The Ant and the Grasshopper

[Zhoen]

Hiya Budgeteers,

I could use a pep talk! I know all the good reasons for living beneath my means and I enjoy a good bargain hunt, which helps... but it's hard when you see all these people living fast and loose. Knowledge and "doing it" are two very different things.

If you look up the wikipedia entry on the ant and the grasshopper, it goes through all the different iterations of the story, including the arguments that the ant is too selfish or materialistic and should take pity on the grasshopper and learn to enjoy life more as well as the original version where the grasshopper "gets what he deserves."

It's three more days 'til payday here, and we're trying to be "good" so we don't run over into the red (we have savings, no emergency in sight, just trying to use self-discipline)... but things are tighter than they should be because in addition to all the back-to-school shopping, a payment from my investment was mistakenly sent by mail instead of electronic (so, I was expecting the money days ago and it hasn't come), my travel voucher for a work trip got "stuck in the system" and hasn't paid out yet, and we had to do an(other) intervention for my grasshopper relatives.

I have a sister whose choices have always been different than mine, and there are children in the mix. No child of my blood will ever go hungry if I can prevent it-- but despite years of trying, I haven't been able to change her habits. So I try to set aside money and non-perishables when I can to be ready when I find out the cupboards are bare-- but it just seems to happen constantly lately, and their sub-account is emptied out and I've been using money from my "household" category--which means less for my own children. (Again, we're fine, we're just not living large)

So first I got the text from my sister that they are bored and want to come hang out because they can't afford to go anywhere and are sick of being home. And just now I got the call from one of the kids that the fridge is empty again (I've told them to call me when it happens, they live too far for me to keep checking up)... so they are all coming by tomorrow to play and I'll send them home with groceries...

It could be worse... at least they're coming here, not going out somewhere expensive (and it saves me $15 in gas not having to drive out there), and we have new toys to play with (that I bought at the Target clearance, using my discover card, that I will pay when the long-awaited check arrives)... and I do have money on the way... but it gets so frustrating.

And that's just in my own immediate family! That's not including the society at large where everyone is complaining about the economy by texting on their latest-generation tablets or whatever. THen there's the idea that I'm working so hard to pay things off and save now when everyone's prediciting that the money I'm saving will be worthless soon, etc.

I need an ant intervention. Remind me why we do this?

 

[eliza61]

I'm not sure why you need an intervention?

1) Stop listening to "predictions". they are just that. In my life time, here are some of the things I've heard.
Blacks got the right to vote, country going down the toilet
Gays get the right to vote, country going down the toilet.
Communist are taking over, country going down the toilet.
So far, they're (predictors of country going down the toilet) are batting zero. Walmart is still open.

2) now as far as your sister is concerned. can't help you there. you are a willing participate enabler. some thing else is going on if your sisters fridge is always empty and she may need more help than you can give. what would the kids do if you weren't there to pitch in? I try to help folks in my family but I can't "save" folks including htose in my family. If some one needs my help I like to think I would help them but never to the detriment of my own family and some times I have had to except the fact that I can't "change" them so I have to cut them loose.

3) Why we do this? Because we think this is the right way to live. You have a short window of time to live life and teach your kids the lessons you wish for them to learn.

Continuing doing the things you feel are right,not because of any thing society says but because at the end of the night it will allow you to sleep better knowing you did the best you could for YOUR family today. Lately because of an unexpected serious illness my dh and I go to bed and ask ourselves a basic question. Was today a good day? The answers lately have been the same. Our kids are healthy and happy, we are a family, every one ate a meal, we are still living in a great place. Every thing else is gravy (at least for us)

 

[Zhoen]

I need a pep talk because on days like this I just want to give up, take my credit cards to the mall and live for the moment like everyone else.

Was today a good day? None of us died today, we accomplished some things on our to-do list, the kids had fun playing... but it wasn't the day-trip to the ocean I would have liked to do if the check had arrived and that I chose not to do on credit... So yes, it was good enough day... but the opportunity cost was what could have been a "great" day... (with a guilt-hangover in the morning...)

We all have to make choices, but seeing all the grasshoppers, it's hard to know if I'm making the right ones. At our funerals, I imagine people will say that my sister "lived a rich life, despite having little money." I would like to say that we could say the same about me... but so often it feels like we're missing out.

As for my sister, I do my best not to enable her, but I won't deny the children fresh milk. It's a hard balance. Today they are out of milk, vegetables, and fruit--those I will buy. My niece's request for "chai tea" isn't going to happen. She can buy that with her own money the next time she comes to babysit.

And honestly, I don't know what they'd do if DH and I weren't there. When they lived five states away, the kids were younger and they had some benefits through WIC. They occasionally used the food bank, and a few times we had to intervene when there was no food and no electricity. The youngest is 8 now, 9 next month. During the summer she doesn't even have the school breakfasts and lunch that she gets during the school year. My sister is widowed and draws SS for the 3 children. She charges the disabled 21 year-old "rent" from her SSI money and she works a full-time job... and all of that "should" be enough for them to get by, if they lived very frugally. When it isn't, because she doesn't, I can't let the 8 year old go without calcium for an entire summer.