Surprise trip for 9 year old girl acting up of late

[MommyP]

What should we do? Whining, tantrums--makes it hard to rationalize taking her on a big trip. How can I work on her without spoiling the surprise? She is a sweet kid

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. That is the first and most important thing to remember. All of us parents are having the same issues behind closed doors. I literally read all of the responses above and got a little teary eyed. I remember being a tween girl like it was yesterday and I have a 3rd grade girl (she's 8 1/2) and boy is she a handful. Just this morning on the way to school she got so angry because I made her little brother blow his nose and she "hates" that noise. OMG you should have seen her face. Wowzers! She literally has a least one meltdown per day. Thank God for school!!!

You ask specifically how to work with her without spoiling the surprise...answer this: Do you want her to change regardless of the cruise? Chances are you do... so the cruise really has nothing to do with the problem or the solution. Things need to change at home and you can do it using all the great suggestions above or using some other reward system that will last long term way after the cruise is over. In reality the cruise is a secret that has nothing to do with her behavior either way unless you wanted it to be a reward in which case you have to tell her so she can work toward it. But are you prepared if she should fail? What if she doesn't act how you'd like her to? Would you not go? Would she stay home alone? Also if she knew about the vacation how many times will you guys say "stop acting that way or we're not taking you on the Disney cruise?" when you don't really mean it? Unless you plan on following thru with your threat I would keep it a surprise. I know that for us we are going on our cruise no matter what happens between now and then, so treating it like a reward would be pointless because I already paid $$$$ and there's no turning back. And yes, the way mine are acting makes me think they don't deserve a cruise either but it is what it is.

Also it's super hard to remember this when it's a constant battle, but at this formidable age kids need constant love and reassurance from their parents. When kids are acting up there is always a hidden reason (hungry, tired, needing attention, friend/teacher being mean, had a bad day, hormones, etc). I strongly believe a family vacation where everyone can relax and rekindle will do you some good (at least I'm hoping it works for us). On the trip try to spend some 1-on-1 time with each kid separately just as you would your wife. Even take turns having mommy-son, mommy-daugther, daddy-daughter, daddy-son moments, etc. Vacations are the best medicine for a stressed out family!!!

Lastly, I know for my DH the hardest part of parenting is seeing his faults reflected in his kids. He gets so upset when they are acting just like he did (or does). Don't be too hard on yourself or her - it's just a part of life and you gotta love the power of genetics. You survived childhood and she will too. Good Luck!!!



P.S. My mother-in-law is a librarian and gave my husband this book to help us get thru the next 10 years
http://amzn.com/0374528535
Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager by Anthony E. Wolf

 

[Hamitchell]

Oh, Lord, the teen years are coming, aren't they! Thanks, MommyP.

She has been doing much better since we focused on what everyone here is telling us. Patience, listening, one on one as well as more family time (walking, biking, excursions). We're all too busy, and the parents aren't used to a tween!

 

[Bee2u]

I don't like suprises. I would perfer to set the trip as the goal for my children to work toward getting it. If they don't behavior the way the suppose to, I'd tell them they can stay behind with grandpa and grandma place whole the rest of the family will go without them.

I STRONGLY disagree with this. Telling a child that if they don't behave the way you want they don't belong with the family is wrong. You should love them regardless of their behavior.