Teacher problem not sure what to do

[N&B'smom]

I can't even imagine having a meeting with a teacher talking about my child that way, I'm afraid of what I might do/say! I'm sure you handled things WAYYYYY better than I would!

I would definitely call the school and say that your child will not be returning to class until they meet with you so these issues can be addressed. My heart goes out to you and your DD!

Please update us with what happens!

 

[ILoveMyGirls]

sounds just like our situation at a private christian school that we had the girls in for two years. they no longer attend that school. my daughter started sucking her thumb at nights after she started attending K there. now that she is gone from that school she no longer sucks her thumb. her teacher would make my daughter feel like crap about herself too. i would find a different school for your daughter.

 

[hambirg]

That so called teacher, sounds very unprofessional.

I had a similar issue with my DD15's 4th grade teacher. She had been having problems with the boy she sat next too. It seemed the teacher just wanted to vilifly my daughter instead of actually doing any kind of work to get to the bottom of the issue.

I got a phone call one day from the principal that they had pulled her out of mass and that I needed to come and take her home for the day. Soooo. .. after I got her home I had asked her what happened. Apparently she was sitting next to this same boy at mass. He was picking his nose, so when it came time to hold hands during the Our Father, she pulled her sweater sleeve down over her hand before she took his hand. I guess the teacher saw this and pulled her out. Nobody even spoke to her or asked her why she did that. Now I know that somebody might say she was making it up, but other kids in her class verified it. He was picking his nose, she didn't want to touch that hand, go figure!

Anywhoo, this is what I did. . and this is what you should do. I asked for a conference the next day with the principal and the teacher. Being a teacher, I knew they thought I was going to be confrontational. I wasn't in the least. What I did do was make it obvious that that teacher didn't have a clue as to what was going on in his classroom. Basically, I asked if he knew why these things were happening in his class. He didn't. So I told him. . lol! I pointed out that not one of them had ever asked my daughter about the situations that were happening. And I told them the simple reasons. . .ie. kid was picking his nose. Then I basically told them what I needed them to do. Plain and simple. That teacher basically got his warning. The rest of the year went much better. . .but he knew I was watching and expected him to do his job and not just use my daughter as his scapegoat.

What you need to do is call that meeting. Explain that your daughter is not happy at school, she feels like the teacher doesn't like her, and it's affecting her self image. Then feel free to let the principal know the things that teacher has said to you and the way she went about grading your daughter. Ask how they plan on fixing this. That teacher is going to have a really hard time explaining herself. I would also want to know what is up with the other parents before that meeting, so that you can bring their issues up as well. In case they want to make it look like it's just you and not the teacher. Depending how the principal reacts would determine if I kept my daughter there.

ETA-I think that teacher needs to be fired. She doesn't have any business working with kids.

 

[disykat]

That teacher is being, well, a "poopy head."

I agree with the last poster. Talk to the principal and tell him/her what you've told us. I'm sure you won't be the only parent he's talked to, it sounds like there's a lineup. Be sure to preface it with how happy you were at the school previously, and how you were sure they would want to know so they could rectify this situation.

 

[marsha123]

take her out of that school. my 3 kids went to a private christian school until my oldest was in high school.they are so so much happier at public school !the parents at our school just donated money and their kids did no wrong . the teachers were told certian children did not get in trouble ,their grandparents give too much money. i wish i had taken them out years ago

 

[Michelle and crew]

What a sad situation for your poor daughter. I'd schedule a meeting today with the principal. Go in with a rational list. (It is SO hard to be rational about our kids being injured) If you don't get a satisfactory outcome, I'd pull her, and demand a refund. You probably won't get it, but with a list of issues with her (not you) you might have some leverage. If your daughter needs counseling, I'd demand they pay for the co pay, also.

Some people have no business being in the classroom. I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

[Keli]

I attended two different schools of this sort so I have some experience as a student in your dd's situation.
One school was wonderful but not the same religion as my family so when a new school opened nearby which was the same religion but a different church than ours my parents switched us. I had a disastrous year because it was very clicky and my parents didn't belong to the church. Terrible teacher that tore me down emotionally, truly did affect my self esteem (not permenately).
Parents sent us (siblings and I) back to original school the following year and it was back to being great again.
Honestly I'd talk to the admin but if it's as small as I think then likely there are no other teachers teaching your dd's grade so ultimately I would pull her from the school unless they were willing to do something drastic, like fire the teacher, that would provide an acceptable solution.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Too many red flags. This woman has no tact whatsoever. I'd be getting my kid out of that classroom so fast your head would spin.

Ridiculous.

A question-do teachers in private schools have to be certified? For some reason, I was under the impression that they didn't but not sure where that came from.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I've been a teacher for 14 years. I try to stay out of these threads, because many dissers seem to hate teachers. What you have described is not acceptable behavior. The teacher had no business commenting on your "broken home" or calling your child "gross". My child would be in a new school ASAP! And I would have a written report delivered to the school leaders as an explanation of why I was not paying the tuition for the remainder of the year.

It's tacky and unprofessional. What really bugs me is comparing other kids to hers... that's just, well, there are no words.

You really should set up a meeting with the administration and insist that it happens within the next few school days (yes, I know it's Friday). There is no excuse for a child to be subjected to the type of behavior she is being shown.

You have taken the high road by being proactive with this situation. I really do hope that it all works out for the best. ITA with everyone who says to pull your DD out of that lame excuse for a classroom.

 

[TLuvsD]

I'd take the mission statement and the paper you signed and review the school's responsibility. I'd let the principal know about all the problems and ask them to move my daughter ASAP. If that's not possible, get her out of there. Write down everything that's happened, it's impact on your D etc. so you have a record if they pursue the money.

Ask for your meeting with the principal in writing, via email. Follow up your conversations with them in writing, via email. Something like thanks so much for meeting with me, I am so glad that XYZ will be happening to change D's experience at your school. You need it in writing so if it doesn't happen you have a record. They may or may not respond, if they do keep the responses. If they deny the agreement, get a friend to attend the follow up meeting, and take notes. This sound like a miserable experience for your D, I can't imagine spending all day with a teacher like that!

Oh, and ask around and talk to the mom who sat in on the class, other parents with problems with this teacher. There is strength in numbers.

 

[hentob]

My DD starts coming home from school saying "my teacher hates me"

. She also put in a few digs about me and my lifestyle my favorite was her telling me that my daughter comes from a "BROKEN HOME" nice huh?

Later in the conference she mentioned that her homework is messy and that is probably because she does it in the car on the way to school, this was said to me with a bit of a snear. Fact...my daughter does not do her homework in the car.

She said "your daughter is gross"

She told me my daughter slouches in school and "probably need more sleep"

"Mama why does Mrs F go out of her way to make me feel bad about herself?"

My daughter would not EVER be alone with this teacher. Not even for a minute. My advice? Pull her. Today. I wouldn’t worry about the money. Your daughter is in an awful situation.

They made me sign a form at the beginning of the school year that said I would pay the tuition even if I took my daughter out of school.

How did they force you to sign this?

 

[olwyngdh]

Definitely meet with the principal...first without the teacher present, and then bringing her in. You might want to have the minister of the church present also. I would not send my child to school until this meeting takes place, if that is possible.

I would also prepare a letter to the editor of the local paper, and make a plan to call a news agency that does investigative reporting into abuses if you do not recieve satisfaction. I would also look into what constitutes emotional and mental abuse in your state and mention that you are considering a lawsuit based on that definition if what she is doing fits within it. Armed with this information, you may be able to get your money back because they won't want exposed. Private schools can not afford exposure of abuse, and what this teacher is doing sure sounds like abuse to me!

I would still pull your child from the school, no matter what. It sounds like this woman is popular enough in the church that she is going to be able to poison everyone else against your child and your family--and she sounds like the type that will do it.

 

[dawson5]

After how the first meeting went, I would have bought a tape recorder and taped any further conversations I had with her. It would have sat on the table, in full view. No possibility for denial of what was said that way.

I would definitely be talking with the principal and administrators. I would worry that when it was brought to their attention, she might deny everything. This is where the tape recorder would back you up. Try and get a meeting with those other parents.

This teacher just makes my skin crawl reading about her. (I now want to go back to the grade school and give those teachers hugs.)

 

[Kim♥DISNEY]

I am not a very confrontational person, and I always try to give my son's teachers the benefit of the doubt, HOWEVER, I feel you have done this and this teacher is TOTALLY unprofessional.

If another parent has expressed how unhappy their child is and you had another mom sitting in the class .... this is a red flag that this teacher is having problems. And most likely, she might have been a great homeschooling mom ... but that doesn't make you a good teacher!

I would immediately ask for a meeting with the administrator (without the teacher) and be pretty blunt about what is going on. And ..... be a pain in this teacher and administrator's b*tt. You can do this professionally by leaving the meeting and telling the administrator that you expect her to talk to this teacher and would like to follow up with another meeting with the teacher and the administrator together.

Come up with a plan for the teacher to help your daughter become successful and say you want to follow up with another meeting in 2 weeks to see how things are going.

Trust me, this administrator is probably hearing things from other parents and will get tired quickly of dealing with this teacher if she is not willing to help you and your child work out a plan that is reasonable for everyone.

A lot of people think teaching is easy .... until they do it. Once they find out they have no classroom control and are frustrated, they become mean to the children. I have seen this with substitutes in our school and guess what ... those subs don't ever come back to our school again. Hope this helps.

 

[FINFAN]

I'd pull her A.S.A.P. I know it is easier said than done, and you more than likely will eat the $...but more than likely no matter how many meetings you have with the higher ups it is still your DD who is paying the price while all the "hopeful" steps take place. You have a serious case of adult bullying, non-professionalism and lack of actual teaching going on for your DD. The teacher has the support of the church, power in numbers. How very un-Christian-like of the teacher to treat a student(s) this way. If possible I would have the other mom with you for a meeting with the financial end in trying to recover your $, if there is more than one of you it may help whether she is looking to leave the school or not. Our DS went thru he** in the 3rd grade (public school) his teacher called him dumb and slow because he was not getting his winter clothes on fast enough. Then the class room aide ( we have a large number of inclusion kids) said he will never be able to be good at math( turns out he was being told he was "bad" at all kinds of subjects because he was average, not stellar)...basically I had a kid I was taking in tears to school each day. I took him to be tested for any LD's...nothing, just an 8 year old boy who would rather not be in a demeaning classroom and figured why bother pleasing 2 people who were never going to be happy with whatever he did. The Psychologist who did the testing sent an immediate report and request that DS be removed from that class,( well actually she suggeested the teacher be removed but she had tenure so was bullet-proof ) Psychologist had the testing to prove DS was just fine, that his self-esteem was dmamaged, he had been having nightmares, confusion over the imbalance of power, and honestly, could not face walking into that building each day. DS did not know at 8 that he was dealing with all that...he was just miserable. Thank heavens for the Psychologist, she really helped him understand that he was not to blame for the 6 month nightmare he had gone thru( and also discovered the teacher was irritated at haveing to teach some of the kids, he basically wanted kids who already knew everything and she just had to manage the class, whatever) Anyway, long story short, the school district allowed us to move DS to any school of our choice in the district, and I was allowed to hand pick his teacher after interviewing them. Basically we had one heck of a law suit and the district was making sure we didn't file one. We chose NOT to file the suit based on the fact that we knew our son woud be black-balled on everything from sports to activities to being "that kid"...we live in a competitive town and it is basically kill or be killed so we went with the school change and moved on. I am pretty sure you are up against a similar situation given the "click-i-ness you mention) The teacher and the aide were not asked back to the school the following year, I have no idea if they are still in the educational system, but the damage they did was unbelievable. To this day my son turns his head when we pass his old school and he is 16 now. We incurred medical costs for the testing/follow up visits..but it was worth it so our DS could start to heal from the nightmare he had gone thru. This "teacher" who chose to homeschool....should have stayed there. If she has issues with students who are not members of the congregation she can do something else that is related only to the church. You are PAYING for this place...you have hired them to educate your child, would you stay with any other service that you were not happy with?
Good luck, I feel for you and your DD and the other family in the same boat...it is an awful thing to go thru.

 

[cabanafrau]

So much unprofessional and disturbing stuff here it's hard to know where to begin, but something that really jumped out at me was, "my daughter says your daughter is gross."

Is mommy using her position to harass all of the kids her daughter doesn't like?

Vile and disgusting. Sadly I knew someone who not only did this as a preschool teacher, but had the audacity to tell others what she had done.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

First of all is her own DD actually in the class with your daughter?

Never mind the gross comment thats beyond ridiculous. But if she is your dd's teacher. She can not be talking about a student to even her own child.

This is why your won kids should NOT be in your class. It becomes to complicated.
An example where I worked with my kids at school. And Knew darn right well if a certain issue happened why, who what and where. But I could not say to mine your right that child has issues. Even though I may have wanted to.

Ultimately I was glad to when they were in a differant school. because I could then advocate better for my own. Since I was not in a position of care for the other kids.

There is somthing called FERPA which is essentially same as HIPPA look into it.

 

[live4christp1]

So sorry your daughter is going through this. My DS had a similar situation with his 5th grade teacher, then when the attendance at the school dropped and they had to combine classes the following year he got her again for 6th grade. At first I thought he was just being difficult and going along with all the things the other kids were saying about her and how she treated them (I worked at the school doing aftercare in the afternoons). It got to where she was stopping me 2 - 3 afternoons a week with a complaint about DS. Finally telling me that at age 10 he was immature because he still liked to play with toys (legos, etc. which all the aftercare kids up to grade 8 played with in the afternoon). We tried and tried to convince DS that he just needed to work harder, do this, do that to please Mrs. X. One day he just broke down and said, "mom, it doesn't matter what I do, when I do good she never ever says anything.....all she can do is tell me the bad." I started to realize that too.....that she was constently picking apart everything DS did. Found out from some other parents she did their children the same way. Appears she had a few favorites and then everyone else was dirt.

Realized to late that this teacher evidently had lost her joy in teaching and also ministering to these kids (it was a church affiliated school too which should have been helping to encourage the kids to grow in faith)......she retired the year DS finished 6th grade. For part of their Bible grade each week they had to memorize blocks of scripture 6 - 8 verses......saying it back to her wasn't good enough.....they had to be able to write it word for word from the KJV with correct punctuation.....she counted off for everything. Now that's hard for even me, especially when she would pull blocks of scripture in the middle of a section that didn't make a whole lot of sense to a 10-11 year old. The kids were required to memorize all this but were not guided on how this applies to your life, etc.......which in my opinion memorizing a block of scripture but having absolutely no idea what it means or how to use it in daily life is just a waste.

I'm afraid as believers it's very easy to fall into a pharisaical life in which we start measuring everyone else and their shortcomings instead of looking inward as we are instructed to. It's a lot easier to measure someone else than ourselves.

The teacher I mentioned above almost destroyed the joy in learning my DS had. As parents we thought we were doing something good by providing him with the opportunity to go to school where he would be instructed in the basics as well as spiritual. Sadly I think it did more harm than good. We switched to public school starting in 7th grade and he has just blossomed.

I agree with the other posters that you need to go beyond this teacher to the school administrator or dean. I wept when I finally realized that I had been hurting DS just as much by not standing up for him with this teacher and trying to get something resolved.......it hurt to know how horrible those two years had been for him and I had just stood by and watched.

 

[Magpie]

When my daughter had a teacher like this, I pulled her right out of school. There were two things that made up my mind for me. First my daughter coming home and saying, "I'm the worst kid in class!" And second, the sound of open frustration and dislike in her teacher's voice when she talked about my daughter.

So what if you end up losing the cost of tuition? Money doesn't matter, compared to your daughter's mental health. NO ONE, especially not a child, should be forced to stay in a toxic environment.

Think about this... what kind of message are you sending to your daughter when you keep making her go back to this teacher every day? Why should she have to placate this teacher, if the woman isn't willing to make an effort to be nice to her and calls her names?

Your daughter needs to know that she does not have to stay anywhere she isn't being treated well. She always has the right to walk away and you'll have her back, whether she's walking away from a bad school situation, a toxic work environment or an abusive husband.

Good luck! I know how hard this is! Even the public school option won't be bad, if your daughter has a kind teacher.

 

[madcam]

If I had a dollar for all the random inappropriate comments I have heard a child make over the years...well, you get what I am saying, right? Kids say things....even when they know better. If she has noticed your daughter starting to say inappropriate things while at school, she should have set up a conference with you to address this issue. The fact that she said "your daughter is gross." is waaaaay out of line as is using the term "broken home". Your home is not broken. You and your ex-husband are divorced and according to your post, she has regular visitation with her father. It was inaccurate as well as judgemental for her to say that this constitutes a home that is "broken". I too am a parent that typically trusts the judgement of teachers and coaches and doesn't immediately step in on my child's behalf. This teacher is bullying your daughter. She should be ashamed of herself but odds are she isn't. IMO, you need to remove your DD from this environment ASAP. I can't imagine leaving my child in the care of a person that I know will verbally and emotionally abuse her and condone other children to bully her. NO WAY, NO HOW!! I think you need to go over this lady's head and expose her for the incompetent teacher she is. Would it be possible to enlist the help of your ex in confronting the school administration on this matter? If they do not want to let you out of your contract....PP was right, this school is not going to want any bad publicity. Even if the teacher is repremanded, I do not think she will ever be more than civil to you and your child and I don't think your daughter will have a fair chance at her grades. Also, teachers talk. It is possible that she has slandered you and your daughter to the extent that your DD will end up in a similar possition next year. No matter the outcome, your baby needs to be protected from this horrible woman and you are the only person who can. Good luck!