ZZUB
Roll Tide, Mean It
- Joined
- May 9, 2003
- Messages
- 947
For weeks before we left on this trip I wondered whether I had another one of these in me. Is there anything left to write about?
The cast is the same. The location is the same. The food was still free.
Is it possible to write a fifth installment in this series of stories about one familys trip to Disney World? How many times can a person complain about the cost of a vacation? How much food lust can one person write about? How many different ways can I complain about the heat, the snarky CMs and the diminution of service while simultaneously describing my life long love affair with Walts 47 square miles? Dont I run the risk of sounding too much like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli? Are there any lines left from Seinfeld and Napoleon Dynamite I havent already quoted? How many more jabs at John Edwards, Britney Spears, Mike Shula and Hillary! can I possibly ladle on top of an already thin narrative? Didnt it become painfully obvious a long time ago that my Trip Reports are really nothing more than a nine month long blog thinly disguised as the story of our vacation to Walt Disney World?
Indeed.
For weeks before we left I wondered whether I would undertake this task again. For a fifth time. If only Sylvester Stallone would have asked himself the same question. I dont want our familys vacation journal to become a pathetic imitation of the Police Academy or Rocky sequels, which were, ironically, themselves pathetic imitations.
By now youre wondering whether the entirety of the fifth installment of this series will be nothing more than a meta-discussion about whether there should be a fifth installment at all.
I'm wondering when I started using phrases like "meta-discussion." Whom do I have to blame for that?!
Clearly the cat is out of the bag on the question of whether I decided I had another one of these in me. The only question now is whether you have sufficient energy to tramp your way through another nine month journey into the life of a fairly neurotic, and somewhat flatulent, soon-to-be middle aged man suffering from a Peter Pan complex and an over-developed love for cake and potato salad?
How about a little background. A primer if you will. Even if you wont: here it comes.
Im a lawyer, I live in the Pacific Northwest but Im an alumnus of the greatest football playing school in the country, owner of 12 national championships and 21 SEC championships. They call Alabama the Crimson Tide. You know what they call me. I married way above myself to a beautiful woman who used to teach school but was promoted to CEO of our home. I am fortunate that in almost 12 years of marriage, my wife has yet to discover she could have done better. Although many have tried telling her. Including the preacher who married us. During the wedding.
Do you take ZZUB to be your lawfully wedded husband?
I do.
Why?! Look around you. You could do a LOT better.
But I love him.
Are you sure? Ill give you a few minutes to consider your options.
We have two daughters: ZZUBY who is 5 ½ and Baby ZZUB who is 6 months.
They took a 6 month old to Disney World?! I can hear you shriek. Yes, and we also bought only one refillable mug AND rented a stroller for my 5 ½ year old. But we didnt pool hop or abuse the free dining credits. Much. So settle down.
We also have a dog named Stafford. We call him Schpupin! Or the Schpup! He has a speech impediment and tends to stutter.
That we have a talking dog, with a speech impediment, is only one of many reasons why I am now and forever: only ZZUB.
Sadly, there are many other reasons, too numerous to identify.
Which brings me to this: generally speaking, I try to post installments every two weeks. Usually on a Monday morning. When I post a new chapter, Ill edit the title of my thread to announce the update, including the date and page number of the new chapter. I will also place a link in the bottom of each chapter so you can skip past the comments and just read the story if you so choose. If you prefer to just read the comments and skip the story, then I suggest you read Mel HappyHaunts Trip Report.
I'm not one of the people who responds to comments, mainly because I'm afraid I won't respond to everyone and then I'll end up hurting someone's feelings. So I abstain from commenting back although I do enjoy reading the comments of people who are reading my Trip Report. Periodically I will try to post a response to queries. Ive been known to provide geography tips and explain simple mathematic calculations. You should also know that I dont accept PMs. While I will post pictures of scenery and the occasional food item, I dont post pictures of me or my family. We're neurotic remember? Except, it would seem when it comes to Stafford J.
Im also a pretty big fan of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I owe my life, both here on Earth and in eternity, to Him. I make no bones about my love for Him and although in the past Ive been asked to hold the religion, I dont reckon I will. Because although I dont post pictures of myself, I try to write in such a way as to give you a clear picture of who the ZZUBs are. We love Walt Disney World, Alabama football, saving money, Tonga Toast, Yoo Hoo, Pop Tarts, Seinfeld, Napoleon Dynamite, Apollo XIII, Rudy, Country Music, Fast Food and the Monroe Doctrine. Just to name a few things.
We also walk with God.
Which doesnt make us perfect or better than the next yahoo. Just forgiven.
If you endeavor to read along through this years Battle For My Wallet, then youll discover we are completely flawed and in many various ways. Not so much my wife, mostly me. And the Schpup! I have a penchant for sarcasm. And fits of rage. Ive rendered people dyspeptic. And numb. Sometimes both. At the same time.
And I only buy one refillable mug a year.
If youve read any of the previous Battles, then you already know all of this. But I imagine most of the people who suffered through previous Battles for My Wallet were smart enough NOT to undertake trudging through yet another one. This preface was served up for the uninitiated; for those who do not yet know any better and thus will persist in nibbling on my insipid observations and rambling prose.
And for people who think John Edwards would make a good president.
Youre wondering what possesses seemingly normal people to take a six month old baby to Disney World when the temperature is hotter than Lloyd Carrs seat. And thats your first mistake. We are many things but 'seemingly normal' is not one of them.
Because no right thinking person takes a baby to Disney World in September. You have to be full on Disney Crazy to do this. Normal people dont schlep their infants across country and subject them to airplane germs, underwashed tourists and Mickey Mouses bacteria frap of a nose. They wait until their children are older. And can enjoy the experience.
Whatever that means.
Nutjob Disney fanatics can only vacation in one place. Although we consider going to other destinations, they all pale in comparison. We talk about not taking a vacation at all but eventually we succumb to the Kavorka that is Disneys allure.
We also have family two hours away from Disney World and since they have to see the baby, we figure were at least going to chow down on some free food and ride some rides.
And then spend nine months writing about it.
We go to Disney World every year and we normally go just about the same time, within a few weeks one way or the other. Yet, we dont like to stay at the same place two years in a row. It feels too much like were trying to repeat the previous trips. So we try to mix things up.
But our prior trip wasnt a bit like we had planned it to be. And my wife didnt really enjoy it very much. I dont reckon I did much either. So there was little danger we would be trying to duplicate our 2006 trip. If anything, we would endeavor to go a new direction, to do the opposite. When we began planning this vacation, my wife impressed it upon me to return to the Lodge (Wilderness, that is). She wanted to have the vacation there she didnt get the year before.
And so it was, early in April, I pounced on the Disney Visa Free Dining deal. I waited on hold for about 30 minutes and then gave the CM our dates and asked for Woodsview Bunkbeds. ZZUBY really enjoyed the bunkbeds and Im a daddy who likes to make his kids happy. In an ironic twist, the Woodsview Bunkbeds were not available. All I could book was Standard. So I booked it and my first round of ADRs.
The time between early April and late August passed rather quickly for us. Unlike last year. Ill try to keep the comparisons to a minimum. But there are some which are so stark they demand attention. And our waiting period for this trip was a clear departure from the year before when we thought we'd never leave for vacation and we groaned under the weight of a cruel summer. By comparison, this summer was light and fast. We did some work on our house which kept us busy and with the birth of Baby ZZUB in February, we had several visitors to the ZZUB homestead.
And maybe I learned a lesson or two from last year. Walking with God is not like riding a bicycle, or havent I told you that before? I forget some of the things He has taught me in the past. But not this one. Not now anyway. As we worked our way from April to August, I didnt so much obsess over our itinerary and I didnt so much plan out every minute of every day and I didnt daydream about how wonderful it all would be. I was borderline ambivalent. Sure, I made and changed ADRs as frequently as Kayne West denounces the Man, and I reconsidered our Resort choice a time or two. Or three. But ultimately, I had a keener sense that the resort we booked was the one we should stay at. I wasnt so burdened with making it all work out. Indeed, I was liberated from that compulsion. Instead, I made plans and sketched out a loose itinerary with lots and lots of options.
And yes, we still had our pre-Disney planning meetings. And we discussed changes in our itinerary and the built in alternatives at our disposal. Were still Disney freaks for crying out loud.
But at no point did I feel myself yearning for vacation. I didnt expect anything of it. Sure I was looking forward to it. Looking forward to two weeks away from my office and my calendar. We were spending eight days and seven nights at Disney World and then a second week at my sister's house with her, my brother in law, their kids and my parents. So I would have two weeks away from work with my wife and daughters. Free food, fun rides, Blades of Glory, Night at the Museum and Nappy D. Great memories. But I knew enough to not expect any more. The same great vacation that offers up Tonga Toast, Illuminations and Soren Lorenson also packs the wretched odor of Disney Busses, humidity and a sure fire blister on the little piggy who had none. The good and the bad.
At least for now, Ive learned not to place too great an expectation upon our vacation. Thus, our planning for this trip was different. Understated. We were going to Disney World. Because the past is prologue to the future, we knew not to get too bunched up worrying about the minor details. And they are really minor details.
No bunkbed room reserved? No problem. Well get the room God has picked out for us.
Using Magic Express? Well pack our bathroom stuff and a change of clothes in our carry-on bags.
Trusting our lives to Delta Airlines and the jackbooted TSA? God will protect us.
Will this year be more crowded than years before? Well adjust our plans as needed.
Will Suzie Helpershoes and her extended family of mischievous minions appear? Thatll just provide good comedy for my Trip Report.
No Teppanyaki? No problem.
Thats not to imply our trip was all Dream Fastpasses and a night in the Castle. May it never be! Wheres the humor in everything going right? Sure I got to talk to Crush and ZZUBy got a star turn in The Festival of the Lion King. But as you might expect, the silver lining was on a thunder grey cloud whose name was Marty Meantoes. We also encountered a ghastly odor in Toon Town after dark. A smell so bad it sent lesser men chasing after their fanny packs.
By the way: the myth of Toon Town being empty after dark is just that: a myth. I havent seen crowds like that since Auburn lost at home to Univ. of South Florida and Auburn fans packed into the Hardees to drown their sorrows in biscuits and gravy. And free refills of Dr. Pepper.
But Im getting ahead of myself. Our trip was great, maybe the best trip weve ever taken. And thats saying something. Nevertheless, be advised therell be a rant or two. Or three. So if youre given to fits of numbness, you might want to fashion some sort of seat belt on your chair. I wont be held responsible if you succumb to the vapors and hit your head on the credenza.
There again, the thunder grey clouds give way to my new raison detre. I wont give away the exciting climax of this little yarn. If we can expand the definition of "exciting" to include, "of very little interest to anyone who isn't me." Suffice it to say it involves butter.
And a large spoon.
Click Here for Chapter Two
The cast is the same. The location is the same. The food was still free.
Is it possible to write a fifth installment in this series of stories about one familys trip to Disney World? How many times can a person complain about the cost of a vacation? How much food lust can one person write about? How many different ways can I complain about the heat, the snarky CMs and the diminution of service while simultaneously describing my life long love affair with Walts 47 square miles? Dont I run the risk of sounding too much like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli? Are there any lines left from Seinfeld and Napoleon Dynamite I havent already quoted? How many more jabs at John Edwards, Britney Spears, Mike Shula and Hillary! can I possibly ladle on top of an already thin narrative? Didnt it become painfully obvious a long time ago that my Trip Reports are really nothing more than a nine month long blog thinly disguised as the story of our vacation to Walt Disney World?
Indeed.
For weeks before we left I wondered whether I would undertake this task again. For a fifth time. If only Sylvester Stallone would have asked himself the same question. I dont want our familys vacation journal to become a pathetic imitation of the Police Academy or Rocky sequels, which were, ironically, themselves pathetic imitations.
By now youre wondering whether the entirety of the fifth installment of this series will be nothing more than a meta-discussion about whether there should be a fifth installment at all.
I'm wondering when I started using phrases like "meta-discussion." Whom do I have to blame for that?!
Clearly the cat is out of the bag on the question of whether I decided I had another one of these in me. The only question now is whether you have sufficient energy to tramp your way through another nine month journey into the life of a fairly neurotic, and somewhat flatulent, soon-to-be middle aged man suffering from a Peter Pan complex and an over-developed love for cake and potato salad?
How about a little background. A primer if you will. Even if you wont: here it comes.
Im a lawyer, I live in the Pacific Northwest but Im an alumnus of the greatest football playing school in the country, owner of 12 national championships and 21 SEC championships. They call Alabama the Crimson Tide. You know what they call me. I married way above myself to a beautiful woman who used to teach school but was promoted to CEO of our home. I am fortunate that in almost 12 years of marriage, my wife has yet to discover she could have done better. Although many have tried telling her. Including the preacher who married us. During the wedding.
Do you take ZZUB to be your lawfully wedded husband?
I do.
Why?! Look around you. You could do a LOT better.
But I love him.
Are you sure? Ill give you a few minutes to consider your options.
We have two daughters: ZZUBY who is 5 ½ and Baby ZZUB who is 6 months.
They took a 6 month old to Disney World?! I can hear you shriek. Yes, and we also bought only one refillable mug AND rented a stroller for my 5 ½ year old. But we didnt pool hop or abuse the free dining credits. Much. So settle down.
We also have a dog named Stafford. We call him Schpupin! Or the Schpup! He has a speech impediment and tends to stutter.
That we have a talking dog, with a speech impediment, is only one of many reasons why I am now and forever: only ZZUB.
Sadly, there are many other reasons, too numerous to identify.
Which brings me to this: generally speaking, I try to post installments every two weeks. Usually on a Monday morning. When I post a new chapter, Ill edit the title of my thread to announce the update, including the date and page number of the new chapter. I will also place a link in the bottom of each chapter so you can skip past the comments and just read the story if you so choose. If you prefer to just read the comments and skip the story, then I suggest you read Mel HappyHaunts Trip Report.
I'm not one of the people who responds to comments, mainly because I'm afraid I won't respond to everyone and then I'll end up hurting someone's feelings. So I abstain from commenting back although I do enjoy reading the comments of people who are reading my Trip Report. Periodically I will try to post a response to queries. Ive been known to provide geography tips and explain simple mathematic calculations. You should also know that I dont accept PMs. While I will post pictures of scenery and the occasional food item, I dont post pictures of me or my family. We're neurotic remember? Except, it would seem when it comes to Stafford J.
Im also a pretty big fan of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I owe my life, both here on Earth and in eternity, to Him. I make no bones about my love for Him and although in the past Ive been asked to hold the religion, I dont reckon I will. Because although I dont post pictures of myself, I try to write in such a way as to give you a clear picture of who the ZZUBs are. We love Walt Disney World, Alabama football, saving money, Tonga Toast, Yoo Hoo, Pop Tarts, Seinfeld, Napoleon Dynamite, Apollo XIII, Rudy, Country Music, Fast Food and the Monroe Doctrine. Just to name a few things.
We also walk with God.
Which doesnt make us perfect or better than the next yahoo. Just forgiven.
If you endeavor to read along through this years Battle For My Wallet, then youll discover we are completely flawed and in many various ways. Not so much my wife, mostly me. And the Schpup! I have a penchant for sarcasm. And fits of rage. Ive rendered people dyspeptic. And numb. Sometimes both. At the same time.
And I only buy one refillable mug a year.
If youve read any of the previous Battles, then you already know all of this. But I imagine most of the people who suffered through previous Battles for My Wallet were smart enough NOT to undertake trudging through yet another one. This preface was served up for the uninitiated; for those who do not yet know any better and thus will persist in nibbling on my insipid observations and rambling prose.
And for people who think John Edwards would make a good president.
Youre wondering what possesses seemingly normal people to take a six month old baby to Disney World when the temperature is hotter than Lloyd Carrs seat. And thats your first mistake. We are many things but 'seemingly normal' is not one of them.
Because no right thinking person takes a baby to Disney World in September. You have to be full on Disney Crazy to do this. Normal people dont schlep their infants across country and subject them to airplane germs, underwashed tourists and Mickey Mouses bacteria frap of a nose. They wait until their children are older. And can enjoy the experience.
Whatever that means.
Nutjob Disney fanatics can only vacation in one place. Although we consider going to other destinations, they all pale in comparison. We talk about not taking a vacation at all but eventually we succumb to the Kavorka that is Disneys allure.
We also have family two hours away from Disney World and since they have to see the baby, we figure were at least going to chow down on some free food and ride some rides.
And then spend nine months writing about it.
We go to Disney World every year and we normally go just about the same time, within a few weeks one way or the other. Yet, we dont like to stay at the same place two years in a row. It feels too much like were trying to repeat the previous trips. So we try to mix things up.
But our prior trip wasnt a bit like we had planned it to be. And my wife didnt really enjoy it very much. I dont reckon I did much either. So there was little danger we would be trying to duplicate our 2006 trip. If anything, we would endeavor to go a new direction, to do the opposite. When we began planning this vacation, my wife impressed it upon me to return to the Lodge (Wilderness, that is). She wanted to have the vacation there she didnt get the year before.
And so it was, early in April, I pounced on the Disney Visa Free Dining deal. I waited on hold for about 30 minutes and then gave the CM our dates and asked for Woodsview Bunkbeds. ZZUBY really enjoyed the bunkbeds and Im a daddy who likes to make his kids happy. In an ironic twist, the Woodsview Bunkbeds were not available. All I could book was Standard. So I booked it and my first round of ADRs.
The time between early April and late August passed rather quickly for us. Unlike last year. Ill try to keep the comparisons to a minimum. But there are some which are so stark they demand attention. And our waiting period for this trip was a clear departure from the year before when we thought we'd never leave for vacation and we groaned under the weight of a cruel summer. By comparison, this summer was light and fast. We did some work on our house which kept us busy and with the birth of Baby ZZUB in February, we had several visitors to the ZZUB homestead.
And maybe I learned a lesson or two from last year. Walking with God is not like riding a bicycle, or havent I told you that before? I forget some of the things He has taught me in the past. But not this one. Not now anyway. As we worked our way from April to August, I didnt so much obsess over our itinerary and I didnt so much plan out every minute of every day and I didnt daydream about how wonderful it all would be. I was borderline ambivalent. Sure, I made and changed ADRs as frequently as Kayne West denounces the Man, and I reconsidered our Resort choice a time or two. Or three. But ultimately, I had a keener sense that the resort we booked was the one we should stay at. I wasnt so burdened with making it all work out. Indeed, I was liberated from that compulsion. Instead, I made plans and sketched out a loose itinerary with lots and lots of options.
And yes, we still had our pre-Disney planning meetings. And we discussed changes in our itinerary and the built in alternatives at our disposal. Were still Disney freaks for crying out loud.
But at no point did I feel myself yearning for vacation. I didnt expect anything of it. Sure I was looking forward to it. Looking forward to two weeks away from my office and my calendar. We were spending eight days and seven nights at Disney World and then a second week at my sister's house with her, my brother in law, their kids and my parents. So I would have two weeks away from work with my wife and daughters. Free food, fun rides, Blades of Glory, Night at the Museum and Nappy D. Great memories. But I knew enough to not expect any more. The same great vacation that offers up Tonga Toast, Illuminations and Soren Lorenson also packs the wretched odor of Disney Busses, humidity and a sure fire blister on the little piggy who had none. The good and the bad.
At least for now, Ive learned not to place too great an expectation upon our vacation. Thus, our planning for this trip was different. Understated. We were going to Disney World. Because the past is prologue to the future, we knew not to get too bunched up worrying about the minor details. And they are really minor details.
No bunkbed room reserved? No problem. Well get the room God has picked out for us.
Using Magic Express? Well pack our bathroom stuff and a change of clothes in our carry-on bags.
Trusting our lives to Delta Airlines and the jackbooted TSA? God will protect us.
Will this year be more crowded than years before? Well adjust our plans as needed.
Will Suzie Helpershoes and her extended family of mischievous minions appear? Thatll just provide good comedy for my Trip Report.
No Teppanyaki? No problem.
Thats not to imply our trip was all Dream Fastpasses and a night in the Castle. May it never be! Wheres the humor in everything going right? Sure I got to talk to Crush and ZZUBy got a star turn in The Festival of the Lion King. But as you might expect, the silver lining was on a thunder grey cloud whose name was Marty Meantoes. We also encountered a ghastly odor in Toon Town after dark. A smell so bad it sent lesser men chasing after their fanny packs.
By the way: the myth of Toon Town being empty after dark is just that: a myth. I havent seen crowds like that since Auburn lost at home to Univ. of South Florida and Auburn fans packed into the Hardees to drown their sorrows in biscuits and gravy. And free refills of Dr. Pepper.
But Im getting ahead of myself. Our trip was great, maybe the best trip weve ever taken. And thats saying something. Nevertheless, be advised therell be a rant or two. Or three. So if youre given to fits of numbness, you might want to fashion some sort of seat belt on your chair. I wont be held responsible if you succumb to the vapors and hit your head on the credenza.
There again, the thunder grey clouds give way to my new raison detre. I wont give away the exciting climax of this little yarn. If we can expand the definition of "exciting" to include, "of very little interest to anyone who isn't me." Suffice it to say it involves butter.
And a large spoon.
Click Here for Chapter Two
You're an amazing writer that speaks his mind. And you're kinda funny too... carry on... 
I enjoyed the first four, thanks!
