The inlaws are now univited

[RMulieri]

Famous MIL quotes in my life....
"It's been so long since I've seen you, I didn't realize how much weight you have gained!" (No, I wasn't pregnant)

"You two are just so different. She was just so PRETTY!" comparing me to my DHs ex-wife

"I just have to laugh at all the strays my son brings home." the day she met me.

"You are a <insert last name> now. This name carries a lot of respect in this town. You'll have to earn it." At my wedding in the reception line

I just laugh now - she's so passive aggressive.
I WOULD NEVER INVITE HER TO DISNEY NO WAY NO HOW.
Mickey doesn't like mean people!

OMG!

 

[bonybroad]

I just realized that maybe I'm being passive aggressive.
I mean, here I am complaining about her on the Web instead of telling her she is a nutjob to her face.

 

[RMulieri]

I just realized that maybe I'm being passive aggressive.
I mean, here I am complaining about her on the Web instead of telling her she is a nutjob to her face.

Nah..vent away. I love my MIL and am very close to her( My own mom told me she hates me because I am everything she is not) so I am interested to hear other peoples experiences with their MIL

 

[PinkRhombus]

He wants to wait until May because that's when I can change resorts using the DVC points. I want him to tell them now so that they don't waste money on airfare. And so I can get back the points and maybe spend them.

Will you be flying together? They can't make their reservations until you do. He needs to tell them to not make any reservations yet because things might change.

And the only thing I can recommend in regards to your MIL is, when she says something rude, ask her something along the lines of "Now, why would you say something so unkind to me"? It immediately puts it all on her. They'll usually stumble conversation-wise at that point and will either shut up, or they'll dig themselves in further, which you just have to say "Hmmmmm" and then walk into another room. It's hard, but trust me, that one little sentence does WONDERS as far as getting them to change their attitude towards you.

 

[hockeymomNS]

So I am right there with you. The only difference is that I would never go on vacation with her even if she paid for a week at Cinderella's Castle...maybe then...there is a pretty high balcony with a very beautiful view...that is very high off the ground I could take her out there to...admire the view...that's the ticket.

I really did LOL when I read this.

 

[CookingMama]

I don't think that aging has squat to do with growing more rude or verbally abusive. I have two MILS and I have older parents. My kids used to call one of my MILS 'the grandma that doesnt like you' if she called on the phone and they answered, thats how they would refer to her. You are 100% correct that your kids are watching and listening.

Q- What is the difference between a MIL and a Vulture?
A-The vulture waits till you are dead to rip your heart out.

I used to expect my husband to 'stand up' for me too, but I finally learned that I should confront my MIL right then and there when she was abusive and stand up for myself not put Dh between us. If dh wants to jump into the fray at that time fine, but let her know you are not putting up with it. An excellent book is Toxic Inlaws by Susan Forward and it will arm you with what you need to say and do. You need to call her up and tell her she isnt going to WDW with you because she was out of line.
If now she apologizes to you because her son made her make nice & is busy patching things up fixing things for her, trust me it will not do anything to change the pattern of behavior that she is in. She will wreck your trip. She will continue to have this power over you till you take that back.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

IQ- What is the difference between a MIL and a Vulture?
A-The vulture waits till you are dead to rip your heart out.

 

[AnnaS]

The only disadvantage of waiting is that if the IL's know about the vacation, they'll be arranging their schedule around it. So the later you wait the more offended they'll be.

The scenario-- you tell them in May that they aren't going... The MIL immediately goes into a tyrade about how she's already turned down party invitations for that week (yes even though it's months away) and put a vacation hold on the mail and found a kennel for the dog and bought three outfits for the trip... all of which may or may not be true but she'll stick to her story... and then she'll say "when did you decide this? You're still mad about Cabo aren't you? That's really mature, to hold a grudge this long. You've known for months I wasn't invited and you let me go ahead and make plans?"... and you've still offended her, you can't win. If you wait too long, and yes May could be too long, she'll heap it on even worse, because you led her to believe she was going and waited to tell her otherwise.

If you tell her now, she'll blow up that you're still mad, but at least it will be done.

Probably your best "out" is that since the trip is so far out, to tell her that you might be changing your plans (the economy and all) and for her not to count on the trip. And then drop the subject. That gives you a way out either way- should you change your mind (which I doubt but which will make your DH 'happy') then you can approach her later, or if you decide you still don't want her to go, you can just not mention it any more and figure out how to handle it later on.

I'm still only up to the first few pages - but I was going to post and think this is a good idea.

For now - tell her you don't think you will be going as of now and tell them not to make any plans. You decide, have a talk with your dh and or your mil in the mean time - whatever that outcome is, it will be up to you if you want to invite them again.

I probably would not invite her regardless - it would take a long time to see if she has improved. I would then go on vacation as planned and just mention it the last minute. No invite - conversation should just be that you have decided to go.

 

[nessz79]

Yep, I'm serious.
DH didn't speak to his parents for six months after she told him that "hicks like your wife obviously don't know how to make a child behave."
I wasn't even there when the boys were acting up at their house!
You know what? Where I come from, people HELP each other, are polite, and don't think they are better than anyone else.
Proud to be a hick!!

Good for your DH. Hopefully you have to put up with them as little as possible. They are the ones who are "beneath" here.

 

[james'mommy]

I have already called Member Services and changed the ressie from a 1 br villa to a studio. It was nice to see those points put back in my account. One day MIL told DH that she would apologize but she wanted to wait until things calmed down. The next she told DH that she wasn't apologizing for diddley. So as of now they are no longer welcome in our home. When they visit they will be staying at a hotel and I will not be partcipating. And I finally took DH up on the offer to visit my family the week after xmas. I was holding off on that because I thought he might change his mind. I already told my Mom so now it's set in stone. I've also decided that Thanksgiving no longer belongs to my in laws. In the future we will take turns staying home one year and then the next year visiting my family. So there is an upside to this I will end up getting to see my family yearly. So atleast I got something good for standing up for myself.

 

[CrzyforPiglet]

I have already called Member Services and changed the ressie from a 1 br villa to a studio. It was nice to see those points put back in my account. One day MIL told DH that she would apologize but she wanted to wait until things calmed down. The next she told DH that she wasn't apologizing for diddley. So as of now they are no longer welcome in our home. When they visit they will be staying at a hotel and I will not be partcipating. And I finally took DH up on the offer to visit my family the week after xmas. I was holding off on that because I thought he might change his mind. I already told my Mom so now it's set in stone. I've also decided that Thanksgiving no longer belongs to my in laws. In the future we will take turns staying home one year and then the next year visiting my family. So there is an upside to this I will end up getting to see my family yearly. So atleast I got something good for standing up for myself.

HOORAY for you! I read part of this thread this morning and couldn't stop thinking about it b/c of my own MIL vacation drama. Long story short on our Dec. 2008 trip we invited my mom and MIL to come to WDW with us (free lodging at DVC) and I went so far as to give up my x-mas present from DH to help pay for MILs airline ticket. Well on the last night of our stay she totally went off on me saying how she's never liked me and is only nice to me b/c she loves her son and grandson. And when I was sitting there with my mouth open with my son she told me to stop acting like a "goody two shoes" b/c I knew what I had done. When my DH pressed her for details she claimed I purposely withheld a magazine (yes a magazine) from her just to be vindictive and that I had physically put my hands on her during the trip (complete lie). Basically it DH let her have it, it ruined the last day of our trip for all of us (including my mom), and she continued to bash me to DH (although not in front of me). To this day she still hasn't talked to me about it or apologized for what she said although today she did send a card claiming we all mean so much to her - sorry I'm not buying it.

So the moral of my story is that it goes without saying that we will never be inviting her to Disney or any other vacation of ours for that matter. I was going to tell you this morning to stick to your guns and uninvite them and I'm so glad you did. Age or "being set in your ways" should never be an excuse to be rude and nasty to others. BTW my MIL told DH she thought she was nasty to me b/c of her diabetes. Have fun planning the trip for your family!

 

[dzneelvr]

I would go with your plan to tell them now. Chances are if DH can't stand up to mommy when she insults you in front of him, his "advice" to wait until May is just a cowardly stalling technique and you'll be blamed for any of the preparations MIL has already either bought or started and you'll pay more of a price for postponing the conversation. We don't even ride to events in the same vehicle as DHs parents, so don't feel guilty. stick to your guns