teacher problem

[tiggger1]

this is a question for my neighbor. She has a son who just turned 10, and he is 5th grade ( i think) he is year ahead of the kids his age because where he used to live. His parents had to fight the schools because they wanted to make him repeat a year becuase of this age. They decided to let him stay where he was but if he had problems with the work they would hold him back. This was in 2nd grade. He is very smart and has really worked hard at being in the top at his class. All the rest of the kids in his class are 11 and his is still a little immature. He likes to tease the girls and bothers the kids sometimes. But he is never mean or hurts anyone. He is just being a boy. For this reason he doesnt have many friends. They all think he is annoying and dont want to play with him. There was an issue at school where he was chasing the kids and accidently knocked into another boy causing him to fall. Aparently he didnt know he did it ( they were playing a game in a group, running from him) so he never apologized and the kids told the teacher he did it on purpose. The teacher called home and told his mother that he needed to act his age and stop annoying the other kids. when the teacher reminded her that he was a year younger, she threated to keep him back next year until he learned to grow up becuase in 6th grade you dont act like a baby.

My neighbor is hurt and upset because she knows the situation will be worse next year if he is kept back because he is very smart and will definetly get bored doing all this over agian. yes he will be the same age as the other kids but is that worth him wasting a year of learning to make him grow up. If the kids he is class with now already grew out of it, wont he be where they are by next year...so does it even matter?

 

[LMC]

What do you mean "just" turned 10? As in last week or just a couple of months ago? Like right after school began? My son is 10 and should be in 5th grade; he will turn 11 in March. So being 10 in 5th grade is not unusual at all. As a matter of fact now that I just add it up, my DD will turn 10 in July the year she starts 5th grade so she will be 10 the entire school year (as I was, summer b-days). So the school system is blowing smoke up you know where when they say there are no 10 yr old 5th graders.
Now my 3rd child, bless his heart, will be an older kid as his b-day is in October, so he will be almost 11 when he starts 5th grade.
Our school system makes NO exceptions to the birthday cut off date. You are either the designated age on or before September 1 or you go to the lower grade.

 

[Danauk]

I am a teacher and last year I had a mixed year class (UK year 5 and 6 which are children aged 9 - 11) In my experience the level of maturity the child had didn't reflect what year group they were in. I had year 5 children who were a lot more mature than some of the year 6 children. I had some year 6 children who were very mature but I also had some who were very imature, much more so than the pupils who were younger than them. If the child has gone through the school sytem in that year group and is more than able to do the work, I do not see why he should not stay in the same year group. Perhaps though he needs to be spoken to regarding his actions and have some sort of social classes (I don't know if you have these in the USA but in my school we do social classes with youth workers for children who do not know how to interact appropriately with their peers.)

 

[dg39]

As far as I know, I never heard of being held back in school, because of your maturity level. If this little boy gets the grades, he deserves to pass.

 

[MariettaC]

I teach in North Carolina and we don't hold immature children back. The only reason would be for poor performance in class and inability to do the work.

 

[Daxx]

His parents had to fight the schools because they wanted to make him repeat a year becuase of this age. They decided to let him stay where he was but if he had problems with the work they would hold him back.

Are you sure they wanted to repeat the grade due to age?! Are you sure it wasn't due to not understanding concepts? I can't imagine holding a child back b/c of age alone. I can see holding back for maturity reasons (not by how they act, but if they are mature enough to comprehend what is being taught), then why hold back? I don't get it. Doesn't your school have a cut-off date for birth? Our school policy is you have to be 5 yo by Dec. 1st to go to Kdg. Therefore, I have some Kdg. students who recently turned 5 and one who will turn 5 on Nov. 30th. Therefore, they will only be 9 when entering 5th grade. Usually, children are held back (esp. in Kdg.) for maturity reasons (mainly b/c they're not mature enough to grasp the concepts ... not b/c of the way they act).

Kids mature at different rates -- if the child is ready for 6th grade and is of appropriate age and comprehends the materials, I can't see why they'd hold him back. Plus, you have to offer up quite a bit of evidence as to why a child should be held back in any grade!!! And, I can't imagine "acts immature" is going to hold water.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The teacher called home and told his mother that he needed to act his age and stop annoying the other kids. when the teacher reminded her that he was a year younger, she threated to keep him back next year until he learned to grow up becuase in 6th grade you dont act like a baby.

My neighbor is hurt and upset because she knows the situation will be worse next year if he is kept back

I personally think that we are getting a very emotional, and one-sided version of this story?

It would never be acceptable for a teacher to say the things quoted here. Never, under any circumstances.

1. Being retained is not just up to the teacher. If the child is making the grades, then they will pass. This is simply not up to the teacher to make this kind of determination. A teacher cannot just arbitrarily 'threaten' to hold a child back.

2. If the child is showing inappropriate behavior, due to immaturity, or any other issue. Then, the school should have a very definate disciplinary policy. Threatening to hold a child back is not an acceptable disciplinary measure.

3. If the teacher is so very concerned that she feels that this boy may actually fail, then she should document her concerns, in a written memo, and schedule a personal, face-to-face conference, which should include the principal or guidance. I can hardly imagine even the worst of teachers with the worst of god complexes, thinking that they have the right or obligation to simply pick up the phone, and personally threaten to hold a child back.

Again, I think we are hearing a very emotional and one sided version of this story. From what was posted, I do think that perhaps this boy does have some real issues, and the mother is quite upset.

Now, if this situation is exactly as described. If the mother were to be able to swear that the teacher did say exactly what was quoted above, or even better, to have it recorded on her answering machine, then she would have good reason to go to the Principal or Superintendant!

 

[tiggger1]

I wasnt there for the conversation but that was what my neighbor told me. She said the teacher called to talk to her about her sons behavior ( they had teacher conferences last week and he is doing great in all his classes. the teacher did mention that he tries a little too hard to be friends with the kids and ends up bothing them) apparently he came was trying to get the kids to play with him and they were running away, so he chased them. another boy was standing there and he bumped him. He didnt know he made him fall because he was still chasing the kids. one of the kids old on him and the kids said that he wouldnt leave them alone. He got in trouble, but didnt understand why. the teacher told the mom that he was very immature for his age and thats when the mom reminder her that he was almost a year younger. He turned 10 the end of Oct. the rest of the class is all 11. thats when the teacher told the mom that if didnt grow up and start acting like the rest of the class then she would hold him back because 6th graders dont act like that chasing kids around and bothering them. the mom asked if she could hold him back even if his grades are fine. she was told that she could most definetly do that and if he didnt grow up she would.
Im not sure if this is word for word since it is hear say but this is what my neighbor told me. ( from what i heard from other friends, this teacher is a very young and very strict)

 

[WIcruizer]

I agree that this is a one-sided version of the story. But even your neighbor admits her son doesn't have any friends, and is in fact immature. Maybe it would be in his best interests to hold him back. Grades are one thing, but if he just doesn't fit in at all he will have an extremely tough go at life in general as every year goes by. This is really regardless of what the teacher wants to do.

 

[daisyduck123]

I'm a teacher. I really think there must be some sort of misunderstanding of what was said. No public school would hold back a child of that age (they will hold back an immature Kindergartener) due to maturity level if he is meeting the grade level objectives in his subjects.

 

[kristen821]

I too think this is a one sided story! I don't think you can be held back for being immature. I do think maybe the child needs to be talked too! I can't see a teacher making any comments about a child maturity unless the child was extremely annoying to the other kids and possibly the teacher. I feel so bad for the child he must be having a horrible time with the other kids. He may have to change some of his actions to be accepted. Kids are so mean. If this continues it may be easier to switch schools so he can start over and make new friends. I also think that there may be more wrong with this child then his maturity. My ds7 two best friends are 2 years older then him and it is very rare that you can tell any difference in thier ages. He seems to be trying to hard to get attention.

 

[golfgal]

I also think that maybe this boy needs to have some evaluations done, perhaps he has some learning disabilties that he is covering up with his actions. Are his parents in denial about his behavior? How does he act in the neighborhood? There is a lot more to this then we know. Also, as a mom of 2 5th graders, there isn't a lot of maturity difference between a 4th and 5th grader, which is what you are comparing. In out state the cut off for school admission is Sept 1st. so someone that just turned 10 would be in 4th grade and someone that is 10 turning 11 between the start of this school year and the start of next school year would be in 5th grade.

 

[Obi-Wan Pinobi]

Are you sure they wanted to repeat the grade due to age?! Are you sure it wasn't due to not understanding concepts?

Actually this does happen. DW Lauri skipped second grade as part of a special program in the elementary school she was going to. At the end of that school year, she moved and changed schools and the new school she went to wouldn't accept that program and put her in 3rd grade again, even though she got straight A's in the other school.

 

[Zurealsoon]

I held my son back simply for the maturity issue. In 7th grade many of his classmates themselves were older boys and starting to mature, and my son was the youngest and still a little boy. Best thing I ever did. He could alwys be put in advaced courses if he is bored-all schools offer them.

 

[goofyforlife]

That whole age thing can be a nightmare....

My DD didn't turn 11 until the end of 5th Grade (may b-day)

However, when she was younger there were many kids in her class with b-days close to the beginning of the school year (sept-Dec) and their parents held them back a year......

So when they said my daughter was less mature, I always answered with but your kids are almost 1 1/2 yr older than mine.....

It also didn't help much that my DD was the tallest in her class...they never suspected she was the youngest...... She's 12 now and almost taller than me in fact.. (When I buy shoes, I know they'll get used by her)

 

[tiggger1]

oops, Sorry, I forgot to mention that. Yes the mom sat down with her son and she has talked about it with him. He did go to school and apologize to the boy. He said that he didnt know he knowed him down or he would have apologized him. He was just trying to play with them but they kept running away from him. He is a very quiet boy unless he is playing with his sisters. He reads alot and love video games( no killing ones) Unfortunetely the only kids in the neighborhood are girls and the are either older ( high school) or 2 grade and younger. I think he is a very well behaved boy and just needs a friend to play with. His mom talked to his ped and she is willing to write a note stating that there are no disabilites and that she feels that by next year he will be average with the rest of his grade.


The family themselves dont know many people. The just moved here 3 years ago and we live on a busy street with strange neighbors ( the guy nextdoor to me lives alone after his 25 year old son OD in the house. the guy (21) across the street, lives there in his parents house rent free while his parent live in alabama 3/4 of the year... the lady across the street has 6 kids but the are all 4th grade and older ( girls) and a few boys in college. Its a busy street, we dont know the rest. Im am glad that they moved in next store after Grizzley adams ( big guy with a HUGE beard, always in flannel, chopping wood EVERY DAY with a huge AX, he also had a huge dog and we had to call the police once because hubby went out to find him passed out in 20 degree weather surrounded by a case of beer.) yes we live in the sticks!

thanks agian. As long as i know that they realistically hold him back because of immaturity then she will be fine and will fight it..........

 

[Toby'sFriend]

To me it sounds like the boy has difficulty relating to peers. I don't think that is immaturity, it is a lack of understanding of social skills. I think the Mother should ask the school Social Worker, Counsellor, or Psycholigist to work with him on how to properly relate to the other kids around him.

I don't understand much of the rest. How can he be a quiet kid who keeps to himself -- but is running after the other kids trying to get them to play and likes to TEASE THE GIRLS? I really don't understand how he could knock somebody down hard enough that the other kids around told on him, and be completely oblivious to it either. I'm just getting a picture of a kid who is a little different than the rest, and doesn't know how to fit himself into the class so tries to force the issue.

If he were held back a year, all those issues would still exist. Except then he would be the kid who is a little different than the rest, doesn't know how to fit himself into the class AND also flunked a year. That is a real recipe for disaster.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree with Toby's Friend,

Of course, we only have the info that you have posted. But, it does seem that there may be issues other than simple immaturity.

My DS is 7. At his age, there is still a little running-chasing, etc... I notice this among the younger or immature boys, like at DS Scout meetings.

However, I really do not see most boys above age 8 acting like this in a structured setting like at school. (only occasional horseplay among friends)

There are disabilities and disorders that affect a persons ability to interact socially. Asbergers comes to mind...

 

[christinou]

I have a 10 year old who is in 5th grade, most of the kids in 5th grade are ten, so he really is not that much younger. It does seem that he has difficulty with social behaviors and maybe fitting in with the other kids, and is probably immature for his age.