Tell me if this would upset you

[antkim]

I watch my girlfriends kids for her 4 days a week. She just left me a message wondering whether I would be willing to meet her downtown tomorrow(with her 2 kids and my 2 kids -about 10/15 minutes away) to drop her kids to her because they have a dentist appointment and she doesn't want to have to leave work real early! I wouldn't mind so much but she is constantly doing this kind of stuff! I never say a word because I don't want to cause conflict but it's getting out of hand and I'm definitely getting taken advantage of. Am I wrong for being a little ticked at this request? She is the one that made the dentist appointment during her work hours right? Last week she asked me if I could go pick up her daughter at schoold because she needed to get her hair cut! I did!!

Kim

 

[Kimberle]

Just my 2 cents, but I think you need to have some sort of "agreement/contract" with your friend regarding child care. Spell out exactly what services you provide at what cost. Then, there will be no "taking advantage" and you both will know what to expect.

If she needs you to provide transportation, I'd add an extra charge. After all, if you worked for a company and had to use your own car, you'd be reimbursed milage...

Good luck, it's hard to mix "business" with "pleasure".

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

Just say no. Tell her it would be a LOT easier on you if you didn't have to take all the kids out for her.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

She does pay you, right? Perhaps she thinks this is included in the price?
Just politely say no you can't do it. If she questions you, then you know you are getting taking advantage of. If she says... OK no biggie, then it was just a matter of saying no to her.

 

[antkim]

Believe me, it's NOT that I don't want to help her out. It's just that they are ALWAYS doing things like this. I have done many favors for her over the years and I'm sure she appreciates it. sometimes it just gets to be a bit much though. Sorry for venting! I probably should have kept my mouth shut!

Kim

 

[dizneenut]

I would be upset, too. I would definitely charge her extra for having to run around picking up her kids, etc. Sounds like she's taking advantage of you.

 

[Big V]

Hey Kim,
You have a right to vent! If you are only watching her kids 4 days a week, why can't she schedule her kids appointments on the day you don't watch them? And with the price of gas now a days, it's not cheap running anywhere any more! Why don't you try and talk to your friend after you do this last favor for her? You ARE being taken advantage of, and I'm sure your friend knows it.
Scott

 

[kild]

Yeah, I would be upset as well. I don't have a solution, my wife tells me that my judgement calls seem to get me into deeper trouble.

 

[missypie]

DH is a SAHD. One neighbor in particular is not shy about asking for lots of favors. He says yes sometimes and no sometimes, based on his own convenience. If she needs to be driven somewhere and he isn't really doing something else, he helps out...but, for example, when the favor is "Can you take my family to the airport at 6 am on Saturday?" he says no.

You can't maintain a healthy relationship with someone if you are resentful and feel taken advantage of. If a favor would be too much trouble, just say no.

 

[Mercy]

Well, if she is a friend and you don't want to jeopardize the friendship, I don't think charging her extra and gas money is the answer.

What I would do, is just tell her you would really rather not have to take all the kids out and could she reschedule the appointments for a time when she could take them herself. I don't think that is unreasonable, and if you phrase it nicely I'm sure your friendship would not be compromised. It is very hard when dealing with friends... but it does sound like she is taking advantage of you a bit.... it also sounds like you are too nice

 

[Alice28]

I am in exactly the same situation you are! I watch my best friend's little boy 3-5 days a week. I am paid, quite well, considering it's *usually* only 5-6 hours a day, not all day long (she pays me what I used to charge full timers at my daycare, and she and her husband drive out of their way to bring him to my home). What gets me is this almost constant thing of her husband will ask if he can drop baby off an hour early. Then, Best Friend, not knowing her DH dropped off early, will come a half hour or so late because of an appoinment, or running late, etc. When I tell her her DH dropped off early, she is very sorry, and embarrassed. But they need to get their act together, and I pipe up when I feel things are too much, or there is a conflict with my schedule because I wasn't expecting the extra time that day. If she is your good friend, don't be afraid to say when too much is too much. I also ask to be paid an extra $10 per day when they need me to watch him all day- more than 8 hours anyway. If she doesn't know how you feel, (and of course be cordial and nice) then she isn't going to have a clue how you are feeling. And trust me, it's a struggle for me sometimes, but my DH just encourages me to be honest with her and so far, it's worked. We made this arrangement cause they do NOT want their child in a big daycare and they had a serious scare with a previous nanny. So in their eyes, I am doing them a BIG favor, cause I don't really NEED the money- I'm sure your friend deep down feels the same way- she would much rather have her good friend watching her kids than someone she doesn't know.

And, I would tell her, "No it doesn't work for me to drive ALL the kids downtown to meet the dentist...if it's an absolute emergency, I will do it this time, but next time you need to schedule it on your day off or around your schedule."

 

[DukeStreetKing]

I think you are going above and beyond your responsibilities. One question, do the kids need to be in car seats and do you have 4 of them? That would be an easy out for having to chaffeur her kids around.

 

[missypie]

I would not offer a long explanation about WHY you can't do it...just no, sorry, won't work.

 

[antkim]

The other thing that really gets me is she is suppose to get out of work at 2:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays to meet her kids school schedule but because the kids are on school vacation this week she just assumes that it is O.K. for her to work until 5 without even checking with me! I just expect it now and have learned to deal with it. Their dentist appointment is at 4:00 SO realistically she wouldn't even be getting out of work early-she'd be staying late if she worked until 3:30 or so! Get my point? The reason why I have a hard time saying anything is beacuase I feel like compared to her schedule and any working parents schedule I shouldn't complain. It's just they think my day belongs to them because that's MY job. They think nothing of calling me the night before and saying they need to drop off the kids early or telling me they think they will work late. Sometimes they even call and say they will be here early in the morning and show up 2 hours later than they said!!! AHHHH! I'm getting all worked up now! LOL
FRIENDS!!!

Kim

 

[browneyes]

Yes it would upset me. I'd be mad at myself more than my friend though. I tend to say yes when I should say no to things like this too.

 

[CamColt]

Id be ticked to. And I totally understand its not that you dont want to help out. I have a similar situation here and its not fun when you feel like youre being taken advantage of.

 

[robinb]

Originally posted by antkim
It's just they think my day belongs to them because that's MY job.

It is your job, right? I don't know your relationship with your girlfriend ... I assume it's a romantic one. In that case, I would not be upset about dropping the kids off at her place of work. It's not such a big thing.

It does sound like you think you are being taken advantage of and you are harboring some ill will. I think that you should have a heart-to-heart with her about both of your expectations. Early drop-offs, late pick-ups, school pick-ups, driving the kids places, etc. Perhaps you need to start keeping a timesheet and bill her by the hour.

 

[Charleneluvsdisney]

If she was using a traditional daycare center, she would be unable to do what she is doing to you. Maybe bringing this up to her would help. If I just didn't pick up my kid at 2:30 like I usually do - the center would be calling me to find out where I was and then they would charge me $5 for every 15 minutes I was late!! I would do as others suggest and draw up a contract with what is or is not included with your services.

 

[luv2nascar]

I understand your problem I think
you don't want to do this for her all the time but don't really know how to get out of it
it sounds like she expects you to be there whenever she needs you
if she wanted to do this situation and had asked you first "I'm thinking about scheduling kids appt at 4:00 could you bring them on Tues or whatever" at least you had a choice
she is waiting till last minute and already has plans made not very considerate
I would probably do it this time but make your guidelines clear in the future I would appreciate being asked first because I really had other things to do and can not do this in the future without more notice

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

Originally posted by robinb
It is your job, right? I don't know your relationship with your girlfriend ... I assume it's a romantic one.

I may be wrong, but I thought Antkim was talking about a girl friend, not a girlfriend. And I do think it's a big deal. It's not easy getting 4 kids out of the house, it would be much easier on her to come and pick up the one that has to go to the dentist. Why should Antkim go out of her way to make her friend's life so much easier. It's not her job, her job is to watch the kids, not be her friend's chauffeur.