Teenage Girl Advice Needed

[dg39]

Sticky situation...The fact is you need this girls mom to drive your dd to the bus stop. If you can't find a different way for your dd to get to school, the only thing to do is have your dd ignore what this "so called" girlfriend does and just have her as a carpool buddy. Their 14 and thats a crazy age. Everything to them is drama and unfortunately, us as parents get blessed with taking part in it. If you didn't need the girls parent for the carpool, I'd tell you to tell your dd to tell this girl to get her own life, but, the situation doesn't call for that. So, your dd has to be the better person and just take this with a grain of salt. Seems like your between a rock and a hard place. You can't quit your job or change your hours, so, unfortunately, this girl may have the upper hand right now. But, as long as your dd can ignore this, things should work out. And, believe me, I know this can be hard to ignore, but if she doesn't, an arguement is going to happen and then your dd will be left without a ride. At 14, a boys attention can mean alot to a girl, if this is the case with your dd, her best bet, would be NOT to mention who she likes to this girl. Good luck.. I have 3 dd's. 2 are in their 20's and are past all this, so I've been where you are now, but, my youngest is 11 so I'm having the pleasure of going through this stage again...

 

[urglewurgle]

Basically, I've told DD that while her friend is a good person and nice (she is) she has some serious "issues" that she needs to work on. I told my DD to try to discuss that with her--that friends just don't do that to each other and just see what happens.

good start.. there's no point breaking up the friendship if they can work this out... and it sounds like the other girl needs your DD's help in sorting herself out.. she's obviously very insecure and jealous of your DD...

if talking doesn't work out... i guess the girls can no longer be friends... and you'd have to work something out about getting to school.... hmmm....

sorry i can't be more help... but you sound like you're going about things the right way

 

[Christine]

good start.. there's no point breaking up the friendship if they can work this out... and it sounds like the other girl needs your DD's help in sorting herself out.. she's obviously very insecure and jealous of your DD...

if talking doesn't work out... i guess the girls can no longer be friends... and you'd have to work something out about getting to school.... hmmm....

sorry i can't be more help... but you sound like you're going about things the right way

Well, if I can just hang in there another year-and-a-half, DD can get her license and drive herself to school.

 

[The Dark Dancer]

I hope everything works out for your DD! Boys are pretty big issue around girls my age. My friends are really into liking boys and going out with them, but I'm not as crazy as they are. Again, I hope everything works out for the best!

 

[coolmom99]

If it were my daughter I would tell her to stop hanging around with this girl. I don't think that you should get involved because it wouldn't do any good. It sounds like she has some serious psychological problems. You say that the mother didn't offer to take your daughter to school until the summer so you must have had an alternative plan. I don't think that your daughter should be forced to remain friendly with someone who has been so mean. Going out with her previous boyfriends is one thing but going after someone that she is interested in is just evil.

 

[Christine]

If it were my daughter I would tell her to stop hanging around with this girl. I don't think that you should get involved because it wouldn't do any good. It sounds like she has some serious psychological problems. You say that the mother didn't offer to take your daughter to school until the summer so you must have had an alternative plan. I don't think that your daughter should be forced to remain friendly with someone who has been so mean. Going out with her previous boyfriends is one thing but going after someone that she is interested in is just evil.

Actually, I didn't have much of a plan. I was keeping my fingers crossed that I could work something out with another parent and that did happen. If it didn't work out, I was going to have seriously consider some other type of school.

And yes, I agree, going after each guy she is interested in is EVIL. I just hope the girl thinks about this. In most other ways, she is a decent girl.

 

[massielovesdisney]

This friend is no friend at all. I am not attacking you but for her to have to swallow her fustration simply because she needs a ride to bus stop is not right.This tells her that people can walk all over you if you desperately need them for something. This friend will continue with her actions and I fear that the stakes will continue to get higher and higher. How much will she have to put up with before enough is enough. I really would figure something else out. Like I said I'm not trying to attack, I just want you to realize that emotionally it could really harm your DD. Good Luck.

 

[Christine]

This friend is no friend at all. I am not attacking you but for her to have to swallow her fustration simply because she needs a ride to bus stop is not right.This tells her that people can walk all over you if you desperately need them for something. This friend will continue with her actions and I fear that the stakes will continue to get higher and higher. How much will she have to put up with before enough is enough. I really would figure something else out. Like I said I'm not trying to attack, I just want you to realize that emotionally it could really harm your DD. Good Luck.

Don't worry, I don't feel you are attacking me! You are correct and, if it goes on too much longer and the girls cannot resolve it, I will have to take measures. Unfortunately, these measures consists of quite large changes for both me and my son and my parents. Plus there is a financial and "time" burden that would incur. I would never let my daughter's suffering get so bad and I will make those sacrifices if it comes to that. I was just hoping that they could work it out. If things continue through December, then I may make the changes.

 

[massielovesdisney]

GOOD FOR YOU! Hopfully you won't have to resort to such emtreme measures.

 

[madgomez]

Is your daughter any "closer" with the other mom then you are with this friend? Perhaps your daughter could broach the subject with the other girl and her mother in a "I really want to help what's bothering her so we can stay friends" kind of way. Yes, dangerous territory - could backfire badly, I suppose.

As for putting it on the boy involved, since there wasn't really a relationship yet, who knows what this "friend" might have said to the boy about your daughter. Boys, in general, are not as wily at that age about affairs of the heart, so it might not be fair to the boy to put so much blame on him. Your daughter "winning" in the long run, if she really likes him, might be more important to her than whether he made a mistake or was conned into something with this other girl. She could then tell her friend, well, once he really got to know you, he realized he made a mistake and I was the much better choice.

 

[chrissyk]

If I were your DD, I would pick out a huge loser and tell my friend that I had a giant crush on this person. I know that it's immature, but I have to be honest because that's what I would do in the case of a "friend" who behaved like this persistently.

BTW, I had "friends" who did this to me in high school too. It was so pathetic, because honestly these boys didn't decide to go after my friends when my friends suddenly decided to "like" them. If anything, it made the boys think that they were quite odd. It happened a few times, and then the novelty must have worn off or something because my "friends" stopped doing this. Also, somewhere around 11th grade, I found new friends (real friends) and never looked back.