"Strange" Funeral Rituals/Practices?

[barkley]

was talking to a friend recently whose dh does videography as a side job. she said she is no longer as available to "help him out" on jobs since the bulk of his bsns. has gone from videotaping weddings to videotaping funerals.
i was'nt familiar with the concept, but apparantly it's quite popular with an ethnic group thats predominant in their area (said the funeral directors keep a list of videographers on hand because it's so common).

got me thinking-i can't think of anything my family does beyond the standard viewing and short graveside service, but i do recall that when i was growing up there was one 'funeral parlor' in town that had several huge bbq's built right next to the ramp/door the hearse pulled up to by the chapel. apparantly the highly concentrated gypsy population incorporated the viewing for several days with meals that had to be prepared and served on site. they also had a designated area in the cemetary that had areas where they could place 'guards' (family and friends) to ensure noone disturbed the graves when they 'celebrated' a deceased member's bday or anniversary by placing open full bottles of liquor (and some not so legal items) on the grave until it evaporated or tipped over and spilled, got scattered by the wind.

any kind of traditions, rituals that you've heard about/seen?

 

[Cindy B]

My BILs girlfriend is Russian. She told me that in her hometown in Russia, they would have a picnic on the grave one day of the year. She said it was a party atmosphere.

As far as videotaping funerals, I know some one who has done that. The person that died was young, and during the service the family created a montage of photos and videos through his short life. They videotaped the service because many people couldn't make it...

 

[froglady]

I was just reminded of one today, when I saw a photo in the paper showing the same "ritual."

I attended a funeral a few years ago where the coffins (it was very tragic; mother and two daughters killed in a house fire) were draped with sheer netting. I grew up in New England and had never seen it before. The congregation also picked up floral arrangements at the end to transport to the graveside, while singing "Fly Away" as they paraded through the sanctuary and out the door, repeating the choruses as long as needed for everyone to exit.

The photo today showed the coffin (a child's) drapped in the same netting.

I'm guessing it's a Southern tradition dating back to pre A/C ?

I can also see an increase in videotaping funerals with families being more mobile.

 

[MushyMushy]

This isn't really a strange ritual, just something interesting I noticed.

I live in SW PA, and DH is from NE PA. Where I live, the viewings all have a similar set up -- the casket is at the front of the room, and all the chairs are situated along the wall, and people stand in the middle of the room to talk or whatnot. Where he's from, all the viewings I've been to have had a different set up where the chairs are all lined up in rows in front of the casket. People will sit in those rows, and then stand around along the edges of the wall to talk.

Wonder why.

 

[arminnie]

Memorial t-shirts in New Orleans - usually gang related

Memorial T-shirts have become almost as ubiquitous as flowers at services for the city's murder victims. Families, often struggling to plan and pay for a funeral, feel pressure to provide the T-shirts, and merchants who cater to the fad have become inadvertent chroniclers of the cycle of retribution playing out in the streets.

The owner of It's Marvelous, a printing and communications store above a barbershop on Elysian Fields Avenue, keeps a spiral notebook to show customers the designs others have chosen. The shop's business began to boom when it started doing memorial T-shirts.

Lloyd McMaster said it's not unusual for a person to be killed in the morning and for the family to bring photos to his shop a few hours later to request T-shirts. Requests often come before funeral arrangements have been made and before the body has been released from the coroner's office, he said.

"It's like a challenge," said McMaster, adding that memorial dog tags are catching on too. "They want to be the first to have that shirt. They want them to look good. They just don't wear them that day. They wear them the next day and next week."

At Fashion Quarters in the 9th Ward, Chris Taylor frequently finds himself customizing T-shirts that honor murdered men who, just weeks before, were ordering shirts for others killed by violence.

 

[paigevz]

I don't know of any strange rituals, but when a volunteer at our school died very unexpectedly, many of us spoke at his funeral. They videotaped it for the family to have the memories that we provided. I think it may be comforting later, especially since they are so consumed with grief at that time, that they may be paying little attention, but may really appreciate it later.

 

[barkley]

i've heard of the t-shirts but in the concept of doing them to memorialize the deceased (usualy gang members) and sometimes as a fund raising effort to help defer funeral costs.

i can understand video taping a funeral/memorial service for the family in the future or for those that can't attend (dh did a powerpoint presentation of photos, comments/memories, songs when his dad passed and we had lots of people who wanted copies)-but the funerals my friend got 'creeped out' helping her husband videotape actualy involved allot of footage wherein the family (post embalming) dresses and 'makes up' the family member for the viewing. this is spliced with prolonged footage of the deceased in the casket.
not exactly what i'de want to 'look back on' or would miss out on not being in attendance.

 

[Disneyland1084]

I work as a funeral director for a big company in N. Nevada. I work at a cremation society, but have helped out on services for the full service locations. A Filipino family once had a three day viewing and even slept over at the funeral home with the deceased. I did the graveyard shift once during that. When people pass away nowadays, most chose cremation because of the cost. In fact, most of the families that walk through my door are doing direct cremation with no service and no viewing. You would never hear of this 20 and so years ago. It's kind of sad, but it's just really expensive to die. During my employment with this company I've noticed that it's mostly Filipinos that stick to the old traditional service with a public viewing and mass. I admire them for that.

 

[Disney Doll]

We had a family photo taken at a photographer's house whose husband had recently died, and she had photos of him in his casket, displayed in their living room.

I have heard of videotaping funerals for those who cannot attend who might like to see it.

I was at a Syrian funeral Mass not long ago and at the end, the priest opened the casket, poured in some black powder and some oil, and seemed like he was mixing it around!!! I didn't understand quite what that was about. About the only thing I could think it might signify is ashes to ashes.

 

[goodtype]

When my sister died, many of the relatives stood over the casket for almost an hour and spoke to the deceased. Most people told me that my sister was very hard to know because she was so quiet and did not really provide much feedback when they spoke to her. I guess this was there chance to talk to her and not worry about the lack of feedback.

In another posting, I talked about all the people that took pictures of the deceased and some even took videos. Others wrote notes to the deceased and asked that the note be enclosed in the casket. The notes were sealed and no one was to open them.

 

[grlpwrd]

Its our Chinese custom to "celebrate" the deceased passing on to the other world and we even eat Chinese food. My aunt said once "I am not going to eat here - this is graveyard food."

 

[Becky2005]

i can understand video taping a funeral/memorial service for the family in the future or for those that can't attend (dh did a powerpoint presentation of photos, comments/memories, songs when his dad passed and we had lots of people who wanted copies)-but the funerals my friend got 'creeped out' helping her husband videotape actualy involved allot of footage wherein the family (post embalming) dresses and 'makes up' the family member for the viewing. this is spliced with prolonged footage of the deceased in the casket.
not exactly what i'de want to 'look back on' or would miss out on not being in attendance.

OK, that would be weird. Just taping the funeral I understand completely.
We have had several cases where it was done due to the circumstances. I can see having the actual service as a memory because there are things you may not catch being directly involved (same a a wedding that the videographer might).

My uncle & aunt were in a car accident. My uncle died, my aunt was in bad shape. They allowed her out of the hospital to attend the funeral (and then had to go back in). She was actually quite aware during the funeral but it was nice for her to have the video.

My cousin had a house fire both her boys died in it, she was severely burned. They videotaped the funeral (I was unable to make it, so can't remember if she was able to attend or if she was still in the burn unit). I know they taped hers because that was the first time I had ever heard of such a thing but she talks about how that tape was very helpful to her in grieving, etc...

In general though, I don't see it being taped very often.

I can't think of any unusual rituals. Usually we have a wake one night and then the funeral the next with a luncheon following. For my MIL we had a graveside service with no wake or anything but it was unusual circumstances (and the only death we have had on DH's side of the family so I don't know if that is how they normally do it or not!).

 

[pearlieq]

Who the heck would videotape a funeral?!? That is so bizarre! Even if I couldn't be there, someone can tell me about it.

Do they get together on Friday nights, pop some popcorn, and debate whether to watch Grandpa or Uncle Ernie?

 

[luv2nascar]

My DH's family does the wake in the home thing. I don't know it creeps me out. His grandfather had his viewing and eats afterward in the house. His grandmother in late 80's will be laid out in the house too. I'm not looking forward to that.

My aunt (hairdresser) went to funeral home and did my grandmothers hair when she passed away. She always did her hair and she really wanted to do it then too.

 

[tinatark]

Who the heck would videotape a funeral?!? That is so bizarre! Even if I couldn't be there, someone can tell me about it.

Do they get together on Friday nights, pop some popcorn, and debate whether to watch Grandpa or Uncle Ernie?

The immediate family is in such a grieved state during the funeral they won't remember what was said later... we have videos of both my dh's grandparents' funerals - from almost 2 years ago. We haven't been able to watch them yet, but it is comforting to know they're there.

I attended a "backwards" funeral a couple months ago- the burial in the morning, a funeral service at a church later, then luncheon at the home.

We bought both of DH's grandparents "home" - for the time before their funerals. Before they died, I thought that was "weird" - but it wasn't. They were at their home, with their loved ones. Someone stayed up all night with both of them - part of the "wake" ritual, I understand. I would have hated to have had them at a funeral home, it was so nice to have them with us.

About the netting - I think that is used when there is physical trauma to the body... a friend of mine was killed when he was hit by a car when he was riding a bicycle... is the story you are talking about today from Jacksonville.com? I don't know the specifics of the little girls injuries, but can assume that is why the netting is there.

 

[froglady]

About the netting - I think that is used when there is physical trauma to the body... a friend of mine was killed when he was hit by a car when he was riding a bicycle... is the story you are talking about today from Jacksonville.com? I don't know the specifics of the little girls injuries, but can assume that is why the netting is there.

Yes, that's the picture. The child was killed during a drive-by shooting, so there could have been trauma.

In my friend's case, she and her daughters died of smoke inhalation, so there was no trauma.

Both funerals were at Afro-American Baptist churches, so maybe it's a church tradition? Or cultural? I haven't seen it at other local funerals, but I haven't been to that many....yet. DH & I are entering the funeral years. (60+)

 

[tinatark]

Well, it is the custom for (at least in the South) Afro-American funerals to have the funeral a week or more after death. Maybe that has something to do with it.