and...
the worst part is...
I was in looove last year.
With a guy. I am NOT lesbian. Just because I cant find anyone else like him...
He was perfect.
Absolutely perfect. He had a personality.... he wasn't a skater, he always knew what to say to me and how to say it, and...we were really close.
I'm still in love with him...
and then he got to high school and I still stuck in middle school...and it made him superficial (because he lost some weight and got weird hollister clothes) and now everyone adores him...and he won't talk to me.
but I miss the old him.
I'm not saying that I loved his weight..but In a way...he pulled it off...and...he always gave the warmest squishiest hugs i've ever felt in my entire life.
and its selfish of me to wish that he didn't become that way...because I guess he's really happy now.
and, i'm happy that he's happy but at the same time...I want the old him back...
our talks, the stuff that we'd do...
and yet....
if he were to talk to me again...at random...
i'd fall back under his spell because he has this...weird power over me
where I can never stay mad at him...
and this year I thought i found someone new...but as soon as that would happen....
he'd text me, or would show up to an event and...squishy bear hug me...and i'd fall again.
It's almost like a sign...a terrible sign, because im tired of waiting for something that'll never happen.
