Disney1fan2002
<font color=red>Like OMG the TF is SOO psyched to
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2002
- Messages
- 12,072
THE MAN CODE
- If a tire gets flat and you don't know how to change it, pretend your back is in spasm and lay on the road till the ambulance comes.
- It's a medical fact that if you ask for directions before driving around aimlessly for less than 30 minutes, your testicles will shrivel and fall off.
- It's also a medical fact that going to too many chick flicks has a negative effect on your testosterone level. And movies with subtitles can cause your breasts to swell.
- If you have a Barcalounger, a TV and beer in the fridge, you are a success, my friend.
- Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.
- Real men don't eat tofu.
- Real men still don't eat quiche. In fact, because of them, there is no more quiche.
-Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be regarded dubiously until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
- Size only matters when it comes to TVs and engines. Unless you have an exceptionally large *****.
- It's important to have a fully equipped tool chest, even if you only know how to use the screw driver.
- Two men must never go out for brunch by themselves.
- It's ok to have a pedicure if your wife or girlfriend pays for it.
- If you have a facial, you're pushing it.
- No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional.
- If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him.
- Short of a heart attack or bleeding to death, no man shall ride on the back of another man's Harley.
- Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
- Thou shall not rent the movie "The English Patient."
- Two buddies can not share popcorn, no matter how large the tub. The danger of hands touching is real and should not be minimized.
- Intimate feelings should be kept to yourself. However, descriptions of intimate bodily functions should be shared generously.
- It's OK to cry in front of a woman. However, if a buddy sees you cry, your hand better be caught in a vise.
- The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
- Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party is asking for trouble.
- If a buddy is outnumbered, out-manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ***-whoopin," then you may sit back and enjoy.
- If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem. You didn't see nothin'.
- When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
- It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach . . . and it's delivered by a topless supermodel . . . and it's free.
- If a tire gets flat and you don't know how to change it, pretend your back is in spasm and lay on the road till the ambulance comes.
- It's a medical fact that if you ask for directions before driving around aimlessly for less than 30 minutes, your testicles will shrivel and fall off.
- It's also a medical fact that going to too many chick flicks has a negative effect on your testosterone level. And movies with subtitles can cause your breasts to swell.
- If you have a Barcalounger, a TV and beer in the fridge, you are a success, my friend.
- Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.
- Real men don't eat tofu.
- Real men still don't eat quiche. In fact, because of them, there is no more quiche.
-Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be regarded dubiously until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
- Size only matters when it comes to TVs and engines. Unless you have an exceptionally large *****.
- It's important to have a fully equipped tool chest, even if you only know how to use the screw driver.
- Two men must never go out for brunch by themselves.
- It's ok to have a pedicure if your wife or girlfriend pays for it.
- If you have a facial, you're pushing it.
- No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional.
- If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him.
- Short of a heart attack or bleeding to death, no man shall ride on the back of another man's Harley.
- Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
- Thou shall not rent the movie "The English Patient."
- Two buddies can not share popcorn, no matter how large the tub. The danger of hands touching is real and should not be minimized.
- Intimate feelings should be kept to yourself. However, descriptions of intimate bodily functions should be shared generously.
- It's OK to cry in front of a woman. However, if a buddy sees you cry, your hand better be caught in a vise.
- The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
- Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party is asking for trouble.
- If a buddy is outnumbered, out-manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ***-whoopin," then you may sit back and enjoy.
- If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem. You didn't see nothin'.
- When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
- It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach . . . and it's delivered by a topless supermodel . . . and it's free.
