Teenagers and Christmas ... a vent. Thanks for reading.

[Kim♥DISNEY]

Okay ... my 17 year has been a real pain lately, very ego centric. He comes back from a 5 day "school trip" to Princeton for Model UN with a very snippy attitude. Now, I know he probably didn't sleep for most of the weekend ... however, I just don't put up with not being courteous to family. The next week, I am his best friend when he needs pulled pork sandwiches made for school and money for another school event.

Now, my second son is giving me grief because we told him (even though he doesn't remember ...) that he can't plan anything for Friday. So, he has to take to take his online social studies test ... which he as known about for 2 weeks now, on Thursday instead of Friday due to the family event we have planned (going out to dinner and surprising them with a big screen TV ... it is a family Christmas gift).

Now, they are truly good kids, but these years are very trying.

My husband and I are about to sit them both down and say ... "Do you want to do something with us as a family or not. If not, we are taking your younger brother and you two can stay home ... and your younger brother will have total "dibs" on the gift (the TV)."

UGH ... teenagers drive me crazy. When do they become human again???? Thanks for reading and "listening to me vent".

 

[swanmom]

My husband and I are about to sit them both down and say ... "Do you want to do something with us as a family or not. If not, we are taking your younger brother and you two can stay home ... and your younger brother will have total "dibs" on the gift (the TV)."

Personally, I love this idea! I'll bet they decide to come without compliant.

 

[js]

Okay ... my 17 year has been a real pain lately, very ego centric. He comes back from a 5 day "school trip" to Princeton for Model UN with a very snippy attitude. Now, I know he probably didn't sleep for most of the weekend ... however, I just don't put up with not being courteous to family. The next week, I am his best friend when he needs pulled pork sandwiches made for school and money for another school event.

Now, my second son is giving me grief because we told him (even though he doesn't remember ...) that he can't plan anything for Friday. So, he has to take to take his online social studies test ... which he as known about for 2 weeks now, on Thursday instead of Friday due to the family event we have planned (going out to dinner and surprising them with a big screen TV ... it is a family Christmas gift).

Now, they are truly good kids, but these years are very trying.

My husband and I are about to sit them both down and say ... "Do you want to do something with us as a family or not. If not, we are taking your younger brother and you two can stay home ... and your younger brother will have total "dibs" on the gift (the TV)."

UGH ... teenagers drive me crazy. When do they become human again???? Thanks for reading and "listening to me vent".

You know I am very close to my mother but she NEVER told me that the teen years were harder than the years when they were younger and totally in your control...I guess she didn't want to scare me!!! Having an dd that will be 17 in 2 months, I totally relate.

Personally, I love this idea! I'll bet they decide to come without compliant.

hmmm......I wouldn't be so sure. I have an almost 17 year old that would jump at any chance to have the house to herself with all of us gone....I would really ONLY say if it you really mean it knowing they may just not come.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...hmmm......I wouldn't be so sure. I have an almost 17 year old that would jump at any chance to have the house to herself with all of us gone....I would really ONLY say if it you really mean it knowing they may just not come.

I agree - my oldest would turn down the gift to be left alone at least half the time, and he is only 13.

 

[TB'sWidow]

I would like to say it gets better but, it might not be the case. I have a Dd 27 that is still a pain and my Ds 22 did grow out of that stage. Sending good thoughts of patience your way. Mary

 

[dairyou]

I can totally sympathize with you. I have 2 DS's. One just left for school and he was the one with an attitude. He only wanted to be with his friends. We thought he didn't like us and would never come home. Well that has changed since going away to school and it is much better now. During Thanksgiving he was home for a week. About 4 1/2 days later we were ready for him to go back to school. Tomorrow he's coming home and he'll be here for a month...yikes

Hang in there. Things will get better. and....believe or not they will appreciate you some day too

 

[Promomx2]

Count me in the club!! DS is almost 16, one minute he's telling me what he and we are doing and then the next minute he's asking if I need any help. Our problem this week is exams and he hates and I do mean hates to study and then does poorly on tests. We've even told him he has to have a/b average to get his license in may. Cars and his car his main focus, so I thought this would get him motivated, nope. He's taken 3 exams and has 4 (the toughtest) to go and their calling for snow/ice tomorrow so they will probably close schools. I had planned on having a few drinks friday night to celebrate getting through the week.

 

[Kim♥DISNEY]

Thank you everyone!!!!

Just want I needed to make it through the holidays! I love the DIS!

 

[Hannathy]

Okay ... my 17 year has been a real pain lately, very ego centric. He comes back from a 5 day "school trip" to Princeton for Model UN with a very snippy attitude. Now, I know he probably didn't sleep for most of the weekend ... however, I just don't put up with not being courteous to family. The next week, I am his best friend when he needs pulled pork sandwiches made for school and money for another school event.

Now, my second son is giving me grief because we told him (even though he doesn't remember ...) that he can't plan anything for Friday. So, he has to take to take his online social studies test ... which he as known about for 2 weeks now, on Thursday instead of Friday due to the family event we have planned (going out to dinner and surprising them with a big screen TV ... it is a family Christmas gift).

Now, they are truly good kids, but these years are very trying.

My husband and I are about to sit them both down and say ... "Do you want to do something with us as a family or not. If not, we are taking your younger brother and you two can stay home ... and your younger brother will have total "dibs" on the gift (the TV)."

UGH ... teenagers drive me crazy. When do they become human again???? Thanks for reading and "listening to me vent".

See now the first thing I thought when I read this was I wonder if she asked them if Friday was good before she planned this or just ordered them? It sounds like this Friday isn't a good day for 2 of the boys and you wonder why they are snippy? Is there any reason it couldn't have been Saturday or Sunday? sounds like 1 has a test and 1 was away and is tired and grumpy.

I think they are just being like anyone would that had good reasons to be the way they are and weren't treated with respect and asked if it were convenient. I found I got along with my teen just fine when I treated her like a young adult and considered what she had on her schedule and not just what was on mine.

As far as the gift the one with the test would probably rather take it on Friday and the older one will be leaving soon or so busy he will probably not watch it much anyway so I don't see that as much of a threat. And do you really want your relationship based on threats instead of cooperation? Can't you reschedule the dinner to a day or 2 later instead of just digging in your heels and not expecting them to push back. They become human when you treat them like adult humans.

 

[Kim♥DISNEY]

See now the first thing I thought when I read this was I wonder if she asked them if Friday was good before she planned this or just ordered them? It sounds like this Friday isn't a good day for 2 of the boys and you wonder why they are snippy? Is there any reason it couldn't have been Saturday or Sunday? sounds like 1 has a test and 1 was away and is tired and grumpy.

I think they are just being like anyone would that had good reasons to be the way they are and weren't treated with respect and asked if it were convenient. I found I got along with my teen just fine when I treated her like a young adult and considered what she had on her schedule and not just what was on mine.

As far as the gift the one with the test would probably rather take it on Friday and the older one will be leaving soon or so busy he will probably not watch it much anyway so I don't see that as much of a threat. And do you really want your relationship based on threats instead of cooperation? Can't you reschedule the dinner to a day or 2 later instead of just digging in your heels and not expecting them to push back. They become human when you treat them like adult humans.

Thank for your perspective. But ... we did let them all know two weeks ago about this. The problem is ... closer we get to the date ... the more "things" come up that interfere with our plans. We chose Friday since both boys go skiing every Saturday ...

We actually just asked them if they were coming with us on Friday ... treating them like adults. They can come or not, but the event will take place with or without them. There is only so much that can be done "around them". They know something big is up. This is not a normal family function. We would expect the same respect from any family member, my mother, father, friend ... so we expect the same from them.

Sorry if I didn't elaborate on everything and thanks for your take on the situation.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Thank for your perspective. But ... we did let them all know two weeks ago about this. The problem is ... closer we get to the date ... the more "things" come up that interfere with our plans. We chose Friday since both boys go skiing every Saturday ...

We actually just asked them if they were coming with us on Friday ... treating them like adults. They can come or not, but the event will take place with or without them. There is only so much that can be done "around them". They know something big is up. This is not a normal family function. We would expect the same respect from any family member, my mother, father, friend ... so we expect the same from them.

Sorry if I didn't elaborate on everything and thanks for your take on the situation.

At that age my wife and I will still be telling our children about a planned family dinner out. They will be expected to attend. They will not get an option B. We are a very traditional family.

 

[dairyou]

Your post reminds me of what just happened.

We set a time to go to tahoe for the boys to ski for 3 days. Ive booked the cabin months ago. Just recently DS in college said he doesn't want to go because there is a party he wants to attend.... I made him save that day for 2 months now. I told him I'm not planning anything like that for him again. DS17 is happy. He can invite another friend. I just wanted some family time, but he doesn't get it. He said we can be together any time

Deb

 

[SaraJayne]

Thank for your perspective. But ... we did let them all know two weeks ago about this. The problem is ... closer we get to the date ... the more "things" come up that interfere with our plans. We chose Friday since both boys go skiing every Saturday ...

We actually just asked them if they were coming with us on Friday ... treating them like adults. They can come or not, but the event will take place with or without them. There is only so much that can be done "around them". They know something big is up. This is not a normal family function. We would expect the same respect from any family member, my mother, father, friend ... so we expect the same from them.

Sorry if I didn't elaborate on everything and thanks for your take on the situation.

Who cares if it's "convenient" for them? They're teenagers. Of course it won't be "convenient" to spend time with their family.

And I'm not above threats.

OP, you're doing the right thing.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Okay ... my 17 year has been a real pain lately, very ego centric. He comes back from a 5 day "school trip" to Princeton for Model UN with a very snippy attitude. Now, I know he probably didn't sleep for most of the weekend ... however, I just don't put up with not being courteous to family. The next week, I am his best friend when he needs pulled pork sandwiches made for school and money for another school event.

Now, my second son is giving me grief because we told him (even though he doesn't remember ...) that he can't plan anything for Friday. So, he has to take to take his online social studies test ... which he as known about for 2 weeks now, on Thursday instead of Friday due to the family event we have planned (going out to dinner and surprising them with a big screen TV ... it is a family Christmas gift).

Now, they are truly good kids, but these years are very trying.

My husband and I are about to sit them both down and say ... "Do you want to do something with us as a family or not. If not, we are taking your younger brother and you two can stay home ... and your younger brother will have total "dibs" on the gift (the TV)."

UGH ... teenagers drive me crazy. When do they become human again???? Thanks for reading and "listening to me vent".

I focus on them being moved out and the horrible empty nest feeling I am going to have with them gone.

Just tell them they have to go, trust me. You will be happier. They might not be but tough.

 

[SaraJayne]

I focus on them being moved out and the horrible empty nest feeling I am going to have with them gone.

Just tell them they have to go, trust me. You will be happier. They might not be but tough.

Yup. I don't schedule our life on whether it's convenient for my kids or not. They come to planned outings, end of story.

 

[Hannathy]

Just tell them they have to go, trust me. You will be happier. They might not be but tough.

See I just don't get that attitude, and people wonder why the kids have an attitude.

It goes along with the because I said so line that I also hate.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

My DS is 12 and he is reminded that if momma ain't happy he surely will be miserable! So far it is working but I've got a ways to go!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

See I just don't get that attitude, and people wonder why the kids have an attitude.

It goes along with the because I said so line that I also hate.

Traditional families do this sort of thing together. By the time the kids reach their teens, they won't even fight it, but the expectation has to be set at an early age. It is pointless to fight for "control" in their late teens. You can't win.

 

[Becky2005]

I focus on them being moved out and the horrible empty nest feeling I am going to have with them gone.

There are days when I think "hmmm....how long until she's 18?" Of course, I'm not so sure I'm going to have the horrible empty nest feeling. I think I may be like my parents...I was the youngest people asked if my parents were sad when I moved out. I looked at them bewildered and went "Are you kidding me? They were helping me pack my bags!"

We get along fantastically with living in seperate houses.