Stumped....

[jdyer09]

I am stumped for a christmas gift for my mother and would really appreciate some fresh ideas from you guys (collectively you guys seem to know everything!) Anyways, for a little background, shes about 55 and takes care of my terminally ill father who was recently moved into a nursing home. She is not frilly or materialistic, just a simple, caring, former teacher turned caregiver who's living by herself now. My brother will be around until the day after christmas but then he leaves for North Dakota for his new job. The rest of us live about an hour and a half to two hours from her. We typically give James Avery jewelry or something book realated, but this year needs to be special...any ideas? We were thinking a weekend getaway but Im not sure she would leave Dad that long, maybe a spa day, but I dont know how comfortable she would be with that, shes never done it before. Shes finishing college on top of everything else she does, and nothing just picked up from a store seems like a good idea. Our budget isnt huge, but its flexible. We would really appreciate any ideas!

Thanks so much everyone, Happy Holidays to you and yours!

 

[luvmy3]

What if you just took her out for a day. Take her to a movie and a nice lunch and maybe some shopping.
If you want to make it special I'd focus on doing something with her, but something she wouldn't normally do for herself. A mani and pedi maybe or a gift certificate to her salon so she can get a new cut and color.
Any theaters near you? You could do a dinner and a show.

 

[Robinrs]

Is she computer literate? Maybe a tablet? They're the go to gift this year and would be priceless at college.

BTW, I'm 55, take care of my elderly uncle and I would love to be taken out like the PP suggested, too. Spa days are great for some people, I personally HATE them, but your Mom might.

God bless your Mom. Being a caregiver is a difficult job. Your love and respect for her is very evident and sweet.

 

[roadtripper]

Could you arrange a spa day for the two of you? Then you can have some mother daughter time, and she can have a break. She'll be less uncomfortable at the spa if she goes with someone she loves.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

I may be way out there but I am close to her age. I personally do not like the spa. Just not my thing. But if I was about to be living totally alone for the first time I would like something like a AAA membership. Weird? I would feel like you were looking after me and making sure I was ok.

I also would enjoy a day of shopping and lunch with you. Or maybe tickets to a show that we would go to together.

 

[Fyrefly]

Come up for a visit. Help take care of your father so she gets a break, and treat her to a day out or a weekend or whatever you can swing with either you or the grandkids, whichever she prefers, while the others take care of your father.

Not technically the most fun for whoever is taking care of grandpa but this is about her, and giving her a nice relaxing break where she won't have to worry about him.

 

[kimkoz]

I'm 100% with the other comments - Time with you is probably best for her however I'm sure you are right and she is worried about leaving your father. Could maybe this be a family affair, could you arrange SO or anther family member to watch her husband while the two of you go away for some girl time. Dinner theatre or a play?

Do you have any threatre's or performing arts centers half way to each of you where you could meet. We have centers here that have one show every 2 months and its a nice get get away for the girls in my family. We buy seasons. Maybe a wine weekend - wine tour. Is she into any hobby, maybe a painting class or pottery together?

Tablet is also another great idea, for school and some down time while she is with her DH.

I love the spa but I know my mother and she would never got without me planning it 100% so it would be a waste for her.

Good luck - My gift this year is new slippers, pj's and hair certificate.. lol Some day I'll have more to totally treat her.

 

[Gnomegirl]

Does she live where there is snow? What about some kind of snow removal or lawn care set up for her - maybe to take over whatever your Dad once did. As my Gram has gotten older we have become more and more practical with gifts.

One of her favourites is pre-made meals. Gram thinks of dinner at 6pm LOL We take a single chicken breast, put it in a freezer bag and add some marinade then into the freezer. It will marinate as it thaws and she has to only cook it. For your Mom this gives her more time to be with your father.

Books and magazines are nice too. I work in a care facility and when we have someone who is quite sick and the family is there a lot they will get bored. The family wants to be near even if the loved one is asleep so your Mom may appreciate something to keep her hands or mind occupied. A pre-packed bag with some snacks, drink mix, candy, chap stick, change for a vending machine, etc.

Best wishes to you and your family!

 

[polkadotminnie]

What about using a photo of a special loved one and have a personalized photo throw made for her?

 

[StephMK]

What is your budget? If you can swing it, I think the Kindle Fire or Nook tablet would let her read, surf the net & be easy to transport. You could load some family pics into it for her & maybe some of her fav shows?

I'm not a personal fan of spas either but I bet she would love to spend time w/family. I love the idea of taking her out while another family member visits w/your dad. Could you arrange a family visit & surprise her w/a big family dinner close to your dad's place or see if there is a party room where you can bring things in?

 

[gifchick]

As she is with him so much, what about some frozen home made meals so then she can have a bit of a night off after being with him.

 

[MissyDVC]

Maybe a Merry Maids-type service to clean her home or landscaping to clean up the yard. Or maybe a grocery store gift card to fill her pantry and freezer.

 

[cornflake]

Maybe a collection of things to make her day brighter? Maybe you could each do a thing and have a big collection of - 'we were thinking about how to make your day better,' stuff and if it's stuff that she'll keep using, she'll think of you and feel cared for long after a spa day or whatever (and I agree with the 'if that's not her thing she won't enjoy it' people).

Like.. think about her day, step by step.

What kind of alarm clock does she have? Does she have an ipod? There are docking ones. If not, there are ones that play CDs and you could like, secretly record your dad saying it's time to get up or something, or saying a bunch of fun things he always said to her, and put them on a CD and have it be her alarm clock - unless you think that'd be upsetting, obviously.

Does she drink coffee or tea or what in the morning? If she drinks coffee, what maker does she have? Maybe she'd like a Keurig (with a big supply of different cups, which also gives you gifts down the road) and a few travel mugs so she can take her drink on the go on the way to class or to see your dad?

Does she eat breakfast? Does she like to cook? If she doesn't but she likes breakfast, is there a place she likes in between the house and school or your dad, that she consistantly goes to (someplace she really likes, that she'll use) - like if she stops at Dunkin' Dounuts for a muffin, or IHOP for breakfast, gift certificates for there in big amounts so she can go a bunch and indulge in a nice breakfast without thinking about $.

Does she hit class in the mornings? When is she graduating? What's she planning to do after, like is she going to graduate school? Presumably she has supplies but maybe she could use a packed library copy card to defray that stupid little cost, or a gift cert. to a restaurant on or by campus.

What does she do when she's with your dad? Could they use something to do together? Does she read to him? A Kindle or a gift cert. to a local indie bookstore if she's a physical book person? Does he like books but when she's not there he has nothing, so get him an ipod with books on tape loaded up and an itunes gift cert and speakers?

Does she sit there? Does she like crosswords? Books of those? There are good books of those, from LA Times, NY Times (they even break down into levels).

Does she like to do needlework? Gift cert to yarn store? New yarn travel bag?

Does she like to go to the movies? Movie gift certificate.

What does she do for dinner? Does she like to cook? If she has cooking stuff maybe go the other way - a lot of areas have organic coops where you can order and get a big box of organic produce (whatever's in season) and meat if you like sometimes, every week or month, and you can sign up gifts for like 6 months of an organic produce box for her. The coops usually aren't expensive and you get good, interesting stuff (one here sends sheets with recipe suggestions in the boxes and stuff, it's cool).

If she doesn't like to cook, maybe a little bunch of gift certs to her favourite restaurants or takeout places, so she can choose different stuff based on mood.

What's she do at night? Sit and drink tea? Watch TV? Does she have a nice tv? Does she like old shows? There are metric tons of old shows on DVD that aren't on the air anymore - maybe you remember she used to love MASH or I Love Lucy or even Friends or whatever - you can get a giant box set...

Does she have a comfy bed? Does she like PJs? Does she like sheets and comforters? Does she like slippers? Does she take baths or showers?

 

[HM]

I'll be 50 this coming year. Given what you've told us, if she doesn't have an e-reader (Kindle or Nook, or such) you might think about one of them. You could go in together with your brother to purchase it, to keep costs down. She might even be able to get her college books on it. I was given an iPad last year (huge surprise) by my kids and I LOVE it. (But the cost is a lot more).

 

[valee]

I'm a wee bit older than her, and these sound like great ideas. I'm not a spa type, either. I'd appreciate movie tickets and a coupon book for tasks that could be done while I'm out of the house - like mow the lawn, clean the gutters, shovel snow, clip hedges, take a package to the post office or clothes to the dry cleaners, or go on a shopping trip for heavy items.
AAA is a good idea - perhaps you can also give her certificates for some oil changes?
You can add some tasks inside the house - change furnace filter, change lightbulbs, clean the dryer vent, replace faucet washer or light switch/outlet.
If she's coming home to an empty house, installing motion detector lights outside and buying timers for inside lamps may be appreciated.
Does her house have a programmable thermostat? I like being able to have the temperature lower while I'm gone, then having the thermostat ramp up and make it toasty for my return.

 

[JandJ]

My in-laws are in their early 60's and we give them a Netflix subscription every year. This year my FIL is giving my MIL a Kindle so she can take her books to her part-time day care provider job. She is also a former teacher, like your mother, and loves to read. I also love the ideas of PPs - maid service, frozen meals - practical yet very thoughtful.

 

[jdyer09]

Thank you everyone for the ideas. My brother wants to go with the iPad idea but I think its going to be a little out of our reach, perhaps for her birthday in February! You have given us some great ideas and keep them coming if you have more. We will let you know what we end up doing!

Thanks to everyone and happy holidays!

 

[peacelover]

I was a nurse for 24 years, as well as taking care of a family membrt. What I would like most is a day home. A day not to run around or clean or shop. Just a day to rest and not get dressed! I would give her a day off of caregiving, a precooked meal , and a 1 time housecleaning service.