teen smoking

[Mommee]

DS (13) is at his dad's right now, and will be back Friday (Dad and I share custody). He called me last night, and I swear he was smoking while he was on the phone! As a former smoker, daughter of a smoker, and having an ex that was a smoker, I instantly recognized the sound.

Of course, I could be wrong. But DS has also been changing his clothes as soon as he walks in the door from dad's house lately (dad and stepmom are chain smokers), and asking how to keep from smelling like smoke. And, of course, never before have I thought he sounded like he was smoking when on the phone!

So, I know I need to discuss this with him, but I'm new to the teen territory (he's my oldest) and I'm concerned I'll end up shutting him down instead of opening him up.

Any thoughts from someone that's been there? What worked? What didn't? And if I do find out he's smoking....where do I go from there? Unfortunately I suspect his father would be more inclined to provide the cigarettes than be helpful

TIA!

 

[akcire]

Teenagers are strange, and often rebel for no reason. You can tell him it is bad and will kill him, but he may choose to do it any way.

That is why I find with my in-laws kids (also teenagers) the only way to get them to change any behavior is to be sneaky and come up with a devious plan.

Now if one of them took up smoking.....I may suggest we start doing some volunteer work at say...the American Lung Association or American Heart Association....saying something about all the Disney Give a Day commercials on tv have prompted me to want to do more for our community. Since you were a smoker you could point out how that charity is dear to your heart, and you feel this would be good things that you could do as a family.

I'll bet spending some quality time working for a charity that is so anti-smoking would quickly change his outside behavior.

That is probably what I would try, or sign him up for cross country and track, nothing like letting the running coach break him of his smoking habit.

 

[bumbershoot]

That is probably what I would try, or sign him up for cross country and track, nothing like letting the running coach break him of his smoking habit.

I think I'd skip straight to that.



OP I'm so sorry. It's bad enough that his dad is still smoking and increasing the risks to your kids' health like that. But if he's providing cigarettes, that's just horrid.

 

[mamacatnv]

I don't know about your neck of the woods but Hookah smoking is huge here amongst the teen and young adult set. The sound is almost the same (I am a former smoker and my DS smokes Hookah so I know what I am talking about)

The kids are misguided in thinking it is a healthier version of smoking and lots and lots of kids who would never touch cigarettes are partaking. My DS took up the Hookah habit until I did a bunch of research and was able to show him how harmful it was.

I would outright ask him. I don't believe in beating around the bush. I also would not forbid it or have a hissy fit, that IMO is where parents get into trouble with their teens. I would address it, discuss it and move on. The fact that you are aware may be enough of a deterent, if not feel free to nag just like most kids would do to a parent who smoked.

 

[Rora]

I would outright ask him. I don't believe in beating around the bush. I also would not forbid it or have a hissy fit, that IMO is where parents get into trouble with their teens. I would address it, discuss it and move on. The fact that you are aware may be enough of a deterent, if not feel free to nag just like most kids would do to a parent who smoked.

Agreed.

I started smoking when I was 15. No one in my family smoked. It wasn't peer pressure or anything thing like that. I just looked "cool" to me and I thought that it relieved my stress (nope). My parents had no idea. I wound up quitting after I saw a bunch of terrifying pictures in my anatomy class of people's lungs who had smoked. It was a HUGE reality check for me.

I was never addicted, so to speak, and my experience with them was very short lived- maybe 5 months? But, it still did damage to my lungs, made me smell, etc.

OP- I would simply ask him. And then go from there. Show him pictures of blackened, decaying, dead smoker lungs. Maybe that will wake him up. Good luck!

 

[Inigo]

OP- I would simply ask him. And then go from there. Show him pictures of blackened, decaying, dead smoker lungs. Maybe that will wake him up. Good luck!

I used to teach tobacco education, and had two sets of lungs I'd show the kids. One set was pink and healthy, the other was black, nasty, with cancer and emphysema. That really got the point across. I'd suggest you call your local health department or hospital respiratory unit and ask them if they have lungs to demonstrate the effects of tobacco use. Combining those with pictures might just show your DS what he's doing.

 

[Lachesis00]

I started out w/oldest DS from a young age. Neither my husband or I smoke, but everyone on my side does, including my cousin's 2 daughters who started at 11 and 12. My cousin decided to stick her head in the sand and said they are kids, whatcha going to do.

I did tell my oldest it is a very expensive habit, and the price is only going to keep going up . It makes you stink, heaven forbid kissing a girl w/smokers breath... Not to count the health issues. Luckily, he never started. I think he's shared a cigar with his buddies, but it was smoked maybe 1/4th if that LOL.


Good luck!!

 

[sunnyday123]

I think I'd skip straight to that.



OP I'm so sorry. It's bad enough that his dad is still smoking and increasing the risks to your kids' health like that. But if he's providing cigarettes, that's just horrid.

If you were close to me, we could take a trip to my Dads house. He just got out of the hospital, he had pnuemonia, sepsis and was diagnonsed with COPD. He now needs oxygen for the rest of his life ( he's 68 ). He smoked for 50 years. He quit 3 years ago, but fat lot of good it did him. Then we could go to the hospital and visit the guy who's wife we met while in ICU. He's dying of lung cancer and has a trach. The sound of the suctioning they have to do so he doesn't choke would give him nightmares. Then we could talk about how horrible it is to die from lung cancer, which my Uncle did at 52.

Yea, then I'd sign him up for cross country.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

The problem with teenager is that they think they are bullet proof and will live forever. Logically, they all KNOW that smoking is horrible for them. They teach them about the dangers of smoking in Kindergarten for gosh sake. I think you can talk until you are blue in the face....probably not going to work. Sorry if that sounds harsh. What my Mom did when I was 12 and she caught me smoking.........she made us smoke them one after another right in front of her. It was 3 of us and all of the other parents agreed. We all puked after about the 4th one. I still get queasy just thinking about it.

 

[Mommee]

Thank you for the ideas. DS is well-versed in the dangers of smoking, and for years proclaimed that it was horrific and it really bothered him that his dad smoked (he was very young when I quit). His dad wakes up coughing until he throws up most days, and sometimes has bouts of blood that he vomits. I would think that would deter DS, but as a pp said, teens think they're invincible!

 

[golfgal]

Do you think that Dad is involved in your son's smoking, encouraging it or at least not discouraging it? Does your DS like going to Dad's house? If so, maybe pointing out that Dad could lose visitation rights over this may be helpful.

 

[Mommee]

Do you think that Dad is involved in your son's smoking, encouraging it or at least not discouraging it? Does your DS like going to Dad's house? If so, maybe pointing out that Dad could lose visitation rights over this may be helpful.

I suspect Dad is the source of the cigarettes, whether knowingly or unknowingly at this point. If I talk to Dad, he would swing toward actively encouraging the smoking just to upset me But, you have a point. DS may care that he's putting time at Dad's at stake, even if Dad doesn't.