The Christmas That Never Was...

[toystorymom]

I'm sorry. It is always very sad when something you have been looking forward to for so long doesn't happen, or in this case, feels taken away.

Other than the fact that your in laws weren't up front with you, I don't see how you can hold it against them. Times are very tough for everyone. You are facing bankruptcy and trying to keep your house - expensive vacations can't be a priority right now. I'm sure your in laws feel terrible, have you tried to talk to them about their financial situation?

How did your girls take it? I'm sure they were disappointed but they will probably get over it alot faster than you. Kids are amazing that way.

As for not talking to the in laws or holding a grudge - don't. Life is just too short. Christmas is about family and spending time together, you can have a special day together at home. Don't dwell on it (Oh, we would have been here now, etc) Count the blessings you have and enjoy your holidays with your wonderful family.

 

[toesmom]

Did you consider that while you filed for bankruptcy and if you possibly owed money to some contractor or small business, that they may have to tell their own kids any trip planned may have to be cancelled because their bills didn't get paid?

Not to be mean, but if you filed for bankruptcy, could any other family now be in a bad financial spot? Sounds as if your in-laws are obviously having financial problems, try not to make them feel too badly about it. I bet they are embarassed enough about it.

I agree about not letting the kids see you are upset, but I do understand the disappointment.

 

[Kenenitz]

I am so sorry for you and your family. Due to the economy we've decided to postpone a trip as well, so I understand your disappointment. I agree with some of the other posters. I would have the in-laws tell them. Of course I would more than likely ambush them a bit. Have them over for dinner and then at dessert, announce that the trip to WDW has been cancelled by nan and pop and if they have any questions they can ask them now.

I wanted to add that it must be hard for them to have to cancel a trip that they undoubtedly looked forward to.. especially with it being a 50th wedding anniversary. And due to the economy I can certainly see why they might have reservations about the trip. I am just simply surprised in the way they handled the situation. No prior notice, no discussion... If simply seemed a bit harsh and as if they are blaming their child's family.

 

[Huskerfamilyof5]

We just want to say thank you for all of your kind words and encouragement. To give more clarification in regards to the dinning reservations we were on the Deluxe Plan. Because my FIL is so wrapped up in how much things cost my MIL and us felt that it would best. That way he would not get cringe every he time he looked at a menu and saw how expensive food is at WDW. They are very financially secure and the cost while siginificant would have not have been an impact to them. My FIL just felt that the economy and our current situation was enough of a reason to cancel. Also the day that they told us my FIL said the two biggest mistakes we have made in the past few years was building our house and having our third child. Just some food for thought.

We looked at the advice on who should tell our girls. We decided to do it on Saturday night because we knew from past experiences they would put a great spin to make them look less as the bad guys and put on us. Needless to say many tears were shed by the two older girls. The three year old really did not express emotion but her behavior has certainly changed.

My DH and I explained to our DD's that this is not the last time that they will have to deal with dissapointment in their lives and this is a growing moment. We left it up to both of them on how they want to resolve this with their GP as this too will be a learning moment as well. We told them that WDW is not going anywhere and will only get better as the years to come. We promised them that we will take them WDW as soon as we are able. We have also made it a goal on our Vision Board to become members of the DVC so that for the following 50 years the opportunity to experience WDW's magic will be preserved for not just my children but my grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Thank you again for your encouraging words and thoughts.

D,L,M,R, & B

 

[sk!mom]

Also the day that they told us my FIL said the two biggest mistakes we have made in the past few years was building our house and having our third child. Just some food for thought.

My DH and I explained to our DD's that this is not the last time that they will have to deal with dissapointment in their lives and this is a growing moment. We left it up to both of them on how they want to resolve this with their GP as this too will be a learning moment as well. B[/QUOTE


Why would you want to vacation with someone who would make a comment like that? That would be someone that I was minimizing contact with.

As far as your DD's resolving this with their GP's, it sounds as if you're letting your anger color your judgement. If your daughters have enjoyed a close relationship with the GP's then it is a mistake, IMO, to blame this on the GP's and damage that relationship. Why not explain that the economy and downturn in mom and dad's business make a trip impossible right now rather than using the situation to punish the GP's. I wouldn't want my children to feel bitter if I could do anything to prevent it.

I'm just saying, as have many others, the current economy is making many nervous and probably the older you are the more nervous you are- less time to recover. I also think that your bankruptcy probably played a large part in the decision- I can easily understand why a trip would sound like a bad idea.

 

[Deb & Bill]

Good luck with your financial troubles. DVC is a pretty expensive venture and dues continue to go up each year. Make sure you can really afford it before you attempt to become a DVC member.

 

[Missin'Disney]

I feel for you and your family. Good luck with your business and helping the children cope with their disappointment. Just do your best to put in perspective....at least you have your health.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think they went about it in the wrong way, but I can't imagine going on such an expensive trip while I am in danger of losing my home. Maybe they'd rather save that $ in case you guys need to borrow it? Maybe they were overwhelmed with the whole deluxe dining and all of those sit-down meals? My parents took us on a WDW vacation - they have the means, and really wanted to experience it with their grandchildren - but I purchased the regular plan, and we actually shared CS meals with them (they didn't purchase the plan). I did all of the planning, trying to find ways to cut costs (discount tickets purchased the day before the price increase, renting DVC points, Garden Grocer for meals in the room, so we could share the CS and snack points with them).

It's too bad they didn't discuss it with you before they cancelled - maybe you could've scaled down the trip, and everyone would be happy.

 

[lastminutemom]

I have to say that you seem to be in an economic disconnect. You might LOSE your home and you are upset with your inlaws for canceling a trip. I would be upset with your inlaws for going forward with the trip instead of trying to help you through your current financial hardships.

Don't you think losing your home and your livelihood will have a far more lasting impact than one canceled vacation.

 

[disneymom2one]

I am so a lurker for the most part but I just wanted to add my thoughts. We went through a tough financial period a year ago due primarily to the insurance crisis in Florida. It was awful and we did indeed choose to cancel our "annual", "traditional" Christmas trip to WDW. It was really difficult but in the end, it was the right thing to do. We took the time to get our financial house in order and sure enough, we'll be back a year later. Did my thirteen year old understand? Not really but we're the adults and we had to make the decision.

I personally can't imagine taking a trip under similar circumstances.

I don't get blaming the grandparents either. Should they have handled things differently? Probably. However, in the end, it seems like they were doing what was best for you.

For the record, no one has ever paid for our trips. We now pay cash for them. I scour the Internet for discounts and know what we can spend ahead of time. If we don't have the money, we don't go.

 

[luvmy2sams]

We just want to say thank you for all of your kind words and encouragement. To give more clarification in regards to the dinning reservations we were on the Deluxe Plan. Because my FIL is so wrapped up in how much things cost my MIL and us felt that it would best. That way he would not get cringe every he time he looked at a menu and saw how expensive food is at WDW. They are very financially secure and the cost while siginificant would have not have been an impact to them. My FIL just felt that the economy and our current situation was enough of a reason to cancel. Also the day that they told us my FIL said the two biggest mistakes we have made in the past few years was building our house and having our third child. Just some food for thought.

D,L,M,R, & B

Sounds like your FIL has a good financial head on his shoulders. There's a reason why "the cost while significant would have not have been an impact to them". He's most likely built up his financial security by making some difficult decisions in the past. As someone closing in on retirement, he's wise to consider the long-term implications. Perhaps he's trying to lead by example here.

I hope, as others have stated, that your feelings about this situation won't affect your children's relationship with their grandparents. Best of luck!

 

[bumbershoot]

Why not explain that the economy and downturn in mom and dad's business make a trip impossible right now rather than using the situation to punish the GP's.

But if the grandparents are paying for it, then that would be a flat out lie. Why lie to the kids and make them feel worse about their parents, when this trip's cancelation wasn't their decision?

I have to say that you seem to be in an economic disconnect. You might LOSE your home and you are upset with your inlaws for canceling a trip. I would be upset with your inlaws for going forward with the trip instead of trying to help you through your current financial hardships.

Don't you think losing your home and your livelihood will have a far more lasting impact than one canceled vacation.

It sounds like this was the one big shining thing that they had in their future that was making all the other problems feel less bad. Now it's gone. The OP is allowed to mourn this trip, this bright spot during hard times.



And the FIL talking about one of his grandchildren being a MISTAKE would mean a FIL that I wouldn't be dealing with any longer. Even if he hadn't said that, a person saying that building a house was a mistake doesn't sound like a guy who is saving money to help his son keep that house...

 

[NHDisneyMom]

If my FIL called my youngest a mistake ... well, regardless of the relationship he had before cancelling the trip, there would be a cold front coming his way. Cancel the trip - fine, disappointment. Tell me my child was a mistake ... that changes the game!

To the OP - I'm sorry your trip got cancelled, but maybe it's for the best and you will have a better time when you are back on your feet finacially and you can go without the out laws. It's sad when the kids are disappointed and a life lesson maybe you didn't want to teach them yet. I guess we don't always decide on the timing.

Maybe it's also a life lesson for your children on just who their grandparents are. Should this change their relationship ... the out laws made a choice and with that choice comes consequenses. If those consequenses are that their grandchildren feel differently about them then that was their choice not yours. It's a tough life lesson to learn but another worth learning - not all family members are wonderful people and sometimes they can be mean. I still can't get past calling your little one a mistake. If someone said that about my little ones - that would cause serious consequences in our relationship!

 

[eyeheartgoofy]

I'm sorry! What a bummer.

 

[twinmom319]

It is one thing to cancel a trip for financial reasons.

It is completely another thing to call a grandchild a mistake for financial or ANY reason. This statement completely invalidates any "fiscal responsibility" behind the decision.

Even if they did cancel the trip so that they could use the money to help out the OP, if it were me, I would not accept any money from anybody, parent or otherwise, who referred to my child as a mistake.

I have spent my whole life forgiving my parents for one stupid thing or another they have said or done (and we are not talking about little things, either) but this would be the straw that broke the camels back.

To the OP - I am so sorry about the trip - I know that it was probably something that was getting you through these difficult times. But I'm sure you will find a way to save up to go back soon, and you can do it on your own terms! And kids are resilient, they will be OK. For now, live vicariously through the disboards! (as I am doing, as who knows when we will be able to go back...)