Teen boyfriend, girlfriends

[onelilspark]

I was in a 2 year relationship starting at 16. We broke up after graduation. I see nothing wrong with a teenage romance.

I have friends who started "dating" in 7th grade. They got married a year and a half ago.

I wouldn't discourage a relationship because you feel it's too serious. If it's moving too fast or it's abusive, then have a talk and get involved. Otherwise, you need to let kids learn for themselves.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

I'd just be glad it wasn't my daughter wanting to go over there (not that she'd be allowed at 13!).

 

[MerMom60_94]

I can't for the life of me understand why any adult would be monitoring a neighborhood boy's social life so carefully. We live across the street from a family with a 16 yo boy. I could seriously care less how many girls go visit him.

That is because you don't have teenagers yet. Don't worry your time will come.

Actually, I agree with SBell and I do have a 14 year old DD. I concern myself with her and situations that involve her. I am not seeing where this situation involves the OP or her DD and I think a lot of assumptions are being made. I am always amazed by the number of posts I see on the Dis about what peoples neighbors are purportedly up to. It's starting to make me look over my shoulder when I am at home because I have visions of neighbors peering through the curtains speculating on what I am doing and who I am with. I am sure they are making my life much more interesting than it really is.

 

[sbell111]

That is because you don't have teenagers yet. Don't worry your time will come.

I would think that parents of teens would be more concerned with what their teens are doing, rather than random teens in the neighborhood.

 

[Darsa]

Recently my DD13 went through a "situation" where she was at a pool party thrown by a (male) friend of her's and her boyfriend's. They were both there, along with several other friends of both genders. My daughter, bless her heart, had (and I think, has) NO idea that there is a difference between playing with and flirting with the boys. She was playing with the boys (and girls!) in the pool, but apparently the boys thought differently, and this upset her boyfriend. He talks to me He and I had a nice long conversation (without DD) and I hope he came away with a better idea of how my daughter thinks, which is still like a kid (because she IS one!) whereas he was thinking more like an adult. These two kids are two weeks apart in age and they believe they're completely in love with each other. I suppose it could be true, but at this point I'm a bit skeptical. On the other hand they've been together for almost a year now and I *never* expected it to last that long!

*deep breath* Soooo... I don't know about this boy that you're referring to, but there IS the possibility that he's just friends with these girls. I tend to doubt it, given my past experience... but there is that possibility.

And for the record, if my DD13 asked to go hang out at a 16 year old boy's house... uh, no. No stinkin' way. I don't care WHO that boy is, the answer is no.

 

[MushyMushy]

Actually, I agree with SBell and I do have a 14 year old DD. I concern myself with her and situations that involve her. I am not seeing where this situation involves the OP or her DD and I think a lot of assumptions are being made. I am always amazed by the number of posts I see on the Dis about what peoples neighbors are purportedly up to. It's starting to make me look over my shoulder when I am at home because I have visions of neighbors peering through the curtains speculating on what I am doing and who I am with. I am sure they are making my life much more interesting than it really is.

The more information you have about what nearby teens are doing, the more insight you have into your own kids. You can *never* have too much information about teens.

 

[Nie0214]

Growing up all my friends were guys. I hope their neighbors/mothers/aunts/etc. didn't go around calling them "playas" or me other names because we happened to be friends who could hang out with eachother platonically.

Decide if you want your 13 yo hanging out with him (how do they know eachother?) but who cares what he is doing if you don't have all the details.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I have a sixteen year old son. He has more girl friends than guy friends. He doesn't have a girlfriend right now, but when he did, he still did stuff with his girl friends. She didn't seem to care.

Who knows this boy's motives or what he's thinking. It could be 100% innocent, though, and I like to think the best of people.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Today one of DD13 friends was there and I'm like what is she doing there? DD said neighbor boy 16 invited her. My DD doesn't think it's right that he has a girlfriend yet has all these "girls" who are friends as his mom and sister put it always coming over. He is a very cute, nice and respectful (I like him a lot) but I do hear a lot of grumblings from some of the girls that he is a player. He is going to be a high school sophmore and this girl today an 8th grader, he hasn't gone to school with her since 4th grade. I guess I don't think its right but then at 16 I really don't like for them to be so serious. Just putting myself in that mom's postion for when my son gets to be that age, i think I'd have a talk with him about it. Do you all feel that way? I was kinda speechless on what to say to my daughter because at 16 you should be having fun.

Actually, I agree with SBell and I do have a 14 year old DD. I concern myself with her and situations that involve her. I am not seeing where this situation involves the OP or her DD and I think a lot of assumptions are being made. I am always amazed by the number of posts I see on the Dis about what peoples neighbors are purportedly up to. It's starting to make me look over my shoulder when I am at home because I have visions of neighbors peering through the curtains speculating on what I am doing and who I am with. I am sure they are making my life much more interesting than it really is.

I would think that parents of teens would be more concerned with what their teens are doing, rather than random teens in the neighborhood.

Do you see the OP's post? This involves her dd and it is not some "random teen".

When YOUR dd is hanging around friends that are going to older boys homes, believe me you are going to take notice.

 

[MerMom60_94]

The more information you have about what nearby teens are doing, the more insight you have into your own kids. You can *never* have too much information about teens.

Information and assumptions are two different things. In my neighborhood the boys and girls all grew up together and are friends. Their ages range from 12-16. I definitely see what goes on and I know who is crossing the line / experimenting and who is keeping their noses clean. I'm just saying the boys mother is aware of what he is doing. The girls mother is aware that the girl is there because she dropped her off. Why would I care if the parents all know and are ok with this? It isn't uncommon for boys and girls to just be friends. I am under the impression that the boys mother is home when this is happening so why read anymore into it?

 

[Abbie]

I guess I just wonder how you know if the mom hasn't already had that talk about respect and hurting feelings? My son is similar to what you've described, a good kid who happens to be good-looking and responsible. He will be 16 in two weeks and has a girlfriend but there are other girls who still flirt and throw themselves at him. We've had the talk (over and over) about respect for women and guarding his reputation as a good guy and I'm hoping it sinks in but you can only do so much. I guess I wouldn't assume Mom and Dad haven't had this discussion with their son, probably plenty of times, especially if you recognize that he's a good guy. Sometimes there's just more growing up to do.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Information and assumptions are two different things. In my neighborhood the boys and girls all grew up together and are friends. Their ages range from 12-16. I definitely see what goes on and I know who is crossing the line / experimenting and who is keeping their noses clean. I'm just saying the boys mother is aware of what he is doing. The girls mother is aware that the girl is there because she dropped her off. Why would I care if the parents all know and are ok with this? It isn't uncommon for boys and girls to just be friends. I am under the impression that the boys mother is home when this is happening so why read anymore into it?

And I am right there with you however this is a case of the boy being known as a "player" to the girls. So it is a little game they are all playing.

The boy in question has a dirty nose when it comes to girls.

 

[MerMom60_94]

Do you see the OP's post? This involves her dd and it is not some "random teen".

When YOUR dd is hanging around friends that are going to older boys homes, believe me you are going to take notice.

My DD does hang with friends who visit older boys. In fact, one of DDs best friends is a boy who is older than she is. He comes over a couple of times a week. These kids are all friends. That's all they are. If the visits were unsupervised I might see where these assumptions are coming from but I am not getting that impression so why is anyone making this into anything more?

 

[eliza61]

I will repeat, no way in hell am I dropping off my 13yodd at a 16yo boy's house.

I must be positively evil because my kids where not even allowed to date before 16 and depending on their school work. What's funny is that my younger son at 13 was not allowed to hang out with his 16 year old, older brother.

 

[runwad]

I guess I just wonder how you know if the mom hasn't already had that talk about respect and hurting feelings? My son is similar to what you've described, a good kid who happens to be good-looking and responsible. He will be 16 in two weeks and has a girlfriend but there are other girls who still flirt and throw themselves at him. We've had the talk (over and over) about respect for women and guarding his reputation as a good guy and I'm hoping it sinks in but you can only do so much. I guess I wouldn't assume Mom and Dad haven't had this discussion with their son, probably plenty of times, especially if you recognize that he's a good guy. Sometimes there's just more growing up to do.

This is true I don't know this. I hope they've had the talk cause he sounds just like your son. All the kids in the neighborhood hang together as they've grown up from babies with each other. My DD thinks of this boy as a brother doesn't see him as cute or anything, but she does she him flirting and recongnizes it at such. I like a lot of others who have posted would not encourage my kids to have a boyfriend/girlfriend at such a young age. What I'm saying is the mom obviously encourages the relationship with the girlfriend who is in another school system, next town over, by taking him to her house and bringing the girl to theirs. All I'm saying if that's the case and he has an exclusive girlfriend. I don't think it's right for him to be inviting these little 13 yr old girls over. These girls definetely have crushes on him, they have a big smile plastered all over their face the whole time they are there. And I'm not just sitting here looking and watching the whole time, DD was talking to me about it because she doesn't think it's right that he has a girlfriend and is "cheating". I was just kinda lost because like I've said I don't believe he should have a girl friend but since he does then no I don't think he should lead the others on as he has. Thats all people, no assumptions that anything bad is going on, he is a good kid. I have no idea what he does behind closed doors and it could be he's not paid attention to some girls who wanted him to and got the "player" label. I don't know, remember I'm getting my info from a 13 year old who doesn't like what she see's in her eye's him flirting with these other girls when he has a girlfriend. That was the whole point of my post, sorry if I wasn't more clear. I was just at a loss as to how to handle with DD.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My DD does hang with friends who visit older boys. In fact, one of DDs best friends is a boy who is older than she is. He comes over a couple of times a week. These kids are all friends. That's all they are. If the visits were unsupervised I might see where these assumptions are coming from but I am not getting that impression so why is anyone making this into anything more?

Yes, but we are talking about this situation not yours. Your situation is fine. However when your 13yodd is telling you that this 16yo is a "player" as a parent you should listen to your kids, she is trying to tell you something.

That is just my take on it. Not saying you should do anything however just file it away as an FYI, you know?

 

[sbell111]

Do you see the OP's post? This involves her dd and it is not some "random teen".

When YOUR dd is hanging around friends that are going to older boys homes, believe me you are going to take notice.

I DID read the OP.

The daughter is not one of the children going to the house. In fact, the daughter disapproves of the friend going to the house.

Therefore, the daughter is not involved.

 

[runwad]

I DID read the OP.

The daughter is not one of the children going to the house. In fact, the daughter disapproves of the friend going to the house.

Therefore, the daughter is not involved.

Yes, you are right, my DD thinks of him as a brother and I think he has disappointed her in his behavior.