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain specialising in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts. Another question answered??
For the family man, Wine Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's gardens and Thump-A-Lot boots [patent pending]. These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS [Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System] explains the bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the TAS [Tobacco Absorption System]. This explains how one person can apparently
get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
ps. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt!
!!!!
