The extra-curricular activities conundrum....

[Barb D]

I have three kids, DS15, DD13 and DD6. I also work full time. Last year for much of the school year at least one of the kids had an activity every week night except Monday. And I ended up working late most Mondays to make up for leaving early to get kids where they needed to be.

Bottom line was we had VERY few evenings at home, it was hard to help DD6 with homework, bath and bed routines were non-existent for her, etc. Plus everyone was stressed and exhausted, and the house was a mess.

This can't go on, and yet this year is shaping up the same way.

Here's the conundrum: I want the kids to be involved in extra-curricular activities. The older kids both want to go to service academies, so they NEED extra-curricular activities. OTOH, I also want a peaceful, non-stressed home life. I'd love to be able to eat dinner together at least a few times a week, and have some solid evening routines with DD6.

I'm seriously thinking about telling each kid that they get ONE weekly after school activity at a time (except for DS15 who plays sports...he has practices every day, but they're at school and he can walk home.) I hate to do this because I feel like I'm limiting their opportunities, but I feel like I have to do it because I can't take this pace of life.

Give me your thoughts. What have you done with kids these ages?

 

[Christine]

I have two kids (15 and 11) and we have done the "one activity per child" thing. Honestly, I do it so I can survive. I am TOTALLY not a Type A person. I was raised in a pretty calm household where we had a family dinner 6 out of 7 nights and I had time to do my homework.

While I believe that "activities" are important, I also think that getting your homework done, getting adequate rest, and having a decent meal are also VERY important. So, my kids do one thing. They can possibly do two things if they aren't demanding. For instance, my son takes piano which is only 30 minutes one night per week. He also takes Tae Kwon Do. Fortunately Tae Kwon Do is very flexible and he can go everyday or never. So we fit that in as we see how our schedule is.

But I do know that the high school schedules can be grueling. My DD was in the theater program last year and when they were doing a play, she was out 4 nights a week. It was awful and I was literally falling apart during the whole thing. I also work full time and commute and try to fix dinner, yada, yada, yada...it was VERY taxing on us as family having her out so much and having to go get her. I cannot imagine having TWO of them that busy. And, yes, the younger one suffers.

I think keeping your sanity is very important and I would cut the activities back to a minimum without jeopardizing their lifelong careers.

 

[Hedy]

I have three kids, DS15, DD13 and DD6. I also work full time. Last year for much of the school year at least one of the kids had an activity every week night except Monday. And I ended up working late most Mondays to make up for leaving early to get kids where they needed to be.

Bottom line was we had VERY few evenings at home, it was hard to help DD6 with homework, bath and bed routines were non-existent for her, etc. Plus everyone was stressed and exhausted, and the house was a mess.

This can't go on, and yet this year is shaping up the same way.

Here's the conundrum: I want the kids to be involved in extra-curricular activities. The older kids both want to go to service academies, so they NEED extra-curricular activities. OTOH, I also want a peaceful, non-stressed home life. I'd love to be able to eat dinner together at least a few times a week, and have some solid evening routines with DD6.

I'm seriously thinking about telling each kid that they get ONE weekly after school activity at a time (except for DS15 who plays sports...he has practices every day, but they're at school and he can walk home.) I hate to do this because I feel like I'm limiting their opportunities, but I feel like I have to do it because I can't take this pace of life.

Give me your thoughts. What have you done with kids these ages?

How will your kids deal with this? Will they have friends who are doing stuff they won't get to do? Are you prepared to deal with the "But Johnny still does youth group AND service club!"

Not saying it's a bad idea, just be prepared.

 

[golfgal]

Is there a way to set up a carpool or some other way to get the kids where they need to be? What types of things are they in and how will it effect their future if they are not in them?

Even having each child in one activity will probably mean you are running every night. Right now DS14 is in marching band and the twins are in soccer, opposite nights and are just finishing up golf lessons. All day long they are free but in the evenings we are constantly running someone somewhere and this is ALL they are doing right now.

 

[barkley]

my kids don't do any and frankly i don't know how we'de get stuff done if they did (and i'm retired!). by the time we get home from school (around 4), have a light snack, i give them a little ' private down time', get homework done, eat dinner, bathe and get everything set up for school the next day-there's only about an hour left before they go to bed. they have allot of friends at school that do 2 or 3 extracurriculars and they/their parents are constantly on the run and look constantly exhausted-and when these kids get sick they get realy sick, so i think it takes a toll on them physically.

i would think it is fine to limit it to one per kid, and i would think the coaches/instructors would be thrilled that the kids were focusing on just one (the couple of times my kids did extracurriculars it seemed like there were always a chunk of the kids gone because of other committments that took priority over the one we were doing).

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

I think the best thing is to limit the extra activities. Don't let sports take over your or your childrens' lives. Know that they can't do everything.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I think that at 13 and 15 you can present this challenge to them and let them help you figure out solutions. Rather than stating "one activity" I'd probably say "I'm driving no more than 2 one way trips each week with each of you". If they want to do more they need to take some responsibility for finding solutions -- e.g. they both do an activity together, they do things at school or other walking distance locations, they find a friend to carpool with, they learn to take public transportation, or ride their bike there etc . . .