The Neverending "Disney" Story

[OhMari]

Glad you had a great time on your trip. I'm from Wisconsin-so I just want to say hello neighbor. I just want to say something about car ins. It's all a scam. You get charged high prices until age 24 and when you are ready for the big car ins. break you think you will be getting-they tell you the rates then have gone up that much. You won't see the difference until you are about 40 and your kids start driving and then they tell you it will cost an extra $120 a month for your kid to be an occasional driver on your mini-van. So you really never have a great rate.

 

[awesomepinktink]

Loving your trip report Can' wait to hear the rest

 

[DisnsyDog]

I have not forgotten about the report. We are in the process of moving adn all of my free time has been devoted to packing. I expect to have another installment by the weekend. I will keep my fingers crossed. Thanks for your patience.

 

[DisnsyDog]

It was 7am and the phone was ringing. I picked it up and abruptly hung it up just as had been done all week. However today as I drifted back to sleep on the slab of concrete Disney calls a mattress my DS turned the TV on to the Top 10 things about Disney World show. He still hasn’t had enough of the triple mountain whammy. Poor little guy doesn’t even know that it is almost over. It is then that it hits me today is our last day to visit MK.

It is now 15 to 8 and DW is still peacefully sleeping. I run to the shower and throw the kids clothes for the day on the bed, while instructing them to get dressed. When I get out of the shower nobody has moved. Kids still chillin in bed DW still sleeping and nobody is dressed. I must be the only person in this family that knows what a vacation is about. Getting up early busting you’re a** to get everyone out of the door so we can rush to the Dis to have fun forced down our throats in Mickey bar sized portions. I tell the kids to go wake up mom while I slip out the door for the morning icee and coffee (this is an emergency and I think DW might be a little angry when I return.) Upon my return I encountered DW totally under the covers while the kids are jumping from one bed to the other laughing hysterically. I then hear a very weak voice from under the covers saying help me. It occurs to me to join the kids, but I thought better of it and re focus the kids on getting dressed.

I peel the blanket off DW give her some coffee and fifteen minutes later we are ready to rumble. At about fifteen to 9 we are standing at the bus stop. 15 minutes later we are at MK. Now we have a very important decision to make do we sprint though the park and try to pack in as much as possible or do we take it easy and savor the sites. Because we have busted a** through the parks all week we decide to take it easy and reevaluate after brunch. As we have a PS at Pooh Palace at 1030a. We decide to stay near Adventure land. This includes riding jungle Cruise, Pirates, and the carpets. DS cannot get enough of the carpets. He enjoys waiting in line here so he can concentrate on pulling those jewels from the ground. He insists that we will be rich if he can get one out. And then when it comes time to ride we all load onto one carpet with DS taking the main control. His main goal from here on out is to get the girls wet. So he steers us directly into the camel’s line of fire. When we do get hit, which we always do, DD yells, “Curtis (DS non Disney name) why do you always get us wet.” At this remark both kids start cracking up as do DW and I. It is Crazy what a spitting camel does to a carnival ride.

As the park is basically empty DW and DS hop on Splash while DD and I indulge in a pre-brunch Mickey bar. Upon their return DS and I ride BTMRR while DW grabs us some FPs for Pooh. We meet up at Pooh Palace and head in for a little brunch. This is my DWs favorite character meal. I agree it is pretty nice. The Crystal Palace is a really neat restaurant. While we have never had the opportunity of eating in the Castle both DW and I agree eating here is by far the best eating venue we have been to especially if you get a table looking out into the park. The food is actually really good. It is your traditional breakfast fare, eggs, bacon, sausage, potatoes, fruit, and pastries. They also have something called breakfast lasagna, which is an interesting concoction of bread cream cheese fruit spread and eggs (I think.) If you are adventurous it is worth a try as it really isn’t that bad. It seems Disney really makes an effort to make this brunch seem less greasy than the other brunches we have had here. Maybe it is the open, bright, dolly laden atmosphere, or the fact that I decided to stick with the fruit plate and steer clear of the bacon and biscuits with gravy. Whatever it was it is a good thing because, if I saw a doctor while I was here he would wonder why I wasn’t dead of a heart attack because my cholesterol must have risen about 100 percent since arrival (damn conscious always trying to ruin my fun).

However before all you people wanting a quiet place to stuff your faces ye shall be warned characters are here so quiet it ain’t. While we are not big pooh movie fans my family loves these characters. My little DD loves cuddling up with eeyore while DS and I like the coolness of tigger. In fact Tigger is on the short list of characters I allow my picture to be taken with alone. (If my picture is taken with a character there is a very strict guideline of where that picture will be placed and who is allowed to see it. The last thing I want is someone to debunk my hard-a** sam the eagle like attitude, for one of a soft Disney loving, character hugging, baby kissing, mini van driving father type.) After we all relished in meeting visiting the Pooh gang we headed to fantasy land.

Our time in the MK was slowly wasting away we only had 9 hours left. It was time to reevaluate the game plan, run through the park like maniacal hyenas or savor our last few hours by taking in the sights and sounds one last time. We felt that in general our personalities fit the hyena description more so than the sights and sounds description so we started off for the final MK push. However the new plan required the knowledge and coordination only true Disney vets had. We flew through the park at top speed sneering at slow stroller pushing families on the way. Out of the way people I thought we only have 9 hours left to have fun at MK. We hit Pooh, Snow White, and Peter Pan in succession. We also rode the dreaded it’s a small world. I can’t believe we are wasting our time on this ride, but DW for some bizarre reason really enjoys tormenting me so there I sat on the slow boat to hell. After all the excitement Small world entails we rode the carousel, teacups (DW sat out this one,) barnstormer, buzz, and watched phillharmagic. We were hittin and stickin like papas fried chicken we covered most major points of the park and it was only 3pm.

The kids were noticeably tired as was DW so we decided to see the country bears. This would be the first time we watched this show. First I would like to say I thought it was hilarious. What a really funny cute show. Both of the kids were on the edge of their seats the whole time. I really can’t believe that show can be played without any repercussions. I know the whole thing is in good fun, but it is not 1970 anymore, Disney must field hundreds of complaints a month about that show. The entire show my wife and I sat wide eyed mouths open at what we were seeing. It is an accomplishment that Disney has managed to continue operating that ride in this new ultra sensitive age of entertainment. After that surprisingly off centered show we had an inkling for the tiki birds, because if you want to go down the road of bizarre entertainment that is the place to go. But I resisted the urge and we decided to grab a little snack.

There is nothing like a really good Vienna all beef Chicago hot dog with all the stuff on it. I know I lived on them for about 3 months a few summers ago. That being said I had one of the best hot dogs ever from a miscellaneous street vendor. In fact DW and I weren’t even that hungry, yet we fought like my children do over that hot dog like it was gold. It was so fricking good. After we were seduced by various meat by-products we had a go on Splash Mountain and BTMRR again, because 5 times is not enough. After which we went on each person’s favorite ride in the park for one last hurrah. That would be Buzz, the teacups (did I happen to mention to this day DW says this was my way of torturing her, which is pretty accurate,) carousel, and you guessed to my punishment or choosing the teacups, it is a small world (shoot me now.) Once this was accomplished we had enough time for DW to ride Space Mountain while the kids and I rode the transportation authority thing. After all of that excitement it was time to call it a day and we went to grab a spot for Spectro.

One of the fine arts you learn at Disney is the art of spot holding and all that encompasses. I am sure there is an exhausting section in most manner books related to this very peculiar situation. If you think about it you are huddled next to a large number of individuals who you have never met. I would not like to be this close to my family let alone complete strangers. To make matters worse most people are stressed out because the amount of money they spent to be there and are tired because they were walking around the park all day. Due to the very delicate nature of this subject I have decided to come up with a list of the five most important items one should remember when sitting in a spot while waiting for a Disney Parade.

1. No matter how much the people near you smell do not spray perfume or Lysol on them.
2. If the people near you have food and you are hungry do not stare at them like they are taunting you.
3. Get your own damn food.
4. Do not say you think Disney World is overrated and you wasted your money, you can talk politics or religion, just layoff the mouse.
5. If you come late do not crowd me to weasel into a good spot. I paid my dues for this spot, so back off.

Now that is out of the way lets get back to Disney. We showed up about 45 minutes before Spectro started. Considering it was a slow park day this was plenty of time to get a great spot on the curb. While waiting this long definitely was not fun, we where all pretty tired and needed a little break. Having this great spot and understanding the concept of spot compression we made sure each member of our family had space to stretch out. After we settled in we made our first mistake. Being that we were all kind of munchy DW decided to go hunt down some food for us to munch on. We replaced her spot with a sweatshirt. However a sweatshirt does not hold a spot as good as a person. Of course somebody came and sat down basically right on top of the shirt. I told them that my DW was sitting there and they need to move over (A great way to great the new neighbors.) The lady slid over a little allowing my DW about half the space she had before.

Upon her return she stepped through the maze of people now settled behind us and shot daggers at the lady who stole half of her spot. The kids and I squeezed closer together to allow her some room. As we started to chow down on hotdogs and French fries the spot thief might as well have had drool coming out of her mouth. She was trying to eat our hot dogs by staring at them. I really wanted to screw with her and hold the hot dog out and wave it by her nose, but my DW was afraid that she might tear it out of my hands and chow it down. As the time drew near for the parade we finished our food and mobilized to defend our position. DW and I moved to the perimeter and the kids sat between us. Pressure was mounting from the rear as we attempted to fend off these would be spot stealers. In the end DD ended up on my lap while late arriving spectators squeezed us together. Just when I really started to get frustrated the parade started.

This was it the beginning of our final hours at Disney. We took it all in watching every moment of the parade from our squished curb spot no longer caring that the person next to us forgot deodorant. Our seats were perfect as the parade past in front of us you could see the castle in the background. This would have made for some great pictures if I would have brought the right film (yet another reason why DW should let me get that $400 camera I have been looking at.) At the end of the parade everyone scattered like they had somewhere to go. Meanwhile we kept our spot and waited for wishes to start. What a great way to spend your last day at Disney. Spectro and wishes. After the show we headed back to Pop. DW tucked the kids in while I went to grab one last late night indulgence. We decided to go all out with the double bacon cheeseburger, fries, Twinkie tiramisu, and velvet cake. While eating all of that is bad eating it at 11pm would give any cardiologist a nervous breakdown. But we are on vacation and all bets are off baby.

There has been one very annoying item which has been a recurring event every night we leave from MK or Epcot, the Disney transportation issue. Holy giant line, batman. I understand I am at the cheap Disney hotel. I know that some 8 million people stay there a night. But there is no reason that I have to wait for 15 bus loads of people, (no exaggeration I counted one night,) during the off season, to have a turn standing on a Disney bus headed back to our hotel. I can’t imagine what people deal with during peak season. To make matters worse most people standing in that line are really irritable. When people are irritable they forget about manners. For instance on one particular ride I was stuck standing with my 35 lb son sleeping on my shoulder. The only person that gave their seat up for me was an elderly woman. I told her to sit back down I would be able because I am not about to take a seat from any elderly person, it just isn’t right. However right next to her a guy in his mid 30s sat there without blinking an eye. What happened to people doing the right thing? Here this seemingly healthy man in his 30s sits in a seat on a bus which is offering standing room only space and he thinks that he deserves this seat over the children and elderly people gripping the nearest hand rail. You think some of the Disney magic would rub off on these people and they would attempt to be kind. Of course the magic rubbed off on me and I say nothing to this selfish gentleman. Besides I don’t want to be on the evening news, “Sam the Eagle serves 6-9 months over bus seat battery.”

Up Next: Why are you so frickin cheap? AKA The meltdown.

 

[riopooh]

Yea another chapter!!

Wah !! I even hate it when trip reports start coming to end - you can imagine how upset I get when it's my real vacation!!!

PS - I love your parade waiting strategies!!

 

[DisnsyDog]

Today was the last day in Disney. There would be no alarm as we have officially given up on arriving for a park opening. As we went through the motions this morning the level of exhaustion was apparent on everyone’s face. Even DD was too tired to yell at me for drinking her juice box. Before departure for Epcot today the plan was to be totally packed and checked out. I hunted down one of those cart thingies while DW packed. I stepped out into the Florida morning for the last time. I was overcome with excitement and disappointment excited because I saw a cart right away, disappointed because we were leaving. I really don’t want to leave I should run to the front desk and add a few more days to our stay, but this damn place just about cleaned me out and I don’t want to ruin my Disney experience by being forced to work off my debt. I do the responsible thing and return to the hotel room with the cart. We put our luggage into storage and head off for the Disney bus one last time.

When we arrive into Epcot we wander over to Soarin to grab a few FPs. We then saunter through the rose garden area and stop so the kids can do a craft. It was the perfect day. Sunny upper 70s, exactly how it should be. It was around ten and the kids had grumbley tummies. We head to Mexico because nothing says Vacation like eating Mexican before 11am. After they polish off brunch DW takes the kids to a fountain while I ride Mission Space one last time. We then stop at Mouse gears to spend the rest of our money. We take our time walking around the world showcase taking in the Disney sights. My DW and I are kind of hungry and decide to stop by Le celier to see if we can get in early (we had a PS at 1p.) They can fit us in and we take our seats.

Finally we are going to the restaurant which I picked out. I was pretty excited to have some of the famous beer cheese soup and a nice steak. We ordered beer cheese soup, and scallops for our appetizers. The soup was everything we had expected. I could eat a gallon of that stuff. Of course then I would never eat anything with cheese in it again. So maybe it was a good thing I only had a bowl. The scallops were huge and tasted pretty good. Then they brought out the Filet Minong with garlic mashed potatoes. Now this is something we know a lot about. There are a lot of steakhouses in the upper Midwest and a few of these are considered some of the best in the country. So unlike the lobster we have a solid base to compare this against. While the Filet’s were pretty small compared to what we get at most steak houses they were really good. Seriously that was some of the best steak we ever had. It was so good it ruined all steak we ate for the rest of the summer. You just can’t compare a perfectly cooked Filet to anything you make on your grill at home. For dessert my wife and I had a cocktail while the kids each tried to devour a chocolate moose, complete with waffle horns and cookie eyes.

After lunch DW and DS went for one last spin on Soarin. While they were gone DD and I went and stared at a giant walking piece of coral. Is Disney that stretched for ideas over by the living seas that they have walking coral? Anyway it was pretty cool, the coral was on stilts so it stood like 9 feet tall, my poor DD was really freaked out. Luckily the coral was to busy taunting people by taking their hats and holding them out of reach, he never came over to visit us. Good times, good times. Anyway DS and DW returned from Soarin and we decided it was time to head out. We took one last longing look at the big ball of love and meandered towards our bus stop. We hopped on the Disney bus and headed back to Pop. When we arrived we had about 30 minutes to kill and ran through the gift shop just to make sure we had one of everything they sold there, I really thought we did but I guess they had some new shirts out that day. We grabbed a few Mickey rice krispies from the food court and headed for the bus. As we walked towards the bus we looked at all the new arrivals checking in bright eyed and ready to take on the world. How I hated each and every one of them. They were looking forward to several days of Disney love, while we only had a plane trip, and lots of laundry to look forward too, jerks.

We dragged ourselves on the bus and fell into an exhausted heap. The entire 30 minute trip to the airport our group was silent. Usually in this situation we face some sort of meltdown from DD. Little did we know this was the calm before the storm? I have never been threw a hurricane but this must have been the equivalent. DD just chilled on the bus not needing any entertainment, in fact she even allowed her brother to crowd her seat, generally anytime someone invades her space bubble she throws serious smack down.

Well the smack down started when we got off the bus. Before I get into gritty detail let me lay out this ingenious plan I came up with. Through work I had earned a free night at the La Quinta inn. So to conserve money and maintain the length of stay my DW wanted, we planned to spend our last night at the La Quinta near the airport (it had an airport shuttle and a continental breakfast.) The only problem was that we would have to take the magical express to the airport and transfer to the La Quinta bus. At the time we thought this would not be a big deal. Well we were wrong on so many levels.

When we got off the Disney bus DD complained of hunger. So we gave her a Mickey rice krispie bar, which she promptly threw to the ground. That really sucked I love those stupid things now I have to throw away a perfectly good Mickey krispie. The second I dropped it in the garbage DD yelled she wanted it back. As DW tried to pacify our little angel DS and I retreated to call the La Quinta hotel for pickup instructions. Once we got back to DW and DD we noticed DD was really preparing for a good show. DD had decided she was no longer hungry and needed to get out of the stroller. My poor exhausted DW looked to me for help. As I went to unbuckle our little angel she swatted my hands away and yelled “No! Mommy!” My DW gave me the look of death and pushed me aside to unbuckle DD. DD then made a run for DS. Poor little guy was just standing there minding his own business and he was attacked. DD was yelling that he made a face at her as she started pounding him like a drum. I swooped in to save DS and was met by a swipe across my face from DD (after 9 days of Disney my reflexes were a little slow). She landed a telling slap across my face complete with a thick scratch. Seeing I was down for the count and the situation was out of control my lovely DW came to mine and DS’s rescue. She swooped in and grabbed DD away.

DW told me to help her strap the little heathen into the stroller. We got her strapped back in the stroller and made sure DS was okay. He had a little scratch on his skin but was just fine other wise. I told DW the shuttle to the La Quinta should be here in the next 10 minutes. During that time DD continued to scream about various things. She was hot, she wanted to be held, she wanted to get out, the sun was in her eyes, the airport was to noisy, she wanted to ride a pony. A crowd was now gathering around the la quinta bus area and I had watched anxiously as the embassy suites bus (our preferred hotel) came and went twice. We did everything we could to calm this crazy beast who has taken over my child. We tried bribing her with candy, toys, movies, clothes, we tried threatening her with time outs, toys taken away, green goo (also known as Aloe Vera gel which our children were really afraid of,) we even tried distracting her by asking about her favorite thing at Disney, her favorite food, and pinching her (okay we didn’t pinch her but I should have) but she resisted all attempts. She must have went through some CIA training during our vacation because we could not get her to do anything we asked. Things were not looking good. I called La quinta again. They said the shuttle guy was on a break and should be out in about 20 minutes. I am not one to hang the messenger but my DW is, so I abruptly hung up and hid the cell phone to stop my DW from calling the La Quinta. When I relayed the information to my DW she immediately went into breakdown mode condemning the hotel, shuttle, shuttle driver, tea cups (the ride she hates,) my thriftiness, Kenny G, the song “My heart will go on,” my obsession with penguins (penguins are awesome), and the fact it is socially unacceptable to duct you’re your daughters mouth shut. Actually I think that last one was my thought. Whatever.

Seeing Mommy getting all crazy DD decided she would not be outdone and dialed it up a notch. Several thoughts crossed my mind at this point, I could grab DS and head for the hills, we could leave DD and get on the embassy suites bus, or I could go into the airport bar. However being the responsible adult I am I once again tried to sooth my DD. Again I was turned away by a slap across my face. Forget the idea of being an over protective father, she should protect me. Maybe I should go all Don King on the situation and start training her to fight Ali’s daughter, she has a one-two punch like no other. Plus if she won maybe we could set up some pay per view stuff and buy a house in Celebration. Anyway I backed off and was yelled at by my DW for making things worse. I should have went to the bar.

We have waited for this stupid shuttle longer than we had for any Disney ride. We had hoped upon the arrival of the shuttle our little monster would settle down, but after almost an hour of non stop screaming she still had a little left. As the 65 year old shuttle driver packed the cargo van my DW and I wrestled our DD out of the stroller and into the back seat. Finally she settled down and we were being subjected to long drawn out sobs and huge alligator tears. Of course she threw in the occasional muffled complaint that went a little something like, “Mommy and daddy why do you hate me? You are so mean!” To this I really wanted to answer we hate you so much we take you the most fantastic place in the world twice over a two year period for 9 days at a time, but out of fear of adding gas to the fire I choose not to talk to her. After the longest 10 minute shuttle ride of my life we arrive at the La Quinta.

I have seen La Quinta’s and I know they are not the greatest hotels in the world but this place was a frickin dump. Forget about getting a free night we should be paid to stay here. Why on earth did we stay here? I am cheap. That is why I am cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. If there is a twelve step program to cure cheapness I just hit rock bottom and need to go into rehab. So where do you think they send you for de-cheaping the Ritz Carlton? I wonder if that is covered under my medical insurance (probably not because I worked for a cheap company at the time.) Anyway since I finally realized I am so frickin cheap I decide to tip the 65 year old guy who prolonged our hell by 30 minutes because he had to take a break. Well that was definitely the wrong thing to do because my wife gave me the look of death, ripped the money out of my hand and shoved it in her pocket. I breathed a sigh of relief because, I thought she was going to shove it up my you now what. I helped the old man pull my 50 lb bags out of the van and on to one of those trolley things. He looked a little disappointed that I wasn’t going to tip him, but I am sure he got over it.

So as we are standing in the 9’X9’ lobby DD starts screaming about everything you can imagine, she is hot, she is tired, she is hungry, she has to go potty, she doesn’t like the color of the walls, the ceiling is to low, I want a ligger. You get the idea. Upon hearing the tirade the lady at the front desk (it was literally a desk like the one you have at your office) offered us some cookies and milk. These cookies weren’t even in the shape of Mickey heads, why would we want those. Well actually I think we do, but of course they were not good enough for our DD. She continued to scream as I got directions to our room. The directions went a little something like this. Go out by the highway to the second building on your left past the 81 nova up on blocks. Hang a left then an immediate right at the cement pond, make sure not to touch the water though we think there is a fungus problem. Hop in the hand crank elevator and go up to the second floor. Take a left where you will see the junk yard in the distance. You are the third door down. Oh, and if the key doesn’t work make sure you try three times as sometimes the locks are a little funky. Thanks for staying with La Quinta.

We followed the directions and went to the wrong building (we took a left by the 72 chevelle with the windows all smashed in, wrong car.) I think we really just wanted to make sure the entire hotel knew we had arrived because our DD had a little rest in the shuttle and was able to scream like a banshee once again. So after wandering around the crap hotel we found our room. As I went to unlock the door it didn’t work. @#$!%#!@#. As I went to try again my DW and I said a little prayer, “You better work you piece of @#$#% or I am going to bust down the !@@#$@ door.” Those must have been magical words because the door swung up on it own. Amazing.

Once we managed to get ourselves and all of our stuff in the room. DW ran to take a bath made of her own tears, while I broke out some sandwiches we grabbed from Pop. Slowly over the next 15 minutes DD calmed down and ate. When my DW emerged from her bath DD and DS were asleep fully clothed with sandwiches on their laps. I think they had a little too much Disney action. As we laid down to go to sleep I noticed something extraordinary. This bed was almost comfortable. Relative to that Pop bed I felt like I was sleeping on a cloud. AHH, I will sleep well tonight.

Up Next: Depression.

 

[MARY-IN-OH]

I should wait to read your stuff till I get home from work. I decided to check the boards before shutting off my computer, saw you had a new post, and couldn't resist. Now, I have laughed (and I think snorted a couple times), sorry to your DW, I have been in her place many many times!, and surely whatever co-workers are still here are probably wondering how I am having this much fun working....Thanks for an awesome report. (not so sure about the depression that is coming though, but hopefully it won't be too sad, and maybe just a little laugh. Thanks again for sharing!