The most stressful thing, but the best thing...

[JonetteA]

For all of you out there planning and paying for your wedding, I just wanted to share with you a new way of looking at it. I know the financial pressures are hard to bear, and it is super stressful, but you know what something finally hit me the other day. Keep in mind that we have made alot of cuts because we have had to try and stay at a certain number, or close to it.

But this really is the best thing. I have not had to justify or explain any of my choices. This has just changed alot of my thinking. I think if someone else was paying for it, I would be bending to their vision and not necessarily mine. Does that mean that I have gotten everything that I wanted. Nope. Does it mean that I have had to make changes to my vision and handle the disappointment. Yep. But all in all it has been a good thing.

Just wanted to share this with you in case you were going through the same thing.

 

[WDWbride2007]

I definitely know exactly what you mean. My DF and I are paying for it on our own. We originally wanted an intimate wedding at Disney, but it is beyond our budget. We are still having the fireworks party for our rehearsal dinner, but our actual wedding will be in a historic home in Orlando. It is hard to deal with the realities of a budget, but we are in total control over our day. It is great to know that our day will truly be a reflection of us as a couple. I hope you and Leif have a beautiful wedding day! =)

 

[we3disneygo]

Congrats to all !

 

[JandJ]

You are so right! We paid for it all on our own too, a few months after buying our first house, talk about money crunch! We were able to do the Intimate but not many extras and that was o.k. I wasn't going to go into debt for our wedding. I know people who their parents paid for it and they had to have it the way their parents' wanted it and I know people who had $50k weddings and are still paying for them 2 years later! We had a certain amount to spend and we trimmed where we had to and stayed under budget. It was a magical day - just perfect - yours will be too
Congratulations!

 

[Luvndisney]

Jonette that really makes me see that I am not the only one!! thanks

 

[Honeibee]

May I add one more little thing? being a little older then most of you, I'm pretty sure, let me impart some of my hard-earned wisdom...


It's the marriage that counts, not the wedding. Don't fall prey to the "wedding machine" that tells you if you don't have EXACTLY the right dress, or the violinist is late or if your favors came in the wrong color that you are DOOMED! That's malarky. Don't stress over every little detail. Have fun in the planning but stay focused. It's a ceremony and a party. Fancy or plain. At the end of the day you will be married to Prince Charming and THAT my dear brides, is what counts.

 

[JonetteA]

All I have to say is " Amen Sister"

 

[JandJ]

Honeibee, from one WL bride to another, you are SO right! Thank you for saying it

 

[mushumadness]

I have just started the stress, looks like its now going to be two years till my wedding not 4(as both my parents and future in laws think we will be too old in 4 yrs, i mean where do they get off i will only be 27 in 4 yrs!!)

my dad and my in laws are sharing the cost between them (as inlaws dont have daughters and want to contribute) so I am having to bend both ways.

I wish I could just elope lol

 

[happylalagirl]

We are also paying for it ourselves. My parents are paying for Randy Chapman, and his parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner,but otherwise, all the financial responsibility is on us... we are struggling with that... but we will find a way... Being in school full time has put a strain on our finances but my fiance won't hear of me not completing or of taking longer to do it... chances are we are moving to Florida this summer, so I want to finish school, as scheduled, this summer. I"m the worrier in the family and he's the faith filled one.

By the time we get married on Dec. 11, this year, we will have been together for 13 years. Our daughter will be 10 years old in March... where does the time go? My mom has been helping out with as much as she can financially. She bought my dress and veil. She's going to buy my shoes and our daughter's dress( Jr. Bridesmaid). She bought our invitations on e-bay (only paid $82 for 100 invites!!!) And she's been asking what other things we need.

I know it will all come together... an intimate wedding isn't possible with us. Our immediate families alone are bigger than 20, so it's a custom for 60. It will all work out, it always does. I am blessed with a wonderful, loving fiance and daughter. My family is being great and my future in-laws as well. It's going to go by so fast, especially with me finishing my BS this summer, but I can't wait to be his wife. I can't imagine a day without him. I look forward to growing old with him and having more children. Isn't that what it's really all about?

Sorry it was so long... just needed to get that out. Thank you all so much for all the help, information and listening you all do. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found this message board!

Diane

 

[JonetteA]

Just to share. I opened an ING account. I automatically have money taken out every paycheck. I am putting my tax refund there as well. I get 4% almost in interest. Also, everytime I get any "extra" money, I put it in there to get the interest. When I opened the account I got free money. Also, if you recommend people you get free money. Just a few ideas to help out. Anyone else have any other ideas?

 

[JonetteA]

I know I said I wasn't going to make anything but here is what I am going to do to drop the cost, and then have what I want. Instead of using Disney's mint julep cups, I am going to go to Wal-Mart and buy about the same size in tin and spraypaint a shiney silver. Those tin things in the floral department are about .97 a piece and then I am going to get spray paint maybe about $3. So, for how many I need. About $20 versus rental of 160. Not as nice as Disney but close enough I hope!

Also, I am going to share things with another bride who is having her vow renewal 3 wks later. I am going to take glass cylinders and wrap them in velumn and put a ribbon on them with a candle in the bottom. (See Martha Stewarts new weddings mag) We are going to split the cost and that should rock! I think Disney wanted $15 a piece, plus what the votives would cost. I got floating candles and votive holders at IKEA (24 of each) for $14 vs the 2.50 a piece that Disney wanted. I think I can get the cylinders for at the most expensive 2.50 online for the largest plus ribbon and velumn. I think I am going to hit maybe $5.50 a piece vs $15. My dad and stepmom are driving so I have a good way to get this all down there without shipping. The tin things aren't going to weigh much so I can send them if I have to.

 

[Honeibee]

I have just started the stress, looks like its now going to be two years till my wedding not 4(as both my parents and future in laws think we will be too old in 4 yrs, i mean where do they get off i will only be 27 in 4 yrs!!)

my dad and my in laws are sharing the cost between them (as inlaws dont have daughters and want to contribute) so I am having to bend both ways.

I wish I could just elope lol

Honey, you're letting your parents tell you when you should get married!?!?! Oh boy. Why is it that parents/in-laws think money = power to decide when it comes to weddings? If they want to help out, they should just be giving you the money to do what YOU TWO want when YOU TWO want to.

I feel badly for you.

 

[mushumadness]

had an in law meeting today lol, explained what we want, and said its ok if they don think its best, but its been my dream since I was like 5 to marry at wdw, and that their on understands this and wants me to have a dream. I think she gets it but doesnt like it at all

I showed this thread to my mum, and she said she didnt realise they were pushing us,
so fingers crossed we will be ok

 

[Honeibee]

had an in law meeting today lol, explained what we want, and said its ok if they don think its best, but its been my dream since I was like 5 to marry at wdw, and that their on understands this and wants me to have a dream. I think she gets it but doesnt like it at all

I showed this thread to my mum, and she said she didnt realise they were pushing us,
so fingers crossed we will be ok

Good for you Anna! Do what makes you and DF happy! In the long run, your parents will be happy if you are, right?

 

[JonetteA]

Anna,
Hang in there. I think we have all experience a time or two like this during the planning. I had to finally put my foot down and no one was really happy about it. But I started to ask them why they objected. Turned out they wanted a religious ceremony and they actually believed that it was going to be some form of stage production with characters. Go figure!

 

[allisonswonderland]

I am beginning to agree that paying ourselves would have been better, though my dad has not imposed on any planning and he is paying for the wedding.
I am trying to remain calm and I have my younger brother giving me advice, which if ya knew him would be funny to you as well. Anyway----have a magical day!

 

[MEME]

Like many of you on this thread, we paid for our wedding too. Honestly, we didn't even consider asking our parents for $$$. My husband and I are both 28, have 2 kids (10 and 9 years old) and built our own home in 2003. Although, we were engaged in 2003, I was working full-time and attended school full-time. I couldn't even think about planning a wedding right away.

I will say for me it was a bit stressful to stick within a said budget, as we had to adjust for all the small stuff that kept adding up. However, in the end, we had a fabulous- cost effective wedding and to be honest, I think we did pretty darn good for what we paid. We had our closest family and friends with us, we vacationed for a week and really enjoyed every moment of our time together with our children. They were as happy as could be!

I've had several friends spend tens of thousands of dollars on their weddings and they had alot of pressure, a lot of people to please and the standard photos in the end. Many of them said they wish that they would have just went off somewhere and gotten married to avoid all the headache.

Not me! I have nothing but wonderful everlasting memories of our wedding day. People look at our wedding pics and video and think we spent tens of thousands Boy, are they fooled!

 

[cyberfox]

Greetings,
Stress and money seem to go hand-in-hand...which seems silly, since the money itself doesn't seem stressed.

We're paying for our own wedding and reception (and honeymoon, of course), planning it, hunting down and finding all the vendors, and pulling the whole thing together through sheer force of will (and flying in about half the wedding guests!)... However, out of 85 invited, only around 22 are showing up, so we already know we definitely overspent.

We have a standing joke that for every $1K we spend that we don't need to, it's 5 square feet less in our future house (which we pretty much start shopping for not long after we get back).

That said, I took the honeymoon costs off the table; they are not subject to the budget, as it's ALL about being pampered by Disney in every possible way for 5 days on land (WL Resort), 7 on the DCL.

I think of it like this... The wedding is about bringing the family and friends together for a celebration of our love , the honeymoon is about a stress-free, hopefully blissful start of our marriage, and to that end I can't think of anything better than Disney. (It helps that we both really love nearly everything Disney.)

We have another key phrase between us for the wedding, though: The Green Path. We don't care if the flowers aren't perfect, there's too much food, the sun is in everybody's eyes, or conversely if it rains, half the guests get lost, or anything like that. The green path is: I'm there. She's there. The officiant and two people who can be witnesses are there. We speak the words, even if we stumble on them, and the officiant, she, I, and the witnesses sign the blessed paper. We're there to get married, to start our future together officially, and share the moment with those we care about most. As long as we stick to the green path, the rest of the wedding can go to heck in a handbasket around us, and we'll be smiling like the two happiest people in the world...because we will be, for that brief, shining moment.

And, to echo the OP, that is the best thing in the world, even if the planning is one of the most stressful things.

-- Morgan