tax return... Car repairs, CC debt, a new computer??

[SandrA9810]

I have no say in what she does with her money, but i think she's being a bit crazy.

first off both of the cars need some routine maintance done. Which can cost a pretty penny. She let me drive the truck today (which currently has the flat van tire in the bed), so i took it over to car care to get a new tire. It'll cost me 80$. Well the truck was making a funny clicking noise, and i asked them to have a look at it. It cost me another 50 for the check, but it's going to cost almost 900 in repairs. And this is dealing with the brakes too, so it's highly important it gets fixed immediatly.

There's 3 CCs that are floating around the 1000 mark. One could easily be paid off with a couple hundred left over. She's also been very careless with paying them, saying she'd rather have money than to pay them, and she'll pay when she's ready. She's already been late with one or two in a month.


and she has told me that she wants to buy a new laptop, because she's possibly thinking of going to college again... "and it would nice to have one". It also benefits me cause she's moving in with a friend for a couple months as trial, and she would leave me the computer. Since i'm taking over ulities, including the cable, it'd be nice to benefit from using something i'm paying for. She's already staked claims to the TV we bought together. And i have to keep the cable because of the roommate or else it would've been long gone.


How do i tell her she's being extremely careless?? How do i bring up the car repairs? There's only one tax return, so one choice has to be made. Any time i bring up finances, she flips out at me. And right now she's being nice, i don't really want to ruin it. I have a feeling anything i do will bust the bubble for a while. I'm not expecting repayment for the test or tire, but she's been doing some heavy driving, and i don't want her to get in an accident or something.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Even though it is very hard (trust me I really do understand) sometimes the best thing to do "is nothing at all". If it were me, I would not say a thing. If she is letting you still borrow the truck, use it if it is safe, if not, sorry but get back on the bus. I know hearing this sucks, but you can't take on the expense right now and for "YOU" the best thing is to get some money saved and stashed away. Bills seldom go down...

Treat yourself to an ice cream cone and shh....

 

[Tina]

Who is "she?" My crystal ball is on the fritz today.

 

[buckler]

I would mention that you got the tire fixed and that they suggest repairs, just in case she isn't aware. But otherwise I wouldn't push. I'm betting no matter what you say, she will buy the lap top. Enjoy your computer!

 

[natenapril]

I have no say in what she does with her money, but i think she's being a bit crazy.

first off both of the cars need some routine maintance done. Which can cost a pretty penny. She let me drive the truck today (which currently has the flat van tire in the bed), so i took it over to car care to get a new tire. It'll cost me 80$. Well the truck was making a funny clicking noise, and i asked them to have a look at it. It cost me another 50 for the check, but it's going to cost almost 900 in repairs. And this is dealing with the brakes too, so it's highly important it gets fixed immediatly.

There's 3 CCs that are floating around the 1000 mark. One could easily be paid off with a couple hundred left over. She's also been very careless with paying them, saying she'd rather have money than to pay them, and she'll pay when she's ready. She's already been late with one or two in a month.


and she has told me that she wants to buy a new laptop, because she's possibly thinking of going to college again... "and it would nice to have one". It also benefits me cause she's moving in with a friend for a couple months as trial, and she would leave me the computer. Since i'm taking over ulities, including the cable, it'd be nice to benefit from using something i'm paying for. She's already staked claims to the TV we bought together. And i have to keep the cable because of the roommate or else it would've been long gone.


How do i tell her she's being extremely careless?? How do i bring up the car repairs? There's only one tax return, so one choice has to be made. Any time i bring up finances, she flips out at me. And right now she's being nice, i don't really want to ruin it. I have a feeling anything i do will bust the bubble for a while. I'm not expecting repayment for the test or tire, but she's been doing some heavy driving, and i don't want her to get in an accident or something.

She's your partner right? So you guys should be making the decision together IMO. I don't work but my DH does not consider the tax return "his" money. We decide together the best option with the money.

 

[SandrA9810]

she was my other half, but not anymore. That's why i have no say in it.

i seldom drive the truck, since she primarily uses it. I drive the van occasionally from MK cast lot to work and back. I don't really have the money to gas it all the time, and i do use the bus betweeen home and MK most the time. Sometimes if it's really late or really cold, i'll drive it home. But since i do drive it occasionally, i figure it's the least i can do... Plus it should help on the gas mileage, since i won't be running on a spare.

I've taken care of the finances for years now. Now it's hard stepping away from this.

 

[bumbershoot]

Sandra

You have NO say in this.

And...speaking from my own personal past.....

If I'd been dating a guy seriously, he broke it off with me, and "let" me use his car, there is no way in Hades I would be putting ANY money into it. If I did, my friends would tell me I was being used used used.

That truck is her possession. If you had reconciled, it might be different (if there had been a good amount of time of counseling etc), but as it seems to stand now, it's hers. If you wish to give her some money for gas, etc, each time you drive it (or pay mileage?) that's one thing, but any one of my friends would have locked me in the house and told me that my ex had let that tire go bad *so that he didn't have to pay for it*.

You need all of your money kept to yourself, as much as possible. And you need that money so you can get out of there. I know you loved her and this is so hard, but this isn't healthy for you.


Even though last year you had a say in where her tax return went, this year you don't. I'm so sorry for what you're going through...

 

[maggieusa]

stay out of it you donot want to cause any more conflict between the two of you

 

[RitaE]

oh man this is not gonna end well.

 

[SandrA9810]

the tire is my choice. I really don't want to have a blow out on a front tire driving 45-50mph down the road. Maybe i shouldn't do it, but that's not really the point.

there's no way i'm going to put any money towards the truck, besides the diagnose fee that i've paid already. I'm just worried about her. The mechanic said it could do a lot of damage if she continues to drive it. Work and home is a 30 mile round trip, but she's been going places and hour or two away, so i know she's putting some heavy highway miles on it.
Wouldn't you feel guilty if you knew of a potential hazard and did nothing to warn them??

Before all this, i was going to put the money towards one of the cards to pay it off. I know she won't listen to me on this. I just think it to be a wise thing to do.
I just don't see how buying a computer is going to benefit her in any way. There's so many things that should have higher priority.

 

[bettymae1121]

the tire is my choice. I really don't want to have a blow out on a front tire driving 45-50mph down the road. Maybe i shouldn't do it, but that's not really the point.

there's no way i'm going to put any money towards the truck, besides the diagnose fee that i've paid already. I'm just worried about her. The mechanic said it could do a lot of damage if she continues to drive it. Work and home is a 30 mile round trip, but she's been going places and hour or two away, so i know she's putting some heavy highway miles on it.
Wouldn't you feel guilty if you knew of a potential hazard and did nothing to warn them??

Before all this, i was going to put the money towards one of the cards to pay it off. I know she won't listen to me on this. I just think it to be a wise thing to do.
I just don't see how buying a computer is going to benefit her in any way. There's so many things that should have higher priority.

I would absolutely tell her the repair is needed and to try your best to make her understand this is a safety issue, but at the end of the day it's her money, her vehicle, and her life. You already get Karma points for paying for the tire and the diagnosis. After that, let it go. And for your own safety, I wouldn't borrow it again unless you know that repair has been made.

 

[secretpantssam]

I would tell her about the repairs that are needed, but don't say it in a way that she has to get the repairs. She might get a little defensive if it sounds like you are trying to tell her how to spend her money, even if you're doing it with the best of intentions. As for the rest of the stuff, try not to worry about it. Since you two are no longer together, you don't really have any say in how she spends her money.

I completely understand how hard a break up like this could be. I dated a boyfriend for 6 1/2 years and we were living together at the end and had to stay in the same house for a few months after the breakup. It does get hard, because you can both be very defensive, but just try to be strong and work through it. I promise it will get better. But right now, even though it sounds selfish, you have to think about yourself and what is best for you.

 

[labdogs42]

This is her cc and tax return, right? Nothing is joint? If that is the case, she can do what ever she wants with that money. Tell her what repairs were recommended for the truck and be done. I would also find another means of transportation. It will help you find some closure. It isn't healthy to remain tied to an old relationship like that. Good luck -- I know it won't be easy!

 

[dis75ney]

I would absolutely tell her the repair is needed and to try your best to make her understand this is a safety issue, but at the end of the day it's her money, her vehicle, and her life. You already get Karma points for paying for the tire and the diagnosis. After that, let it go. And for your own safety, I wouldn't borrow it again unless you know that repair has been made.

My thoughts exactly...

 

[okeydokey]

Well it's her tax return so it's her decision. As hard as it is, I wouldn't say a thing.

 

[dogodisney]

This is her cc and tax return, right? Nothing is joint? If that is the case, she can do what ever she wants with that money. Tell her what repairs were recommended for the truck and be done. I would also find another means of transportation. It will help you find some closure. It isn't healthy to remain tied to an old relationship like that. Good luck -- I know it won't be easy!

I agree!

 

[SandrA9810]

Well I busted my own bubble by accident.

I was talking to a friend of ours and he said that I should tell her, well she sent me a text at the same time, and I replied to her's rather than his. Saying "maybe i'll talk to her if she comes home by herself tonight." So of course after she got off and called me and hounded me till I told her.

And it burst the bubble. She's ticked, and yelling at me that she doesn't have the money for it, blah blah blah. Doesn't seem to concerned at all about her safety and damage to the car that could be caused by her driving.

I think I'll go climb in bed before she gets home. I have to get up early for work.

 

[jessandtwo]

Maybe these are stupid questions, but I'm wondering why you are concerned about what she does with the money?

Are you two still together?

Are the credit cards in her name or yours?

If she chooses to spend the money foolishly, how does that impact you?

I realize that you want her to do the right thing, but if you are no longer together and the credit cards and the car are not in your name, they aren't your responsibility and you really have no say in what she does with them, correct?

If you aren't still together, why are you using her car and still living with her? I would get out of that situation as soon as possible. Nothing good can come from it, and if you wreck the car, you could end up being responsible for the damage, especially if you are not on the insurance.

 

[SandrA9810]

well if the finances were there, I would be moving out. But that's not the case.
However she is moving out for a couple months with a friend till his lease is up, then they'll decide if they want to make it permanent.

I know it's not my car, not my money, all that other stuff.... I'm just trying to be a decent person out of all this.

 

[nunzia]

Well, you tried and you went above and beyond with the tire and diagnostic. If she is moving out for a few months, why is this maybe temporary? If you are no longer a couple, I think I'd make it clear that the moving out was permanent. Do you have a lease with both your names on it? If not, whoever is on the lease will just have to be responsible for the house/apartment, and the other can leave. I'd spend the next couple months socking everything away to move out yourself and get a vehicle of some kind. I agree..this will not end well, but the only thing you can do is get away as cleanly and quickly as possible. I'm sorry you're going through this..look forward!