Teen boyfriend, girlfriends

[runwad]

I just wondered what you all think of this situation in my neighborhood with a soon to be 16 yr old boy. He has had a girlfriend for the past 8 mos that lives the next town over but he see's pretty regularly, but there is a non stop parade of young girls going in and out of his house. Today one of DD13 friends was there and I'm like what is she doing there? DD said neighbor boy 16 invited her. My DD doesn't think it's right that he has a girlfriend yet has all these "girls" who are friends as his mom and sister put it always coming over. He is a very cute, nice and respectful (I like him a lot) but I do hear a lot of grumblings from some of the girls that he is a player. He is going to be a high school sophmore and this girl today an 8th grader, he hasn't gone to school with her since 4th grade. I guess I don't think its right but then at 16 I really don't like for them to be so serious. Just putting myself in that mom's postion for when my son gets to be that age, i think I'd have a talk with him about it. Do you all feel that way? I was kinda speechless on what to say to my daughter because at 16 you should be having fun.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OK, I have a soon to be 13yodd and if she was over seeing a 16yo boy, I say no way in hell.

If his girlfriend wants to date someone who dates other people, then that is on her.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Is he truly "just friends" or is there more going on? (couldn't tell by your post.) What he does is his business and obviously the mom knows about. No, if you are in a relationship you shouldn't cheat, but it takes two to tango. Sounds like the girls coming over do know about the relationship (am I right?). That's just part of being in high school unfortunately. Now, with the 13 year old that is entering a whole other ball game. You need to talk to the girl's mom and make sure she knows where she is going.

However, there is nothing wrong with being friends with somebody of the opposite gender. Growing up the only people who lived near me were guys. I had a lot of guy friends and I would not drop them just because I was dating somebody. I got along better with them than with many of the girls. Of course, that changed when I went to an all girls' college when I was 15.

My boyfriend has several friends who are girls from work. He often talks to one online or on the phone because they both supervise the same area. I know some women would freak over that, but I'm find with it. I wouldn't care if a girl came over to his house to hang out. I don't buy the whole "once you're in a relationship you can't have opposite sex friends argument."

So, definitely talk to the mom of the 1 girl and let her know where her daughter was. But I wouldn't be speculating about what is going on with the rest unless you know for sure that it is more than just friends.

 

[runwad]

I didn't mean to imply there was anything "sexual" going on with these girls I just think he is a big flirt. The 13 yr old girls mom dropped her off at his house so she knows all about it. And I'm totally fine with the opposites being friends, my DH had a good friend at work and when he announced he was getting engaged everyone at work assumed it was with the work girl "Friend" and they are still good friends today and I'm fine with that. I'm talking him having a "girlfriend" and flirting and leading these other little girls on. That is what I think the mom should have a talk with him about. I get he's a boy thats what they do. I guess I'm kinda shocked it goes on under his mom's nose and she's oblivious to it. I think she enjoys or somehow basks in her son't popularity. I like him he is good kid and only being a typical 16 yr old male. I just think if he were mine I'd have a talk with him letting him know that his actions could cause some little girl hurt feelings and he shouldn't lead them on so.

 

[wishspirit]

As someone who started with her first 'serious' relationship at 15 (almost 16) and are still together 5 years later, I will obviously say that their relationship is their relationship, however old they are. Yes my parents asked questions, which I happily provided the answers to, but as someone who is just on the outskirts, I really don't think you should judge on their behaviour, as long as their parents are happy, you should be happy with that too. These girls all seem to know he has a girlfriend, they shouldn't be expecting anything but friendship. Some guys just like female company, and vice versa, it doesn't have to be anything 'wrong'.

 

[rie'smom]

If the girls know he's a player and they still go over, they're not very bright. He's not leading them on because they know exactly what he is.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I didn't mean to imply there was anything "sexual" going on with these girls I just think he is a big flirt. The 13 yr old girls mom dropped her off at his house so she knows all about it. And I'm totally fine with the opposites being friends, my DH had a good friend at work and when he announced he was getting engaged everyone at work assumed it was with the work girl "Friend" and they are still good friends today and I'm fine with that. I'm talking him having a "girlfriend" and flirting and leading these other little girls on. That is what I think the mom should have a talk with him about. I get he's a boy thats what they do. I guess I'm kinda shocked it goes on under his mom's nose and she's oblivious to it. I think she enjoys or somehow basks in her son't popularity. I like him he is good kid and only being a typical 16 yr old male. I just think if he were mine I'd have a talk with him letting him know that his actions could cause some little girl hurt feelings and he shouldn't lead them on so.

I will repeat, no way in hell am I dropping off my 13yodd at a 16yo boy's house.

 

[runwad]

I will repeat, no way in hell am I dropping off my 13yodd at a 16yo boy's house.

I'm right there with you. And no way would I even take my if she was 15 yr old DD to her 15 yr old boyfriends house the next town over.

Anywho thanks I don't like to gossip so coming on here and posting satisfied that itch without doing any real damage. I guess I just feel as mom's of boys we need to teach them how to treat girls and to be considerate of their feelings.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I don't see what the big deal is.

And the parents of girls need to teach them how to treat boys and be considerate of their feelings. It's a two-way street. Girls aren't the fragile, innocent angels people make them out to be.

 

[MushyMushy]

I actually encouraged my son to play the field! Kids in this area get serious at earlier and earlier ages. I've seen middle school kids couple up and you can tell what they're going to be like in their 30s. Parents encourage this too and get all involved in trying to keep the couples together.

I think kids need to date around and try to discover what they like in the opposite sex and not get too serious. I agree that they shouldn't be playing with people's feelings, but that goes for BOTH boys and girls.

So far, my son hasn't listened to me. When he dates, he gets serious and stays with the girl long term. I just hope he doesn't settle down and get married way too early.

(I hope I'm not coming off as extreme or anything -- it's not like I think kids should be "dogs" or anything. Just not too serious)

 

[Jennasis]

1. Can't believe these young girls are being allowed to go and hang out at the "player's" house.

2. If people at school know he's a "player" I am willing to buy that his actual girlfriend probably does too.

3. At 16, I do not expect commitments. Boys and girls should play the field as it were.

4. Ultimately, OP, unless it's your boy or your DD going over to hang with Mr. Playa, it is none of your business.

That is all...

 

[browneyes106]

I think 13 is a bit young to date. I can see a 16 year old dating a person that is their age or a bit young or older but not a 13 year old.

 

[Planogirl]

I got the impression that the boy's parents or at least his Mom was always there. It doesn't sound like much is going on if that's the case.

 

[Tink888]

I actually encouraged my son to play the field! Kids in this area get serious at earlier and earlier ages. I've seen middle school kids couple up and you can tell what they're going to be like in their 30s. Parents encourage this too and get all involved in trying to keep the couples together.

I think kids need to date around and try to discover what they like in the opposite sex and not get too serious. I agree that they shouldn't be playing with people's feelings, but that goes for BOTH boys and girls.

So far, my son hasn't listened to me. When he dates, he gets serious and stays with the girl long term. I just hope he doesn't settle down and get married way too early.

(I hope I'm not coming off as extreme or anything -- it's not like I think kids should be "dogs" or anything. Just not too serious)

I totally agree with this. I remember a friend of my son started dating a girl in 7th grade and they were together for well over a year. There were a few other people he knew in the same situation. I would see their Myspace pages talking about how in love they were, etc. THESE KIDS WERE 12 AND 13 YEARS OLD!!! IMHO that's just crazy.

I was also one of those girls who dated the same guy all through high school. He was a couple of years older than me and we were together for five years. We never ended up married and when I look back now I have some regrets. Though I loved him then, it was A LOT of time wasted on one person when I could have been out with friends, dating different guys and having fun.

When it comes to girls I tell my sons to respect them and be conscious of their feelings but I also encourage them to go out and have fun, meet people and make friends. They have all the time in the world for serious relationships later. For now and the next few years I'm hoping they'll keep it light. And I'm hoping the moms' of the girls are doing the same.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I don't see that the boy is doing anything that could be considered being inconsiderate of the girls' feelings. It sounds like he is up front with teh mall about his girlfriend (and presumably up front with his girlfriend about his friends who are girls). As far as flirting goes--if the girls he is casually flirting with KNOW he has a girlfriend, then it is just casual flirting. Some people enjoy flirting. I do. I still (at 36, happily married for 13 years to the guy I ahve been with for 20 years) flirt with some of my guy friends (the ones who also enjoy flirting and KNOW darn well that is all it is and it will newvr lead to anything more: I do community theatre and there seem to be a high percentage of natural "flirts" in such an area) I certainly had more guy friends than girl friends in highschool (and hung out with them all the time--and nothing ever happened with any of them). I flirted with a lot of those guys (and they flirted with me). It helped us hone those skills for when we needed them

I also agree with Eyeore's Butterfly that if the kids cannot be trusted to handle the relationship and stand up for themselves then they are not ready to date anyway.

 

[shortbun]

I will repeat, no way in hell am I dropping off my 13yodd at a 16yo boy's house.

Agreed and no way am I letting my 16yo son have dates with a 13yo girl. It's just begging for jail time and a sex offender record.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Agreed and no way am I letting my 16yo son have dates with a 13yo girl. It's just begging for jail time and a sex offender record.

Oh yea, didn't think of it that way. What are these parents thinking? It boogles my mind.

 

[minkydog]

I don't see what the big deal is.

I don't either. I don't "get" encouraging a 16yo to be in a mutually exclusive relationship either. In fact, I would be more concerned about my 16yo if she *was* dating only one boy.

We don't know the nature of the boy's relationship with the GF--maybe they both see other people. When I was 16 I dated several boys and they all knew each other. I wasn't sexually active, I just like playing the field and I had no intention of getting tied down at an early age. If all the moms and girls are fine with Mr. Player, then that's fine with me.

 

[sbell111]

I can't for the life of me understand why any adult would be monitoring a neighborhood boy's social life so carefully. We live across the street from a family with a 16 yo boy. I could seriously care less how many girls go visit him.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I can't for the life of me understand why any adult would be monitoring a neighborhood boy's social life so carefully. We live across the street from a family with a 16 yo boy. I could seriously care less how many girls go visit him.

That is because you don't have teenagers yet. Don't worry your time will come.