The "This is the BEST VACTION EVER!" Trip Report

[PracPerfPatricia]

Hey Heather,

Thinking about you and your family...hoping all is well...

Pop in just to say hi so we know how you are doing even if you don't feel like updating/or don't have time right now...

 

[mickeystoontown]

Morning Heather,

Hope that everything is going well and you're just too busy to post or are working.

 

[mousescrapper]

 

[hhockman]

We got the biopsy results yesterday. It is definitely malignant cancer. She said she could do surgery which might give her three months and might give her two years. There's no way to know. Matt talked to her today about how much that would cost and it is between $3200 and $3500. So we've decided we're going to put her to sleep on Monday. It's not really the cost of the surgery. We're not even sure she would make it through the surgery. She's just deteriorated too much. Matt made the comment yesterday that she looks like a Weimerauter (I think I spelled that wrong) and she's a Lab/Chow mix (she looks like a long haired black lab). You can see her ribs through her fur. Yesterday Matt picked her up and she yelped. But this afternoon she was also playing (she loves to chase lights and shadows). In the midst of her jumping and scratching at the light made by a flashlight one of her nails just fell off. So obviously she's very malnourished. Still my mom said they would pay for the surgery, even at that much, if we really wanted to do it. We just don't think it's the best thing for her and we can't think of any good reason at all to put her through all of that.

Patricia, what you said about her living day-to-day has helped a lot. I've spent all afternoon crying, but we just don't think it's fair to continue to make her suffer. I mean, she hasn't acted like she's in any pain (except for yelping yesterday), but she just keeps looking at me in a certain way. And she sleeps a lot. Even in the middle of the day. She always comes when she hears my voice and wags her tail, but she couldn't even lick my tears this afternoon, even though I knew she wanted to (she kind of rubbed her nose against my face).

The 2nd grade had a performance at the PTA Meeting tonight (Will had a speaking part and I just about burst...and cried...with pride) and we saw one of the techs from our vet. She described the process and ever since then my whole body is so rejecting the idea that when I think about it I'm almost sick. I so want to be there with her and hold her, but I'm also afraid that when they come in to put the IV in that I won't be able to let them do it. Every fiber of my being keeps screaming that this is wrong. But we're pretty sure she's somewhat in pain and there just isn't any sense in letting her continue to suffer for another week or two or three until she can't even move.

Matt seems to have accepted it, even though I know it's killing him too. The kids are more upset that we (especially me) are upset than anything. I don't think they really understand, but it's also that they've never really been close to Jordan either. She's always been my dog, and she's always been very jealous. To the point that she growls at the kids when they come up to me (or if they try to pet her). Will has already asked if they can have another dog if she dies (and he's really not being insensitive, they have just never been able to get close to her). We've talked to my parents and decided that we will get the boys a dog for Christmas, but it will not be my dog, it will be theirs. I'm not sure I will ever have a dog that is "mine" again.

When she stands here next to me (which she just was) I keep thinking that maybe we should put it off for another week or two, but then I remember what Patricia's vet said and I remember how much time she spends asleep under the bed (which is where she's always slept, she's not hiding or anything) and I just can't see any good reason except that it would mean that I don't have to deal with it yet. And I so don't want to deal with it. Part of my wants it to be over and part of me doesn't want it to get here at all. I just want her to be like she was and that's never going to happen. I just got up and wiped my eyes and blew my nose for the fourth time since I started typing this. She was outside and I let her back in a few minutes ago. She came in and stood by me for maybe two minutes and now she's gone (I'm pretty sure she's under the bed, going to sleep). Even when she wants to, she can't do anything but sleep. She barely ate 10 bites of meat yesterday. It's not fair to keep making her live like this, even if she does have her happy moments.

So that's what's going on. As you can probably guess, I haven't been much for writing (even though I did start the next installment). I also worked on Monday and today and the kids were out of school on Tuesday. The kids and I went and got H1N1 shots on Tuesday and since then both Will and I have had awful runny/stuffy noses (which crying all afternoon hasn't helped). I appreciate all of you checking in with me. I couldn't ask for better friends, even as next door neighbors. I'm still not getting emails for some reason, but I will check in every couple of days, even if I'm not posting installments. I hope to get back to that soon though. And I've got a lot of your reports to catch up on too.

It's helped a little to type this all out. Monday is not going to be any easy day, but I'm going to try not to think about it until it gets here. Thank you all so much for your kind wishes. I can't tell you how much I appreciate them.

 

[mickeystoontown]

I'm so sorry Heather. I think you have made the right decision even though it's been a hard one to make. I will be thinking of you all. Enjoy your weekend with your beloved dog and make memories to last a lifetime.

 

[longing2Batdisney]

Heather, I am so sorry to hear about the results but I agree that ya'll are probably making the best decision. I will keep ya'll in my thoughts...

 

[KatMark]

Heather, I wish I could find the words to ease your pain. We had this same dilemna with our first dog sixteen years ago and I couldn't even go with my husband when the time arrived. I know it will be even worse with the dog we currently have as I am much closer to this one than I was the first.

Know that you gave Jordan a wonderful family to be a part of and, despite how hard this is, you are doing what is best for her.

 

[aaaateamsgrandma]

Heather, my heart breaks for you. Chows are so posessive (I used to raise and show them). You have to know you are doing the right thing for her. She has been a loyal pet and does not deserve to be in pain any longer. Treasure your weekend with her and know she will be in a better place. Yes, dogs do go to heaven.

Ginny

 

[eandesmom]

Oh Heather!

I don't even have words to say but just

My heart breaks for you and even though you are doing what is best for Jordan I know it doesn't ease your pain.

 

[hhockman]

You guys are so wonderful.

After that whole novel last night she woke me up this morning at 4:45 to go to the bathroom. She ran out and ran back in. I went to the bathroom and she walked in with me. Wouldn't go back to bed without me. I sat and petted her for a few minutes before getting back in bed.

Then I got up to get some Tylenol because I had a sinus headache and knew it would be awful when I finally got up if I didn't take something. I got the Tylenol and petted the cat for a few minutes and she walked out. So I sat on the floor and played with them both at 5:00 in the morning. She actually licked me to get my attention because I was playing with the cat (she will lick us sometimes, quickly, just not often. I think it tastes funny for her, or maybe she doesn't have enough saliva). She walked back into the bedroom with me and just looked at me. So I picked her up and put her on the bed. She usually doesn't like to sleep on the bed and will get right off, but she laid with me for about an hour (although she did move about 4 times to try to get comfortable). At 6:00 Christian came in. She barked at him and ran and jumped off the bed and went to sleep under it. Yes, that means I barely got any sleep from 4:45am on and I will be out all day (doing fun stuff though, I'm going to Archiver's and then toy shopping at Target).

When Matt got home at 7:00 I told him I didn't want to do this Monday. She does seem to occassionally be hurting, but when she yelped the other day it was the first time. I know she can't be comfortable not eating, but she seems to be happy most of the time. Matt agreed with me quickly. I think he actually wants to do the surgery but doesn't want to spend the money. But we both know it's not the best thing for her. Still, even though I know the time is going to come soon, I think she's still got a couple of good weeks in her. I'm not sure it's not selfish, but I just feel weird walking her out to the car (or running) and her jumping in, just to put her to sleep.

Emotionally it's going to be harder waiting to see when the "time is right". Part of the reason I wanted to do it Monday was so that it wouldn't end up being during the holidays, but at this point she still seems happy and it just seems wrong to me. Hopefully when the time comes we will know. Hopefully we are not just being selfish. Right now Matt is playing with the flashlight with her and she is barking her head off.

Anyway, I know you guys feel my pain and you are so wonderful. Matt said we would "see how she is on Monday" so that's how we're going to leave it. I'll be sure to at least keep you updated on this. Thanks again for everything.

 

[aaaateamsgrandma]

Heather, I think you just need to play it by ear. I know you want to keep her around as long as you can but you also don't want her to suffer in any way. Surgery just doesn't sound to me (and this is just my opinion) to sound like it is in her best interest. Not the money as much but what quality time will she have after. I am a believer of quality beats quantity anytime. Prayers will continue for your precious Jordan.

Ginny

 

[MICKEY4EVER!]

My heart breaks for you, Heather. I am so sorry you are losing your friend. It is hard watching someone you love suffer so much, and it would be even harder making the decision to have her put to sleep. I'm with Ginny, you will know when the time is right. Pray about it and HE will let you know.

Not to sound harsh, but it may be easier knowing the day, rather than coming home and finding that HE has already taken her.

Many hugs and thoughts and prayers going out to you!

 

[PracPerfPatricia]

Hey Heather,


I just wanted to go over to let you know that you have my thoughts and good wishes and prayers too...

You're getting out of me writing you a novella right now because I have a mob (25) of 14/15 year old kids coming to my house in an hour or so for a belated Halloween B-day for Emily...otherwise I'd probably be on and on...

As it is I know that you have a lot of love for your dear, dear friend and you will know when that right time comes...ol

Sending you support,

P

 

[Minxe]

hi there hon,

i've been following your trip report from my lurking state, but i just wanted to send my love. i'm so so sorry for all that you're going through. i have furkids of my own... two of which i've lost over the past year and i know how much it hurts.

a year ago, 2 days before my birthday, my most beloved baby bunny passed away in my arms. she had been ill for over a month, but i swore that we all thought she was getting better. i was going to bring her to the vet that morning. when i carried out of her cage, i realized i had forgotten something so i quickly placed her back in. she leapt right out of the cage again. she had been so weak, and she managed to make the leap. my fiance and i think she knew what was coming, and she wanted to be with mummy and daddy when the time came. i witnessed the death myself - one moment she was alive, little nose twitching and all, the next she was gone. since then, i've been torn between wishing that i hadn't witnessed her death - no mother should have to go through that pain.. and being happy and comforted that the last words she heard from me were "i love you so much".

i'm so sorry to unload all that onto you.. but i just wanted to say.. i'm sure your baby knows how much you love her and even when she's plagued with the illness inside her, she's still happy and grateful to be with her mummy and daddy. the life she had with you was blessed and she'll never forget it. she'll be going to a beautiful and lovely place and my bubbles will there to welcome her. and one day, we will see our beloved furries again.

i wish i'd written all that in a better way.. but i'm dissolved into tears myself. but my heart does go out to you, sweetheart, to you and your family and i wish i could be there to give you a big hug. God bless you darling, be strong.

 

[mommytothreeboys]

So sorry Heather. I know how hard this is for you. My thoughts are with you.

 

[MICKEY4EVER!]

hi there hon,

i've been following your trip report from my lurking state, but i just wanted to send my love. i'm so so sorry for all that you're going through. i have furkids of my own... two of which i've lost over the past year and i know how much it hurts.

a year ago, 2 days before my birthday, my most beloved baby bunny passed away in my arms. she had been ill for over a month, but i swore that we all thought she was getting better. i was going to bring her to the vet that morning. when i carried out of her cage, i realized i had forgotten something so i quickly placed her back in. she leapt right out of the cage again. she had been so weak, and she managed to make the leap. my fiance and i think she knew what was coming, and she wanted to be with mummy and daddy when the time came. i witnessed the death myself - one moment she was alive, little nose twitching and all, the next she was gone. since then, i've been torn between wishing that i hadn't witnessed her death - no mother should have to go through that pain.. and being happy and comforted that the last words she heard from me were "i love you so much".

i'm so sorry to unload all that onto you.. but i just wanted to say.. i'm sure your baby knows how much you love her and even when she's plagued with the illness inside her, she's still happy and grateful to be with her mummy and daddy. the life she had with you was blessed and she'll never forget it. she'll be going to a beautiful and lovely place and my bubbles will there to welcome her. and one day, we will see our beloved furries again.

i wish i'd written all that in a better way.. but i'm dissolved into tears myself. but my heart does go out to you, sweetheart, to you and your family and i wish i could be there to give you a big hug. God bless you darling, be strong.

I think what you said was said perfectly. You all are making ME cry! Many hugs to everyone today! And a flower for you, Heather!

 

[MICKEY4EVER!]

Thinking of you today. Hope all is well with you.

 

[mickeystoontown]

Just wanted you to know that we are thinking about you today.

 

[longing2Batdisney]

thinking of you and your family today Heather!

 

[aaaateamsgrandma]

Heather, Just wanted to let you know you are on my mind. Trust in HIM.

Ginny