String's Atkin's Journal (Please Comment)

[DoeWDW]

Beth, your career is so demanding and you are a very brave woman! How scarey that patient must have been!

I'm so sorry that the woman at the Y upset you. I hope she was acting out of pure concern for you. It does sound like she could have been more tactful about it!

I hope you got good sleep last night and will be able to catch a nap today with Katie. Pixie dust being sent for quick healing!

 

[CheapMom]

Beth- How scary! My mom used to work in the ER in the 70's and 80's when PCP was very popular and she has some unreal stories. Somehow those affected by PCP have unbelievable strength when battling those restraints. I hope your poor co-worker will recover soon.
It is just one thing after another with you lately- I hope this dark cloud that has been looming over your head finds somewhere else to go- and soon.
I hope the woman from the Y was only acting out of concern and is not gossiping... If she truly does believe that you are a battered woman and she is spreading gossip about it that is really dispicable.
Wishing you a good day-
Mary

 

[wilderness01]

You could have been in a bad car accident, etc. for bruises to happen. There is a new definition to the work "presume" now isn't there? I would blow that lady off. Hopefully she just meant well, if not, she is a gossip and noone needs that in their life. Hope you are feeling better.

 

[toystoryduo]

Beth,
sent for you today. Wow! How are you feeling today? Any residual pain left from the PCP patient? Wow! I never realized how many different situations nurses had to deal with. God bless you Beth for the work that you do. I hope you are feeling better today.

Take good care of you and have a wonderful Tuesday!

Tracy

 

[Strings]

I'm having an off day, again. I won't get a chance to workout today. I have to cleaan the house. Then we're meeting my parents for lunch. They need their Katie fix. Dr.'s appointment. Dinner with friends. Sounds great, but I am not in the mood. I know the state of the house is leading to some of my mood and anxiety, but I resent that it is my workout that gets shoved aside to do it.

I am really frustrated with the weight loss plateau. When I got sick, I was taken off of superlowcarb, and I've slipped back into snacking at night. Yes it is berries and not chips, but it is the habit that got me here. I am aldo having sugar cravings again. I need to do induction again, but I don't know that I can. I'm not in the same place emotionally that I was in when I started this in October. I'm not sure that I could do it right now. I need to think about what I need to do.

Sorry to be such a downer.
Beth

 

[toystoryduo]

Oh Beth,
You are NOT a downer! Beth, you have been through so much lately and you have handled each situation that has come your way. You are a strong, caring, and wonderful woman who has blessed my heart with kind words more times than I can count.

Please go and workout if you can. That may help you feel better and relieve some of the stress that you are feeling right now. The house will still be there later on.

Beth, as for the weight loss issue, you need to do what is best for you at this point in your life. You have already lost an impressive amount of weight, you are exercising, and you are still making healthy food choices. In my book, you are doing a great job!!

Take good care of you! Try and find some time in your day to just relax and maybe read a good book. Or watch a movie that you laugh hysterically at. Or..... I know!!! Plan your vacation to WDW! Whatever you choose to do, I pray that you have a wonderful day! Remember, we are here for you, Beth!!!

and to you,
Tracy

 

[vald1977]

Beth,
You are not a downer! You have a lot going on right now and personally I think you have handled it all with such grace I don't know how you do it! Take care.

 

[wilderness01]

Beth,

Just a short note to say I am thinking about you and hoping you are feeling better. Take care.

 

[DoeWDW]

Beth, sometimes life does get in the way of our healthy living. However one day away from your workout will be fine. I know what you mean about the housework, though. Why is it always OUR responsibility to have things looking good at home???

I hope you managed your busy day yesterday and that you have time to catch your breath today. I'm guessing your worout will be a priority today - enjoy!! I bet you're feeling healthier every day and getting your strength & stamina back.

I wish you peace and joy today, Beth!

 

[CheapMom]

Beth- Take care of yourself and wait until you 100% before doing induction. Your body has been through some really traumatic stuff lately and then there is the emotional/stress factor. Be good to yourself.
I hope things go your way today.
Mary

 

[septbride2002]

Oh Beth! You've had a rough week! - first with the patient and then with that nosy woman at the Y. I'm sorry that you are having a hard time.

After you get your house in order I'm sure you will feel a bit more like yourself. I know I start to get a bit cranky when my house looks like it exploded. Just start in one room and then move on if you can. I know I always feel a little better if my kitchen is clean. Maybe you should sit down and journal why you don't think you can do induction again. I know you said you are in a different place emotionally - but why are you there? Only be looking into these feelings can you examine them and either work on them, or discard them.

We are here to help you!

~Amanda

 

[Strings]

Well, I've been avoiding the boards. I just haven't been feeling very positive, so I didn't feel right about posting. I am sorry for not being a very good friend. Your support has been a blessing in my life.

My feelings are all over the place. I don't know what I weigh, but I know I have gained. Dr let at least that bit of info slip yesterdy at my appointment. She didn't tell me how much, but I can tell just by how my clothes fit. I am chronically tired now. I am not able to get everything I need done. We are trying to figure out how to save some $ since I'm not working as much. I am also waiting for the other shoe to drop with PG. When my parents came over, they told me she paid them a visit. It started out as a plea for their support. It turned into a nasty confrontation that has my Mom scared for MY safety. I am not sure what more to do, but my mom is going to talk with my lawyer. I guess I am feeling overwhelmed. I don't feel like I can add focusing on my diet to everything else. I also don't have Won's support this time. He has no interest in going through induction again. He is very comfortable where he is at.

Ok, pity party is over. I went to the Y today. Weight circuit and 40 minutes on the treadmill. Meals so far have been op, but I did succumb to a 4 carb brownie from Starbucks. We will be going for a bike ride/walk with Katie tonight. I am planning on finishing my book tonight. It is really good. Lady of Avalon. It is the prequel to Mists of Avalon, which I highly reccommend.

Have a good day.
Beth

 

[LAinSEA]

Beth:

Thank you so much for looking in on me in my journal. Your support is appreciated. Like you, I have not felt much positive going on and that makes it hard to write anything at all. I've decided that I need to make time for journals...helps keep me sane.

I'm sorry you got all bruised up from that patient. You must really look a mess if that lady at the Y thought you needed that kind of assistance. In a way I'm glad there are people out there looking to help, but the gossip isn't constructive. I've had to be in the situation of helping a lady out of a bad situation (mother of one of my ski students a few years back). We read a lot between the lines and it took a great deal of courage to ask the question - when it isn't any of our business, but I'm glad we did and were there to help.

PG sounds like she is not getting any help. I'm sorry that things are getting worse for your family instead of getting better. Keep your guard up. You can do this.

I think it OK to give yourself a break as far as your food plan goes. I know my DH is getting tired of low-carb...he eats what he wants when I not home but he fixes food on-plan for when I'm home and continues to put my lunch and dinner together for work. We had a bad breakdown in good food choices yesterday...cheeseburger w/bun at McDonalds and a real icecream sundae at Baskins. I wish I could report that it felt good! We were both bloated, irritable and overly tired this morning. I won't be doing that again soon! (It was only a regular cheeseburger too!)

take care and keep going, you can do it.

-Laurie

 

[lulu202]

Beth:
First of all, tons of to you! I often wish we closer together; I'd love to give you a hug in person.

Now, Beth, I want you to stop a minute and think of all that you've accomplished since last October. Stand back and think about all you've done and all you've gone through (!), just like you would a dear friend. A lot has happened hasn't it? You've achieved a great deal healthy living-wise, and you've endured a great deal (illness and PG-wise)--look at the whole big picture.

If you're anything like me, this weight loss struggle is yours for life. It isn't going to go away, is it? Some times will be easier (like the focus you were able to have in Oct.) and some will be tougher (like now), but you will ride this wave. Everything has its season, right? Just keep plugging away, Beth, doing what you can do. Maybe make your goal just to get through today in a healthy way. Allow yourself some berries at night, but put a hold on other evening snacking.

There are a lot of us struggling right now, but we're in it together. You are not alone; I think I know some of what you feel--how disheartening and scary it is to feel some of the weight come back, but you can do this, Beth. You can treat yourself well, but keep your expectations realistic.

Forget that woman at the Y. She obviously was trying to help, but may just be a blabbermouth at the same time. Hold your head high and it'll be obvious to everyone that matters at the Y that she's full of soup.

More for your day. Keep living life one day at a time.
Erin

 

[septbride2002]

Big Huge

~Amanda

 

[toystoryduo]

Beth,
I am sending you lots of prayers and today. Please remember Beth that we are all here for you.

Remember to rely on God for strength. He will carry you through this.

Take good care of you! You are so very worth it!!!

Tracy

 

[Strings]

I completley lost it last night. I ate a 1/2 cup serving of ice cream,lc, and went back for more. I ended up eating the whole pint. I then felt so guilty and horrible that I started I think that was the emotional relese that I needed. I was crying for nearly 1 hour. I then went to bed. I've been having horrible nightmares for the last week. I haaven't been sleeping well at all. Last night, I don't think I had even 1 dream. I woke up feeling much better today. I worked out, and made an appointment with my trainer. She is going to reevaluate my workouts, and make suggestions on things I can do to "up the ante". I also talked with Won. I don't work Saturday,so he is going to take Katie on Sunday. I can have the entire daay to myself. I just have to figure out what to do with it.

All day today I have felt the you all have been sending me. I could almost hear your voices in my head, notice I said almost. Things aren't perfect, and I don't have many solutions, but I feel more in control today. I'm going to try and focus on the positive steps I made today.

Eating is on program, and I did exercise today. I managed 50 minutes on the treadmill, so I am happy with that. I plan on going to bed early tonight, so I might not make it to journals today. I am sending some of my own to all of you. Thank you to all.

Have a great day,
Beth

 

[DoeWDW]

Sometimes there's nothing like a good cry to help you release all that pent-up tension and emotion! Good for you, Beth!! Well, um, NOT good that you're that stressed but VERY good that you found an outlet and got a good night's sleep!

I'm glad you can feel all our good vibes - we're all with you, Beth!

Love ya!

 

[Strings]

Well I've decided what to do with my Sunday. I need to get new shoes. I ended up getting a blister on the ball of my foot during my workout today. Definatley need new shoes. Plan for the rest of the day is lunch, nap, work. I will only bring healthy things with me, so it should be OP. I did 2.5 miles on the treaddis and weight circuit. I'm not sure how many journals I'll get to this weekend, but I will be checking in on Sunday.
Beth

 

[LAinSEA]

Beth: You really deserve a great day off. I hope you find a really comfy pair of workout shoes and get them broken in soon.

Maybe it's atmospherics or something...seems like the cry bug is going around. I've had my share of tears the past couple days too. I keep saying to myself, over and over, that God wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle...but he sure is doing a lot of testing lately. Maybe I need to learn a little more humility.

I think we as women are all a bit of a "control freak". We try to control our environment - stay in control of every situation. When it is apparent that we can't control the things around us, its very frustrating. I know that I struggle with fairness - and life is never "fair" and I should get over it. But I want it to be. I try so hard to treat those around me with fairness and respect - and silly me, I expect fairness and respect in return.

So maybe thats the whole key to emotional eating...when we had a bad day as a child, our mom's conforted us with a cookie or an ice cream. It didn't solve the problem but we associated care and love with food. Now as adults, when we are under stress, feeling frustrated or overwhelmed we look for that comfort and that quart of ice cream is right there ready to help. We need to find a way to comfort ourselves that doesn't involve food, we need to learn coping skills that help us accept that we can't control the world around us.

I really hope that you have a better weekend and much better week than you've suffered through the past few months. Just one better day at a time.

-Laurie