Student Loan Debt

[FairestOfThemAll37]

I have; although I do understand what you're saying. It's just frustrating when I hear people ask for advice, then get it and get mad. I'm a single Mom, so I've seen my fair share of struggling to pay bills, and when times are tough, you FIND a way. You just have to, no matter what.

I think the OP seemed thankful for the advice. What I don't think she appreciated was people digging up past posts and then berating her for going on vacation. I think she made the comment about leaving her family out of desperation and fear about her husband's wages being garnished. If they were separated, it would be a non-issue.

I personally think it's a bit extreme to say don't go on vacation if you have student loans. I know people that are paying those off for decades, there should be balance IMHO. That said, OP, I would do whatever you can to start making some headway. The mountain isn't going to get smaller on it's own. I think you've gotten some good advice. Even just participating in rewards sites of surveys from home could get you $40-$50 a month. It's not a lot but it's something.

Just remember folks anything you ever say can and will be used against you in a court of DIS, where you're guilty until proven innocent.

 

[crisi]

My mother is retired and works at Costco for extra money (and to get away from my Dad who retired as well and drives her nuts in the same house all day). It isn't a bad job - but its three to four hour shifts and they don't put up with too much nonsense on when you can and can't work. After several years, she gets a lot more flexibility than others.

I think the OPs husband travels a lot for work - that's really tough when you are holding any job - and was a big reason I stay home right now - because it wasn't fair to my very flexible employer that I had two kids going to the orthodonist, me leaving early to go pick up from baseball or tennis, coming in late because it was a show choir morning, being the only one who could pick up when they were ill. My mother is in town - but her schedule isn't flexible at all - she can't drop that sample tray at Costco because my daughter got hit in the head with a basketball at school.

At the same time, there are options - some of them might involve moving closer to a support system - especially with special needs kids - who can help out. Working from home - it isn't hard to make $200 a month on mechanical turk (its supposedly possible - but very difficult to make $100 a DAY, but $25 a week is easy - and if the payment plan gets reallocated for income, $100 a month would probably pay loans - it would at least start). Even Swagbucks will get you - with very little effort - $50 in paypal a month. MOST real working from home jobs are going to be difficult if you have small kids at home, and if those small kids are special needs, that's going to be even harder. But swagbucks takes almost no attention, and mechanical turk can be done in fifteen minute breaks during naps, before they get up, and after bedtime.

 

[crisi]

I personally think it's a bit extreme to say don't go on vacation if you have student loans. I know people that are paying those off for decades, there should be balance IMHO.

Sure, but in this case there is no balance. There is NO payment on the debt - and a trail of vacations and vacation plans. That isn't balance.

We've had people come on when they've finished a degree and have tens of thousands in debt to say they are taking a cruise to celebrate - and very few people berate them for that provided the bills are getting paid. (there are a few absolutely no debt for anyone ever types on this board, but honestly, that's more a characterization of the position than a position most of the fiscally conservative ACTUALLY hold).

 

[JanaDee]

I think the OP seemed thankful for the advice. What I don't think she appreciated was people digging up past posts and then berating her for going on vacation. I think she made the comment about leaving her family out of desperation and fear about her husband's wages being garnished. If they were separated, it would be a non-issue.

I personally think it's a bit extreme to say don't go on vacation if you have student loans. I know people that are paying those off for decades, there should be balance IMHO. That said, OP, I would do whatever you can to start making some headway. The mountain isn't going to get smaller on it's own. I think you've gotten some good advice. Even just participating in rewards sites of surveys from home could get you $40-$50 a month. It's not a lot but it's something.

Just remember folks anything you ever say can and will be used against you in a court of DIS, where you're guilty until proven innocent.

If you are going on vacation instead of paying your loans, then yes, your priorities are screwed up.

We didn't do much vacationing until my student loans were paid off, but we paid on them every. single. month.

 

[sunnyday123]

I actually do have a child with special needs, and I had more sympathy for you before you tried to use that as an excuse for your irresponsibility. My child may never see Disney or go on a Disney cruise, which are things we could have easily afforded had he not been born with special needs, but now we have to spend that money on medical bills and saving for his future because that is what responsible parents do. Special needs parenting is MORE of a reason to step up and do the responsible thing, not an excuse to take vacations your child will be just fine without. Memories don't have to be expensive. Does it make me sad that I may never be able to provide the experiences I wanted to for my child? Yes, but that's the hand life dealt me.

And your son is lucky to have you. My sympathy went out the window when I read "gift trip" because it seems EVERYONE who just can't get out of their financial hole has been bestowed with a gift trip. I'm starting to think this was a thread started in the hopes of soft-hearted Dis'ers sending money/contributing to this poster. It's like Christmas in May.

 

[robinb]

I personally think it's a bit extreme to say don't go on vacation if you have student loans. I know people that are paying those off for decades, there should be balance IMHO.

Balance would be arranging for an affordable repayment schedule and also going on vacation. Balance is not racking up thousands and thousands of dollars of multiple vacation expenses while deferring your student loan (ostensibly because you are unable to pay it because you are unemployed). Put it this way, if she were paying her student loans and asking for ideas on how to afford another Disney cruise there would have been zero negative comments.

That said, OP, I would do whatever you can to start making some headway. The mountain isn't going to get smaller on it's own. I think you've gotten some good advice. Even just participating in rewards sites of surveys from home could get you $40-$50 a month. It's not a lot but it's something.

I agree. OP, you just need to start. I really do feel bad for folks who get in over their heads with student loans because they never go away, even if you declare bankruptcy. I know it's scary, but think about how good you will feel when you start to get that monkey off your back. BTW, I think one of the best suggestions was to put up flyers for babysitting at your local stores that allow that kind of things and at your local churches. School has ended or is ending soon and many families need someone to watch their kids over the summer.

 

[barkley]

My ex-brother in law was like this - his family was well off. I think really well off. And he'd grown up under fairly free financial circumstances. His parents .....


They stopped supporting him when he graduated from college - and they didn't pay for it (although they could) so he had loans.

They never taught him the value of a dollar. He'd worn Tommy Hilfiger and Nautica his whole life, that didn't change when he graduated from college into a starting job - that was what people wore and he honestly just didn't know anything else.

They valued their family time a lot - so they paid for vacations to bring the family together. Nothing else - not college, not help with a downpayment on a house, not car insurance - but twice a year the whole family (he was the youngest of several - so grandkids and all) went somewhere like Aspen - or a cruise.

Really nice guy - I was disappointed when he and my sister divorced - but the worst case of affluenza I've ever seen. He'll be in debt his whole life trying to live the life he is accustomed to - but can't afford unless someone has hit him over the head with a clue stick in the last twenty years or he hit oil in his backyard.

interesting. I've seen something somewhat similar but what's fascinating is how it's impacted the next generation in that family.

mom/dad made decent livings but nothing high end. grandparents who were by no means wealthy gifted to mom/dad over the course of the grandkids lives for much of what the grandkids took for granted (help w/private school tuition, $$$ for school trips/college trips/vacations, some basic expenses like new appliances, cars and the like). when kids entered high school both mom/dad decide to go back to college and finish the degrees they abandoned when they were married. they opt to attend the insanely high cost private university vs. the local low cost state university that offers the identical degrees for 25% of the cost. they amass major student loans which they are able to pay minimum payments on post grad while continuing to maintain 'the lifestyle' b/c grandma/grandpa continue with gifts. kids had no idea, they grow up with a sense of entitlement to a certain lifestyle but no concept that it's really not affordable for both their parents AND themselves with the careers they choose.

kids end up opting to go to the same high cost private as parents-amass close to a hundred thousand each in student loans. neither in a high paying career that benefits from the name power of the university vs. the state college. both get married and now can not figure out why they can't begin to afford for themselves let alone their kids the lifestyle they are entitled to. 'it doesn't make sense, I make way more than my mom and dad did/do how could they afford it-why am I such a failure?'.

mom and dad have never disclosed the kind of help through gifts that the grandparents provided (though I suspect the kids were as equally shocked as the parents when it was discovered upon grandparent's death that they had next to nothing in assets-the parents were 'but they sold their home for $$$ and they were in it for over 30 years so it was paid off', didn't occur to them that the house had been re-financed multiple times to fund those gifts).

so now the parents are w/o the gift safety net and struggling to get by while their kids are going into deeper debt trying to maintain for their own kids their perceived minimum lifestyle

 

[crisi]

barkley, My son who is fifteen has a good friend living down the street headed down that path. Grandpa is fairly wealthy, and its pretty obvious that Mom and Dad are being subsidized. And Grandpa has stated his intention of spending his wealth down before he dies - he took his whole family on African Safari last year (!!!) My son's friend isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, and he has a huge entitlement attitude. (I don't have to get a job, my grandpa is going to buy me a car for my sixteenth birthday and my Mom and Dad will pay for gas.)

I hope that grandpa is wealthier than I think he is and dies with large trust funds to all his grandchildren (there are over ten of them) because at least this one is going to have issues keeping himself in pizza and video games if there isn't a trust fund coming his way.

 

[scrapquitler]

OP, I see one missing piece in this equation for how you are going to plan to pay down your student loans: Your husband. You mention that he works and travels a lot for work, but you make it sound like YOU are the only one responsible for paying your loans. What about your husband? In my house, from day one, we have a been a team. We work together to solve our problems and when one of us has a problem, we both have a problem and we both work to solve that problem. We both had student loan debt (about equal amounts, actually) but he always had a better job than I did and always made a WAY bigger income than me, but there was never any question about our student loan debt (and other bills) being paid by BOTH of us.

I think you have to sit down with your husband and have a talk with him about this and ask HIM how he thinks you can both work on this together. I know that if I couldn't have gotten a job because of my childcare issues, my husband would have taken a side job in his field or worked overtime to help make up the shortage if there was one. Would you husband be willing to do something like that once in a while? It might be easier for him to pick up extra hours or side jobs and let you stay with the kids while he does so if his extra hours were more financially beneficial than a minimum wage job for you. That's the kind of thing that married people working as a team do: one sacrifices for the other when the going gets tough.

Please include your husband in this, I get the impression that you aren't doing that.

 

[mhfrau]

Although I'm still trying to figure out how you have a degree in criminal justice, a cosmetology background (certification?) and obviously a substantial amount of grad work done in management, my first thought is that the OP needs to sit down with her husband and figure out what it is exactly that her original intention was in all these seemingly unrelated career paths that she has been down. Regardless of whether you have children, and if one is special needs, I think a little "life" planning needs to be done immediately. I admit, this is such a weird thread, so I went back and looked at other posts so I could understand the whole vacation/debt/confusion situation, and I get the definite sense that the OP hasn't given a lot of thought to resolving the whole student loan situation till now. I figure that time has run out and it's time to pay the piper, and there is an "OH ****!" thing going on here

Anyway, my advice is that it is time to put the big girl panties on and do what you have to do. Get a job. Any job. Even if it's slinging burgers at Burger King and start figuring out a budget. Having kids is not an excuse. Having a husband with an unpredictable work schedule is not an excuse. Lots of people live that way. I understand that you have a special needs child, well you said 2 in this thread, but in others it's only 1, so whatever, but again, lots of people have special needs children and still manage to get their responsibilities taken care of. Taking vacations is your own business, but you can take vacations without blowing off your student loan debt. You borrowed it, and no matter how much you cry that you aren't trying to NOT pay it back, that is absolutely what you have been doing up until now. Just my 2 cents.

 

[EMAW_KSU]

My sympathy went out the window when I read "gift trip" because it seems EVERYONE who just can't get out of their financial hole has been bestowed with a gift trip. I'm starting to think this was a thread started in the hopes of soft-hearted Dis'ers sending money/contributing to this poster. It's like Christmas in May.

You are not the only one.

 

[sonofanarchy]

Anyway, my advice is that it is time to put the big girl panties on and do what you have to do.

This is the type of comment I can't stand and honestly, is the reason people leave these boards. I don't agree with the OP and her situation, but what good does this type of degrading comment do? Does it serve any purpose other than to be nasty?

 

[ellie05]

OP I think you have received a lot of great advice in this thread I just think you don't like what you are hearing. OK we all have made mistakes at some point or another. The problem is people suggested that you stop taking vacations and start paying your debt instead and you don't seem to want to do that. So yeah we all made mistakes, but we are supposed to learn from them so we don't end up in the same place.

If you keep doing what you are doing you are not going to get out of the situation. Things need to change in order to get this loan paid off. I won't keep repeating the great advice that was given already. I suggest you talk to your mom about your financial situation and ask her if she will be willing to pay your student loan instead of that Disney cruise coming up.

 

[mhfrau]

This is the type of comment I can't stand and honestly, is the reason people leave these boards. I don't agree with the OP and her situation, but what good does this type of degrading comment do? Does it serve any purpose other than to be nasty?

That was not intended to be a degrading comment at all. It was purely a piece of advice that, in MY opinion, the OP needs to hear. If I wanted to be nasty and mean, I would have said something much different! The OP came here asking for advice and this is an internet message board, for heaven's sake. Sometimes the best advice you can get, especially when you seem to be giving a million excuses WHY you aren't trying anything to get out of a bad situation, is for someone to give you a slap upside the head with the truth. Sorry if that offends your delicate sensibilities. Would it be better if everyone just put on a virtual false smile and said, "why it's ok sweetie, let me sprinkle you with some pixie dust and everything will just magically disappear?"

 

[bdcp]

That was not intended to be a degrading comment at all. It was purely a piece of advice that, in MY opinion, the OP needs to hear. If I wanted to be nasty and mean, I would have said something much different! The OP came here asking for advice and this is an internet message board, for heaven's sake. Sometimes the best advice you can get, especially when you seem to be giving a million excuses WHY you aren't trying anything to get out of a bad situation, is for someone to give you a slap upside the head with the truth. Sorry if that offends your delicate sensibilities. Would it be better if everyone just put on a virtual false smile and said, "why it's ok sweetie, let me sprinkle you with some pixie dust and everything will just magically disappear?"

Agreed. Some people just need to be told to grow up and be responsible because obviously no one else in their life has told them that.

My DIL has student loans for her Masters Degree. The problem is, in her field, jobs are very, very limited, but they keep turning out grads. She's doing some part time contract work in her field but the pay sucks. She's fortunate she can do it from long distance since she and my DS moved a year ago 5.5 hours away. What she makes basically pays for her loans, period. She had deferred them due to health issues, but after her recent surgery that worked wonders, she is back working and looking for full time employment. In the last couple of months, she refinanced and consolidated her loans. The point is, even though she had health issues that prevented her from working, she and my DS have made payments. She's also currently looking for a full time job outside of her major(s) but my DS will move wherever she finds something because he is in IT and is flexible. Hopefully that move will be back here near both their families.

I think OP, like a few posters we've seen on here want to be patted on the head and told it's "okay" even if it's not.

 

[sonofanarchy]

Would it be better if everyone just put on a virtual false smile and said, "why it's ok sweetie, let me sprinkle you with some pixie dust and everything will just magically disappear?"

Of course not. I just think there's a happy medium between that and "put on your big girl panties."

 

[mrsklamc]

Of course not. I just think there's a happy medium between that and "put on your big girl panties."

Why do you think that statement is degrading?

 

[mhfrau]

Of course not. I just think there's a happy medium between that and "put on your big girl panties."

So I guess saying "man up" is out too?

 

[robinb]

Why do you think that statement is degrading?

Because it infantilizes the person the term is directed at.

 

[mrsklamc]

Because it infantilizes the person the term is directed at.

The person's behavior is what does or does not make them seem like a child. If someone calls a spade a spade, that's not being degrading.