I have two moments that come to mind:
On our last trip to WDW, while in AK, we played the boardwalk style games in Dinoland (is that what it's called???? I'm having brain freeze right now). My partner proudly won a stuffed toy from one of the attractions and held it aloft, boasting and puffing his chest. It cracked me up to no end!
We walked through the area and he pointed out two little boys with their father, playing the squirt gun race game. The CM was politely and quietly and very playfully shooing away anyone who had wanted to play because it was clear he wanted one of the two tots to win a prize. What a guy!
It was so cute to see the boys shoot and shoot and of course, one won! He was so proud!
But of course, because his little brother (a VERY tiny boy of tiny stature!) didn't win, tears welled up in his eyes and quickly ran down his cheeks. And what did his big brother do? He walked over, and said "Here, I won this for you," and handed his prized toy over without a bat of the eye. BOY did his little brother beam like the sun!
And what did my partner do? He walked over to the big brother, held out his own prized toy and said, "And I won this for YOU!"
And big brother, without initially accepting, looked to his father with a look of quiet desparation and said, "Can I Daddy?" And of course his father let him!
With a very firm, grown up, handshake, big brother shook my partners hand, "Thank you sir," and gratefully held the toy to his chest in a huge hug.
I still poke gentle fun at my partner for that, calling him a big softie. I love that memory.
Another isn't quite so happy, though it brings back pleasant thoughts.
We live in New York City. Immediately after 9/11, I volunteered overnight shifts, providing food and conversation to the Ground Zero workers. Without fail, I felt it would be inappropriate to express my own feelings in front of the men and women who were working so hard, trying to find our friends, family, neighbors and co-workers. You see, I lost 9 friends that horrible day and my volunteering was meant to bring me closure.
I worked for several weeks, surrounded by exhausted, soot covered men and women, inhaling the noxious smoke and fumes, my feet and back screaming in pain, my clothes covered in grime. But I kept my mouth shut. I bit my lip when necessary. But I refused to express myself. I refused to shed any tears. I just wanted to give thanks and show my appreciation to the workers. And I wanted to keep working no matter what. I didn't think I had the right to feel so deeply depressed because I kept thinking that all I was doing was feeding the workers, I wasn't digging up bodies and worse. I also felt that I had only lost friends but others had lost their parents, children or spouse. I felt in my heart that in expressing my grief, it would have been insensitive to those with a greater loss.
Keeping it all buried finally reared it's ugly head a few short months later. I couldn't sleep and when I did, I'd wake up screaming or crying. I had horrible nightmares. I started getting blinding migraines. My entire physical well being crashed and burned. I buried myself with work. I became very withdrawn and quiet. When I spoke, I usually lashed out.
Finally, one day in early 2002, my partner sat me down and firmly said, "You're in pain and you need to release it. You lost friends. You saw horrible things. You need to find that happy person inside of you. You need to get away from this city for a while. You need to let go." And still, I stared at him and refused to cry or talk about what I had smelled, what I had seen, how I felt, or how much I missed my friends. I just stared and sat mute.
And then he said, God bless him, "Diana and Rocco (two great friends) and I have made vacation plans and we think you need to go to Disney World. It's your favorite place in all the world and you need to be there for a little while. We're taking you."
My answer was not with good cheer or happiness. "How can you think of going there right now? It's the f---ing 'Happiest place on Earth' and so many people are in pain. How can you be so insensitive?"
He immediately said, "We're going, there's no discussion." and he stood up and left the room. He shouted angrily from the kitchen "And you better back your bags tonight because we're going tomorrow."
And we did. I refused to talk to anyone while flying down, I wouldn't say a word on the ride to WDW, I sat to the side while we checked in at ASMu, and I wordlessly unpacked my clothes and put them away. I stared out the window while riding the shuttle to the Magic Kingdom. I would give monosyllabic grunts or brief replies when spoken to.
And we entered the turnstiles. And we walked under the railroad tracks. And we stepped onto Main Street. And I looked up and saw the castle. And tears began coursing down my cheeks. I muffled a sob. I couldn't hold it in. I began crying, my body even started shaking. My partner and friends gathered around and hugged me. We hugged each other. I said I was so sorry for pulling away from everyone. And we cried some more.
Mutters of "it's ok", "you needed to get away", "you needed to let go", "we all were hurting, it wasn't just you." We hugged some more. And then again. And gradually the tears tapered off, I looked up once again at my surroundings and laughed. For the first time in months. I laughed at the curious stares, the confused glances. I could only imagine what the other guests were thinking.
And I found that happy person inside of me again. I was truly in the Happiest Place on Earth!
And I stepped fully into the Disney World experience and had an amazing week!