sympathy card question

[Iwant2BAprincess]

Is it no longer acceptable to just mail a sympathy card? I will be the first to admit I pinch pennies and I just can't feel good about spending 75.00 to send the smallest flower arragement possible. Can I get some opinions about this? The deceased is the relative of our relatives but not related to us. Would it be totally wrong to mail cards or due I have to just deal with throwing money out the window for flowers?

 

[pearlieq]

There may be regional variations, but around here flowers aren't really expected and most families to go far as to suggest a charity that was important to the deceased as a place to make donations in lieu of flowers.

A heartfelt note is the most meaningful thing you can send. If you can make a small donation for the person who passed away, that's great too. The other thing we do around here is food gifts, but that may just be a regional thing. There are certain pockets of the Midwest where every life event is met with casserole and banana bread.

 

[AmongMadPeople]

This happened recently to us, and we just sent a note to our affected relative and my husband's parents sent a note to the widow since they knew her. In our situation, I think it would have been awkward for any of us to send anything more, and it definitely would not have been expected. Honestly, a card was probably more than expected to begin with.

If it makes any difference, all of this happened out of state, so there were no personal encounters.

 

[Disney845]

I have to agree with pearlieq. Perhaps it is a regional thing, but we are in a completely different part of the country, and here it is just as she mentioned. A sympathy card is very common. Many people specifically ask for donations in lieu of flowers, and it seems that if you are close enough to the deceased (or know them through some club/function/nationality/etc) then the giving of food may be done.

Personally, if we knew the person well enough we would be going to the funeral. If we didn't know them well enough that it would warrant us going to the funeral, then we would just send a card. We do not do the sympathy flowers, donations, or food regardless of our relationship.

 

[ragtopday]

A card is perfectly acceptable.

Even when I knew the person who died, and am close to their family, I try to find some other way to help. A spa gift certificate or some meals to make the first few days/weeks easier, or a living plant they can keep. I absolutely hate the idea of spending money on flowers.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

Completely acceptable (and very thoughtful) to just send a sympathy card to let your relatives know you are thinking of them.

 

[SplashMo]

There may be regional variations, but around here flowers aren't really expected and most families to go far as to suggest a charity that was important to the deceased as a place to make donations in lieu of flowers.

A heartfelt note is the most meaningful thing you can send. If you can make a small donation for the person who passed away, that's great too. The other thing we do around here is food gifts, but that may just be a regional thing. There are certain pockets of the Midwest where every life event is met with casseole and banana bread.

I agree. A handwritten note or a card with a place to write would be best. It would be touching to receive.

 

[Sadie22]

A funeral director explained to me that usually there are too many flowers to be left at a gravesite and often more than a bereaved family wants to cope with unless they designate they want specific family members to take this and that. Some arrangements are left at a gravesite, baskets are divided among family members or donated to nearby nursing homes with permission of the family. Funeral directors should ask the family what they want. Many families choose to say in lieu of flowers, donations may be made. Cards are always appreciated and are something that the bereaved can hold and keep. Cards are always a good idea. Food (and not just the day of the funeral) is appreciated as well.

 

[roscoepc1]

I can tell you (as a bereaved mother) that the cards are something I treasure. The flower arrangements are long gone, but I have a beautiful keepsake box I can open anytime, look through the cards, and see how many people loved my boy.

I do have some "neat" vases etc left from the flowers, but the cards mean 1000 times more to me.

Send a card with some loving words, and feel good about it.

 

[disneymom3]

I have lost both of my parents. They lived across country from me. I think my in laws sent flowers but not other friends. However I got many beautiful cards which I still have.

 

[LuLuO]

Around here a sympathy card is perfectly fine and probably a better choice IMO. DH's grandpa died last year and his grandma had so many plants and arrangements that they filled her livingroom and dining room. It was very overwhelming for her. She kept trying to give them away to all of the grandkids.

 

[mrsklamc]

Cards are just fine. As a PP mentioned most bereaved families get more flowers than they want to deal with.

 

[My3kiddos]

I think a card is fine. I'm from the South and we always do food for the family if they live close. My family has never sent fresh cut flowers either. We do plants, pictures, windchimes, wreaths, bibles, artificial arrangements, and lit porcelain churches for the family to take home. If you felt obligated to send something most florists have small pictures with various sayings on them for around $10-$15.

 

[Leshaface]

Cards are just fine. As a PP mentioned most bereaved families get more flowers than they want to deal with.

Yes.

When my dad died, we were left with 30 plus bouquets, spreads, and plants and had no where to put them...they all just sat in the living room until they died..

Cards were very nice!

 

[Handbag Lady]

I think cards are the most welcome of all. If you were closer (in relation AND location) then I could see the need or desire for flowers.

When my great-uncle died, my great-aunt spent hours and hours reading those cards and it helped her get through the bad moments. It seemed to me that the ones that took time to write a note were read and re-read often.

For us, if we are close, we send food. We're mostly Italian and that's what we do.

 

[C.Ann]

A card is perfectly acceptable..

 

[Bibbidi]

My Dad just passed away 2 days before Thanksgiving--I received many nice cards and they were all very appreciated, especially the ones where people took the time to mention a special memory of my Dad. One friend did send me a box of Cheryl's cookies, which was very thoughtful, but honestly a card was just perfect.

 

[njmom47]

A card with a special memory written inside (if you have one) is acceptable IMO.

 

[mkymouse1928]

I have to agree that a card is perfectly acceptable. In every instance that I have lost a loved one the cards that I received have been my most cherished items.

 

[Iwant2BAprincess]

Card went in the mail today. I know my DH is still grumbling some scrooge like comments about me under his breath but I just felt much better about sending a card that actually took some time and thought as opposed to spending a fortune thru a florist.