teens and sports and high school

[luvflorida]

Do you have a teen who is not the least bit interested in school sports? My daughter just turned 14 and will start high school next week. She has never been interested in sports AT ALL. My concern is that she will be left out of the high school life, so to speak.

It just seems as if sports are really emphasized, especially in high school, and a lot of kids make friends this way and spend a lot of after school time playing and practicing a sport. For the past few weeks, every kid involved in some type of sport has been at the high school for a good part of every day.

My daughter has always found more interest in art, theatre, and dance. Unfortunately, these activities never seem to generate the interest and attention that sports receive. She is involved in dance, and takes about five hours a week of classes. She is also on a Hip-Hop dance competition team. The problem is that this is not related to high school and none of the other kids attend her school.

I guess I'm just concerned that she will not get as much out of high school if she doesn't participate in high school activities. She says she's not interested in any of the offered sports or other club activities. Of course, once she starts high school maybe she'll find something of interest. She has always excelled academically, but she has always gravitated towards those kids who don't.

Has your high schooler found his/her niche, outside of sports?

 

[nkjzmom]

My sister and I were not interested in sports either, much to my father's disappointment. We were however very talented with "sticks"...batons, flags, and rifles. So we twirled with the band. Made TONS of friends and had TONS of fun.

My cousin was very much into theater and acting....she participated in every play that the high school put on. Hopefully your DD's high school has a theater/art department. She should try the art club, maybe there's one for photography.

Sports is not the be all, end all. It just gets all of the attention because it's the big money maker.

 

[pkasbohm]

maybe she could get involved in a dance squad, or some plays. When i was in high school i was involved with a lot of different thing from sports, to music, to plays and had a lot of different friends because of it. I wouldn't worry about your daughter being left out. She will find friends and activities that she is interested in. There is alot more activities to offer than there was years ago!

 

[bsnyder]

While sports are a great way to make friends and accomplishments in high school, the majority of kids don't play a sport, either out of disinterest or because they're not talented enough to get to that level.

There are a huge number of other activities for your daughter to be involved in like student government, the yearbook, the school newspaper, art, theatre, etc., political advocacy, and of course, academic clubs.

Most schools offer most of these things, and give recognition to those who stand out in all activities, not just sports.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

What about cheerleading? Theater? Band? School newspaper? Yearbook? Dance committee? Student council? SADD?

There are so many clubs/activities to join in High School that I would not be worried about your DD. She will find her own place.

 

[helenk]

My daughter is a senior in High School and has been on the Field Hockey team and Lacrosse team since middle school. All of her friends, are not from being in sports but rather from her church group.
She plays in sports because she enjoys it, she is not the type of person that wants to be the best or the most popular. The girls on her teams are nice, and she is included in the activities that they have, like sleep overs etc, but honestly, they have not become her friends.
I say, let your daughter join something that she enjoys, she will find true friendship no matter what "group" she is in.

 

[WDWHound]

I have never been a sports person. My parents tried to get me to join teams when I was in middle and high school, but I could think of nother more boring. My interests were in music and theater. I wanted to sing (and I was good at it too). Eventually I won out.

The music department in our school was underfunded and under appreciated. Concerts were not always well attended. We had 2 part time music teachers (one for voice, one for everything else), but there were at least 4 full time coaches on the athletic staff. One year we were told that we had to raise our own money to buy sheet music because the hockey team needed our budget to buy new uniforms. Music was definitly not a priority with the school or many parents.

But other peoples priorities didn't matter, I made some of the best friends of my life through that music program. We spent hours togther preparing for concerts, competitions and musicals, or just laughing and hanging out. I look back as high school as one of the most wonderful times of my life. Had my parents forced me into sports, this would have never happened. I would have been miserable and just waiting for high school to end so I could be free of having to do something I had no talent or inclination for.

PLEASE don't force your daughter into sports. She will find her own nitch where she feels called to be and the odds are she will make great friends there with others who share her interests.

 

[missypie]

Being my age, it's funny to hear anyone ask that question...I went to HS in the pre-Title IX days when there WERE no girls' sports...and we managed just fine. I was unathletic anyway.

Being involved in HS theatre is a great way to make friends. Even if she isn't cast in a show, encourage her to be on one of the crews (like lights, sound, costume or props). Everyone involved in a show bonds so much because of the time commitment involved. Also, I made lots of friends in HS orchestra. If you were involved in sports and not in music, you might not believe it, but we had an absolute blast in HS orchestra!

 

[DukeStreetKing]

Not everyone can be a "jock". If that were the case, there would be no one to pick on.

 

[RadioNate]

I agree with the above posters. Yes HS sports get attention but that isn't the only way to enjoy HS.

In HS I detested sports and the "jocks." I never went to a sporting event at my HS and I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

My best memories are of choir and theater. I danced with our dance squad. I didn't try out for the band's color guard due to some other commitments but most of my friends were part of it and loved their experience.

There are pleanty of things to do other than sports.

I also agree that trying to push sports is a bad idea. She'll find her nitch w/in her own interests.

 

[Galahad]

I'm fascinated by how much it is influenced by parents. When I was a teen, I dabbled in sports (ran Cross Country and wrestled but didn't go out for football or basketball, for example) but I was heavily into performing arts stuff. My younger brother was a jock that dabbled in music. Today our kids are pretty much just like we were. My DS#2, for example is really into performing arts and he plays on the soccer team but that's it as far as sports go for him. My brother's kids all do every sport they can qualify for and tried their hand at performing arts stuff kind of as an extra. I doubt that my brother discouraged them from being serious about music if they showed an interest just as I never discouraged our sons from sports. But they seem to model what they see. Pretty interesting.

 

[bananiem]

If the sports teams there are anything like they are around here, the high school teams are already determined anyway. Kids are so focused on one sport from the age of 4 and they play on a thousand travelling teams... It's not like when I was in high school and you could just say "I think I'll try volleyball this year" and make the team.
She's already found what makes her happy. She'll even find a few more things. Support her in what she does like. Just be glad it isn't hanging out with a gang.

 

[eeyore45]

Great posts, and advice...

I will add my ds is now a junior, he refused to follow in his brother's footsteps (2 years older) The oldest was a jock... dont ask where that comes from, because dh tried to discourage him - he's hard of hearing and had a horrible time, he was #1 on Hockey, LaCrosse, CrossCountry, but he had nothing gained in high school for that - he didnt go to dances, he'd ask girls and he'd get "pranked"... he made it his - I tried to support him in all ways, getting involved in shcool committees, etc.. and backing off when he asked...

DS#2 is in to theatre, band, not so much sports, and he's good at sports, he hasnt been picked for a theatre production, but he tries!! And he seems so much more relaxed, he seems to have better memories already... and yes I still get involved - chaperoning at dances, field trips etc... and I do it as quietly as I can (not in your face!! But I explain to him the needs of the school and how I respect him - so far so good!)

So my advice, support your kids, listen, and talk often. Its thier experience... there's nothing you can do to change, or make it for them, they have to want it... but you can still show your spupport!!

 

[Tiggeroo]

My dd was not a sports person. My sons do a diff. sport every season. But she was a drama,choir, band person. It was the best thing for her. Band/drama gives you a ready made group of friends. You get to take trips together, spend time practicing.... My dd is in her 2nd year of college and is still close with her hs band/drama friends. My sons are in the more popular groups but they have much more pressure then my dd ever did.

 

[monarchsfan16]

Ok, I'm a teen. I have no interest in playing sports at all. Yet I've survived and will be starting my senior year in high school, and I'm sad that high school is coming to an end so soon. You bet I've found my niche. There are many other ways to get involved in high school besides sports. I'm a photo editor for my school newspaper, on student council and National Honor Society. There are activities and clubs for everyone at high school. Sports are the major thing at my school. In the fall everyone clears their schedules on Friday nights and Saturday afternoons to cheer on the football team. There's a lot of spirit and a lot of emphasis on sports at my school, but I've never been happier in school than I have been these past 3 years. I wasn't interested in any of the clubs right away, but pretty quickly I became involved. My mind changed. And the best friends I made were the ones in my classes. We've shared awesome experiences. It was the friends from my classes, not my activities that dragged me to my first football and baseball games (now I'm clearing my schedule to go to games too) and they were the ones who have laughed and cried with me all through high school. I went into a school where I knew just 60 kids, and barely saw those that I knew. My school has 2500 kids in it, and I can say that I've got lots of friends. I expect your daughter will be ok. It'll take a little adjustment I'm sure, but she'll make it and make friends. I truly believe that the closest bonds are made with lab partners and the kid that sits next to you in English. The kids on our football team or any of the other sports teams aren't nearly as close off the field as you might think.

 

[luvflorida]

Thanks so much to everyone for your replies and words of encouragement!

At this point, my daughter isn't interested in joining ANY clubs at school. She used to perform in community theatre productions, (from about age 8 to 12), but isn't interested in theatre now, and she is very good at singing but doesn't want to join chorus. In 7th grade she was on the yearbook staff, but she doesn't want to do that either. She starts high school next week, and she seems really apprehensive about it. I think it has a lot to do with going from 8th grade, the "big" kids in school, to 9th grade, the youngest in the school. My daughter is small for her age, (4' 10", 90 lbs.), and young looking. She wanted so badly to sprout over the summer, but it didn't happen, and chances are it won't. I'm short and her dad isn't tall.

Anyway, she does love her dancing and she has some very good friends that she'll see in high school. It makes me relax a bit when I hear some of you say that you fully enjoyed high school WITHOUT sports involvement and you found many of your friends right in your classes.