The Director made DD Cry!

[disneymom3]

DD is in a local youth theater play. She had dress rehearsal on Sunday eve and all the cast was supposed to be backstage whereas during other rehearsals they have sat in the audience. At one time, she did start to come out into the "house" I would imagine to ask me a question or something as I was there watching. The director told her to "get backstage" Okay, not phrased very nicely, but DD was not where she was supposed to be.

However, later in the show, DD is supposed to creep up these stairs at the side of the stage. There is no scene change between the scene before and the one she is in, so she started to come out during the scene change to wait at the bottom of the stairs. The director totally yelled at her, "I told you not to come out here, get backstage...etc" DD tried to say that she was coming out to be ready for her cue but was simply told she wasn't in that scene and to "get backstage" again. So, DD did and then when her cue came, she had to come in from the side instead of from the stairs. I could tell that she had been crying when she came on, but she is supposed to be a bit teary in that scene anyway. However, I didn't go backstage to see her because I knew if I did, DD would breakdown more. Now, the poor little thing doesn't even want to go to practice tonight at all and is scared to death because she doesn't know when she is supposed to come out for her scene.


Grrr. I needed to vent about this woman. She yells at the kids all the time and tells them to shut up among other things. One practice and 4 performances and DD is out of there and never going to be working with this group again.

So, as the mom, other than taking her out of any activity associated with this woman, do I need to also confront her or discuss this with her? DD and I are going to talk to her tonight before practice and I am going to tell her that we need to make sure DD is coming out for her scene at whatever point she wants her to, but beyond that, should I say something? I don't want to make the next two weeks any more uncomfortable for DD than I need to.

 

[disneymom3]

Anyone have any ideas for me? Have to go pick her up in a bit.

 

[goodeats]

How old is your DD? That makes a big difference.

But if she's say under 10, I'd *maybe* talk to the director about her 'tone'. But really, you should just tell your DD that some people are just 'harsher' then others and that she should ask the director before rehearsal where she should be for her cue. She should be able to handle this herself. I would tell her that she only has 3 weeks or so left and just to make the best of a bad situation.

It sounds like this woman should not be working with children.

 

[KAMLEM]

It's hard to confront someone without specifics. If you have specific examples I may consider saying something. At a minimum, I would tell her that I did not think it was appropriate to tell the kids to shut up.

 

[Skylarr29]

Well how old your DD is would depend on how much I said to the director... if she is a smal child I would most definatly say something.. now if shes a teenager I would ask DD how she wants to handle it and if she wants you to talk to her. I dont think it is exceptable to tell anyone to shut up really.

 

[disneymom3]

Sorry--meant to include in the first post that DD is 9. She is also a really cooperative, never get in trouble kind of a kid.

 

[agnes!]

Speaking as an actor and performer...let me just say first off that some people shouldn't really be working with children. Ever. Some directors are really on power trips and have not idea of how to nurture young ones' talents. Most of what some folks do is simply terrify small children and attempt to terrorize adults.

A couple of questions to consider...
Has your DD enjoyed the experience up till now? Does she like the other kids? Is she relishing being able to get up in front of people and perform? Have other parents/children connected with the production also been having problems with this same person?

I honestly don't know what I'd do in your situation. I know what I'd do if it were me up on that stage...life's too short to endure other people's bad tempers and I would tell the director so, even if it were a supposedly professional production. Now, if this were my DD and this happened when she was 9...hmmmmm....
Sit down with your DD and tell her how proud of her you are, that there are lots of adults who can't do what she is doing...getting up in front of a crowd and having lots of fun performing.
Do NOT go by yourself to talk with this woman. Can your DH go with you, or maybe one of the other parents? Make an appointment for before or perhaps after a rehearsal, try not to talk to her during rehearsal. Approach her calmly, acknowledging hw much work she has put in to the show. (And believe me, even though she's a jerk, she *has* put a lot of effort into this play.) So you're saying something positive about her work and then you can ask about your DD's entrances and exits, just telling the director that your DD wanted to make sure that she does it right.
Oh, I just saw where you were going to talk to her with your DD present. Just keep it polite, don't get into anything else with your DD around. Can you volunteer to be a backstage mom? I'm surprised that the stage manager didn't speak up for your DD...the stage manager (sometimes also the assistant director, depending on the organization) should have known that you DD was in the right place for her entrance that second time. The stage manager should have been keeping the kids backstage in the first incident.

If this meeting doesn't go well or there are more problems, I'd consider yanking your DD out of the show if leaving the show wouldn't be too traumatic for her. I might call up the producer or the group's board of directors and explain the situation. Tell them that I (& others and their children if apppropriate) will seriously consider never letting my child participate in any production that this director has anything to do with, that she has a seriously negative reputation in the community.

Good luck. It is never easy when our children are being hurt.

agnes!

 

[Swimnoid]

Does this theater group have a board of Directors? I am on our local youth theatre board and believe me if that happened at our rehearsals the board would deal with it quickly. We have had to deal with that sort of thing before. I think that could be a really good bet for you.

 

[pfishgirl]

1st of all to your DD
sorry her director is mean...
I would try and speak with the director, if she doesn't change her tone, I'd talk to the youth advisors or someone else..

ETA: sorry i wrote school...

 

[disneymom3]

Thought I would update you all on what happened. I took DD to practice and told her that she should talk to the director and tell her she wanted to make sure she did her entrance where the director wanted it to be. DD went to talk to her, but the woman ignored her to begin with, after DD had said her name twice. (I watched this, so I know it happened.) She came back to me and said, "Mom, she won't talk to me." So we went up together and the director was all smiles to me. I told her that DD was concerned etc. She tried to tell me that DD had come out several times earlier and I just looked at her as I had been sitting through the whole rehearsal and knew that wasn't true. I wasn't going to contradict another adult in front of DD, but I knew she was making excuses and wasn't going to let her off the hook that easily. She did then say that DD should come out at the same time as she did the other night.

I think there is a board of directors for this group but it is the worst organized organization I have ever run across. This woman also directs the choir DD is in. At the beginning of the year all seemed fine, until the whole play started. After the first week of rehearsals I started staying whenever I could as DD was all worked up because some of the high school students were talking about kids bringing guns to school and drugs. And the director had told them (all of them, not the kids talking about guns etc) to shut up and told some people they were being stupid. Now she also tells them to shut up at choir and she is yelling at them frequently and the whole choir gets in trouble if just a few of the kids are screwing around or mess up their parts. The girls in this choir are 3rd-7th grade.

So, we are sticking it out--performances start Friday--but we will not be participating in this organization in the future and I will be telling the head of the board of directors the reasons why after DD is done with the play.

 

[Swimnoid]

So, we are sticking it out--performances start Friday--but we will not be participating in this organization in the future and I will be telling the head of the board of directors the reasons why after DD is done with the play.

You are doing the right thing. Be sure to stick up for your DD (BREAK A LEG!!! ) And definitely tell the board why you wont be coming back. I hope you can find another group for DD to become a part of in the future.

 

[disneymom3]

You are doing the right thing. Be sure to stick up for your DD (BREAK A LEG!!! ) And definitely tell the board why you wont be coming back. I hope you can find another group for DD to become a part of in the future.

Thanks! There is another community theater in the next town over which is about a 20 min drive--not too bad. We have a friend with a child in a production there right now and I was asking her if the directors ever yelled at the kids. She looked at me like I was nuts and I decided I liked that response! There are a lot of theater opportunities around the general area and DD is quite talented so we will be pursuing other options for her.