tax return... Car repairs, CC debt, a new computer??

[Green Tea]

I'm just worried about her. The mechanic said it could do a lot of damage if she continues to drive it. Work and home is a 30 mile round trip, but she's been going places and hour or two away, so i know she's putting some heavy highway miles on it.
Wouldn't you feel guilty if you knew of a potential hazard and did nothing to warn them??


I just don't see how buying a computer is going to benefit her in any way. There's so many things that should have higher priority.

You did warn her of what the mechanic said. You have done what you can.

The computer likely is a wasteful decision but it is her decision. You're not her mother. You can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do.

 

[bettymae1121]

well if the finances were there, I would be moving out. But that's not the case.
However she is moving out for a couple months with a friend till his lease is up, then they'll decide if they want to make it permanent.

I know it's not my car, not my money, all that other stuff.... I'm just trying to be a decent person out of all this.

You ARE the decent person in all of this!!!! You did your best to tell her about it, if it falls on deaf ears there is nothing more that you can do. It's now time to concentrate on YOU and moving on with your life. Somewhere out there is a girl that deserves a great guy like you. Keep your chin up, she'll be out of your home soon and once she is, in all honesty, I'd cut contact with her completely. She's not coming across as a healthy person to be around.

 

[SandrA9810]

Betty: We're both girls... hence the name sandra...

It's kinda hard to cut all ties at the moment. There's still a lot of "joint" things that need to get taken care of. But some of it means traveling back to south florida to do. Which also takes time and money, neither which we have at the same time. She usually has tues/wens off, I have the weekends off. Well we both need money at the moment for various things, so spending an extra tank of gas to do it is not really there right now.

But at least with her moving out for the moment might make things easier. And it's only temp because his lease is up some time in april and the lease here is up in may. So in theory i'll be moving out in may... and then she can decide what to do with the apartment. And she also can't move all her things to his current place because it's too small and she has too much stuff.
Sorry, it's confusing and probably TMI. So I'll shut up now.

 

[bettymae1121]

Betty: We're both girls... hence the name sandra...QUOTE]

whoops! sorry! I don't look at user names too closely and I should know better than to assume!

 

[pixiewings71]

Maybe these are stupid questions, but I'm wondering why you are concerned about what she does with the money?

Are you two still together?

Are the credit cards in her name or yours?

If she chooses to spend the money foolishly, how does that impact you?

I realize that you want her to do the right thing, but if you are no longer together and the credit cards and the car are not in your name, they aren't your responsibility and you really have no say in what she does with them, correct?

If you aren't still together, why are you using her car and still living with her? I would get out of that situation as soon as possible. Nothing good can come from it, and if you wreck the car, you could end up being responsible for the damage, especially if you are not on the insurance.

Actually this will depend on her ins. company. Our ins. company covers our cars no matter WHO is driving them and they cover US no matter what we are driving. Also our ins. company requires all licensed drivers who live with us to be listed on our policy, that may be the case here as well.

well if the finances were there, I would be moving out. But that's not the case.
However she is moving out for a couple months with a friend till his lease is up, then they'll decide if they want to make it permanent.

I know it's not my car, not my money, all that other stuff.... I'm just trying to be a decent person out of all this.

Oh you ARE being the decent person!! don't let anyone make you think otherwise! I've been thru a few break ups and trust me, being the decent one is hard to do!

You've done a great thing for her, if she can't or won't see that it's her problem not yours. Let her spend her refund as she sees fit and let her suffer the consequences. You have done all you can here, let it go now.

Betty: We're both girls... hence the name sandra...

It's kinda hard to cut all ties at the moment. There's still a lot of "joint" things that need to get taken care of. But some of it means traveling back to south florida to do. Which also takes time and money, neither which we have at the same time. She usually has tues/wens off, I have the weekends off. Well we both need money at the moment for various things, so spending an extra tank of gas to do it is not really there right now.

But at least with her moving out for the moment might make things easier. And it's only temp because his lease is up some time in april and the lease here is up in may. So in theory i'll be moving out in may... and then she can decide what to do with the apartment. And she also can't move all her things to his current place because it's too small and she has too much stuff.
Sorry, it's confusing and probably TMI. So I'll shut up now.

Not TMI sweetie, don't feel you have to shut up, you're hurting now and that's normal. You're being the decent one, which is hard enough to do, to have your ex bringing home new people can't help! Just hang in there, this will pass and you will find someone else out there. I know there's a great gal out there just waiting for you to find her.

 

[SandrA9810]

well she says she was mad at the world and frustrated. She did get the repairs done today, and a friend let her put it on his CC till the refund comes. But he also did it with giving her a hard time, a) cause she did it at car care and he says it was a rip off, b) she's ok with me driving the van, and he's not. She knows about the new tire, and was happy about it. I guess she was in a better mood last night.
I also told her i'd do an oil change for 15 bucks next week. It's long over due for one.