The Battle For My Wallet IV: Return of the ZZUBs (Addendum, p.85; 07/12)

[Tanya90210]

Loved this chapter!!! not that i didn't like the others... because I did :-D

I think the Dole whip is a hit or miss for people.. either you like it or ya dont... my whole family just loved it :-D

I'll have to remember the funny not scary thing for my DD when we go this year... she has liked it every other year but she's getting to the age where she likes to pretend she's scared of things...


TTFN

 

[Rubbertops]

Great report.
I really enjoyed it.

 

[GreatLakes5]

I hear Dole Whip is actually available at Orange Julius...right next to Fort Wilderness

 

[ukwildcat]

I don’t pay for the food when we have dinner at a friend’s house. But that’s never stopped me from complaining about the dried out chicken or flavorless pasta the minute the car door closes and we are backing out of their driveway.

Actually, my wife can tell whether I like the food when we eat at someone’s house based on the following observations. If I eat the bread it means: I’m hedging my bets. More than one helping of either the potatoes or salad means: the food sucks, I’m filling up on safe stuff. Indeed, if I EVER eat salad at someone’s house it’s because the main course was less appealing than the so-called comprehensive immigration reform bill.

To the handful of you who actually know me in real life: I’ve always LOVED the food at your house. You’re a GREAT cook! I only ate salad because you served it first. Not because of the other reason.

You see, Lala, and Melinda, this is what I'm talking about. Or is is talkin'. This southern charm thing. Now, from where I'm sitting, this is just thinly disguised rudeness. Not that I'm not guilty of the same thing. I'm just saying, I don't buy this southern charm thing. Too many years of listening to DW talk about people as we are leaving their presence. Let's just call a duck a duck and be done with it.

Thanks for the Memorial Day entertainment. Power washing the garage floor just wasn't doing it for me.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

The CM handed me the two Whips and then swiped my card. But the ice-cream was melting faster than Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. I walked back to Frontierland licking both Whips in my futile attempt to keep them from dripping down my hand onto my shoes.

Shoes. Not flippies. I’m not stupid.

By the time I got back to our perch under the DVC sales shack, half of both Whips were gone. I handed my wife her half-eaten Dole Whip and she looked at me like I just suggested we eat dinner at Denny’s.

“I don’t want that,” she said.
“It’s good,” I said.
“Evidently,” she said. “You ate half of it.”
“I had to, to keep it from melting.” I explained.
“You didn’t do a very good job,” she said, pointing to my ice-cream drenched hands.
“Just try it,” I pleaded. “I’ll finish what you don’t like.”
“Big surprise,” she said. She slapped me twice with her eyes. She threw her hip into it as well.

For my part, I thought it was pretty freaking good. I scarfed mine down and then finished off hers. Then I turned and snuck a lick off the Whip of the lady standing next to me.

But only to keep it from melting.

Why do you do this to Me(l)?

Why do you do this to Me(l)?


Why do you make me laff so hard... but also want to ZZUB?!


This is what I was picturing:

Only the hand was much bigger and hairier. There was a watch involved. And a large ring.

And, obviously, six fingers. Real big ones. Plus... I also think you have just ONE eyebrow. That's neither here nor there, tho.


I literally felt sick. And not in a good way.


Now the whole Dole Whip thingie for me is a strange combo of La La and YOU. Kinda like when someone wears a certain scent. And you can never smell it without thinking of them.

Unfortunately.

Which means... the next time I'll have one is: Never.


Oh.


I'll amend that. The next time I'll have one is when, like in movies, people deal with stressful, life-threatening situations by making quick-witted comments.


Oh.


Never mind.


Anyhow... I'm glad I rubbed lamp. In this case. For this new chapter.


BTW... I also rubbed someone else's cat, a Volvo, a monkey, a berm, a pile of broken glass.... and someone's windchimes. Hanging uselessly in their garage.


The DVC thingie was WAY funny.


Too funny to comment on.


OH!!!!


CRAP!!!!






Keep it comin'. Like Christmas.


Cheers, Mel.





P.S. I always thought it was John Baljohn????!!!! Now I'm miserable!!!!

 

[daly7o9]

She wasn’t all that enamored of the Whip. She sampled it. Said it was "good" the way you do when you really don't like something.

Ya' know I have to agree with your wife (GASP!). Dole Whips are a little too sweet for me. There. I've said it. I've come out of the Dole Whip Closet .

I like Stacey, too.

AND... I wear a fanny pack in the parks.

Ahhh. That was cleansing.

 

[tinkgurl]

I love your storytelling. You make me feel as though I'm right there with you!

 

[LaLa]

We'll get to the funny part in a minute. I'm too freaked out (and yes, a little bit scared) right now to focus on anything other than the fact that you actually brought your wife, your partner in life, your helpmate, the woman who was carrying your unborn child, a stinkin' Saliva Whip.

A SALIVA WHIP!!

A half eaten Saliva Whip at that. And if that weren't shocking enough, you actually seemed surprised that she didn't want it. No wonder she didn't like it! She got the one with all the juice. And I ain't talkin' pineapple juice either. Buddy. I honestly never pictured you as a Whip Licker, ZZUB. A Lip Licker, maybe. But only when you're waiting in the drive thru line at Arby's. Or Blimpie.

From now on, your name is synonymous with a ginger laden Number Four, the word "fartmunch", and someone else's tongue marks on your Dole Whip. I would say more on the subject but I might just vomit. So I'll move on. Dot org.

And as much as I love Cosmic Rays, I had no intention of schlepping (yes, schlepping) back across the MK to eat there. This was our night on the other side of the park. So we settled for Pecos Bills. Primarily because of the fixins bar. And because it was there. You understand this is how Gerald Ford became president, right?

This is a perfect example of the whole funny yet scary thing. First of all, you realize this is exactly what we did. For the exact same reason. Let the freaky borgness sink in for a second or two. That's the scary part. Secondly, the Gerald Ford comment was pretty funny. Not Jimmy Carter comment funny, but still. Funny.

FYI: they no longer have melted cheese on the Pecos Bills fixins bar. Which now renders it useless. Like Jimmy Carter.

DED. Completely DED.

The real kick in the face about Pecos Bills’ menu is the lousy dessert option. Not plural, not options. Option. One option. One lousy option. It was some sort of chocolate “cake” with peanut butterish icing. Or some such crap.

What the heck is that thing anyway? Is it cake or is it a brownie? We didn't take the time to find out. I took one look at mine and chunked it over my right shoulder. Never to be seen again.

The leg dangling pirate is not Ron by the way.

Maybe it's John Bal John.

I looked around and spotted a little shack from which they hawk DVC. Because Disney’s Best Kept Secret™ fits so well with the American frontier theme of Frontierland. You understand lots of pioneers headed west in search of fractional ownership opportunities in vacation property. The Oregon Trail was blazed by Lewis and Clark seeking to own a piece of the magic. Yes, it's true, the frontier was tamed by men desperate to be welcomed home.

So I abandoned my family like Joey Buttafucco and headed off to fetch me one of those Dole Whips I’ve read so much about.

For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why they called that a Dole Whip. Dole sells pineapple. Not oranges. But since Disney calls Stich’s Escape a “Fastpass,” and calls a bus a “motorcoach,” and calls the AllStars a “Resort,” and calls the Tomorrowland Noodle Terrace a "Buffet" during Free Dining, I figured they would also call an orange drink a Dole Whip.

All of this was freakin' hilarious to me. Very funny stuff, ZZUB.

The whole “I’m gonna get a Dole Whip” thing is a product of too many hours spent reading the Disboards. I know LaLa has written about her quest for a Dole Whip as well. Which really makes her life look kind of pathetic, don’t you think? By comparison, I wasn’t really in search of a Dole Whip as much as I was fixin to watch a parade and wanting a cool treat. Finding no DQ nearby, a much ballyhooed Dole Whip seemed intriguing.

Seems to me you're trying to justify your reasons for wanting a Dole Whip here. Let go, ZZUB. It's OKAY to want a Dole Whip. It's OKAY to write about wanting a Dole Whip. Even if it does make you look just as pathetic as, if not more than, me. Actually, you do come off slightly more pathetic than me. Because you had to be corrected on the proper usage of the word fixin'. And also for other reasons.

Shoes. Not flippies. I’m not stupid.

No, but apparently you're a slightly rude Southern woman. According to UKWildcat. DED, by the way.

For my part, I thought it was pretty freaking good. I scarfed mine down and then finished off hers. Then I turned and snuck a lick off the Whip of the lady standing next to me.

But only to keep it from melting.

And this is why we keep coming back. This was hilarious yet slightly disgusting. Which pretty much sums up your trip report. Or does it? Honestly, ZZUB. This one had some huge funny in it. I loved it. Good job, my friend. And I'm glad you got your Dole Whip. Freaky first Dole Whip borg. They DO rock, don't they?

Kinda like your trip report.

I'm still disgusted by the whole Saliva Whip thing though. You're dangerously close to Ignore for that. Hopefully the nausea will have passed by lunchtime tomorrow. Cause it's Blimpie's turn in the lunchtime rotation.

 

[HaleyB]

While we were eating at Pecos Bills this freaky woman threw her brownie/cake/peanut butter at me. Then later at the parade some guy tried to lick my Dole Whip.

Ha. That sounds kinda bad.

LaLa I am not so sure you should be so happy about the freaky borgness with Zzub. Just sayin'.

FHOAM

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

And. As usual. I've got no funny. Not even a little bit. It was eaten up by the funny in your trip report. Not unlike the Saliva Whips you described. Strangely, I, too, experienced my first Dole Whip on my last trip. My spouse, too, looked cross-eyed at me and took the kids off to get their faces painted instead of waiting around for that pineapple-y goodness. His loss. I didn't share. And I didn't get him his own either. 'Cause I'm like that.

Well, okay, I did share with the kids. But I had the decency to use a SPOON. Supplied RIGHT THERE at the Aloha Isle. Try it next time. There, free marriage advice. You'll thank me someday.

Spoons and marriage are a good mix.

 

[mjkaferle5]

"I'll stop the world and melt with you" - Modern English

 

[ncseric]

From now on, your name is synonymous with a ginger laden Number Four, the word "fartmunch", and someone else's tongue marks on your Dole Whip. I would say more on the subject but I might just vomit. So I'll move on. Dot org.

Don't forget "fart-bubble propulsion". We just saw a Disney ad/show on Travel Channel last night and when the little speedboats were shown as recreational activities, my wife and I looked and laughed, knowingly.

 

[UtahMama]

Which did you prefer? The Dole Whip ) ) or the pineapple-juice-diluted Float guilty: )?

And I thought you liked my chicken???? Oh, you weren't talking to me.

 

[mikymouse]

Dole Whips are like Crocs to me. Before the Dis boards, I had no idea what either of these things were. I recently received my first pair of crocs as a gift. I like them and I wear them ALOT. Given that the shoes were so comfy, I think I might try a Dole Whip on the next trip. I am quite sure I will not want to go schlepping half way across the world with melting treats... so I need some clarification.

1.) There is no good viewing of parade near the Aloha Isle at the front of adventure land?
2.) The back of Froniterland is "THE" optimal parade/firework/crowd spot - making a melting whip necessary for the greater good?
3.) The whip during parade was a strategic decision in order to consume at least half of better halfs whip during the trip?

For my mental cliff notes of Dis knowledge, I have this new rule
PP
Pan=Pinneaple
Buy Dole Pinneapple Whip Treat after Peter Pan

Is this viable - comments anyone for a whip plan - Zzub obviously has his own agenda.

Too bad you couldn't whip out a "huggie" out your fanny pack to save this wifes whip!

 

[ncseric]

I am quite sure I will not want to go schlepping half way across the world with melting treats... so I need some clarification.

1.) There is no good viewing of parade near the Aloha Isle at the front of adventure land?

The main parades do not go through Adventureland... the route is from the gates on Main Street (by the trolley barn), around the circle in front of the castle, down the path to Liberty Square, through Frontierland, and then back through a gate in Frontierland. They may also reverse the route, but the path is the same.

 

[mikymouse]

The main parades do not go through Adventureland... the route is from the gates on Main Street (by the trolley barn), around the circle in front of the castle, down the path to Liberty Square, through Frontierland, and then back through a gate in Frontierland. They may also reverse the route, but the path is the same.

Thank you, we didn't even make it over to Adventure/Frontierland last time. Can you believe I had the gull to hijack Zzub's trippie?

 

[kpk89]

Wow I am sensing some DVC bitterness, as well as a bit of rage aimed at LaLa. You just be thankful, young man, that the shack thingie was there to keep you dry and give you a somewhat private spot to get eye-smacked by your wife over the saliva-whip. Welcome home. And thank your lucky stars that LaLa has been out there as a model of Southern decency and Dole whip etiquette.

I am guessing that you went next to the HOP, to try out your Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford jokes on the crowd there?

Good one, Zzub.

 

[burly]

bwahahahahaha! funny stuff mister!

 

[AshClan]

OMG. I may never eat a Dole Whip again. And I really like 'em. I got past LaLa's saliva whip story. Probably because I didn't know the disgusting woman who left her spit all over her kids' cones. But I KNOW(ish) you. And, although I knew you could be disgusting, this just takes the cake. (And the ice cream, too.) Yep, even worse than the #4 tale.

Honestly, I think I'm having flashbacks from my youth, when my mother would "clean up" our ice cream cones and hand them back to us 1/2 gone. Poor Mrs. Z. She will never get the full appreciation for the Dole Whip experience, now. It will always be a saliva whip to her. Ick.

Next time you're looking for a cool treat, go make a salad at the Pecos Bill's toppings bar. Or get a frozen lemonade. I hear they're really good.

 

[burly]

yummy pineapple.....