stressed out

[Pompton65]

While I know my problems are not as bad as others they are overwhelming to me right now. My husband has been out of work for the past 4 years. He is depressed and seeing a therapist and taking medication. He started a new medication that is causing side effects which are troublesome.
I have been an active volunteer in our PTO and am the president. There have been a group that were not happy that I becamse president and have caused problems since day 1. Now they are pressuring people to sign a petition to make me resign. The stress of all this is just overwhelming. While I hate to think I am letting them 'win' by resigning, it just would be easier for everyone if I did since they have caused problems every month since I came on board. Mostly the problem is that I volunteer too much. Since most of them volunteer very little I am not sure what the issue is with me volunteering but it is. And the other issue is they say I am not nice in talking to people. This may be true and I will admit to it. The stress over the past year or two has been making me snap at people and I have not liked the person I have become. Part of this is my age and hormones as well. I think resigning would help me in that respect. I just want to make sure this does not boomerang onto my children. They do not deserve any disrespect because there are people who do not like me. When I started volunteering a few people told me not to because of all the drama but I thought I was in this with my 'friends'. Funny how 'friends' turn on you. I have discovered who my true friends are. They are the ones who are texting me and asking if I am okay and setting up dinner plans for me to keep my spirits up.
Thank you for listening to me. I don't have family and with my husband the way he is, i have very few people to just vent to.

Any other suggestions on how to handle the stress? I am not sleeping or eating. I have lost 30 lbs over the past year because of all the stress. I don't like snapping at my kids or husband. I just want to get back to who I used to be.

 

[xanphylus]

While I know my problems are not as bad as others they are overwhelming to me right now. My husband has been out of work for the past 4 years. He is depressed and seeing a therapist and taking medication. He started a new medication that is causing side effects which are troublesome.
I have been an active volunteer in our PTO and am the president. There have been a group that were not happy that I becamse president and have caused problems since day 1. Now they are pressuring people to sign a petition to make me resign. The stress of all this is just overwhelming. While I hate to think I am letting them 'win' by resigning, it just would be easier for everyone if I did since they have caused problems every month since I came on board. Mostly the problem is that I volunteer too much. Since most of them volunteer very little I am not sure what the issue is with me volunteering but it is. And the other issue is they say I am not nice in talking to people. This may be true and I will admit to it. The stress over the past year or two has been making me snap at people and I have not liked the person I have become. Part of this is my age and hormones as well. I think resigning would help me in that respect. I just want to make sure this does not boomerang onto my children. They do not deserve any disrespect because there are people who do not like me. When I started volunteering a few people told me not to because of all the drama but I thought I was in this with my 'friends'. Funny how 'friends' turn on you. I have discovered who my true friends are. They are the ones who are texting me and asking if I am okay and setting up dinner plans for me to keep my spirits up.
Thank you for listening to me. I don't have family and with my husband the way he is, i have very few people to just vent to.

Any other suggestions on how to handle the stress? I am not sleeping or eating. I have lost 30 lbs over the past year because of all the stress. I don't like snapping at my kids or husband. I just want to get back to who I used to be.

Whichever way you choose to go, do it for yourself and your stress- no because they want you to. If you want to stay president, do it- you got voted in for a reason! The people who don't like you can wait and vote you out next year if you don't want to resign. But if you feel like it's not worth it to you, just resign- but not because they want you to- you might regret it later. Resign because you need it- for your well-being! And

 

[kacaju]

Whichever way you choose to go, do it for yourself and your stress- no because they want you to. If you want to stay president, do it- you got voted in for a reason! The people who don't like you can wait and vote you out next year if you don't want to resign. But if you feel like it's not worth it to you, just resign- but not because they want you to- you might regret it later. Resign because you need it- for your well-being! And

Agree!! I had a falling out 17 years ago with a man who did not like the way I was running a 4-H club. At our Fair he decided he was going to start a new club, took half the club and started a huge *war* between clubs. and he was a PITA for quite a few years after that. I was pregnant at the time. I believed in what I was doing and guess what....after 17 years...I am still here and he is long gone.
((hugs))

 

[quasar4legs]

I am sorry you are having all these difficulties at the moment and I do hope that your husband is able to get the help he needs to regain his health.

With regards to the school board I agree with the others that you need to do whatever is best for your health and well being. Maybe it is time for you to spend some time doing things that bring you pleasure and not have to deal with the constant drama.

I am sure that some of the people that have been difficult at your school will see it as a 'win' for them if you resign but it really doesn't matter in the long run. Do what is right for you and your family.

Best wishes making a difficult decision.

 

[Pompton65]

thank you for the kind words. I just am feeling all the stress and I think at this time, the best thing for myself and my family, is to take a step back.

For the person who had the negative words for my husband - I hope you never have to go through what he has gone through for the past 4 years. You have no idea of who he is or what has happened to him so for you to make such an awful remark to me is a sad commentary on the type of person that you are. I feel sorry for you.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I would normally agree with you but since this is the coping and compassion board I think she is looking for a little understanding and compassion from us.

OP, I am glad that your husband is getting some much needed help. Hopefully they will get his meds adjusted and he will be fine. Obviously you love him very much, and he must be a very good man after reading what you said. I have seen this happen to a few good men over the years, and they do get better. Just stay strong.

Something like this happened to my dad. He was working for a co. that went out of business. He was a 50 year old, overweight college grad, and he couldn't find a job. He decided to stop trying and he worked on himself instead. He walked miles and miles daily. He lost all of his weight, gained some self confidence and found a better job than the one that he had.

But in that summer that he was unemployed, he was really down. I would worry that he would go for a walk and not come home. This was way before all the meds and counseling was around to help people like it is today. People didn't talk about it back then. He had to get his mind set on a goal of losing weight. Once he started to drop the weight he started feeling better about himself, and more self confident and ready to face the world again.

I don't know what your DH has been through, but I have seen a strong man cry. I have seen the hurt that not being able to provide for your family can do to a man. I have also seen someone overcome it. He can do this too.

As for the other, I would quit and never look back. I am not into the "kick them when they are down" attitude that so may people have. Right now, I wouldn't worry about anything else except getting your DH better because family comes first.

I'll keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

First off,
Is it possible that all the time and effort you are spending on a volunteer position with the PTA can be shifted to having a full time PAID career someplace instead? Financially, you need to be able to support the family, and it may lift some of the burden off if finances weren't front and center in your life.
After 4 years, I would be concerned that the treatment your husband is receiving isn't working. Perhaps another opinion or therapist might be more beneficial?
Please remember to take time for yourself. Think of other ways that you can help de-stress....bubble bath, walking, music, books, massage, therapy for yourself so you can talk to someone, etc.

 

[mommasita]

I am so sorry for everything you are going through

I feel you have some great advice on the resigning issue, and I agree. You have enough stress right now, but ultimately that is your decision.

Depression is a lonely place to be, and I hope and pray that he can get on the right path. Watching someone we love go through it is just as hard, if not worse. You wish to take that magic wand and make it all go away, but sadly we can not.

Please feel free to post. I took care of what I felt had no place on the DIS, especially here...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[stasijane]

I am sorry you are having a hard time and I hope things start to look better for your husband in the future. I dont imagine it is easy seeing someone you love having problems that you can't fix. What ever path you choose to go down regarding the PTA I hope it works out better for you

 

[Pompton65]

Thank you again for all your kind words. Over the past couple of days I took evaluation of everything and decided I wanted off the merry-go-round of the PTO. The stress of it all was turning me into someone I did not like. and no matter what I do will change the situation. If it is not me that they are attacking, it will be someone olse. And I deserve better. I love volunteering for my kids but not at my own personal expense. We have our major fundraiser this week and then I am stepping down. And I do not care what they say about me because I know that my true friends are supporting me and I know that I did make a difference when I could.

For the person who said about turning my volunteer work into a job - I work full time so this wouldn't work - but thank you for the suggestion. I have learned many valuable skillsets as a volunteer which is great.

My husband is doing better. He saw his doctor and they adjusted dosages. It just is frustrating to him not to be working. He is just used to working. He has been on hundreds and I do mean hundreds of job interviews but we live in the tri-state area and the job market is very scarce. We keep hoping that things will turn around. On the plus side, as I point out to him all the time, he has been able to spend many hours with our children, volunteering at the school, being a chaperone for trips, coaching for their sports events. These are memories that they will always have. He didn't miss any of their important times in their lives because of work. He was there for them. He drives them to school and picks them up. He helps with their homework. He reads to them each night. He is a wonderful hands on dad.

Thank you again. When I posted the other day I just needed a place to vent and this worked for me. I do appreciate the kindness.

 

[mommasita]

Thank you again for all your kind words. Over the past couple of days I took evaluation of everything and decided I wanted off the merry-go-round of the PTO. The stress of it all was turning me into someone I did not like. and no matter what I do will change the situation. If it is not me that they are attacking, it will be someone olse. And I deserve better. I love volunteering for my kids but not at my own personal expense. We have our major fundraiser this week and then I am stepping down. And I do not care what they say about me because I know that my true friends are supporting me and I know that I did make a difference when I could.

For the person who said about turning my volunteer work into a job - I work full time so this wouldn't work - but thank you for the suggestion. I have learned many valuable skillsets as a volunteer which is great.

My husband is doing better. He saw his doctor and they adjusted dosages. It just is frustrating to him not to be working. He is just used to working. He has been on hundreds and I do mean hundreds of job interviews but we live in the tri-state area and the job market is very scarce. We keep hoping that things will turn around. On the plus side, as I point out to him all the time, he has been able to spend many hours with our children, volunteering at the school, being a chaperone for trips, coaching for their sports events. These are memories that they will always have. He didn't miss any of their important times in their lives because of work. He was there for them. He drives them to school and picks them up. He helps with their homework. He reads to them each night. He is a wonderful hands on dad.



Thank you again. When I posted the other day I just needed a place to vent and this worked for me. I do appreciate the kindness.

That sounds like a step in the right direction. (in my opinion) and a nice positive post!!!

I am glad your husband is doing a bit better. HOping and praying that an interview turns into a job offer.

Your last few lines made me tear up . Those are definitely wonderful things that they all will cherish. Maybe not now, but one day. You only get one go raising children, and it sounds like he is relishing in it.

to you

 

[Jujube09]

Best of luck to you! We all feel overwhelmed at times, but it's the difficult events in our lives that make us stronger and I'm sure you and your husband will pull through.

 

[quasar4legs]

Thank you again for all your kind words. Over the past couple of days I took evaluation of everything and decided I wanted off the merry-go-round of the PTO. The stress of it all was turning me into someone I did not like. and no matter what I do will change the situation. If it is not me that they are attacking, it will be someone olse. And I deserve better. I love volunteering for my kids but not at my own personal expense. We have our major fundraiser this week and then I am stepping down. And I do not care what they say about me because I know that my true friends are supporting me and I know that I did make a difference when I could.

For the person who said about turning my volunteer work into a job - I work full time so this wouldn't work - but thank you for the suggestion. I have learned many valuable skillsets as a volunteer which is great.

My husband is doing better. He saw his doctor and they adjusted dosages. It just is frustrating to him not to be working. He is just used to working. He has been on hundreds and I do mean hundreds of job interviews but we live in the tri-state area and the job market is very scarce. We keep hoping that things will turn around. On the plus side, as I point out to him all the time, he has been able to spend many hours with our children, volunteering at the school, being a chaperone for trips, coaching for their sports events. These are memories that they will always have. He didn't miss any of their important times in their lives because of work. He was there for them. He drives them to school and picks them up. He helps with their homework. He reads to them each night. He is a wonderful hands on dad.

Thank you again. When I posted the other day I just needed a place to vent and this worked for me. I do appreciate the kindness.

I am glad you have made the decision that is right for you and your family, stewing over these sorts of issues can be mentally exhausting

Good to hear that your husband is doing better and you are totally right that the time he spends with your children is invaluable. It is also wonderful that your husband volunteers at the school, lots of children don't have the opportunity to spend time with male role models.

Anytime you need to vent or chat please feel free to come here, we all need a listening ear and a sometimes.

Wishing you and your family all the best.

Quasar

 

[Pompton65]

Thanks again for listening. I had asked them to wait until our fundraiser was over to let me get that over but last night we had a meeting about the fundraiser and they turned it into a bashing event and wouldn't let me leave until I told them I was definitely resigning. It was so ugly. I do not understand how people could be so awful. And then to add insult they told me it was not personal. how could it not be personal? they are attacking me and my reputation and yet it is not towards me personally. Oh well - I emailed my resignation this morning to the entire board as well as the principal and the superintendent. I am done. I am honoring my commitment to the fundraiser and then I am through with volunteering.

thanks again for letting me get this off my chest.

 

[quasar4legs]

Thanks again for listening. I had asked them to wait until our fundraiser was over to let me get that over but last night we had a meeting about the fundraiser and they turned it into a bashing event and wouldn't let me leave until I told them I was definitely resigning. It was so ugly. I do not understand how people could be so awful. And then to add insult they told me it was not personal. how could it not be personal? they are attacking me and my reputation and yet it is not towards me personally. Oh well - I emailed my resignation this morning to the entire board as well as the principal and the superintendent. I am done. I am honoring my commitment to the fundraiser and then I am through with volunteering.

thanks again for letting me get this off my chest.

I am sorry that things got so ugly, I too can never understand the way some people treat others.

Take some time out for you doing the things that you enjoy

 

[mommasita]

Thanks again for listening. I had asked them to wait until our fundraiser was over to let me get that over but last night we had a meeting about the fundraiser and they turned it into a bashing event and wouldn't let me leave until I told them I was definitely resigning. It was so ugly. I do not understand how people could be so awful. And then to add insult they told me it was not personal. how could it not be personal? they are attacking me and my reputation and yet it is not towards me personally. Oh well - I emailed my resignation this morning to the entire board as well as the principal and the superintendent. I am done. I am honoring my commitment to the fundraiser and then I am through with volunteering.

thanks again for letting me get this off my chest.

Sorry it went so horribly. At least it is over...