Thanks for the advice.

[ThreeMusketeers]

But I changed my mind. I am feeling to overwhelmed tonight. Thanks anyway.

 

[staley7580]

My son turns 5 in a week, and he is the same way. Is your daughter an only child? Odds are shes just testing her boundrys. I know how trying it can be, trust me, I KNOW!!!!! Things could be much worse, I babysat for a freinds 4yo son when I was pg with my son, and this kid told me he would stab me in the stomach and kill my baby!!!!! Everytime my kids stress me out I think of that and realize how great my kids are. Just have patience and stick to your guns. Thats about all you can do.

 

[Aidensmom]

I don't mean to sound rude, and I have a 5 year old and understand the limit testing the kids do, but the whole time I read your post my thought was wondering if you are incapable of picking up your child or of taking something away?

My child asks for everything in every store too, but when I say no, it does not mean he can carry the toy around the store. If he tried that, I would take it away and put it back on the shelf. If he absolutely refused (which he has learned he will not get away with) to do something I ask him to, he gets picked up and removed from what he is doing.

In my effort to curtail the give-me's, my son gets $1 a week allowance IF, and ONLY IF, he does his assigned chores, which are filling the animal's water bowl daily and cleaning up his toys from the living room every evening. He has learned to save his money for what he wants.

 

[Nancy]

Welcome to the world of "my child has turned into someone I don't know".

All I can say is all 3 of my daughters hit this faze and probably right around the same age too. I think they are testing their limits. One thing I started doing was not letting them get something every time we went to a store. I let them know before we left the house that today is just a looking day, I'm not buying anything...and I stuck to it (even if I found stuff I really wanted). They asked, I said no, today is just a looking day. Stick to your guns.

Technically you didn't cave on the book. You told her she had to pay for herself, she had to earn the car trip by cleaning her room. (which you said she did)

Just keep telling yourself' 'this too shall pass" (unfortunately something else will replace it! LOL!)

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

Welcome to the world of "my child has turned into someone I don't know".

All I can say is all 3 of my daughters hit this faze and probably right around the same age too. I think they are testing their limits. One thing I started doing was not letting them get something every time we went to a store. I let them know before we left the house that today is just a looking day, I'm not buying anything...and I stuck to it (even if I found stuff I really wanted). They asked, I said no, today is just a looking day. Stick to your guns.

Technically you didn't cave on the book. You told her she had to pay for herself, she had to earn the car trip by cleaning her room. (which you said she did)

Just keep telling yourself' 'this too shall pass" (unfortunately something else will replace it! LOL!)

LOL, thanks.

I appreciate all the advice. If anyone else has any, i would be eager to hear. Thanks again.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

I truly feel for you as I too have a soon to be 5yo DD and I use the term loosely on "dear" sometimes....as in "daughter dearest" maybe. I LOVE my daughter with all my heart but my god do I want to throttle her sometimes. Friday we went to the mall so I could get my hair cut. Me, DD and DS5. Well 1 month ago I took her to the mall and bought her sneakers & boots - nothing for DS. Friday, after my haircut we go into Payless to look for sneakers for DS because his are ripping at the heel, old, just needs new sneaks. We pick something out and she announces "he gets something, I get something!" Not ask, but states it like DUH! Well, I explain she got 2 pairs last time, he got nothing, it's his turn now. "Nope! Thats not fair, and I AM getting something!!!" We had the pouting, whining, "Mean Mommy!" brat moment and she held out with the attitude for about 45 minutes. I have HAD IT with the "I'm the boss!" attitude and have told her the attitude goes or she is going to be a very sad little girl because I WILL take away things until she can learn to appreciate what she has.

Stick in their, only 9 more years till she's a teenager

 

[sha_lyn]

I don't mean to sound rude, and I have a 5 year old and understand the limit testing the kids do, but the whole time I read your post my thought was wondering if you are incapable of picking up your child or of taking something away?

My child asks for everything in every store too, but when I say no, it does not mean he can carry the toy around the store. If he tried that, I would take it away and put it back on the shelf. If he absolutely refused (which he has learned he will not get away with) to do something I ask him to, he gets picked up and removed from what he is doing.

ITA.... IMHO letting her walk around the store holding it is not the way to handle it.

I didn't know what to do. I told her a few more times while I was paying for some Christmas stuff that I was getting 75% off, And she continued to tell me, "NO". Okay..so I walk out of the store, and she eventually put the dog down and ran behind me crying.

You walked out of a store, leaving your 4 yr old in there?

 

[tiggersmom2]

I don't mean to sound rude, and I have a 5 year old and understand the limit testing the kids do, but the whole time I read your post my thought was wondering if you are incapable of picking up your child or of taking something away?

My child asks for everything in every store too, but when I say no, it does not mean he can carry the toy around the store. If he tried that, I would take it away and put it back on the shelf. If he absolutely refused (which he has learned he will not get away with) to do something I ask him to, he gets picked up and removed from what he is doing.

In my effort to curtail the give-me's, my son gets $1 a week allowance IF, and ONLY IF, he does his assigned chores, which are filling the animal's water bowl daily and cleaning up his toys from the living room every evening. He has learned to save his money for what he wants.

Great post....I totally agree. As the mother of a 4 year old myself, I can definitely say children need limits and they will test those limits. You have to show them......who the parent is.

 

[MINNIE OF TWO MICE]

Both my children (being so close in age) went through this stage together. I got to where I did most things while they were in preschool. I sympathize with you. When we did have to go somewhere, I explained the budget to them. Do you want to go to the movies next week? Do you want to be able to carry your friend a present to the party? Its not like our children are deprived but enough is enough. I also like to try to get the things they want on holidays. The next being cupid!!!! Cupid will shoot a little love to my children. She will grow and mature......pick your battles.......stick to your guns......count to ten......whatever can seems to help at the moment.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

ITA.... IMHO letting her walk around the store holding it is not the way to handle it.

[ I didn't know what to do. I told her a few more times while I was paying for some Christmas stuff that I was getting 75% off, And she continued to tell me, "NO". Okay..so I walk out of the store, and she eventually put the dog down and ran behind me crying. /QUOTE]

You walked out of a store, leaving your 4 yr old in there?

Oh GOD!, of course I didn't leave my 4 year old in the store! I walked towards the door. The hallmark stores are pretty small. The walk from the register to the door are feet away. I LOVE my daughter with all my heart! And, Obviously I didn't handle this situation right. I KNOW THAT! I didn't know what to do. It was shell shock..she has NEVER pulled anything like that on me before. The whinning and so on has been going on for the last 2 months..but the teasing is something completley new to me. As I said in my OP..she has always been VERY mild tempered and completley able to negotiate with. But now I was looking for positive ways to handle the whinning, and doddling and the teasing not flames!! And To Be Honest, I hadn't noticed she did not put it down until we were at the register. It was a SMALL puppy only a tad bigger than the littlest pet shop friends..which is why she wanted it in the first place. Unfortunatley, I am an imperfect mother, as I am sure you 2 are as well. We all have our days.
So let me REPHRASE My request. I am looking for some POSITIVE input on raising a 4.5 year old child.
Thank you!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I liked the book series Your Four Year Old (they have them for every year). I remember reading them several times each year, LOL. Give it a try if you haven't read it already. Consider today a lesson learned. It never ends.

 

[tiggersmom2]

ITA.... IMHO letting her walk around the store holding it is not the way to handle it.



Oh GOD!, of course I didn't leave my 4 year old in the store! I walked towards the door. The hallmark stores are pretty small. The walk from the register to the door are feet away. I LOVE my daughter with all my heart! And, Obviously I didn't handle this situation right. I KNOW THAT! I didn't know what to do. It was shell shock..she has NEVER pulled anything like that on me before. The whinning and so on has been going on for the last 2 months..but the teasing is something completley new to me. As I said in my OP..she has always been VERY mild tempered and completley able to negotiate with. But now I was looking for positive ways to handle the whinning, and doddling and the teasing not flames!! And To Be Honest, I hadn't noticed she did not put it down until we were at the register. It was a SMALL puppy only a tad bigger than the littlest pet shop friends..which is why she wanted it in the first place. Unfortunatley, I am an imperfect mother, as I am sure you 2 are as well. We all have our days.
So let me REPHRASE My request. I am looking for some POSITIVE input on raising a 4.5 year old child. Thank you!

Oh good lord....no one flamed you. To point you in a POSITIVE direction, maybe some people were trying to tactfully show you what you were doing wrong.....

 

[Aidensmom]

I am sorry if you considered my post negative. You asked for advice, I was just being honest. Feel free to ignore me.

 

[sha_lyn]

I only have your post to go by.

You are the one who said you walked out of the store
You are the one who said you kept telling her to put it down
If I have it wrong, it is only because you told it wrong


You want advise well here it is
Pay attendtion to what your child has in her hands.
Take it away from her if you don't want her to have it
When she refuse to get in the car, don't stand there arguing for 20 min. Pick her up and put her in the car
Don't take her back to the store to buy something you already told her she can't have.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

Aidensmom...No, it wasn't you at all. It was more..sha_lyn.
I would never leave my child in a store alone! It's just a sensitive topic, thats all. I mean, you don't want to do your child wrong in any way at all. You only want the best for them. And I am just being sensitive I suppose. Just been a rough day. I probobly shouldn't have posted this this thread.

 

[DawnCt1]

I don't mean to sound rude, and I have a 5 year old and understand the limit testing the kids do, but the whole time I read your post my thought was wondering if you are incapable of picking up your child or of taking something away?

My child asks for everything in every store too, but when I say no, it does not mean he can carry the toy around the store. If he tried that, I would take it away and put it back on the shelf. If he absolutely refused (which he has learned he will not get away with) to do something I ask him to, he gets picked up and removed from what he is doing.

In my effort to curtail the give-me's, my son gets $1 a week allowance IF, and ONLY IF, he does his assigned chores, which are filling the animal's water bowl daily and cleaning up his toys from the living room every evening. He has learned to save his money for what he wants.

I fully agree with everyhing you said. Unless the item is going to be purchased, it doesn't get carried around. At the beginning of the whining, it is time to go home. All of the subsequent trips would have been missed.

 

[MINNIE OF TWO MICE]

it will all pass in time. Mine did something different every year. I just learned from my siblings children and tried to be prepared when we got to that stage. I also talked to their doctor not to mention my mother. Their were six children in my family. My mom was the best back then. I couldnt do with two what she did with six!!!!!! Keep your chin up...all days wont be like this.

 

[AZMickeyfans]

I went through this with my daughter who is now 6 1/2. I used to tell people that the terrible 2's were a cake walk compared to 4. It seemed from the moment she turned 4 she had some major attitude about EVERYTHING!!! What she wore to what was on TV to items in a store. She wanted everything to be on her time. I finally started getting tough on her because I wanted to nip that 13 year old attitude in the butt. She soon realized that if she whined about something she was going home. It was an inconvenience especially if I had errands to run or had planned certain fun things that day for the kids but I had to start doing it. I promise this will pass. I know a bunch of mom's of 4 year olds that went through the same thing you described. Keep your chin up, 5 is just around the corner. If she is like my daughter then the attitude will magically disappear around her 5th b-day. (probably only to return when they are 13 right ) Just know we all go through days like that. You are not alone.

 

[JennaTX]

Every Mom has a bad day with their child and every Mom does not always do the right thing!

My only advice would to be consistent with whatever you decide.

I hope it gets better for you!

And if not I will send you my 4.5 year old DS! He would surely make your DD look better!

 

[minkydog]

I don't think you did anything horrible and you surely are not a bad mother! My DD13 was pretty easy-going at 2-3, a holy terror at age 4--mouthy, physical, sassy. Thoroughly unlovely and frustrating. I feel your pain.

Some of the other posters have given advice for methods I used: When you say no, then no it is. If your 4yo continues to whine and beg, you stop what you're doing and leave the store. I mean that minute, no reasoning, no bribing. If she won't come, you pick her up bodily and leave. You'll only have to do this a few times for her to get the message that you mean it and will act on it. If she refuses to get into the car, pick her up and put her into the car. If she decides to have a meltdown, fine. let her scream her head off in the car. Then drive home and put her in her room for a little time out.

One thing that I would do differently is I would not have taken her back to the store. Once you have left the store, the shopping time is over. If she missed her opportunity to buy the book, oh well. Not a horrible mistake, but you sort of defeated yourself. Go to the store when it is convenient for you, not when they have enough money. Do not even respond to whining--don't even acknowlege hearing it. It's easier to take a stand now than it will be when she's 14. But you have to be willing to inconvenience yourself for now while she's learning the New Order.