The DFTW Blues...

[cavecricket]

Good morning all.

I am probably the worst bride....ever.

All I wanted was a very simple, special Disney wedding.

Thus I went with an Escape package.

We are getting married (alledgedly) Monday Sept 21st 2009. Here is my story....

We go to WDW every year, as does many of my family members. I figured, how easy! Aside from DF's parents brother and best man, travel expenses would not be too much of an issue as my crew already had intentions of going to WDW.

We decided on a 2-year engagement, and unfortunatly, waited until now to start preparing for the event . Year one went by in a blink and this year has been a busy year for DF and I, we just bought our first home 2 months ago which is the culprit behind lax planning.

Its all so very overwhelming. It seems like my selections are exactly what people *dont* want to do, Im trying to be calm and together and not freak out but all that is doing is making people question why Im so "calm".

I just really wanted everyone to have a good time, I figured, we would all be in WDW....how could I go wrong? ... I really wanted Mickey to attend at first but then, after buying a house, reality set in. Mickey or a new stove? ... MK photoshoot or bathroom flooring? Needless to say, I know I cannot afford any extras, but I can only hear "Trust me you will look back and say, I wish I had" so many times before I start feeling like a total failure at what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life.

I know that trails end is not the greatest place on property, and certainly not the most reception like either but its really all I can afford...and barely afford at that. Thanks to this stellar economy, my family has been plagued with unemployment threats and decreased spending and so on. I just want to give everyone something....and the sad thing is, I dont think my family would really give a hoot about a reception in WDW...but as DF's family is flying in and this is a financial burden on them, as I have been reminded of so many times, I feel it is needed. Sorry to sound cheap, but trails end was the cheapest way out...aside from picking 2 of the cheapest selections on the menu anywhere else. At least trails end is a buffet.

Everything seems like such a disaster...like the planets are not aligning in my favor at all.

This "what will you celebrate" promo seems to be taking the spotlight from DFTW Bride, or at least, from what I have read. The purchase of a new home draining every penny we have, this crapshoot economy, I cannot seem to focus on planning, Space Mountain will be closed... and so on.

We are also finding out that my families request for the 100 loop (campgrounds) will not happen as there is a tri-athalon that weekend and they will be closing down the 100 loop?! We were really banking on that loop for the proximty to everything...we were actually told when booking that they would make sure to give it to us due to the DFTW which was great and very nice of them, only to find out later that the 1 time WDW guarenteed a loop for us, may not happen due to a tri-athalon... horrid luck

I wish I could postpone the whole thing right now for another few months to a year but I know I would be on everyones hitlist, deposits would be forfeited, vacation requests would be wasted, dissappointment in every direction.

The stress is beyond draining. Im really not cut out for any of this. I read some pj's and I am blown away by the level of commitment. There are some hardworking brides on here. I have not picked out my songs, have not had a fiiting, have not sent out my invitations, dont have shoes yet, have bought no honeymoon clothes, a bridal shower has not been planned yet, Im very ashamed of myself.

I was so looking forward to this, but now I dread the planning, I wont even talk about it with family. People ask how plans are going and I am just blank and change the subject. This was supposed to be so great and I fear that it will be a total flop.

The barest of the bare minimum. Not even pixie dust can help me right now.

Thanks for listening guys.

Sorry to be such a downer.

Jennifer

 

[gibsi53]

Hi Jennifer,

I think I (and many others on here) feel similar guilt sometimes about the expense for our guests and for some of the "features." You're not alone. But- not to worry- really you're getting married and that's where the focus should be, right? and those that can join you are welcomed and those that cannot will be there in spirit and you know that they wish that they could have!

I'm still a few months out so I don't quite have that feeling of urgency yet, but maybe you could talk with your DF and family about it...?

I think there's a few brides on here who may have "regretted" their first wedding and then celebrated years later with a vow renewal? Maybe that's an option for you guys years down the road at an anniversary to put in the extras you're worried about missing?

Either way, you are right- it's WDW! You are definately going to have a great time!

 

[cavecricket]

thanks for the support. I really appreciate it!

 

[curiouser]

Jennifer:

My heart goes out to you. I've cried buckets of tears in my decision of whether or not to have a DFTW. I've been called selfish and inconsiderate. I've shared your guilt for "making" people travel in this hard economy. We thought long and hard about having an at-home wedding. In the end, we realized that wedding planning is stressful, period. You will never make everyone happy; someone will always be upset with your decisions no matter what.

I promise you things will come together. After all, this is really about you and your DFi and a celebration of your love. Not every bride gets the super planning urge. One of my DFi's coworkers just got married with a pool party reception and a potluck - everyone had a great time! I think Ft. Wildderness is a great location for a wedding reception. I love the idea of a rustic, yet elegant, bbq atmosphere. We actually did a theme like that for our engagement party, full of wildflowers and checkered tablecloths.

I wish you the best and remember you are not alone. We are hear to lend support when you need it!!

 

[jworkkul]

Please, do not give up. My daughter had her WDW wedding last year and I know exactly what you are going through. Your guests will not care about where or what they are eating at your reception. All they want to do is look at how beautiful the bride and groom are and how happy you seem. Trust me, Disney will make this something special for both of you.

Also, the photos at the MK come later after the wedding. My daughter had this and they were taken 3 days later. So, this is something that you can think about later if you still want it. Why not try booking it for your 1st year anniversary? Then you won't feel disappointed about not having those special pics. It will give you something to look forward to after the wedding.

Relax, take a deep breath and all will come out fine. Trust WDW and your family to help. Maybe one of your bridesmaids can help in the invitations. There are quite a few programs on the computer and beautiful do-it-yourself invitations at a very reasonable price at the stores (Wal-Mart, Michael's, etc.) Why, I even did the programs and seating placement cards for the reception myself on my computer.

Be happy and congratulations. Who knows, I'm a local and AP pass holder--might even try to "crash"this wedding (not really). I know it will be beautiful. ENJOY

 

[sbsteel]

Jennifer-

I'm getting married a month after you and I, too, don't have any of the things you have listed. I'm fortunate to have a supportive family and have only heard a couple 'what are you thinking comments?' but it doesn't bother me too much.

I think a reception meal at Trail's End and staying at Fort Wilderness is actually pretty neat (my parents would probably like that more than our WP ceremony!) - you could do a neat rustic/outdoorsy theme to go with it.

It is overwhelming, but do remember it's only one day out of your life. Yes, it's special, but it's not the end all, be all so many want us to think. Focus on your life together, spending your wedding day with family and enjoying the time together - that's what really matters.

You will have a lovely day!

 

[AlternateEgo]

You aren't the worst bride ever!

Please don't get lost in the wedding propaganda, "Trust me you will look back and say, I wish I had" Just don't even start off thinking that.

I see a lot of brides throwing money around and thinking they need this and they need that, when at the end of the day, it doesn't even matter.

Focus on a few things. Everything else will come together.

For my wedding, I have focused on entertainment and photography. Entertainment so my guests will have something to remember and the photography so I will be able to look back on it all.

So quit stressing out and go to Disney and have the wedding of your dreams.

Congratulations on your new house! (we just moved into a brand new house too)

 

[DISNEYMAGIC2005]

I just wanted to stop over and say don't worry. Everything will work out fine and you will remember it forever because its the happiest day of your life. It's about the you and your DF and nothing else!


We had to cut back a lot because of the economy and we also had to move things up because my DH is in the Marine Corps and they said they would be giving him orders in June. So we got married in June, about 6 months after we got engaged.

Right now I know that everything is overwhelming and you probably don't want to think about it but the best thing is to just push through. And take a break every once in a while to enjoy yourself. Planning is stressful but you are supposed to be having fun while you do it. Plus before you know it the day will have come and gone and all you will have will be your memories!

Everything will work out and i am sending you a little pixie dust your way to help ya get through all of this!

Happy Planning!

 

[ChocoKat]

Aw! Jennifer I am sorry you are so stressed out. Hang in there!

This is coming from a former bride whose wedding day was an epic disaster, yet has been married for 10 years and even more in love with her DH than the day I married him.

It is easy to see all the pj's here and get disheartened when you are on a tight budget and things don't seem to be going the way you had planned. But this is about you and your DF getting married in a wonderful place with your friends and family present.

Just imagine it, you and your DF sharing your wedding vows in one of your favorite places, a simple yet romantic ceremony followed by a fun reception at trails end.

Right now I am starting to plan our vow renewal and 10 year anniversary celebration. Our budget is way higher than our first wedding which was pretty much zero. We are inviting everybody that couldn't make it and having a blast.

Don't get caught up thinking on how the grass is greener on so many pj's, shake it off and remember this is about the love you and your DF share, plus there are still plenty of wonderful landmark anniversaries to go a little crazy and do it all over again just to celebrate having each other

 

[Elsha]

You are most definitely not an awful bride...it's stressful, and people are not always friendly when they don't see it your way.

My husband and I had a little, tiny, spur the moment wedding at city hall. Our mom's were present, and 2 friends (best man, maid of honour), and our 3month old daughter. Our families were none too happy about it, since we didn't tell anyone but the moms until after.

Your wedding is all that matters. Have it YOUR way...celebrate your new marriage with your new husband. Worse case scenario you get to plan a VR like we are to get all the things you missed. Personally what I missed the most was the chance at a first dance...but it doesn't mean my wedding was a total bust.

I wouldn't change anything for the world.
Chances are...neither will you.


Relax, and breath, and be calm. Think about you and your future husband, in your new house...and you should be able to shut out most of the other noise.

 

[cavecricket]

You guys are truly amazing.

You have all made me feel so much better. I am printing up this thread right now to keep in my purse so I can refrence it when I get down on myself.

You are all very classy people with huge hearts and I wish all of you the very best life has to offer.

Jennifer

 

[Sarah <3 Disney]

Aww, don't be sad! This should be a happy time! I am sure whatever you plan will turn out quite lovely in the end. Just remember it is about you two, not everyone else!

And while you may not be able to afford the perks now, I think you should just enjoy the day to come and plan for the perks later. Like the previous poster said, if you really want a MK shoot, plan a one year anniversary and have it then. Were you hoping for Cinderella's coach? Why not plan a carriage ride for just to two of you to enjoy. You can also recreate your wedding cake and enjoy it all over again. Go all out for just the two of you when you can afford it! This way, you get to spend all of the money you saved on you! Not everyone else!

 

[malibustacey]

Hey ... big hugs coming your way...

Like everyone has said, you are not a bad bride at all. It is crazy overwhelming planning for everything and we have all been there with not keeping everyone happy- but you know what, its you and your Fiance that need to be kept happy. As long as you have the things you want (and can afford) then thats all that matters. If there are things that you cannot afford then you could look towards a VR in a few years time?

What I have learned is that the wedding is about the bride & groom, and many people can put guilt on you for every aspect of the wedding from not inviting people to travelling to the venue- people can moan and disagree with you but in the end, its about you two, and its your wedding.


It will all work out I promise. X

 

[Cleofish]

Just wanted to send you some love and echo the sentiments of all above. You are most definately not a bad bride, not even half or quarter bad!!! It's easy to sit here and tell you everything will be ok when you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed, but maybe just take two minutes to yourself and step back. Try to remember your love for DF and the reason why you are getting married - beacuse of that love and because you want to share that with the rest of the world. Regardless of where or how your wedding takes place it will be wonderful because the two of you will be there. Try not to worry about the financial side of things (which I know is very very difficult) and just try to concentrate upon your wonderful day and your the start of a beautiful life together.

Lots of hugs and pixie dust coming your way! Think positive, it will all be ok and come out right in the wash! Best wishes, and emjoy your wedding!

 

[tiggerrifficheidi]

I wanted to let you know that I've done them both.

First, we threw together a bare-bones Escape Wedding in a week. I picked out the dress, had alterations, got the rings, shoes, his clothes, the minister and beautician, oh and DFTW ALL in one week. Seriously. My BFF and her DH and DD were the only guests. It was AMAZING. We had a blast.

Then, because we had already promised it to the family, mostly. And because we wanted to celebrate with them, I did the DEDICATED bride thing like you talk about. It was a full-time job, almost, but I loved every minute of it, because DH was deployed. It was a wonderful day because I had all my friends and family there. Well, that, and I indulged myself more than I have in a lifetime. I had a blast, too!

Bottom line: despite my expensive-well-planned-to-the-gnat's-behind DFTW, I still LOVE my simple-packaged-and-hurried DFTW. You'll have a great time! And if 10 years later you feel you missed something...there's always VRs or other "events."

 

[DisneyMoB]

Jennifer, my heart went out to you when I read your post. I just wanted to say don't despair - as another poster said, 'there's a lot of hype' about weddings out there.

We had just bought our first house when my husband-to-be got made redundant. We were living hand to mouth, but decided to forge ahead with getting married because we were so in love and eager to live together! We asked friends and family NOT to buy gifts for our new home, but to contribute to the wedding. Someone paid for the ingredients for the cake, someone else baked it; someone bought fabric for the BMs dresses and someone else made them up; my parents-in-law paid for the reception buffet and my boss paid for the room rental; someone even 'donated' their white car to be my carriage for the day etc. etc. People were amazing and we pulled it all together in just a couple of months. That was almost 32 years ago and we're still going strong. We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary by having a long weekend in Disneyland in Paris.

True, we didn't have all the frills that others have, but all our key elements were there. All the guests had invested something of themselves in the wedding and we all had a thoroughly enjoyable occasion. My advice? Sit down with your DF and write a list of your top 10 'must do/most wanted' for the wedding .... a special song to be played, write your own vows, splash out on a room away from the family on your wedding night, etc. Just focus on getting those elements sorted out before September and stop worrying about your guests: no-one's had their arm twisted up their back to attend The bottom line is they are coming because they want to.

I wish you all the very best with the planning, and much happiness for the future.

 

[daisygirl902]

I know we are all saying basically the same thing but please please do NOT continue to stress yourself out! It's not worth it - you are doing this for YOU! Don't try to make everyone happy cause you just can't!

I am learning every day through my planning to make sacrifices where we can to fit in the things we can't - for example I am making my reception dinner optional (HDDR) with the stipulation that my guests are going to either use their own dining plan credits or pay OOP for their tickets....I also had my heart set on either a fireworks cruise or dessert party - but instead gave that up because we decided that it was more important to change our location to Wedding Pavillion (we saw a video done there and fell in love with it)....It's all about fitting in what you can and making it the best experience you can possibly have - WITHOUT breaking the bank!

I also made a kind of wish list for the extras that I can't afford and my oh so generous family (who are all just regular people - we are NOT rich by any means) each picked things they can help on (in lieu of buying us gifts for the wedding)...for instance my disney freak sister is paying for Mickey and Minnie to come, my other sister is paying for Randy Chapman....my mom is helping out on the honeymoon...etc...

My DFi is unemployed and in school right now and I am saving for all of this all on my salary...as well as supporting him through school - so I feel your pain budget wise...

BE HAPPY - you are about to enter into a nw phase in life! New house, new marriage - be excited regardless of how stressful the day-to-day stuff can be!

 

[pghloveswdw512]

Good morning all.

I am probably the worst bride....ever.

All I wanted was a very simple, special Disney wedding.

Thus I went with an Escape package.


The stress is beyond draining. Im really not cut out for any of this. I read some pj's and I am blown away by the level of commitment. There are some hardworking brides on here. I have not picked out my songs, have not had a fiiting, have not sent out my invitations, dont have shoes yet, have bought no honeymoon clothes, a bridal shower has not been planned yet, Im very ashamed of myself.

I was so looking forward to this, but now I dread the planning, I wont even talk about it with family. People ask how plans are going and I am just blank and change the subject. This was supposed to be so great and I fear that it will be a total flop.

The barest of the bare minimum. Not even pixie dust can help me right now.

Thanks for listening guys.

Sorry to be such a downer.

Jennifer

Jennifer,

Reading your thread was like reading my own mind. We did EXACTLY the same thing, and it sounds like for the same reasons. We picked the Escape package because the planning would be easy and we could just go down and do it together. There wouldn't be any family or social pressure. Just simple and easy. Then, we decided to tell our parents we were doing this. Great! They were excited, they wanted to help us pay for things, and they thought it was a good plan, except that we should tell the rest of our families too. Well, the DF's siblings were hurt and wounded because they weren't invited, not really bothering to think about the expense we'd be putting on them or the fact that our marriage is far more important than the ceremony, so now we're inviting them too. The whole plan has changed so much, and we're worried it's only going to get worse as now we have 17 people to worry about for 3 days when we can't afford to go to meals and things together with them. They keep suggesting bridal showers and rehearsal dinners... who will pay for all of this?! On top of that, we can't get married at SP anymore because of the increased guest count, so now I have to pray the date and time is still open for us to all go on that agreed weekend. Yuck!

In short, I COMPLETELY understand how you feel. I've decided that weddings are never easy, that people always have to tell you what they think, and that in the end, you only have to please you and your fiance. We just went to a wedding last weekend and the sermon was all about how your goal is to please each other. If you can please everyone, great. If you can't, your priority is to your spouse. I've been clinging to that sermon all week, and I hope you can find comfort in it too!

We can get through this wedding experience! Don't worry!

Oh! I also bought us the bride and groom ear hats from the Disney Store website, and I had our names put on the back. It was a little expensive, but it actually makes me feel good every time I see them sitting next to each other on the table. We're actually getting married at Disney! It's a nice reminder.

Good luck!

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

There is so much that has been said already but I want to add this...There are only 2 important people in a marriage...husband and wife. This is something that I have too had to keep in mind...Would I love various add ons? Absolutely! Are we going to be able to afford it...don't know-we aren't to the point of calling DFTWs and adding it all up yet...but I have a number of ideas! At the end of the day there will only be 2 people that matter....DF and me...The one thing that I WILL NOT BEND ON...is seeing his look the first time I walk down the aisle. That will not cost me a cent and will be with me for a lifetime.

 

[CinderelliT]

Good morning all.

I am probably the worst bride....ever.

All I wanted was a very simple, special Disney wedding.

Thus I went with an Escape package.

We are getting married (alledgedly) Monday Sept 21st 2009.

Its all so very overwhelming. It seems like my selections are exactly what people *dont* want to do, Im trying to be calm and together and not freak out but all that is doing is making people question why Im so "calm".

I just really wanted everyone to have a good time, I figured, we would all be in WDW....how could I go wrong? ... I really wanted Mickey to attend at first but then, after buying a house, reality set in. Mickey or a new stove? ... MK photoshoot or bathroom flooring? Needless to say, I know I cannot afford any extras, but I can only hear "Trust me you will look back and say, I wish I had" so many times before I start feeling like a total failure at what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life.

Jennifer,
I sent you a PM. Please check it out. Also, don't feel like a failure over some planning. Some of the best weddings I went to were not the ones where people spent the most money, but the ones that had the most meaning! Just remember that it is about your love - and that is the most special element.

Please don't say that you are a failure based on some wedding planning! Buffet - mmm...yummy. I love food. That sound more appetizing to me and my family any day. So don't worry about what others will think, just do what will make you and your DF happy!