Teaching kids to say Thank you when it is never returned

[rbuzzotta]

DH and his sister do not get along. She lives with MIL and one thing I can give her credit for is, for my girls birthdays and holidays, she sends a card with a check to them. One from MIL, one from her.

For every occassion, I make my girls call and send a handwritten thank you.

However, we acknowledge SIL at Christmas and her birthday (she is not married and has no children). DH gives her 100 for both occassions, sometimes more. My girls see that we acknowledge her birthday and Christmas.

However, she never once says Thank you!! Never acknowledges the money and card are recieved (we know it is MIL tells us).

My girls (mainly my younger ones) has been asking why Auntie never says thank you for giving her a card with money in it.

How do I continually tell my kids that is just the way she is. They are now forming their own opinions on her and although DH and I do not get along with her, I did not want the girls involved (my oldest is well aware of how she is).

How do I continually explain to them why she does not say Thank you!!! I am tired of beating around the bush and just blowing it off (they are getting older and want a good answer).

Thanks.............

 

[Nennie]

I think I would just say that the Aunt's way of thanking them for their cards, is by sending them cards/gifts for birthdays and holidays. I would also tell them that although the Aunt doesn't send a formal thank you card, that she still appreciates the gift and that children should always send a written thank you, especially to an adult.

By the time your children are adults, they may realize that not everyone is "up to par" with their etiquette, but at least they will know the proper way to thank people for gifts, etc.

Just my thoughts!

 

[mrsdon]

The answer is not every one is polite and does the right thimg, but as long as they are living in your house they will be polite and do the right thing

 

[minkydog]

she never once says Thank you!! Never acknowledges the money and card are recieved (we know it is MIL tells us).

My girls (mainly my younger ones) has been asking why Auntie never says thank you for giving her a card with money in it.

How do I continually tell my kids that is just the way she is. They are now forming their own opinions on her and although DH and I do not get along with her, I did not want the girls involved (my oldest is well aware of how she is).

How do I continually explain to them why she does not say Thank you!!! I am tired of beating around the bush and just blowing it off (they are getting older and want a good answer).

Thanks.............

Why do you need to explain it at all? Tell them calmly that you don't know why she doesn't send a thank you note. Don't speculate about it ("She's just that way" "She forgets.") You can tell them this: "Just because somebody doesn't send us a thank you note doesn't mean we love them less. We will continue to remember Auntie at her birthday and Christmas because we love her no matter what."


Even though it means a lot to you, it means nothing to alot of people. Sure, its disappointing. We hope that everyone, especially our families, will have good manners. But some people just don't find it important. We always have the choice of crossing them off our list over it, but that seems petty to me.

Don't let thank you notes be the yardstick by which you measure relationships.

 

[rbuzzotta]

Thanks for the responses. I always tell my girls that is just how their Aunt is and it has worked so far.

My youngest has now mentioned that she is rude by not saying Thank you. Although I agree, I continue to emphasize that our family always says Thank you in person and a written thank you.

I guess they are now forming their opinons about her and I won't be able to stop what they think about it, just how they act (I hope my influence is still effective).

thanks again...............

 

[rbuzzotta]

Why do you need to explain it at all? Tell them calmly that you don't know why she doesn't send a thank you note. Don't speculate about it ("She's just that way" "She forgets.") You can tell them this: "Just because somebody doesn't send us a thank you note doesn't mean we love them less. We will continue to remember Auntie at her birthday and Christmas because we love her no matter what."


Even though it means a lot to you, it means nothing to alot of people. Sure, its disappointing. We hope that everyone, especially our families, will have good manners. But some people just don't find it important. We always have the choice of crossing them off our list over it, but that seems petty to me.

Don't let thank you notes be the yardstick by which you measure relationships.

Well said.

I really don't measure relationships on thank you notes. However, there was one year that I did not send formal thank you notes from the girls and boy did I catch hell for that (I was rude and disrespectful and teaching my girls the wrong message)!!! My oldest coldn't believe it but my other two were too young to realize it.

So, I make sure the girls write the Thank you to SIL and MIL immediately after recieving a gift after making the proper phone call.

again, thanks for the suggestions, I will keep them in mind when the topic comes up again.............luckily this birthdy is over and next event is Christmas..........time is on my side!! LOL!

 

[Robinrs]

My Mom always told me No matter how stupid and ill raised anyone is,YOU always do the right thing.

Your girls will run into MANY of these types in their lives, this is just the beginning. We can never control how others are, just how we react.

 

[mjkacmom]

Your kids ask you if their aunt sent you a thank you note? My kids have no idea what gifts I send out to family members (including their cousins and grandparents), and would never inquire if I received a note. Do you complain about this in front of them? I don't think children need to know about bad blood in the adult relationships in families - I know I was never privy to anything (and was always required to write a thank you note, as are my children).

 

[Disney Doll]

What is the matter with "I have no idea why Auntie doesn't send a thank you note, but we will continue to send thank you notes when we receive gifts because it is the right thing to do".

If they form their own opinion of her, so be it. I have numerous aunts and uncles about whom I have formed opinions as I have gotten older. Some good opinions, some not-so-good opinions. Life goes on. We can't pick family.