Taking the nieces? Complicated... Need feedback

[Holly79]

Well, my DH just about knocked my socks off an hour ago. He suggested taking my nieces with us when we to to DW!! We're childless by choice, and at first he was hesitant, but I think he's just resigned himself to the fact that there are going to bunch of kids there and has decided, if you can't beat em, join em!

I would LOVE to take my nieces!! We're super close with them. But there are some potential complications.

These all are my older sister's children. She has four kids, ages 13, 11, 9 and 6. The older two would definitely be game, but I'm concerned about the younger two missing their parents. We'd be gone about 6 days. I would never even mention the idea without the full knowledge and consent of my sister, but I worry that by even asking her if I could take them, I might offend her.

It's complicated, but us kids grew up in a loving home, but poor as church mice. My sister married a hard working construction worker right out of high school. She babysits full time and does photography part time. However with four beautiful children, it's understandable that they don't have a lot of money. They live in a cramped house too small for them, and even worse, her and her husband are having marital problems, mostly due to his drinking and are talking separation right now.

I'm by no means the model of marital perfection myself. I'm only 30 and have already had one failed marriage. However I'm okay with things working out the way they did, cause if not I would have never met my DH of today. My sister ribs me about "marrying rich" but I married my husband because I love him, not for his pocket book. Besides, we're not "rich", we're just blessed.

Although yes, we do have more money than they do, I would never, ever rub that in her face. We watch our spending and although my house is larger than hers, it's modest. We are able to afford some extras, but we don't go crazy. I still suspect she gets jealous but she shouldn't be. She's super organized and extremely talented. She also has truly great kids! Money can't buy these things!

I guess I worry that by asking about taking her kids, she might feel bad cause they can't afford to take their kids. As much as I'd love it if we could just pay for the whole family, the added expense for four kids would already be plenty. Paying for two additional adults is out of the question. The adults would be welcome to come, but would need to cover their own expenses. I also don't know what the status of their marriage will even be in a few months.

I would absolutely LOVE for my nieces to be able to go. I honestly don't think they'll ever get the opportunity while they're still children. But at the same time I don't want to offend my sister or make her feel bad.

I don't know... what do you all think?

 

[kathie859]

I think it could work! You may be surprised that your Dsis may look forward to a "mommy break". I'd certainly make the offer to her and gauge her reaction.

 

[Kate and Pete]

I think your offer to take the kids is so wonderful. My DH and I don't have children either, and we have said that we'd love to take someone else's children and see our favorite place through their eyes...

If your sister does feel "insulted" about the whole money issue, what about the trip being the children's Christmas gift? Sounds like the kiddos might need a break, too if things are tough at home...

 

[hercamore]

What about taking your sister with too?

Sounds like she could use a break.


herc.

 

[TupperMom7]

When my dh and I were first married and had no children, we took my nieces on vacation with us. Granted, it wasn't WDW, but they had fun. Even after we had children, we took them to the beach with us for a week. My sister didn't have money to go on vacations and this was their chance to go.

If I were you, I would just tell your sister and you and your dh were discussing it and would like to bring your nieces along with you to WDW. I would focus on whether the two younger ones would be okay with being away from home for six days (I personally think they should be fine at that age). I wouldn't mention anything about them going and paying for their own expenses. I wouldn't mention anything about their marital problems or lack of money. Just concentrate on the fact that you would enjoy having your nieces on vacation with you.

 

[here757]

we took our nieces a few years ago.... one word... aweful.
they were 12 .. they are twins. they assumed the trip was all about them.. if we were not in the park they would whine.. i told them never again!!

 

[ajk912]

Wow, that's brave!!! I love my own kids to death but even with my OWN kids after a week at Disney I am very much togethernessed out. And these kids came out of my own body. I would take my niece to Busch Gardens or someplace local (I live in VA) but 4 nieces on a vacation- that sounds like a great idea in theory but I am not sure if it would play out well in real life.

But how does that saying go..bad decisions make great stories so it could be one of those decisions you have ALL kinds of stories to talk about.

And this is just a guess obviously..your nieces could be more well behaved than most kids and they could be a blast to take!

 

[SandrA9810]

If the kids are with you a lot as it is now, and they like being around you, I don't see the little ones getting home sick. And they'll have the two older ones for comfort.

My sister has quite the brood, and after the last time of taking all of them at the same time, I told her, I would take each child individually on their own trip to Disney. 3 of them are autistic, 2 of them are too little, and I'm not their parent or around them constantly enough to know how to deal with them all the same time. She declined my offer and the kids haven't been back to disney. (and I'm not talking a week trip, just a one day trip with auntie)

Do the girls have rules for being in your home?? Do they listen to you as it is? Does the oldest one usually help out with the younger ones? If they're good kids for ya already, then I wouldn't see a problem.

Just tell your sis you'd like to take the kids on a trip. And maybe that would give her some time to talk to her hubby. I'm sure the kids don't mean to, but they take up quite a bit of mommy time which she could probably use right now to work things out at home.


And disney is a whole nother experience when you're with kids. I'm sure you'll enjoy rediscovering everything as they see it for the first time.

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

We've taken DNiece with us two of the three times DS has been. I'm not close with her mother anymore (we're cousins), so there was never really an issue of worrying about whether or not she'd be insulted. DNiece lives with her grandparents (splits time between both sets), and they wouldn't ever go to Disney, so I didn't have to worry about insulting them, either.

If I was in your situation, I would talk to her about giving the trip as a Christmas/birthday gift to the girls but still invite mom or mom and dad, but make it clear they'd have to pay for their share. I think she would definitely want to be with her girls for those magical firsts at WDW, at least that's how I feel. I'd hate to take those moments away. I know that's hypocritical of me, but DNiece's mom will not be in a position to take her anywhere like Disney in the foreseeable future. I didn't want her to miss out on something DS would be jabbering about contantly (and he does and hasn't stopped since his first trip in 2008).

 

[dzneelvr]

Whatever you do, make sure you clear it with the parents before you ever BREATHE a word of it to the children. My DB would love for us to take one of the nieces and nephews to WDW one at a time...he jokes about it, but really, it wouldn't work on so many levels. DD and DS are now in their 20's and want to start taking Disney Destination vacations, so we may look into that rather than WDW next year Be careful; be very carefuland remember that Florida is just one destination disney offers. Maybe you and DH want to go to Europe via Disney.

 

[cvjw]

As a parent who allows her 2 sons to go on vacations with my sister and her husband, maybe I can help you with a different perspective. My sister and her husband are childless, and love to travel. They both have great jobs, so they really splurge when it comes vacation time. I guess after a while, it can get boring just the two of them, so from time to time, they take my boys with them. They have taken them on some fabulous, first class vacations. Does it make me feel bad? Not at all, I am super happy that my boys get the opportunity to see and experience new things. Could I afford to take them to these places? Sure, but we normally vacation at Disney, and I hate to venture to other places. If I were you, I would take my nieces to Disney and show them the time of their lives. You will probably enjoy the trip more when you see things thru their eyes. We love taking our son's friends to Disney who have never been - the magic really shines when everything is new.

 

[kellydizfan]

Maybe plan the trip with your Sisters approval for the two older girls this time then another time with the 2 younger ones. That way you don't have to deal with the whole bunch at the same time. That is alot of kids to handle that are not yours for 6 days. Or maybe split - one of the older and one younger this time. Just a thought.

 

[wdwfan16]

I have taken 9 year olds to WDW and there was no problem. I would think the 6 year old would be fine with their 3 siblings.

 

[ohanaMAMA]

We are taking our niece 15 with us on our wdw trip this fall. So I understand the issues you are dealing with.I just cant stand to think that someone would miss going to Disney as a child (15 is pretty grown.. but still she's a kid not responsible for her own way or worrying about the financial side of the trip)

What IF you took the big girls this time.. and then the littles when they are a little older? 4 kids can be a LOT to deal with on a vacation. Bring it up with your sister. She might be excited for her kids to have that opportunity.

 

[adisneymama]

Is there someone like your mom that you could talk to first to gauge the situation with your sister? Maybe she would know how your sister would feel about it or even if she casually mentioned, "I wonder if the girls would like to go to Disney next time your sis goes. What do you think?" or something to that affect. I have offered to take my nephew many times. My brother is in the military and doesn't like to travel much so Disney isn't someplace he is jumping to get to. He has always said no because he says he wants to see my nephews reaction the first time he goes. Unfortunately, I don't see this happening while my nephew is young. So just be ready for that reaction as well if the kids have never been before. I would also suggest, maybe instead of taking the kids on your next trip could you mention things to your sis and maybe plan for your sis and her girls to go with you next year?

 

[punkin]

I took my niece several times and never had a problem. She is almost the same age as my younger one and two of them get along great. My older one is also very responsible and makes a great baby sitter. However, 4 girls are a lot, especially if you are not used to taking care of them. Think about it long and hard.

 

[drcmk]

Have you thought about whether you would still enjoy your vacation with four children along? It will be a lot of work, especially getting them to compromise about how to spend the time you have there. Don't do it if you will resent it later that you didn't get to do everything that you wanted to do or didn't get any alone time with your husband on vacation.

 

[Deb & Bill]

We took our nieces on our first trip to WDW. Our son was 4 and we thought he might have more fun with his cousins. They were 9 and 11 and they had a blast. Plus my husband had fun spoiling them rotten. My BIL was dying from liver cancer and my sister was tending to him. So the girls had a great break from school and home and my sister and BIL had a bit of quiet time for themselves.

We had such a good time with them that we invited another niece on a later trip and a fourth niece on still another trip.

 

[Karalea]

I too am childless and love taking my nephews on vacation. My sister married young and had both boys before she was 22. She divorced when the youngest was less than 6 months old. As a young, single mom, she never had much money. I've paid to take the boys and her to both Disney World and Disneyland several times over the years as well as several other vacations. I love them and love to spoil them.

Now that the boys are a older and she is remarried, I have been taking the boys on special vacations one at a time. Last year her oldest, 14, and I went to Universal for the week. In April I am taking the 13 year old. He chose Disney World!!

I love spending the one on one time with them. Despite living almost 1000 miles apart we are very close. Her new baby is just 2 and I can't wait until he is old enough to take.

Also, I have been on adults only trips to the World and trips with the boys are much more special in my opinion.

 

[Samar]

Tread lightly

My sister and I ran into a small $$$ problem a couple years ago. I married a man with a good job and she got pregnant with my niece and the father has been less than dependable with money Since our DDs are close in age, when we went out shopping, I bought a couple of matching outfits for the girls until my step-mom stopped me and told me that it was making my sister uncomfortable. Not the matching outfits part but the money part. I wasn't trying to upset her, just spoiling my niece that I see rarely but it wasn't seen as that initially. And this was just clothes.

Disney is a whole other ballpark.

Talk everything over with your sister and write the boundaries (like an OP mentioned turning this into a big birthday/holida gift for the kids) and extend the invitation to the adults but that they'd have to pay their own way if they wanted to come.

Good luck! And I think that is sweet of you and your husband to think about bringing your nieces with you!