Suggestions for a friend having child problems

[lg3]

Not sure I have any other suggestions than the ones you have already given your friend. I agree with you that the day is too long for such a young child, she is tired & too over stimulated.

Two questions - does she really have to get up so early? Even another 1/2 hour of sleep might help. Also, I realize she is getting up very early, but is she expected to go to sleep at 7 p.m. or is that when she starts to wind down?

If she is expected to be in bed & sleeping at 7 p.m. I think this is unrealistic, considering she just got home at 5 p.m. She probably has to fit in dinner, bath, some playtime, etc. & then all of a sudden bed!! It's too much for a 5 year old. I'd say 8 p.m. would be better & if possible give her a little extra time for sleep in the morning. Who cares if she eats breakfast in the car - that could be a "special treat" every morning for not giving her parents a hard time about going to school.

Not sure where they can change their schedule, but it sure seems like it needs to be changed. Hope your friend realizes it soon.

Very well said!

 

[CEDmom]

Is the sitter for the younger sibling close enough that the DD could go there before and after school? My DD did before and aftercare 2x a week last year and while it was a wonderful program it's noisy and overwhelming to a lot of kids. If the parents can't adjust their schedules so that one can be at home more before/after school this would be a good compromise.

I think they also need to look at their nighttime routine. My DH doesn't see our DD for more than 90 minutes each night before she goes to bed but he then spends about 30 minutes at bedtime reading and talking with her about her day. It's not always the amount of time a parent spends but the quality of that time.

Also, while I think 5:45 is awfully early to get a child up making it later might be worse if she has to be rushed. We tried letting our DD sleep until a 1/2 hour before the school bus came but found that was worse than getting her up earlier and letting her ease into the morning. Getting to watch a little TV did wonders for her disposition.

 

[chager]

Just to clear something up, we are trying to be very supportive of our friends. I understand that most families have rather long schedules and I don't necessarily think it is the amount of time spent with the child but the quality of the time spent. So 30 minutes of a parents undivided attention goes alot farther then 2 hours of half attention because parents are doing chores, dinner, laundry, or watching tv! to answer the how long is the commute...2 minutes to babysitter to drop of youngest, then 5 min to drop of DD. She gets up so early because she refuses to eat breakfast. (At least that is our understanding) we also found out she won't eat anything at lunch either! SO not only is the child tired, she is hungry!! The reason she was taking naps up until school started is the babysitter the kids were with required them!(The babysitter also didn't think she needed to do any preschool type activities with her to get her ready for school. The new one is nothing like that!) The youngest now has a new babysitter and his behavior has improved tremendously! I wish the litttle girl would have experienced the new sitter, they may not have had the issues they have now with her to the extent they have them. I was suprised when I found out her schedule because I was under the impression her father was picking her up by 4 after school. (oh, latchkey is the before and after school program name) He works 3rds and that was what they had told me was happening. I guess not from the schedule I was sent. I need to reread and see what things we haven't suggested and suggest them. We really aren't trying to be critical of our friends. We are just frustrated too, because we have had so many suggestions immediately shot down when it concerned the kids and then they turn around and ask again. I think I will suggest having her go to the sitters after school, if she has an opening. That may be why she doesn't go. My neighbors children go to the same school so maybe they could even work out something there for a couple days a week. Then maybe she could have a little down time before going home. The latchkey programs are games and crafts and usually there are alot of kids in them. ( When I was a sub they always appearred to be mass chaos!) I just feel really bad for our friends because they are having such a rough time with the kids and I just am out of ideas to help. We never had too many issues with DS.

 

[chager]

Why did they have another child if they can't spend time with the first?

That's just a mean thing to say! They love both the kids!! DOn't be judging my friends until you walk in their shoes!

 

[chager]

Another suggestion might be to take a look at her actual income (what she makes after paying for daycare, commuting expenses, work wardrobe, etc, etc) and see if her job is truly worth it. When my sis did that, she found out that she was only making $50/week. She quit her job (with some sadness as she loved it) and started babysitting a friend's child (single mother) for $150/week. Even though it wasn't much $$ (all the friend could afford), she could feel the increased income. BTW, pre-working mom costs, she didn't make a minimal amount, she had a good job. She also LOVED the extra time she had with her kids.

This is actually what I did for a year until ds was in middle school.

Two questions - does she really have to get up so early? Even another 1/2 hour of sleep might help. Also, I realize she is getting up very early, but is she expected to go to sleep at 7 p.m. or is that when she starts to wind down?

We also questioned having to be so early. Still haven't heard back on that issue. And yes, she is expected to be asleep by 7 not just winding down.

Like I said these our really good long time friends. (over 20 years) I just am at a loss to help. I wish I was in a spot where I could take their DD after school, but I don't get home much earlier then they do. At least then she would have a little cool down time. Honestly I know it is harder for them because they don't have the support system I have. I wish they did!!

 

[bigmerle1966]

And doesn't latchkey mean that a child is home alone? I wouldn't call daycare latchkey.

There are a lot of before and after care programs that have differant names, probably trying to make theirs "sound" differant. Could be called before and after, wrap around, latchkey, rec, etc.

The latchkey programs are games and crafts and usually there are alot of kids in them. ( When I was a sub they always appearred to be mass chaos!)

If it's a large program sounds like they need better scheduling and staffing. I work for a before and after care program and we have as many as 75 children in a program. And as long as there is a good schedule and the right amount of staff you wouldn't know there were that many kids. I have subbed in some of our smaller, 30 or less programs and I swear those kids make more noise than the bigger ones.

Could be that is part of the problem, she is in a big noisy chaotic program and just needs a little more down time. And we used to have kindergarten programs like the one she is in and we always had "nap" time for even the children who were at school in the afternoon.

And also the need for naps is individual to the child. My oldest neice could take a 2 hour nap and still go to bed at her normal bed time. Her little sister on the other hand, 20 minute cat nap and she could be up to midnight.

 

[Disney Doll]

My goodness, you work-outside-the-home mothers are a sensitive bunch!!!

Sounds like this schedule is too much for this child. That doesn't mean that other children can handle this type of schedule...it just means this one can't.

OP, you've gotten some good ideas here, but the fact that your friend doesn't seem to be to willing to listen you doesn't bode well for her listening to anyone else either.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

I think their first mistake was taking her home from the school after she threw a fit and bringing her back later. My grandson is 4 and arrives at school at 7 am. He stays until 5 or 5:30 pm. He is very happy there. But the first two weeks he began going to school he cried when his mom would drop him off. He would stop crying after she left. This only last two weeks. The schedule works fine for him. He happily goes straight to the computer first thing in the morning. He goes to bed between 8:00 and 8:30 pm.

I think that once your friend's child was able to throw a fit and be taken back home, that made every other time more difficult. Children do adjust. Just drop the child off and make the departure as quick as possible. No long goodbyes and dragging it out. Of course, this is assuming the child is going to a good school where the teachers are kind. I think the parents would be able to judge the situation when they picked up their child. It is common for a child to take some time to adjust to a new schedule and school.

 

[aprilgail2]

Thats a pretty tough schedule for a kid, can't they get an in home babysitter that would allow the child to at least be in her own home before/after school, or even just after school. I work but my daughters schedule isn't that bad since grandma is around-
7am-wake up
745 I leave with her all fed and dressed and ready for school,
320 she comes home grandma gets her off the bus and I come home at 4, feed her and go to whatever acticity she has that night
10:00 she goes to bed....
so at least I get almost 7 hours of awake time with her but I even feel bad making her get up at 7am when the bus doesn't come until 9am but I like her dressed and fed so all grandma has to deal with is getting her on the bus.

 

[GJM]

I wake up my DS at 7:15 AM he has about 45 minutes to get dress, eat, and watch a little TV. He is not a big morning eater. So he will sit and watch TV and eat the little muffins and some juice.

We leave at 8 - he has before school care until 8:50 - school until 3 - then after school care until 5.

Even before school he was in daycare from 8 - 5. He will go to bed around 8:30 or 9.

I think waking up at 5:45 is too early, maybe that is why they are not eating in the morning because they are too tired or early. I also think going to bed at 7 PM is also too early.

I agree this schedule is for most working parents.